Of Cats and Bags

It just came out. Gibbs barked out an order, wondered aloud why it wasn't being instantaneously obeyed, took a step forward while saying McGee's name... and it just came out.

"Tony and Abby sleep together."

There was a colossal silence in the squad room, silence of a magnitude McGee had never before experienced. This was the kind of silence reserved for the undiscovered crypts of four thousand year-old tyrants guarded by curses and traps and vampires. It went on for several small eternities and McGee was pretty sure he could hear his red blood cells bouncing off the sides of his veins. Then Gibbs just gave him that expectant stare he got so often, that look that said, What the hell did you just say?

"Yeah, I know that, McGee. Knew about it the day after it started." his tone was the one he usually used when they came to him in hysterics over evidence he'd long since figured out by way of his mysterious Gibbs powers. He was as calm and contented as a cat under a sun lamp.

McGee, on the other hand, was having his world-view shattered. "And- and you didn't- but- and Abby-"

Gibbs shot him another look, "Abby is an adult, she chooses how to live her life, it's not my call who she spends her time with. It becomes my problem when she gets hurt and not before. The marine eyed him speculatively, "'Sides, Tony's the one who needs protecting. You really not know how many boyfriends Abby goes through in a week, McGee?"

He was about to point out that it couldn't possibly be as many as Tony's girlfriends when he was hit upon by a disturbing epiphany. Maybe he was a lousy investigator, or maybe it was just that Tony did his level best to make everyone so annoyed by him that they paid him as little attention as humanly possible, but he couldn't believe he'd never seen it before.

DiNozzo was all talk.

Well, you know, not all; McGee had seen him be charming (when he was undercover) and he was nauseatingly good-looking, so even with his personality he had to get some dates. But the thirty girls a month thing- that was clearly bullshit. He remembered now, Kate regularly calling him on his 'big weekend plans' and him guilelessly admitting he was staying home to watch some lame movie marathon. He did not admit likewise to Ziva and McGee, but he was a fluent liar and his conquest stories did tend to border on theatrical and... Wow. The TMI prevented them from ever asking him anything about his personal life. That sneaky bastard.

Gibbs was observing this thought process, but made no comment on McGee's prolonged silence.

So with Abby, it was what? A serious relationship? Tim had to have his doubts about that. After all, if it had started before he and Abby met, it couldn't be that serious. She'd never given him the slightest indication she had other commitments. Other dalliances, yes, and that had gnawed at him. He had taken a real impulsive leap, tattooing his butt to prove he wasn't as straight laced as he could come off, but he wasn't too keen on the casual relationship status. He took the people close to him seriously and he was raised to believe that if you respected a woman, you gave her your undivided attention. The fact that Abby didn't respect him enough to meet him halfway had stirred his insecurities. He understood she had her way and he had his, but she could have talked to him about it instead of running away.

Tony and his three-second relationships and his arrogance and his whatever-I-can-get attitude (those parts McGee still believed) was probably Abby's idea of a perfect man. She could play with him whenever she wanted and it would never get in the way of their friendship- even better for both of them, it would never threaten to go too far. Still, that didn't explain why Gibbs had allowed him to live. McGee felt he was an exception to rule twelve because he was not part of the team when he and Abby met and they proved it wouldn't be a problem for them to work together by keeping it out of the office throughout the relationship's existence. Tony, on the other hand, only knew Abby through work and couldn't keep any relationship out of the office. In fact, his only actual relationship was an assignment. And he didn't exactly have a great track record for treating his girlfriends as well as Gibbs expected everyone to treat Abby.

"We thought-" he began, voicing his thoughts.

"What? That I'd kill him?" Gibbs sounded mildly amused.

"Kind of, yeah."

The boss patted McGee's shoulder as he passed, "If you kill 'em, how do they learn?"

.;.

Abby was wearing her best lacy church dress over a black satin slip with a bow centred on the scoop neckline and a staggered ruffle along the hem, both of which peaked out from beneath the lace. She'd swept her hair away from her face into a single rolled bun at the crown of her head and it taken had many hours- or what felt like it- scowling at the mirror with her tongue poking out in concentration as she and the pins made war on her bangs, but now she was perfect. Her eye-shadow was sparkly, her lips were a welcoming, plump ruby red, her silver choker and the necklace Tony bought her in Germany glittered at her throat, and her Mary Jane platforms were at a modest three inches.

Wait until Tony got a load.

Humming to herself, she straightened the line of dollies and stuffed animals which lived on her bed when she wasn't in it. The coffin was still along the far wall, but she'd felt like a bit more sleeping room lately and it was more or less being used as a clothes horse at the moment.

