The stage was empty. The students whispered amongst themselves, confusion sweeping across the masses. The minutes passed, a spotlight was turned on, and still the stage was empty.

And then…

A series of ear-shattering crashes resounded from the left wing. Raised voices echoing as two men emerged from the darkness.

"It was a sip! One sip! Only one! I swea—Ow! Ow! Gus-Gus, you're hurting me, you're—Ow! Ow!"

A stern-faced blond strong-armed his brunette counterpart unto the podium. Both men were tall, with well defined muscles rippling beneath finely-cut Italian suits. They had sculpted features, proud and prominent. They were young, handsome, and completely out of place.

They looked like supermodels, more at home on a runway than in a rundown high school. Not that the girls were complaining.

The two finally stopped arguing, or rather the brunette finally stopped shouting and the blond finally let go. Said blond standing off to the side, staring impassively at the audience (a few girls swooned) as the brunette straightened his tie, a bright smile on his sun-kissed face (a great majority of the female freshmen, and some of the guys, joined in the swooning).

The brunette tapped the microphone. "Testing. Testing. One, two? One two?"

There was a painful screech, feedback filling the theatre.

"That's fine, Eduard! That's fine!" The man flashed a thumbs-up.

The feedback abated, to the relief of many.

"Alright, kiddies! My name is Alexander Romulus, and I am the principal of this fine establishment." He shouted, rendering the microphone virtually useless and adding to the freshmen's misery. Alexander didn't seem to care, however, and pushed on, not lowering his volume in the least. "You can call me Alexander, Alex, Lexie…"

At the mention of his last nickname, he shot a wink at a few girls sitting up front. The blond man whacked him over the head, expressionless as ever.

'Lexie' rubbed the back of his skull. He cleared his throat. "I meant you will address me as Mr. Romulus, your lord and master. Obey me and see me as your god."

Then, as an afterthought, he motioned towards his companion. "Oh. And he's Augustus. Just Augustus. But call him Gus-Gus if you like."

'Gus-Gus' shot him a sharp glare.

"I mean-I mean, you will refer to him as Mr. Augustus or Sir Augustus or Fuhrer… whatever you see fit."

Augustus returned his gaze unto his now, more or less, terrified audience. And still his fanbase steadily grew.

"Welcome to Hetalia High. We welcome you all with open arms and vacant beds."

Augustus whacked him once more. It was becoming routine at this point.

"You're such a buzz-kill." Alexander pouted.

Augustus only blinked.

"Fine! Fine. Alright. So we have a few rules. Sorta. They're kinda just there to keep the superintendent happy. Quite frankly they bore me so go look it up in your school planners or something. Just know that if I catch you breaking any, there will be hell to pay. Capisci? I know I may not be the most responsible principal in the world, but I make it a point to protect everyone in my school. I'm not saying I'm going to instill law and order, that's more of Gus-Gus's thing."

He furrowed his brow.

"Actually, Gus-Gus can get pretty wild, now that I think about it."

Augustus jabbed his side.

"Ack! But my point is! The moment you start putting yourself and others in danger, you will face my wrath. And you don't want to face my wrath. Am I clear?"

The audience was silent. The students staring at their new principal with expressions so blank as to rival Augustus.

Alexander nodded his head. "Good. Good. I'm happy we're on the same page."

Somewhere in the audience, someone could be heard palming their face.

"Alright. Moving on! This school isn't exactly topping the charts but we got some really good programs here. For example, we have a self-defense class taught by the beautiful Wang Yao. And even if you can't fight for shit, actually especially if can't fight for shit, sign up for the class. Because even if you don't want to know how to disarm a crazy s.o.b with a knife, the teacher is a looker. I mean that. Really."

Augustus shot him another fierce glare.

"What? Don't be jealous?"

The glare heightened in intensity.

Alexander nervously adjusted his tie. "Okay. We host a lot of sports. Football, that funny football Americans play, tennis, basketball, swimming, baseball….blah blah blah. Oh, but hey! We have a fencing team. They're small right now, and it's not as cool as real sword-fighting but you should go check it out. We also have a great arts program. Only the best for my grandkids, of course. Feli, Lovi!"

"Grandpa!" An exuberant Italian yelled.

"I don't know them. I don't know them." A boy beside him chanted.

"Feli is the best at painting, doncha know? He's the best, the best, the best!"

Augustus coughed, making a sound for the first time.

"Right. Well. Where was I? Oh yeah, we have a great arts program, including but not exclusive to music, drawing, pottery, theatre, etc. We almost had a creative writing class too, but the teacher backed out on the last second."

Alexander took a deep breath.

"And finally! Finally! We have our clubs and other afterschool activities." He inserted a wink here. Why? No one really wanted to know. "We have the Anime/Manga club. We have the Russian club, and uh, the club manager asked me to advertise for him… So, er… Here goes?"

Alexander squinted down at the podium, trying to read the writing. Half of it was in Cyrillic, but he did manage to figure some out.

"Come, become one with Russia."

He blinked.

"Uh… okay then…" He cleared his throat. "So! That's it! Orientation over! I'm sure you're all tired hearing this old bastard ramble on and on! So, you're free! Free at last! Free at last!"

A pause.

"School starts in five minutes! Don't be late!"

With those parting words, Alexander shooed them away. The theatre doors opening, releasing a flood of students all chattering excitedly.

Alfred was among them, with Matthew not too far behind.

"That was… That was something else, eh?" Matthew began hesitantly.

Alfred scowled. "Hey! Who said you could follow me?"

Matthew's expression soured. "Like it or not, you are the only person I know, okay? So just shut up and put up! I'm not doing this because I want too! Believe me, you are the last-!"

"Like, hello?"

The twins turned simultaneously towards the sudden interruption.

A girl in a white, cashmere sweater and a plaid skirt waved at them, a brow raised.

"Woah. Twins, huh? That's like totally cute, I think. You guys should wear matching outfits. It'll be totally adorable. And stuff."

"Um… Do we know you?" Matthew inquired, tilting his head.

"Yeah. This is a private conversation, so butt out." Alfred growled.

"Like, totally rude." The girl flipped her hair. "I was just going to say that you two are like so totally perfect for the school newspaper, gosh! No need to jump down my throat!"

She huffed angrily, crossing her arms.

"We meet in Rm. A-112, afterschool. Be there, okay?"

And with that, she simply walked away. Just like that.

Matthew and Alfred shared another look. Well, there's one thing they could agree on.

"This place is weird."

A/N: The Fuhrer joke was not appropriate. But Hetalia isn't really appropriate if you really think about it. Did anyone see Funimation's trailer fo Hetalia? I rest my case.