Well, my first article for this was definitely on the more serious side, but this one is just for laughs. A friend suggested this pairing to me and I just had to write it. I couldn't find a way to get these two together in the context of canon, so don't bother trying to figure it out.

Disclaimer – Avatar: The Last Airbender and all related characters, concepts, settings, etc. are the exclusive property of Bryan Konietzko and Michael Dante DiMartino. Thanks to you guys for giving aspiring young writers such great characters to play with (and allowing us to do so)!

"Orange is such an awful color."

Jet was lounging on a branch when he heard this bored, almost spiteful declaration. It was autumn, and nature was putting on its natural fireworks display. There was a cool breeze lightly passing through the leaves, causing them to tremble softly and beautifully. By any normal person's reckoning, there were few days that could possibly be more perfect than this one. Yet someone clearly did not share the optimistic viewpoint of the forest's splendor.

Jet heard a loud, short sigh. He stood up and looked out to the small pond he was currently using as a haven away from the gang, who were becoming more and more paranoid about his leadership. They were all pressuring him to be less hostile towards the Fire Nation, but he was refusing to compromise. Sneers had left the group due to the infighting, and Smellerbee and The Duke seemed to spend every night crying after their arguments. Jet found himself wanting to spend more and more time alone, and this pond was an ideal safe place to collect his thoughts.

After admiring the contrast of the leaves floating on the surface of the pond, Jet saw the source of the disturbance. A girl about his age was laying on the ground, throwing rocks into the water and carelessly sighing when they stopped skipping. She was dressed in dark red robes. Fire Nation. Suppressing his natural instinct to kill her on the spot, Jet grasped his hook swords, drove them into the wood and skillfully swung off the branches, landing catlike next to the girl. He placed one of his swords against her back, not hurting her but making her gasp.

"You should leave this place." It wasn't a suggestion.

To his surprise, the young woman grabbed the blade and drove it into the soil, crouching in the stance of a trained warrior, which made the small blade in her free hand much more threatening. Her icy stare met Jet's eyes, and he lost his menacing glower. This girl looked dangerous. And beautiful.

Perhaps the Fire Nation wasn't so bad after all.

"No one sneaks up on me," she snapped.

"Well, I just did," Jet quickly retorted.

She released her grip on his weapon. "Fair enough," she conceded. "But don't expect it to happen again."

"Oh ho ho, this rose has thorns," he teased.

The girl quickly rushed up to him and held a dagger to his throat. "Just who do you think you are?" she demanded, boring a hole into him with her eyes. But Jet was used to this. She wasn't the first girl he'd met with a fiery attitude.

He leaned on his hook swords, regaining his cocky swagger. "They call me Jet." He dramatically placed a stalk of grain in his mouth and winked at her. "'Best Man o' the Woods', babe."

She groaned.

"Great, another stupid boy with a uniform and haphazard hair who thinks he's the universe's gift to women," she groaned. "Do jerks like you grow on trees or something?"

"No, but I do live in them," he corrected, not missing a beat. "You wanna come see my place?"

There it was. The smile. It was the smile that said that Jet had caught his prey. You are so smooth, he told himself. The girl came within inches of him and placed her hand on his cheek, wearing an infatuated grin.

And then she ripped the stalk out of his teeth.

"Hey!" he blurted out, "That was mine."

"You should be thankful," she countered. "That was the dumbest thing I've ever seen in my life."

Jet's pride was hurt, but losing his signature stalk was a small price to pay for this. "Well, I suppose it makes kissing my lips easier for you," he said in what he believed to be a seductive tone.

She growled. "Wow, you're even more conceited than I thought. Truly amazing."

She started to walk. Shocked, he asked a rather pointless question. "Hey, what are you doing?"

"Obeying your command, of course," she mocked. "I'm leaving."

Jet caught up with her and captured her arm with his sword. She indignantly huffed, and hissed, "Just how stupid are you? Really..."

"Can I at least have the dangerous beauty's name before she runs off?"

This seemed to placate her, as she turned around with a wry smile, the hook of the sword now circling her left wrist like a bracelet. "'Dangerous Beauty,' huh?" she mused. "Maybe you aren't totally worthless. At least you flirt creatively."

Jet flashed his teeth at her in his most confidant grin. She rolled her eyes but did not insult him. This is progress, he thought happily to himself.

"So, this is a rather unique weapon you've used to stall my departure," she said, admiring his hook swords. For the first time in their conversation, she seemed delighted to be talking to him.

