"Are you looking forward to your first day back?" Harry enquired casually as he waited patiently for the traffic to start moving again. Normally he would be shouting and cursing at drivers in other cars, but this morning he was quite happy to be delayed, especially if it meant spending more time with Ruth.

"Yes and no," she muttered back as she continued to stare of out the window.

Harry snapped his head round to face her and watched in mild amusement as she tried her hardest not to turn her head and meet his gaze. He knew she knew he was watching her.

"Yes and no?" he repeated slowly, hoping to usher a reasonable response from her lips.

"Yes because I've missed it so much," she clarified quietly. "But no, because when I walk on the grid I'll instantly be reminded of what it was that made me leave in the first place."

At least she's being honest.

"Ruth..." Harry started before suddenly turning his attention back to the road as the traffic moved slightly before coming to a halt again. "I am truly sorry Ruth, truly sorry."

She sniffled slightly before trying to subtly wipe away a few stray tears. It was no use. He'd seen her, and it was breaking his heart.

"I never intended on having this conversation in the car," he mumbled gently, closing his eyes briefly as he willed himself not to lean over and wipe away her tears himself. "But every time I look at you all I can see is the pain that I've caused, and all I want to do is make it right Ruth."

She turned her head as far away from him as she could, desperate to hide her embarrassment at becoming so emotional so soon, over something that was allowed to escalate beyond the point of rationality and reason. It wasn't until she felt a hand gently squeeze her thigh that her resolve finally crumbled and she found herself experiencing another emotion breakdown, this time within the confines of Harry's car.

"Ruth?" Harry's face was stricken with mild panic as he tried to manoeuvre himself out of the lane he was in and exit the road. He tried his hardest to concentrate on the road ahead and block out the loud sobs echoing from the mouth of his female companion and as he finally managed to exit the road and park up in the nearest available space, he turned off the engine, undid his seatbelt and ushered Ruth to look at him, before drawing her into a hug.

"I'm so sorry," she breathed through heavy sobs. He kept her in his arms until she had calmed considerably before pulling away slowly and offering her a tissue from his glove compartment.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," he soothed as she mumbled her thanks and took the item from his outstretched hand before dabbing her eyes tentatively. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She smiled slightly before placing the tissue in her coat pocket and staring out at the world outside once again.

"Promise me there'll be no more fighting," she whispered, wringing her hands together as the nerves began to get to her once again. "Promise me, and we'll talk."

He watched her hands for a few moments before gripping the steering wheel and taking a deep breath.

"No more fighting," he agreed. "But I want to listen to you first; I want you to be honest with me about everything."

She cleared her throat before braving a glance in his direction. Even with her eyes bright red and puffy, he had never seen her look so beautiful.

"Honestly?" She whispered her voice still hoarse from crying.

"Honestly." He nodded for extra emphasis.

"You destroyed me Harry."

He screwed his eyes tightly shut so he didn't have to see her face and then nodded. Despite the improved conversation and the agreement not to fight, Harry had to remind himself that there was a reason behind the tears and the fights. It seemed so long ago it almost felt like it had never happened at all.

"It felt as though you were trying to tell me something," she whispered. If she spoke any louder then she knew the tears would start again, and that was the last thing she wanted. "This is what we could have been, this is what we could have shared, and this is what you threw away."

"I never meant it like that Ruth," Harry replied instantly, his eyes still firmly closed. He wanted so badly to convince her that it was biggest mistake he had ever made, but no coherent sentence was ever enough. He could feel himself responding emotionally to her announcement.. "I never meant it in any way Ruth, I beg you to understand that."

"I know that now," she whispered brokenly. "But it got me thinking."

Harry eyes opened abruptly and he took another deep breath before daring himself to ask her what it was she had been thinking about.

"About you," she clarified. She knew by admitting this to him she would have to explain her reasons, and although she would rather be in a place where she could escape if the feelings got too much, she managed to convince herself that he had initiated this conversation and that he was the one that wanted to hear it.

He waited silently for her to continue but when she remained silent he knew that he wasn't going to like what she had to say. He knew Ruth well enough to know that she remained silent if she didn't want to open up and share information.

"Ruth," he ushered gently, a layer of desperation lacing his voice. "Tell me what you thought about me, however bad I deserve it."

She nodded and drew a shaky breath before running her hand through her hair and finding the strength to utter the next few words.

