A/N I have referred, in one way or another,to specific stories by the following authors: Protector of the Gray Fortress, KCS, Westron Wynde, Bartimus Crotchety, Eyebrows2, bemj11, Jack of all Suits, sagredo, Cryptix, AdidasandPie, Pompey, and Random Phantom. Sincere thanks to all , please let me know if I have missed anyone out.

Many thanks once again to medcat for beta reading .

Holmes and companions do not belong to me.

AU (in parts)

I am aware that this is not a new idea-but may be a slightly different approach.

It was worth many wounds?

It was late and the doctor headed homeward,

A busy day in practice at an end.

He was weary after hours of tending patients,

And was simply looking forward to an evening with his friend.

~0~

The detective greeted him with some impatience,

And held a strange contraption in his hand.

It was smooth with a central square of writing,

And lit up in a manner which he did not understand.

~0~

"This device, I have discovered, is a cellphone,

And a source of revelation you will see.

I've been scrolling through its pages now for hours,

And have gained some information which pertains to you and me."

~0~

"As my Boswell, you have faithfully recorded

A number of the cases we have seen;

But I deduce, from this website and its authors,

There are many variations on events which might have been."

~0~

"So please settle in your armchair by the fire,

And listen to the tales I have to tell;

For these authors have such wild imaginations,

And a knowledge of our exploits which could rival yours quite well."

~0~

"There are stories from my schooldays and my childhood,

There are tales about your brother, and your wife.

They have delved into the lives of Scotland Yarders;

There are thought provoking insights on your Afghan army life."

~0~

"There are incidents involving Irene Adler,

And stories of my battle with cocaine.

We've had cases which involve my brother, Mycroft,

And we've tumbled off a tandem in a quiet Cornish lane."

~0~

"We've repeatedly encountered Moriarty,

And travelled to the future several times.

We have both been resurrected as a vampire,

And my decomposing body has returned to solve more crimes."

~0~

"I've been trapped inside a fridge and in a cellar,

I've discovered the delights of baking cakes,

I have suffered from interminable hiccups,

There are clearly several authors who delight in my mistakes."

~0

"We've been stranded in the dark- I dropped the lantern;

Your evil twin has tried to take your place.

I have duelled, for my honour, with umbrellas;

You've been suspended from our ceiling, upside down- to prove a case."

~0~

"My dear Watson, you've been buried in a graveyard,

You've been poisoned in a host of different ways.

You've been driven countless times beyond endurance,

There are many different versions of your final dying days."

~0~

"The bullets in your leg and in your shoulder,

Have more causes and back stories than I knew.

You've gone missing far too often for a sidekick,

And I've lots of graphic details of the pain they put you through."

~0~

"You've developed dread diseases from your patients,

You've been shot, and stabbed and punched and nearly drowned.

You've been treed by baying packs of hungry mastiffs;

And, on one unique occasion, you've transformed into a hound."

~0~

"You've been kidnapped by the worst of London villains,

You've been tortured, bound and gagged and almost died.

You've been used for retribution by my clients,

And been drugged into despondency, and almost suicide."

~0~

"You've been pushed in front of trains and barely rescued,

You've been chained up in the middle of the moor.

You've been thrown from moving carriages and horses.

You have suffered, my dear fellow, like no doctor has before."

~0~

"My dear Watson, I perceive you are quite shaken,

My intent was really not to cause alarm.

I decided, from my research of these authors,

That their motives are more complex than to simply do you harm."

~0~

"They recognise, my friend, your full potential

As comrade who is closer than a brother.

They put you through ordeals with one intention;

They clearly understand how much we matter to each other."

~0~

"For each time you were lost, I tried to find you;

Every time you died, I sadly grieved;

And the strength of my response to all who hurt you

Has really to be seen to be believed."

~0~

"I have hunted for the antidote to poisons,

I have fretted every time you were in pain.

And yes, you were buried in a graveyard,

But, judging by the spade and mud, I dug you up again."

~0~

"I have frequently endured an all night vigil,

When fever and infection struck you down.

I've acknowledged your persisting fear of water,

And have done my level best to make sure you never drown."

~0~

"My violin has soothed your frequent nightmares,

I've rescued you from pit and prison cell.

I have gone without all food and sleep to help you,

And you've willingly gone with me far beyond the Gates of Hell."

~0~

"So, regard these stories as a celebration,

Of loyalty, and worth and choice of friends,

For as long as there are authors and their websites

Our life, as loyal comrades in adventure, never ends."

~0~

The doctor shrugged, and sighed in resignation,

Aware that what his partner said was true.

He had, however, one last means of protest;

He picked the cellphone up, and clicked the button marked-"Review."

~0~