Jet proudly smiled, and then released the girl. "These are hook swords, my pride and joy," he bragged. "Though, they can just be my pride if you tell me your name." Back in top form, you sly old fox, Jet complemented himself on his wooing.

"If you teach me how to use those swords, I'll give you my name."

"You drive a hard bargain," he shook his head, though he was more than willing to show off his skill. "But I'll give a bit of a demonstration." Jet swirled and slashed his swords in a deadly dance of cold steel, using a style that was more awe-inspiring than practical. He drove the hooks in the bark of a tree to climb it, then leaped to a branch and spun around it as a gymnast would before throwing himself like a missile to her feet. He hooked the blades together and spun them as a single weapon, which definitely caught the girl's attention. He tossed the sword that was twirling around the other one into the air, jumped and caught in, and landed right in front of her, bending one knee toward her so that he was almost proposing, his swords bent at an angle so that the hooks made a heart.

"Fantastic," she droned. Then she placed her hands behind her back and leaned forward so that she was eye level with him. "May I use them?" she implored. "Just for a little, tiny bit?"

The part of Jet that would normally remind him that giving his weapons to an unidentified Fire Nation woman who was obviously a skilled combatant was one of the worst ideas he had ever had was too busy staring at said Fire Nation woman's breasts to say anything.

"Um, sure," he said, and then flipped the blades in the air and catching them so that the handles were offered to her. "Just be careful," he warned.

"Oh, don't worry, I'll be careful," she assured him. "Very careful." And then she gave her own exhibition with the swords, using a less flamboyant style, but one that was very quick and very deadly. Unlike Jet, she barely seemed to watch the swords, even when she hooked them together. It was as if she was totally aware of their location at all times, and didn't need to concern herself with being safe. Jet was mesmerized. However, he was quickly brought out of his stupor when she hooked the blades around his trousers.

"Come here you," she invited, but then pulled him towards her herself.

Here it comes, Jet, he told himself, and puckered his lips expectantly.

To his surprise, she pulled down with the swords, depantsing him. "Huh?" he babbled stupidly. She smiled evilly at him and then hooked the blades around his ankles, and tripped him. "Woah!" Jet shouted before landing on his back with a loud thud. The girl laughed maniacally, and then threw his weapons at his feet.

After she stopped cackling, she answered in a deadpan tone, "My name is Mai, and I'm not interested."

She started to leave again. But whereas most men would emotionally collapse from the embarrassment, Jet was only more motivated to win her over. Pulling his pants up, Jet decided that a rare opportunity had presented itself and he was going to run with it. Standing up, Jet crossed his swords behind him and started to walk the opposite direction.

"I knew you couldn't wait to get me out of my pants," he yelled.

Two seconds later, Jet had his face in the ground. Groaning, he opened his eyes and saw an ornately decorated throwing knife dangerously close to his throat. Jet held in a gasp, and quickly began thinking of ways to escape this predicament. Mai was on top of him, her right knee pinning his swords to his back, her left driving into the inside of his right knee, holding him still. Her left hand tightly squeezed his neck, and her right held the knife against his jugular.

"Do you wanna run that by me again?" she inquired in a threatening drawl.

Jet gulped. "Um, no," he answered. "I was only joking."

"I don't have a sense of humor."

"Well," he said, "you thought me falling on my backside was funny."

Jet heard Mai exhale loudly through her noise, as if she was searching for a retort. "Point conceded." Rather than ease up on him, she slid her blade closer to his skin to the point where the edge was actually cutting into the flesh.

"I really should just kill you know," she mused, "but you have managed to make my day a little more interesting than it usually is. Leave me alone, and I'll let you live."

Mai removed herself from his body, and Jet cautiously stood up. He turned around, and hardly dared to touch his swords. Mai had a satisfied smirk on her face that reminded Jet of himself. Fearing that the girl would change her mind any second, Jet decided that if he was going to die, he would at least die happy.

He rushed and took her in his arms, making her gasp with fright, and planted a deep, passionate kiss on her lips. As sour as her attitude was, the taste of her lips were sweet. It lasted only for a few seconds before Mai aggressively pushed herself away from him, and stared coldly and furiously into his eyes. If looks could kill, Jet needn't worry about the daggers.

"You are either very brave or very, very stupid," she growled.

Jet grinned, "I can't see why I can't be both."

Given the knives, Jet knew she wasn't a firebender, but he could certainly imagine the smoke coming from her nostrils. It was a terrifying and dominating expression that made it very clear she could kill him where he stood, but that she was still mulling it over.