"I remember when I first started having feelings for you." She took the tissue back out of her coat pocket and began to tear it into tiny little pieces on her lap. "A senior woman from another department caught me staring at you and thought it wise to warn me about your reputation within MI5."

Harry sighed loudly and turned his head sideways. He knew what was coming next.

"They told you about Jane and my affairs," he muttered, shaking his head as he did so. Although it was a known fact that Harry had been a serial cheat during his marriage to Jane, he would stand up and tell anybody who dared to question him that he was a changed man and any such behaviour now would make him physically sick.

"Yes," Ruth nodded slowly. "Not just affair, but affairs. The times you cheated on your wife whilst on various operation. It was beneath you to be a womaniser." Her voice broke. "I thought I could change you Harry, but when I saw..." she paused briefly as she tried to pull herself together. "When I saw you with Juliet I knew that it was no use, that a leopard never changes their spots."

She shook her head violently before wiping her eyes and blowing her nose. Harry on the other hand, leant forward and rested his head on the steering wheel.

"I'm not like that anymore Ruth, I promise you. I'm not." His voice was muffled as he continued to lean heavily onto the wheel in front. "I know you have evidence to the contrary, but I'm a changed man Ruth." His voice cracked towards the end as he tried to control his emotions. How could a day that had started with such promise change so rapidly to a day that was about to begin with heartache and misery. They weren't even at work yet.

She chocked slightly as she watched his face mould with the leather on the wheel. It was an unspoken game between them; let's see who can hurt the other the most.

"But what if we had been together?" she eventually spoke. "What's to say it wouldn't have happened then? You've had an affair with Juliet before." Another pause, another shaky breath and another attempt at trying to calm herself down. "I've read your file, its MI5 gossip history. And I know that we're not together and I know that I have no right to be so upset about this but I am. It still felt like you were cheating on me, and this is why I can't do I can't keep lying to myself anymore."

He straightened himself up suddenly, his back resting against the back of his chair; his face searching her's for answers. He knew the similarity between his first affair and current situation was uncanny and he knew that it would have been mentioned at some point. After all, she was right. It was beneath him. He was slowly watching everything they had worked so hard to rebuild begin to unravel again and although he so badly wanted to ask her what it was she was lying about, he knew from the change in her posture and the pain etched across her features that it wasn't going to be anything that made him smile.

"We're going to be late if we sit here all morning," she sighed warily as she noted the time tick by slowly on the dashboard clock.

"This is more important," he stated, still watching her face. "I'm the boss; I won't record this on your file." He smiled slightly as she feebly attempted to chuckle at his statement. The moment was short lived, and soon enough they were lapsed back into awkward silence.

She waited for a few moments. She didn't know exactly what she was waiting for, but she knew once the next few words were out of her mouth there was no taking them back, no blaming them on the heat of the moment, no convincing him that she was bluffing. She had to truly mean them before she uttered them. She wasn't going to allow herself to have her heart broken again, and even though she loved him more than she thought she could love anybody else, she knew despite his argument that he would be the person to break it, and then her life would be truly over. It was easier to end it while she was ahead in the game.

"I can't keep convincing myself that there will ever be something between us," she muttered as she stared straight ahead, refusing point blank to meet his eye as she slowly broke his heart. "I can never again contemplate the possibility of having a relationship with you, not anymore, not ever."

"Ruth you don't mean that," Harry protested, the hurt and desperation becoming more apparent with every syllable that left his chapped lips. There was no way he was going to sit here and allow her to do this to him, no matter how much he wanted her to voice her fears and opinions. He was not letting this happen to him, not again.

"Harry," she whispered, her voice and face begging him not to argue with her decision.

He pursed his lips together and turned his face away from her view. He didn't want her to see his silent tears, but more to the point he didn't want to see her's. As they sat there, side by side, lost in their own thoughts and drowning in their own sorrows, Ruth thought about whether she had made the right decision and Harry wondered if there was ever going to be a possibility of winning her back.

A/N: I'm in two minds right now. I know that I had brought a little hope into the mind's of some of you, but when thinking about how to style this one out and looking a little more into the characters, I didn't believe that Ruth would let it all pass over, no matter how irrational she realised her behaviour was. I know people have asked for a sequel where they try to find their way back to each other again, but I am trying to figure out whether this fic in particular needs to be continued or whether it is fine as it is and that the sequel is the way forward! Let me know!