Sorry for the update taking ages again! I've been annoyingly busy over this holiday, which was when I planned to start work on it. I hope you enjoy the ending to to scarily crazy story!
Ganondorf squealed as the angry mob of smashers bundled him out of the room, and started hurling insults at him for having the nerve to rape their guest character. It was when they started throwing plush toys that things got really scary, and for a moment the king of evil thought he was a goner.
But, because clichés must be present in every one of Kattheamazing's stories, Master hand suddenly showed up and saved him from impending doom at the last second.
"Hey everyone! The Bruiselike Couple won Pikana's unusual pairings contest!"
Plushies were dropped, mouths fell open, and silence befell the group.
"You act like it's some kind of surprise!"
"What you're trying to tell us, is that this story won the contest?" Ike asked.
"Most certainly not! The contest required that the story entered had some sort of plot line, was entertaining, and didn't rape the eyes of the person reading it."
"So, not this one, then."
"No. But hey, this story is sort of related to The Bruiselike Couple...apart from the fact that the plot line has been twisted by the horrific amounts of crack."
"Crack, what crack?" Luigi exclaimed, randomly hitting Mario over the head with a ninja waffle.
"Thanks for demonstrating my point, Weege. You're a pal. Now, if you'd all come downstairs, then we can party for no validly explored reason!"
"YES! PARTIEZ!" Crazy hand screamed as he randomly appeared from nowhere with several bunny costumes in hand. The smashers backed away in fear, leaving a half-conscious Ganondorf on the floor in front of them.
Mutters of 'I'm pretty sure that the original story didn't involve bunny costumes' and 'how did I manage to get myself stuck in some crack fic again?' but mostly 'I'm too young to die!' could be heard amongst the terrified group, who were still backing away.
"How am I going to get laid with a bunny costume on?" Sobbed Snake.
"Easy, you won't. Now hurry up and get your asses downstairs," Master hand snapped.
Everyone promptly ran off screaming, pursued by Crazy hand. Well, apart from Ganondorf, who was still half-conscious on the floor.
"Why...am I still alive?" He stammered.
"Because Crazy hand only chases things that move, that's why."
"Shouldn't you have told the smashers to play dead just then?"
"No, it's funnier to watch them scream in fear."
"I guess," Ganondorf sighed, scrambling to his feet. "Could I just get some rest before I go to the party? It's been a hard day..."
"It's only nine in the morning."
"A hard morning, then. Gosh!"
"I suppose having cheap plush toys thrown at you is no fun, so fine, come down when you're ready."
"Score! Now I get to go and check that my Pikmin haven't been mysteriously stolen by Wolf!"
"What was that?"
"I mean, get some rest."
"Whatever, see you later," Said Master hand said, turning round.
"Are you going to the party?"
"Hell no! I'm going to watch Sesame Street: The Final Reckoning. It has a higher bling factor than some crappy party held by a bunny outfit-weilding psycho."
Ganondorf made a mental note to look the film up on Wikipedia and find out exactly what the bling factor was, before waving a cheery goodbye to the commentator and stalking back into his room.
"Honeys, I'm home!" He called as he entered through the door-less door frame. There was no response. Shrugging, the evil king paced quickly over to the bed, lifting up Snuggles to check that his Pikmin were still there, which they obviously would be...
"OMIGOSH! My Pikmin haz been stolen!" He cried, staring with a horrified expression at the empty space behind Snuggles. "I totally didn't see that one coming!"
He walked briskly out of his own room, into the hallway, and started checking everyone else's bedrooms. Most of them were empty, filled with porn magazines (cough, Wario, cough) or anti-depressants (several smashers). As he entered Foxs' room he noticed that the computer was still on, and was displaying chat history from some social networking site.
Deciding to be a bitch, Ganondorf went to go and take a closer look. The conversation was pretty short, and seemed to be between Fox and some other vulpine, from her display picture. It read:
Fox: Krystal. I have something important to tell you...
Krystal: Hurry up, I'm busy
Fox: Doing what?
Krystal: If I told you, I'd have to give you a virtual bitch slap.
Fox: LOL, you're so funny! XD XD XD
Krystal: It wasn't a joke.
Fox: Oh. Well, I just wanted to say that...uh...well...uh...well...uh...well...
Krystal: HURRY THE F*** UP!
Fox: Sorry, my keyboard got jammed!
Krystal: I'm bored!
Fox: It's just that...well...I love you. PLEASEDON'TJUDGEME!
Krystal:...
Fox: Please say something :'(
Krystal:...
Fox: :'(
Krystal: *virtual bitch slap*
Krystal is now offline.
Fox: D'oh!
Ganondorf made a mental note never to explore Fox's disturbingly weird social life ever again, and left the room, muttering things about ten seconds of his life being wasted.
The king of evil returned to his room, as he was beginning to get a bit tired. He's searched every room, his feet were aching, and the trail of wolf fur leading from his Pikmin sanctuary to the bathroom clashed horribly with the colour of the carpet. He sighed, wondering if he would ever find out who had stolen his Pikmin, when an evil laugh echoed through the hallway.
As he stepped outside his room to locate it, he realised that coincidentally, it was coming from the bathroom. Also, it seemed to sound like Wolf.
He's probably just playing with his rubber duck collection again. Still, I'd better check on him just to make sure he's not doing anything else in there, like holding my Pikmin captive.