"Stupid boy," she finally said, and shoved him off of her.

His confidence had returned. She wasn't going to kill him. Jet grabbed his swords and placed them back in their case. "So...did you like it?" he asked, knowing the answer already.

Mai did not turn to him. "It was very sudden and smooth, I'll give you that," she admitted.

"Ready for another one?"

"Are you really going to test your luck again?" she dared.

Jet held her shoulder blades and pulled himself down to her ear, and softly whispered, "I'll take my chances." He then spun her around and kissed her once more. This time, she placed her hands on his cheeks and assisted him.

"MAI!" a loud voice roared. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH HIM!"

The kiss ended, and Jet turned around. A tall boy with sallow skin and unkempt black hair was looking at him. Jet noticed that the left side of his face was horrifically scarred. In his hands were small blades of flame that burned bigger each time he exhaled.

Jet drew his swords and said, "That's none of your business, firebender scum!"

The boy leaped and kicked at the air, and a blast of fire came barreling towards Jet. He ducked just in time.

"GET AWAY FROM MY GIRLFRIEND, YOU PEASANT!" the roar came again.

Mai sighed, "Zuko, can't you watch where you shoot your fire at? You almost singed my dress."

"Sorry," Zuko growled through his teeth.

"I'm sorry too, Zuko," Jet cut in. "Doesn't look like she's your girlfriend anymore."

"Oh she is," Zuko asserted. "I'm going to eliminate the competition."

Jet huffed. "It's not even competition with you shooting flames all over the place."

The fire daggers disappeared and duel swords took their place. "I don't need bending to beat some punk who lives in the woods. Let the best man win."

"Oh he will," Jet taunted.

The duel swords and hook swords met in a furious clash as steel connected with steel. It became apparent that they were evenly matched in swordplay, and neither would go down without a fight. The battle became fiercer as they slashed and dodged, parried and stabbed. It was a game of Pai Sho, played at lightning fast speed, and the tiles were lethal blades.

The swordfight would have amazed and intrigued anyone, forcing them to admire their skill and to invest in the outcome. And of course, with the prize being the hand of a girl, said maiden would be watching in fear, not sure who to root for, hoping neither got hurt and flinching with every move.

Naturally, Mai was bored with it. She casually walked to a flat rock near the edge of the trees, ignoring the clash of steel, the banging and clanging of attacks canceling each other in mid-swing, and the shrill squeel as Zuko slid his swords down Jet's, sharpening them both. She sat down and watched for a moment, and then examined her hands. Her nails were a little long, so she pulled out a nail file and started to mold them to her liking. She was done with her left hand and working on her right when a soft, sing-songy voice interrupted her.

"Who's Zuko fighting?" Ty Lee asked.

"Some guy named Jet," she answered.

"He's really hot," Ty Lee observed.

"Who? Jet or Zuko?"

"Well, both now that you mention it..." she confessed. Mai turned and glared at her. She was a thin, athletic, extremely pretty girl. Her hair was woven in a long ornate braid, and her eyes were narrowed, showing off her carefully groomed eyelashes. She was wearing a sickingly pink outfit that allowed maximum freedom of movement, and hugged her curves rather more tightly than Mai thought was acceptable. She stood in stark contrast to Mai, who, while athletic and pretty, preferred dark colors, stayed gloomy, and wore a kimono that covered up the various projectiles as well as her dignity. The girls were so different, you would have never thought they would be friends. The only thing missing from Ty Lee was her usual manic smile. Mai's poisonous look had sent it away, the only trace of it a single tooth that was biting her lip.

"Excuse me?" Mai said.

Ty Lee waved her hands back and forth frantically. "Oh, don't worry, I know he's your boyfriend. I wouldn't dream of it."

"Good," she said, and let out another sigh. Ty Lee sat beside her and placed one leg on the other, watching the fight with the kind of interest that Mai should have had, considering the cause of the battle. Instead, she was now occupying herself by spinning one of her bola shuriken in much the same way that Jet would swing his weapons.

"So, Mai," Ty Lee nudged her, "Why are they fighting exactly?"

Mai droned in disenchantment, "Oh, Zuko's mad because Jet kissed me or something. I can never tell what he's angry about."

"YOU KISSED HIM?" she gasped, covering her mouth with one hand.

"Yeah," she nonchalantly answered. "What of it?"

"Nothing," Ty Lee said, shrugging innocently. A few moments of awkward silence (sans the continued clatter of swords) passed between them. Mai knew that wouldn't last long. When Ty Lee started to speak, Mai moved her mouth in perfect pantomime. "So how was it?"