She was about to pull the whole bed apart so she could make it again and have something to do- but she was not nervous- when the doorbell finally rang.

She threw it open with the one of the brightest smiles she had ever smiled in her life, but it became a train wreck of an expression when the person on the other side was not Tony, but Gibbs. Trying to recover, she revved up some cheerfulness from her reserve stock, "Gibbs! What brings you...? I was just...," she thumbed behind her to indicate some activity in the house, but words failed her.

"Expecting someone else." Gibbs finished her sentence for her, utterly nonchalant.

"Yep." Abby tapped her fingers together, knowing she couldn't lie to Gibbs and she couldn't tell him the truth, she decided not to stay anything else.

He nudged past her into the house and turned around as she closed the door behind him. "What time is DiNozzo picking you up?"

She just stood there, her eyes huge.

Gibbs waved off her terror, "Not gonna kill him, Abs."

"Why not?" That probably wasn't the best thing to say, but it slipped out.

He laughed and it sounded perfectly genuine, "You think he deserves it?"

Abby walked over to him and poked him experimentally in the cheek.

"What are you doing?" Gibbs was bemused.

"Checking to see if you're a Cylon. Can't be too careful these days."

He caught her hand and held it, "Abby, rule twelve has never been about you. It's about agents. I know what happens to a good agent when they get involved with their partner; they stop thinking and that's fatal. You don't go into the field, you aren't supposed to be in danger, you aren't a distraction."

"How is it any different if there happens to be sex involved?" She couldn't resist arguing, the Devil's advocate was her favourite role, "Agents and their partners are thicker than blood anyway. Love is love, Gibbs."

"It's different." The finality of the statement meant he wasn't in the mood to play with her.

She frowned at him, but decided it wasn't the right moment to accuse him of painting everybody with the brush of his personal experience. "I am kinda offended you don't think I can be distracting, Gibbs. I can be very distracting."

"You sure distracted McGee today."

Abby bristled, "So not my fault! He was all up in my grill about Tony and he's been acting weird for a while and I'm getting a bit sick of it and besides, so what? Be a grown-up! He knows that I like to go with the flow and the flow often gets a little physical, I don't see what the big deal is."

Gibbs gave her the stare down. "Right."

"What?"

"You and DiNozzo... that's not part of 'the flow', Abs."

Her mouth opened, but no words came out.

"McGee has good reason to be pissed, doesn't he?"

She looked away.

"How pissed should he be?"

"Gibbs..." What right did he have to be pissed? What real reason? That she never told him? It wasn't his business. It's not like she ever cheated on him when they were an item, even if she didn't feel like it would have been cheating anyway, because they weren't that kind of item and McGee needed to learn to ride the ride and stop getting so caught up in where he was getting off. Gibbs probably had some right to be pissed, because now she was thinking maybe she kind of should have told him. He was her friend, protector, father-figure, silver-haired fox and she did like to share her life with him, but he'd never been very receptive to hearing about her boyfriends and there was the fact that she'd been pretty convinced he'd actually kill Tony and she was more than a little attached to the idea of his staying in one piece.

"Answer the question," Gibbs prodded, a furrow of seriousness appearing between his eyebrows.

"We're going to try being exclusive." It sounded kind of weird when you put it like that.

He tilted his head, that knowing glint in his eyes, pale blue truth detectors that they were.

Abby shrugged helplessly under the stare, "I love him."

"Scary."

"Yep," she let out a long breath she didn't know she was holding.

Gibbs patted her cheek, "It's okay, Abs. I always knew."

She huffed a soft laugh, "Well, it's news to me. Sure you don't believe in the supernatural, Gibbs? I have a friend who does tarot and she predicted I'd end up with thirty-three cats and have a semi-regular thing with a short, one-eyed neighbour half my age."

"Didn't mean about how it'd turn out," he clarified, not dignifying her anecdote with so much as an incredulous look.

"Oh, you mean- oh." Abby actually blushed a little, her usual shamelessness abandoning her. She and Tony weren't the usual, though, and it was kind of embarrassing how long they'd thought they were keeping a secret from Gibbs when he was never fooled for an instant. They should have known.

Gibbs nodded, amused by her bashfulness. "You aren't two of the most subtle people on the planet."

Abby shook her head, rueful, "We can be- you have no idea."

"Is this going in a direction I want to hear about, Abby?"

She grinned, "Wanna know how it started? Gibbs, it's all thanks to you in a way! Don't you want to-"

"No." He kissed her cheek and headed for the door, "Good luck, Abs."

"Should I tell Tony you know?"

"Nah, let him sweat."

"'Kay."

They smirked at each other.