Ganondorf chuckled at the thought. How unlikely could you get? He wondered to himself, as he headed to the bathroom and opened the door.
"OMIGOSH! WOLF HAZ STOLEN MY PIKMIN!" He cried, staring with a horrified expression at Wolf, who was currently looking down into the bathtub. "I totally didn't see that one coming!"
"Oh, hi Ganondorf. I'm just staring down at your blue Pikmin with a menacing glint in my eyes. I hope you don't mind."
"Of course I mind! Are you trying to get them to soil themselves? The poor dears..."
"They're in the bathtub, by the way. I put them there because it was the most evil place I could find, though I'm sure you're fine with that, aren't you?"
"NO!"
Wolf flinched, a look of shock on his face. "I thought you'd be happy-" he started.
"Return my blue Pikmin to me now, or I shall use force!" Ganondorf bellowed, whipping out Snuggles, his cuddly toy bunny. "If you don't hand the Pikmin over NOW, then his backside is going straight into your face!"
"Alright, Alright, keep your panties on..." Wolf sighed, reaching down into the bath and pulling out a small tray, on which several blue Pikmin stood.
"I said give them back now!"
"I'm giving them back!"
"Not fast enough!" Ganondorf snapped, hurling Snuggles at Wolf's face. The animal dropped the tray, and with one swift movement, whipped out Agent Huggles. Holding the toy lamb out in front of him, it acted as an effective shield, knocking Snuggles away.
"OMIGOSH! Throwing a toy bunny at Wolf didn't injure him...I totally didn't see that one coming!" Ganondorf cried, horrified as ever. "I don't suppose you still want to give my Pikmin back, do you?"
Wolf snorted. "No."
"Well if that's the case-" Ganondorf started, before being cut off by the sound of the door being kicked down.
"-THEN I'LL HAVE THEM!" Olimar screamed from where he stood in the doorway, oblivious to the fact that Ganondorf had been squished by the door. Instead of pondering on such matters, he walked in, whipping out his Pikmin bazooka as he did so. "Say hello to my little friend..."
"No, please..." Whimpered Wolf as the weapon was pointed directly at him. Olimar smiled, before opening fire.
"So, the reason you interrupted me whilst I was watching Sesame Street, was because Wolf tried to Steal some Pikmin that Ganondorf stole from Olimar, and Olimar then kicked down the door of the bathroom, knocking Ganondorf out, and then started shooting Wolf with a Pikmin bazooka, seriously injuring him, before taking back his blue Pikmin," Master hand said.
"And then Olimar realised that they were all squished because Wolf had accidentally stepped on them whilst he was backing away from him," Snake added. "I saw it all with my own eyes."
"Were you stalking them, or something?"
"Not all of them. Just Ganondorf."
Master hand shuddered at the idea of GanondorfXSnake, before moving on. "Guess I'd better go and clean up the mess..."
A couple of days later, and a two letters arrived at smash mansion. The first one was from Ganondorf:
Dear Master hand,
I doubt you've actually noticed that I've been missing these past few days, because nobody ever does. Sometimes I wonder if anyone out there cares for me. Life is so lonely and cold without Olimar's blue Pikmin at my side, I can hardly tell the difference between cruelty and hatred. Do you hate me? I bet you do. Everyone does. Everyone in the whole wide world hates me. Even my grandma hates me, and I bake cookies for her!
Dread filled Master hand as he discovered that the letter was ten pages long. After about an hour of reading through the crap, he finally found something of significance: the last few lines of the letter.
So what am I trying to say? What are these agony drenched words desperately struggling to communicate to your cold, cruel self? Basically I'm leaving. Bye! Kisses...and hugs...and...oh, never mind. Just bye, dammit!
P.S. I'm never coming back
P.S.S. Ever
"Okay..." The hand muttered to himself, moving on to the next letter. It was from Wolf:
I'm leaving the mansion too, so that I can find Ganondorf and beat the c*** out of him for daring to throw his overweight toy bunny at me.
Cya xx
Wolf
Master hand sighed. Now he was going to have to find two new fighters to replace them. One from Hyrule, and one from Lylat. Maybe he could invite that fairy, Navi. The one Link was always talking about...or complaining about. He couldn't quite remember, but he honestly didn't care. As for someone from Lylat...maybe that person Fox was friends with?
"KRYSTAL!" Fox screamed, popping up from nowhere and running over to Master hand's desk. "Invite Krystal, please!"
"Slippy! Slippy Toad, that was the one..." Master hand muttered to himself, completely ignoring the vulpine. "I think I'll go invite him now."
Fox whimpered as he watched the commentator float away.
The hero of time/ light/ twilight (a.k.a, Link) was happily strolling down the hallway, when the Elfbusters theme tune started playing in his pocket. He gasped, delving into the pocket to get his mobile phone.
"Hello?" he asked.
"Hello! Hey! Listen!"
"What was that? You're coming to Smash Mansion?"
"Hey, Listen, Hello!"
"You're already here?"
Navi's next answer translated as 'yes'.
Link fainted.
Heh heh heh...I'm evil to Link. Yeah, sorry this turned out very different to the original fic, it turned out to be crazier than I thought it would be, and therefore strayed from the plot. Still, hope you found it funny, it's been fun to write :)