Title: Hole in My Heart

A/N I: I created this fic as a memorial of a plane crash on the Smolensk's airport in 2010, (Russia) where the president Lech Kaczyński died along with the elite of Polish government. May their souls rest in peace.

A/N: II Some chapters will be happy, optimistic, some sad; full of angst. Mind while reading—in my opinion only Japanese language can do Luffy's character justice. So before you judge look through dialogues how Luffy says things in English and compare to others. Because what you may find as ooc-ness, others may not. It only depends on how you see Luffy as a person. And besides, no one can get inside of his mind and read his thoughts, so focus while reading that it's maybe Luffy's subconsciousness doing the speaking. Because it'll reason and explain and Luffy's a person guided by instinct and fast understanding, so just doesn't bother with that and acts first. Have in mind that even a moment of uncertainty can be crucial—just like in Water 7 case.

Disclaimer: Because no one can write Luffy in character besides his creator. Oda's.

Chapter 1. Freedom. Chapter 2. Cry of My Soul. Chapter 3. What's Worth Living For.

Note: 1st chapter is a happy one. Reminds me of an interview, but even so Luffy took the whole stage. 2nd chapter is sad. About the things that make Luffy feel hopeless and powerless. 3rd chapter is Ace's reasoning that guided him through life. It's optimistic one, happy even despite the underlying tragedy.

Enjoy and tell me what you think about it. It'll make this Apple real happy~ *wiggles*

Chapter 1. Freedom.

I remember the feeling of drowning hundreds of times in my life, scary jungle in the night, in the sky very high and falling into bottomless ravine. The times I was cut by knives, shoot with spikes, kicked with the force of explosive bomb behind, pierced with a hook, dried out thoroughly, spit on and laughed at, hit with impact dial, stabbed by the burning trident, a finger-shigan went through me. I felt my body being torn itself from the strain, the sickly beating of my heart on a doping, the strain of giant gear, the smell of burning rubber and flesh from flood of poison, ten years of my life-span and twenty hours of worst never-ending physical pain possible, twice the dose of adrenaline hormones, the amount of gaping; not treated wounds, the exhaustion beyond comprehension…

I can go on and on, but this is nothing. It's only a passing, physical pain. I had more important things on the line than worry about my own well-being. So really, don't worry about it. I don't regret! I did everything I could. Everything in my powers to protect important things to me.

Pain is nothing. It comes and goes away. Wounds heal and body is like new. The lost blood gets also reproduced and replaced. Broken bones mended and burned hair grows back again. It's also not scary. You don't know if something will happen so why fear the unseen? It's stupid. You should do what you feel like doing not what others tell you. Would I be here now if I got scared to sail because of being a hammer?

So I'm gonna do this. Become the Pirate King. You may not believe me now, but I'll show you. It's determination that many lack—to do things they want to. I'm determined enough. No—I'm just that confident I'm gonna do this. So I'm not going to use words to make you believe me, but I'll show you with my 'miracles'. That's what people call it. I call it obvious. When I say I'll do something I stick to my word. So why they call it with awe 'impossible'? I should laugh and say that maybe they're real idiots. Or silly in their closed-mind-ness and don't see the broader view I see. I don't care if they call me an air-head or that I'm lacking in experience. I won't let myself be hammered down! Why? 'Cause I'm a rubber, of course! Shishishi!

But—there are few things that I'm afraid of. Yeah. Even I—The Future Pirate King, have things that make skin on my back crawl.

So I don't understand why people call me stupid, not normal, a monster. Because I don't fear the things that most do? Because I face the danger head on with smile on my face? Because when I feel creeping behind death and her breath on my neck I laugh and welcome her?

Why?

I think they are the ones not normal. They fear what they can't see, stay in their houses and close themselves on the world… But—Sky Island exists! Golden Bell exists! One Piece exists too!

They laugh at me thinking they're smarter. But they didn't prove it doesn't exist so where does that confidence come from? They are the idiots. And words are useless on stupid people 'cause 'they know better'.

So I don't bother explaining. Anymore than stating the obvious is pointless waste of time and straining of voice.

Let them think what they want. And let me think what I want. I'm not trying to convince anyone. I'm just stating the truth. So why do they feel the need to reason with me? I don't need that shit. It's worthless. My boogers have more determination and knowledge than some bastards, but they don't bother to prove it to anyone so I won't too.

Everyone has a vision of the world. They call it experience…

Shark, Croc, Ear-lobes, Pigeon-guy, Leek they all tried to convince me to see the world with their eyes, but every one of them was wrong at some crucial point. And from all of that the worst crime they committed, that I won't forgive, was threatening my Nakama and interrupting with our Adventure.

Superior human, two of the Shichibukai, god, secret agent…so what? "I'm Luffy. And I'm gonna kick your ass."

Did I lie? I beat the shit out of every single one who stood against me. What? Should I call myself a Pirate King already? I'm not a stupid egoist who proves himself by beating every one 'famous' pirate and saying at the end: "See I beat you, so you must acknowledge I'm a Pirate King!" and since you lost you'd have to prove me right, yeah?

So lame…! That's not what I'm striving for!

Do you know what fun for me is?