"Wet."

"No, I mean how good was it?"

Mai sighed again. "It was fine, I guess."

"You're so lucky," Ty Lee voiced enviously. "You don't come across a boy like that every day."

She shrugged and grunted. "Personally, I don't see what the big deal about kissing is."

"Oh, I want to do much more than kiss that boy," Ty Lee purred.

"You're disgusting."

"Whatever," she dismissed Mai. "Just because I'm not some big prude like you are..."

"I'd rather be a prude than a tease," Mai hissed.

"Suit yourself. I think you could use some extra attention."

Mai opened her mouth to speak, but at that moment, there was a load thud and a groan. Jet had ducked a charge from Zuko and wrapped his hook swords around his upper arms, close to his shoulders, and then flipped him onto the ground. He was now staring at Mai, who narrowed his eyes at him. However, his confidant, satisfied grin suddenly became a punchdrunk vacant expression. His jaw was hanging open and his eyes were wide. Mai traced his line of sight and saw that he was now getting an eyeful of Ty Lee.

"How incredibly shallow," she whispered to herself.

The forest boy was now making a beeline for Ty Lee, only to put on the brakes just before he collided with her, and then leaning back casually and staring at her. "Hey," was all he said. Ty Lee giggled, and Mai groaned in disgust.

"Hi," Ty Lee said, "You're Jet, right?" she inquired, giving him a once over with her eyes now that he was up close.

"Depends on who's talking to me."

Snickering again, she answered, "I'm Ty Lee."

"Well Ty Lee," Jet started speaking in the same confidant, seductive tones he had used on Mai minutes ago. "Can I show you around the trees?"

"Oh, that sounds like so much fun!" she sang. "But, I can't climb the trees..."

Mai loudly and rudely coughed.

"...but I bet a big, strong man like you can carry me there."

Mai felt the sudden urge to throw up.

"Definitely," Jet answered. "Do you want to ride on my back?"

Ty Lee gave a devilish look. "I'll ride you anyway you want me to, hot stuff."

At this, Mai bolted towards Zuko, drowning out Jet's mock scolding ("Naughty, naughty.") and Ty Lee's incessent giggling. She knelt besides her boyfriend and rufffled his hair. "Come on blockhead, get up," she demanded, longing to be out of hearing range.

"Huh?" Zuko grunted, then looked at Mai's steely eyes. He growled, grabbed his swords and jumped to his feet. "Where's Jet?" he demanded.

"Oh, I don't think you'll have to worry about him anymore," she drolled, and nodded her head towards Jet. "Someone else caught his attention." Ty Lee was on his back, her arms hugging his head, her legs constricting around his torso, and smiling like the cat that caught the sparrowkeet. Before long, Jet was climbing the trees with his swords and carrying her away.

"Come on, Zuko," Mai beckoned. "Let's go to the ship."

"Wait, not until I get some answers from you!" he stubbornly denied her request.

"Can't we talk about it on the way to the ship? I really don't want to think about Ty Lee and Jet slobbering all over each other."

Zuko's face contorted, and he started walking with her.

"Ask away," Mai encouraged her boyfriend to talk.

"Why were you kissing him?" Zuko yelled. "I thought you were supposed to be my girlfriend?"

"I am your girlfriend, stupid," Mai assured him. "It was nothing serious."

"It's serious to me!" he exploded. "That guy was all over you!"

"Please," she yawned. "I could have killed him at any minute. He was only kissing me because I let him."

"Then why did you let him?" Zuko asked weakly, as if he was afraid to hear the answer. "I'm not good enough for you?"

Mai closed her eyes. "Don't be ridiculous, Zuko. Of course you're good enough for me. It's just...it's complicated."

Zuko bursted out again, "What's so complicated about it? What does he have that I don't have?"

"Unpredictability for one," she answered. "The ability to kiss me without asking everytime like some schoolboy, for another."

Zuko looked taken aback. "What?" he asked, dumbstruck. "What on earth are you talking about?"

"Zuko, I sneak up behind you all the time and give you kisses. It's called being flirtatious and showing affection. But you just stand there like some statue, and I practically have to drag your lips to mine. And then when we're alone, and I'm waiting, you always ask me if you can kiss me, like you're afraid of hurting my feelings. It was sweet the first time, but now it's just annoying. I'm your girlfriend, Zuko! I always want to kiss you, and I want you to kiss me when I'm not expecting it and without my permission. I..."

