Chapter Three

Kaidan grimaced as he leaned over to turn on the light next to his bed. He appreciated the irony inherent in waking from a dream about being in bed with Shepard aboard the SSV Normandy, by the actual Shepard, leaning over him with an irritated expression and smelling of something like cleaning solvent, hitting him. Perhaps he would laugh about it later, but right now, he was not very amused.

"Why . . ." She was staring at some point on the other side of the room, crossing her arms over her chest tightly, sitting rigidly on the edge of his bed. Her posture indicated that she might bolt at any moment, and Kaidan was not sure if he would be relieved or disappointed if she did. "Why did you tell me about that doctor?"

"Doctor?" Kaidan frowned, and then remembered the message he had sent after Horizon. "Oh." He shifted uncomfortably. Was this what she really wanted to talk about? "I don't know . . . I guess I was just trying to tell you that I was trying to move on with my life. I meant what I said; it wasn't anything serious, just drinks –"

"After Horizon, I started trying to flirt with one of the Cerberus agents on my ship." She still would not look at him, and her words seemed to spill out haphazardly, tumbling over each other. "I don't even know why, I wasn't really angry with you, just mad at myself, and he was there, a decent guy, could have even been a good friend, but it was so obvious that he was still hung up on someone else, and I was being so obnoxious and cheesy – part of it was just messing with him, but part of me wanted to break from the past, make things completely and finally over between us –"

"That would have been one way to do it." His words were terse, and his voice was a bit louder than he intended. "So is this why you're here? To make me feel bad about what I told you in the message? To tell me what you were doing with that man?"

Shepard shook her head. "No, no, I started all wrong. I don't want to fight –"

"I don't think it's technically a fight if you strike when your opponent is asleep." Despite his tension and apprehension, he snorted a little.

"You have a point." Shepard's lips quirked upward slightly. Her posture relaxed visibly. It was small, but it was something. "I don't think I've ever slapped anyone before." Kaidan snorted again, louder, and she turned back towards him, fully grinning now, that mischievous smile that had driven him crazy in the past, that smile that had always let him know that things were either going to get much more fun or much more difficult in the near future. "No, really . . . I mean, I punch people all the time – more often than I need to, probably – but I've never just open-hand slapped somebody. That's the kind of thing you see people do in old tearjerker chick vids. I never liked those very much. Not my style." She frowned suddenly. "I've become dramatic." She made it sound like she had contracted an unpleasant disease.

"Well," Kaidan sat up straighter, still wondering why Shepard was in his apartment in the middle of the night and still somewhat confused as to how he felt about it. "I suppose coming back from the dead could do that to you." Shepard looked pained at this, and he regretted mentioning her resurrection.

"You were the only thought I had while I was dying, and I wanted to find you the moment I woke up." Her voice was hollow and forlorn, and Kaidan yearned to comfort her, but hesitated.

"I dreamt of you almost every night after you died." His voice was hoarse, low, and rueful. "I still dream of you, of us, before Ilos, every night. Before you woke me up . . ." He paused. "You must think I'm obsessed."

"I broke into your apartment to watch you sleep." She paused, and raised her eyebrows. "And then I slapped you." She sounded amused again, and placed her hand lightly on his bare shoulder. "I even have a picture of you in my cabin on the Normandy. I'm practically operating at Conrad Verner levels of fixation."

He was acutely aware of her hand on his arm, as though her light touch was searing. She had always had this effect on him, even when she was just his commanding officer, and she would stop by his station to talk about the current mission. Every touch, look, or laugh that Shepard bestowed upon him would have remarkable weight and importance, far beyond what should have been appropriate. He placed his own hand over hers on his shoulder, and sighed. Just like that, he was completely and utterly hers again, and he was fully aware of it. You knew, even when you were walking away on Horizon, that you would give anything for another chance, that if she gave you the slightest sign of hope, you would follow her anywhere. It was time for him to follow, if she would have him.

"So . . ." He spoke slowly, deliberately, looking deep into her eyes, searching for confirmation, "I guess we're obsessed with each other? It can't be that bad, if it's mutual, right?"

"Right." She was silent for a moment, just looking at him, and then touched his face with her free hand. "I'm sorry I hit you."

Kaidan took a deep breath. "I'm sorry for everything I said before, for not joining you when you asked. I know damned well that there was no way you could betray –"

"No." Shepard shook her head, her jaw set stubbornly in a way he knew well. "You were right to be suspicious, to go back to the Alliance. You had no way of knowing if I could be trusted. The Cerberus officer who oversaw the project to bring me back wanted to put a control chip in my head. What if she had? I really could have betrayed the Alliance, or hurt the people I loved . . . it was better that you weren't there."

He mimicked her own previous action, and stroked her cheek, pondering her words. They were both dancing around the obvious now, but it did not seem to matter anymore. There were no Reapers waiting at the edge of dark space, no Alliance bureaucracy, no Cerberus schemes between the two in this moment. "Those scars you had, they're completely gone, like they never existed."

"Doctor Chakwas told me that if I acted in a peaceful and compassionate manner, the scars would heal on their own over time." She grinned again, in the way that he loved. "So, as soon as I could afford it, I shelled out for some fancy medical equipment for the Normandy medbay and had plastic surgery. I haven't changed that much."

Kaidan smiled in response, tracing the curve of her lower lip with his thumb. "I noticed. I'm glad you're still the same old Shepard. The galaxy needs you around to slap some sense into it."

"I told you, I don't slap, I punch. I'm an action hero, you know." They were gravitating towards each other, slowly, until their noses almost touched. She lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper and breathed, "And this is the scene where you kiss me." No more words were needed, and their lips met with urgency and tenderness. They moved into each other's arms fluidly, as though they had never been parted.

Shepard broke the kiss off for a moment, tilting her head back to look at him thoughtfully. "When we were fighting Saren, I thought for sure that I would lose you. And then I got lost. Do you think we can just be together this time? Even with whatever bad guys are out there waiting for us?"

"Let them wait." He murmured, even as he lowered her to the bed. "I'm not going anywhere, unless I'm going with you from now on."

As they made up for lost time and more, Kaidan thought of his dreams of the night before Ilos, and how much better the truth of this moment was. All of the doubts and fears he had carried for so long were washed away in the presence of her reality. He knew that when he slept again, he would sleep dreamlessly, and for the first time in two years, he welcomed that oblivion wholeheartedly.