It's sailing with Nakama. Having crazy adventures. Finding lost civilizations, treasures and… Dreams. Yup, dreams are fun.

Everybody in my crew has one. And every next crazier than first. Shishishi!

So the chase is what fun is, right? The knowledge of exploring so many interesting places and forgotten by people…

…

"I don't want to hear where the treasure is! I don't even want to know if it exists or not! I don't know anything about it! But that's how we all set out on this journey! If the old man tells you anything here, I'll stop being a pirate! I'm not going on a boring Adventure!"

"Can you do it…? What the Grand Line has in store for you is beyond your imagination! Your enemies will be strong. Can you control this wild sea!"

"I don't want to control it. The Pirate King is just the freest man on the sea!"

…

Do you see it now? Did I convince you? Shishishi! Then let's go on an Adventure~!

Chapter 2. Cry of My Soul.

The things that make me weak….

Seeing my nakama hurt and the brief moment before I find the means to help… Her pain, tears, blood becomes mine and changes into bone deep anger that only rightful punishment can quench. No one makes my navigator cry and get away with it. No one.

Watching from sidelines how scary fulfilling a dream can be. Not for the one doing the fulfillment but for his friend/nakama/captain to only be able to watch. I didn't even imagine that standing there and suppressing my feelings can be so hard. Next came worry and cry of my soul if you're ok. Never have I felt so relieved when you finally answered me, Zoro.

Looking at my new shipmate and seeing him struggling. Just like once I was. Over a debt. Easier is to give than being received without pay… I felt his pain like it was my own. So much that I felt anger and frustration over his surrender. I shook him up. "You weren't saved so you can stupidly die now!" Show and repay him his sacrifice by living, Sanji!

Knowing how it's like to be called a freak and monster I can understand your fear. Disrespect of a pirate flag—a symbol of a promise—your sadness over it was enough to fuel my anger. I don't care about others limitations. Monster, human, animal, or between…who has the right to say what is right and normal and what is not? So—"Let's go!"

Observing your sadness, worry, burden and constant bottomless effort in finding strength to fight back. You showed me what a real leader needs to possess so that people could follow him without shame. I saw your determination and… put my own life on the line. Loosing few times a battle? Winning war is what counts. No point saying I won three times when your foe stands up every single damn time and weakens your resolve with his unwavering one. Sighs. At war there're deaths and sacrifices—I'm happy you learned more about the world too. Vivi.

Feeling that in life you can't always have happy moments. The weight of the heaviest responsibility ever and hopelessness, at the same time, while making my friend hurt because of my decision… It's not a child's play, like Zoro said. We have dreams and goals. But I realized that everything has a price…

Being shamefully insecure… Lie or truth? I refuse to believe it! But…what if? Robin? Finally—a huge relief. Next comes determination, conviction, goal. Off we go to get what was stolen. We see your tears, and finally we understand your honest motives hearing the true insecurities of your heart. "Leave the rest to us!" I never disappoint!

No matter how much I struggle…there's just no hope… You were our nakama! Our home and our refuge. It's not me the captain but your unwavering spirit that pulled us through so many dangers. Now, even though broken, useless, not a ship anymore like they had the nerve to call you – you still came and saved us in the end…I'm sorry, Merry, that we let you suffer and be hurt so much.

New nakama with his own nightmares…"Join us Franky!" Yesterday's enemy is today's friend, right? Shishishi. Arigatou, you also helped us a lot. And, thank you for fixing a hole between our falling apart crew. By giving us new home. I couldn't have done this without you.

My dream come true. A musician, skeleton, and the 'afro'! "Who was it!?" I'll beat the bastard who stole your shadow so you gotta join us! Death is not an apology! Laboon's nakama? You're one of us if you want it or not. Now we're complete! Shishishi!

All spaces earlier lacking now filled. But bonds you don't get under your Christmas tree. You make them yourself. Mend them when broken and harden them in constant fights, so they could stand against many obstacles.

But, sometimes even when you don't see any empty spaces, there always comes the unpredictable. Happiness and fulfillment changes into wail of anguish when you can't even fucking save one single friend… Like bubbles… they all mysteriously pop and disappear somewhere where you can't find them on your own.

I want them back! But wishing gets you that far.

New challenge and trial and you get to see how even the strongest have their own traumas and put on a façade in front of others.

Struggle… Desperate effort… Determination to go forward, no matter the pain and fatigue… He's my nii-chan! My one and only brother I have on this world!

Taste of bitter failure so close to freedom and victory… Like walls crushing violently around, leaving only rubbles and dust…

You cry? You also had nightmares? I was your strength to live…? Sobs… Don't say that…! You liar! You promised….!

You promised me!

…

"What, you thought I was dead?"

"But…!"

"What are you crying for? Don't just kill people whenever you feel like it, dumbass. This is a promise! I won't die no matter what! You think I could die and leave a weak little brother like you behind?"

..

For just one… single… fleeting moment—to see you smiling at me like you always did, I'd go to the ends of hell itself to gain the means to turn back time.

