A/N: Hello!

Now, I'm sure many of you remember my latest drabble, "Even With Strawberries." Well, guess what? I'm doing the same thing, but for real this time. I actually love deathshipping, and I feel like I kinda sorta cheated the fans in "Strawberries." So, for your reading pleasure, I present my first deathshipping fic EVER, as told by Ryou. (Also contains mentions of thiefshipping, because I am a shameless fangirl who is in love with the pairing.) As always, I own nothing except that vague little thing resembling plot. Enjoy.

Sometimes, I really don't understand him. Or myself, for that matter.

Every day I see him, he's different. Sometimes, he'll be wearing that cocky smile, the one that makes my heart leap, my vision blur. Like when he's getting a lecture from Ishizu, or tormenting Malik. He'll just look over and grin, and I can tell he's loving every second of that day, that hour, that minute. Other times, he'll be… almost sweet, in a way. He'll sneak up on me and grab me from behind, or swing me around in a circle so fast I can't breathe from laughing. Those times are my favorites, because I never know what he'll do to surprise me next. It keeps my life fresh, to say the least.

But other times, he's a totally different person. His eyes get hard and cold, and his smile is far from happy. It's those days when I don't know what I was thinking, what on earth could have caused me to fall in love with such a person, a person who could kill anyone or anything in the blink of an eye, without remorse or sorrow.

Those are also the days I feel the most sorry for him.

Lately, though, I've been seeing less of that side of him— it's almost as if it's disappearing. Sometimes, when we're alone, when it's just me and him, I'll see him looking off into the distance, almost as if he's confused, like he doesn't know where he is. Then, when I ask him what's wrong, he'll just grin in that crazy way of his and make up some lame excuse that we both know is a lie. We'll have a good laugh, and he always seems a little better after that. And I can't help but think, can't help but hope, that it's because of me.

Just the other day, I was sitting in the park, watching him chase Bakura around the fountain. Malik was sitting next to me, laughing, pelting my yami with peanuts. I remember watching him and thinking, Gosh, he's happy. What a change from Battle City . Those two really are made for each other, even if the only thing they know how to do is argue. Malik caught me staring and grinned. "You know, you seem different," he said, shaking his head. "I don't know what you see in him, but it must be something good."

I shoved him playfully. "It's probably the same thing you see in Bakura."

Malik sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, I guess we're both suckers. Still, even when I'm yelling insults at him, I can tell I don't mean them. I bet he can, too, 'cause he never takes me seriously." He shrugged. "He brings out the bastard in me. But you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way."

That's why Malik is my best friend: he knows exactly how things are, and he's not afraid to say so. Just like when he first learned about my relationship with him; he didn't yell, he didn't freak out. He just got really quiet, and said, "Whatever makes you happy, Ryou, is what you should do. Just… be careful."

I'm beginning to think I've let him down, though, because I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I've thrown caution to the wind, because the only person I love hates caution. He likes action. Movement. Excitement.

And I'm afraid I won't be enough for him.

I don't plan on giving up, of course, because even if I tried, it would hurt more than I could possibly bear.

I told him that, once. He just laughed and told me I was being silly before wrapping his arms around me and whispering, "You're mine, Ryou. And you're not going anywhere."

Now, as I lay here in his arms, feeling his heart beat, I'm more at peace than I've ever been. For the first time in a long time, I know, with a certainty that scares me more than anything in the world, that someone loves me, no matter what I do, no matter what I say. I can't explain him any more than I can explain myself. He's crazy, unique, and all mine.

Everyone needs someone. I've found my someone. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Ta da! Deathshipping, as done by Eggy. Hated it? Loved it? Want more of it? Want less of it? My mind-reading abilities are on the fritz, so let me know what you thought of this humble little fic. Thanks for reading!

-Eggy