Her next words were stifled as Zuko clutched her in his arms, planting a warm, passionate kiss on her lips and hugging her tightly. For a moment, Mai forgot all about her anger and frustration and gave herself to the kiss, losing herself in Zuko. Now she knew what was so special about kissing. But as the euphoria faded and her senses caught up with her, she recognized it as a cheap ploy to placate her.

"You only get half-credit for that one," she said.

"Fine," Zuko responded. "But that's how you want me to kiss you, right?"

Mai blushed. "Yeah, pretty much."

"Well, I guess I'll just have to practice some more," he said with a significant look.

Mai gave Zuko her hand, and they walked side by side to the ship. She leaned against his broad shoulders and took in his body heat. She had a feeling that being his girlfriend was about to become a lot more fun.

Zuko and Mai spent the next half hour on the deck of the royal ship playfully kissing each other. Unsurprisingly, Mai eventually said, "I'm bored," though it was somewhat sarcastic. Instead, they waited in silence for Ty Lee to return from the forest. They snuggled each other affectionately as they waited.

Then, Ty Lee appeared, slouching over slightly, looking exhausted. Her magenta outfit looked oddly misplaced, as if she had rushed putting it on and forgot to make sure it looked neat. More surprisingly, her hair was hanging loosely behind her, falling on her shoulders instead of being tied in her usual braid.

"What happend to your hair?" Zuko blurted out.

Ty Lee jumped a little. "Huh? My hair? What?" she stammered, and then put her hands on her head and felt the scattershot strands. "Oh my gosh!" she squeeled, and blushed bright scarlet.

"And why do you look so worn out?" he inquired.

Ty Lee tried her best to look innocent. "Oh, no reason."

"Quit the charade," Mai droned. "It's obvious what took you so long."

Zuko's jaw dropped as the reason dawned on him. Ty Lee hung her head in embarassment.

Mai decided to tease her friend some more. "You just couldn't help yourself could you?"

"OH STOP!" Ty Lee stamped her foot. "Look, it's not like we'll ever run into him again. I just wanted to have the whole experience."

"Uh huh," Mai mocked. "Keep telling yourself that."

Ty Lee crossed her arms but said nothing.

"So, was he at least worth the trouble?" Mai asked.

Suddenly, her friend's eyes lit up. "Oh he was so worth it, Mai!" she swooned. "It was amazing! He sure knows how to treat a girl right. And he tastes great..."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Zuko interrupted.

"Well, isn't it obvious?" Ty Lee said in a condescending tone. "I just opened my mouth and..."

"Ty Lee, you're grossing me out," Mai shouted. "Besides, I don't want Zuko to get any crazy ideas."

"Oh fine," she conceded. "I'll wait until he's not around to give you all the details."

"I can hardly wait," Mai said, rolling her eyes.

"And what crazy ideas was I supposed to get?" Zuko said, completely clueless.

"Can we change the subject?" Mai asked desperately.

"Hey, has anyone seen Azula?" Ty Lee interrupted. "She went with Zuko and I to find you in the woods, but we split up and I haven't seen her since..."

Tired but very pleased with himself, Jet walked into camp. Ty Lee had left him speechless, doing things to him that he'd never imagined in his wildest dreams. His hatred for the Fire Nation was quickly fading away, replaced with wild, raging, burning thoughts about the girl who showed him exactly why they weren't so bad after all.

"Jet!" Smellerbee called out to him. "You're back!"

"Hey Smellerbee," he said and they hugged. "Anything interesting happen while I was gone?"

"Yep," she said excitedly. "Pipsqueek, Longshot and I caught a Fire Nation girl in the woods. It was difficult, but we tied her down. She's locked up in your hut so you can deal with her."

"I don't think we need to hold her prisoner," Jet objected. "I think I've been a little too harsh on the Fire Nation."

Smellerbee's look of shock was so outlandish that Jet had to laugh. "WHAT?" she screamed, clearly exasperated.

"Well, I just don't think they are all as bad as I thought they were," he explained. "We should at least give her a chance."

"Um..." she hummed, and then shrugged. "Okay, sure, whatever. She's in your hut, like I said. Do what you want with her."

Jet peeked inside his hut. A gorgeous woman in battle armor with her hair tied in a topknot was tied to a post, her legs and hands bound. Oh, I can think of a few things I want to do with her, Jet thought to himself. He started to go in.

"Be careful Jet," Smellerbee warned. "That one's dangerous."

"Don't worry about me, Bee," Jet calmy reassured her, and then thought to himself, She can't possibly be worse than that gloomy girl...