To see you laughing and joking without care in the world and away from thoughts about any 'demons'—I'd gladly allow ripping out my insides if it only could help…

Comparing being hundreds of times stabbed, sliced, kicked, hit, burned, torn apart, and eroded by poison… is nothing as the pain you gave me by leaving me…

You ripped my heart apart with your own hands…!

"You said you won't die!

Ace…?"

Chapter 3. What's Worth Living For.

Was it a gut feeling, destiny or simply instinct overcoming my reasoning and guiding my body; I can't tell anymore. I just knew what I had to do and I simply did it. Never showing my back to the enemy, never backing down from a challenge, never let any doubt inside the heart, and to never regret any decisions I made in my life.

Was it worth it? Heh… every single thing that happened to me; bad or good marked my whole life and …yes, it was worth it. It was worth to suffer through hunger sometimes in Trash Mountain to actually realize how precious the food is. It was worth it to fight with wild, scary animals and pass through the mountain everyday to actually be at ease when you met face to face with even worse monsters that were humans themselves, and training paid off later when you needed to steal swiftly, or you'd be the one who had something stolen from.

Living with animals those real and those who hid behind layers of human skin and constant smiling faces; I knew it was safer to be among creatures guided by pure raw instinct than those with rotten, corrupted little minds. I felt suffocated. Every time I was alone and stood on top of the cliff I felt... a sense of freedom. Unrestricted, vast taste of something that was unattainable for me yet. But when I stepped into the walls of the Kingdom, I always prepared myself. Prepared to vent my anger on those who were about to say I have no place on this world. That I shouldn't exist and it's the worst sin to let an offspring of the devil himself live… I felt rage, and though I never killed anyone but in that moment if I wasn't stopped by upcoming guards I would have done this. I would have smeared their faces on the ground and made them beg me for forgiveness and take those words back!

Hmph. Too bad they never made it to the point where they could still talk when I was half way done with them.

Was I a rebel? That's a wrong use of the word in my case. It wasn't my intention to stand against any power though it wasn't also in my character to bend my neck to anyone's wishes. I simply wanted to live. Wanted others to acknowledge that I still have here a place to be. To exist.

Father executed as a worst criminal on the whole world. Mother suffered for months to let the son of that man live. Though no, I shouldn't think like that. She did it for me. It was her sacrifice to allow me to experience what life is like. Life which I wasn't granted to have. By the whole present power ruling the seas and lands – World Government. Still not even born, but having the death sentence put on my head. Like something filthy. Not even worth to be granted few years as a child to live. Monster. Devil. Threat to the World…

That's why I searched. For something that would make me feel; "I need to live!" Till then I lived to spite them all. They wanted me dead? So I did the opposite. I lived! I survived… And no matter how tough it was sometimes I wanted to see what my mother wished to show me. And then…I found it. The spark that made me feel it finally. The only person who said would be troubled if I die. That was it. That was what made me feel both thrilled and on the verge of crying like a baby from the first kind words I've been granted…ever.

…

"…So if I'm with you, then it doesn't hurt … and if I'm gone… It'd be a problem for you, huh?"

"Yup."

"What if Roger had a kid? Gahahaha! That would be a big problem, alright! He'd be someone allowed neither to be born nor to live! A "Demon"!"

"You want me to live…?"

"?..!..Of course!"

…

Someone would weep for me if I died! Someone wouldn't survive if I wasn't there to take care of him! That someone was…Luffy. Oblivious, honest, cry-baby, dense, persistent and loyal to the point of getting hit until sunset by a real pirate who was wearing gloves with spikes on top. I never met someone like that before. He was like a gem; shining and pure, in the whole stinking mud full of shit of depraved people. He made it all... seem worth it.

With him and Sabo around we decided on our path. On the cliff each one of us made a vow. To accomplish our dreams and most of all to reach the freedom we always dreamed about and that was out of our grasp because of our inexperience and young age.

…

"I'm gonna become a pirate and win, win, do nothing but win until I get the best "reputation" there is! Then that, and only that, will be the proof that I lived!

Regardless of if those bastards out there in the world don't acknowledge my existence, no matter how much they hate me! I'm gonna become a "Great Pirate" and stare back at them!

I won't run from anyone! No fear, anything goes! I'm going to teach my name to the world!"

…

Those were my words. Even our dreams were as big as our personalities, heh. But even so the greatest dream had Luffy; to walk in Roger's footsteps. Though not quite right, because he was Luffy and the things he did were never something he let someone dictate him. And no matter how ridiculous that sounded when he screamed to all on that cliff; he is gonna be the King of the Pirates - with more time spent with him I could see it; the potential he had that others lacked. And he is my little brother too so it should be obvious one day he is going to become big, or even greater than me. Though until then there's going to be a long way for the little cry-baby to go until he reaches it, but he has what it takes to accomplish it. And his charisma is even more endearing than my own, making him so well-liked though he doesn't try at all.

And no matter for how long we won't see each other, how many miles will separate us or in what kind of new shit the wicked fate will decide to throw us – we will pull through, our bond won't shatter and if the other would need help then the brother would come, right Lu?

Though I sure as hell won't need it from you, baka.

…

"No matter what we do or where we are, there bonds will never break! And so from this day, we are brothers!"

"Yeah!"

…