Slow Motion

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the books Skulduggery Pleasant, the amazing Derek Landy does. Fletcher may be Flaring, Shakra and my bitch but I still do not own him. I only own the plot.

A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews! I feel special ;) And yes, I do know that I despise Valduggery but I just felt obliged to add it and then I could still put in HUGE amounts of Fletcherie! He He…Don't hate me! XD Sorry for not updating sooner, I have any excuses. Mostly to do with hospitals…

Also, I know Fletcher's mother was already dead before but I made her alive again and then I killed. Not me personally but…

Summary Recap: When things change, people change. Valkyrie and Skulduggery see this happening on a daily basis but they really didn't expect to see a certain blonde, hair obsessed, annoying boy change Fletcherie, Valduggery and Ghastith. R&R! Rated T for paranoia.

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Chapter One-Secrets

"We dance round in a ring and suppose, while the secret sits in the middle and knows"

-Robert Frost

The curtains twitched from inside Gordon Edgley's house and a blonde head appeared, just as the Bentley pulled up in the driveway. Valkyrie immediately jumped out and leant against the closed door, taking in the house that would soon legally be hers.

"Hey Val! Whatcha doing?" Fletcher suddenly appeared in front of the girl, nearly causing her to have a heart attack on the spot. She would have killed him if it weren't for what had happened a couple of days previous, even though Fletcher had still no idea about the murder. It was to be kept that way.

"For Tré's sake!" Val squealed at him, flicking back her head in annoyance. She glanced behind her. "You are such a moron! Skulduggery, back me up here. He tried to kill me!" She called to the Skeleton on the other side of the car, crossing her arms over her chest in a sulky manner.

"Fletcher, my friend, you are a moron." Skulduggery responded curtly and turned on his heel, walking to the door of the house that Fletcher was currently lodging in.

She grinned at his back and turned her head to see Fletcher's outraged expression.

"You told on me! You told the skeleton on me! All I came out here to do was wish you a happy birthday and all, but oh no! You have to go and tell the skeleton that I tried to kill you…Which I didn't. Why would I kill you?" he ranted, waving his hands in the air with a frown on his face as he followed suit. A pinstriped suit.

Val jogged to catch up him. "My birthday is in three days, Fletcher." she corrected, glaring daggers at him.

"Oh…Really? Are you sure? Well, um, look! It's a bird!" he yelled randomly, pointing at a passing seagull as he inconspicuously tried to shove what looked like a package further down into his jean pocket.

"Hey, did that Seagull have a bottle of vodka tied to its leg?" Val asked after a moment of silence, taking the bait as she watched the bird fly out of sight. Fletcher watched her as if she was crazy and decided to push her into the house, despite her protests.

"It had a vodka bottle on it, I swear." She muttered, stubbornly as they stepped into the huge living room of where Skulduggery stood leaning on the fireplace and Tanith Low sat curled up in an armchair, reading intently.

"Hey Tanith. I didn't know you were here." Valkyrie said, coming to sit beside the blonde. She looked up from her book, startled and smiled at her younger friend.

"Yeah, Skulduggery texted me and I came as soon as I could. Turns out Fletcher had his mobile phone." Tanith glared pointedly at the smirking boy then back at Valkyrie. "It's good you guys are here though. Happy birthday Val!"

Before Valkyrie could respond and reveal her frustration for the too-soon birthday wishes, Skulduggery spoke interrupting her outburst.

"Renn, give me back my phone and please stop trying to have your wicked way with Tanith. Also, Valkyrie's birthday is in three days, end of." Skulduggery answered for her. "Now, please can we get down to business?"

Valkyrie shifted from where she sat, shooting Skulduggery a curious look. She wasn't aware that they had come here to talk about anything important and the only case they were on was about Fletcher's mother. They had no leads about who had killed her and they could definitely not discuss it in front of Fletcher.

"I'm going to be away for a while on Sanctuary business, now that Guild has allowed me back. Albeit, with supervision but back otherwise. I'll still be independently detectiving things and I will only be away for a little while." Skulduggery spoke importantly, looking to each person who looked back boredly.

"Hey, is detectiving actually a word?" Valkyrie piped up

"Valkyrie, you've known me for a while now. I tend to be great enough to make up my own words." He replied smoothly, a little miffed to be interrupted mid-speech.

"Okay, okay whatever you say."

"Anyway, I'll be back in time for your birthday and by that time….I hope that stupid little beard you have, Fletcher, will be long gone. You look like Remus Crux and it's fairly unsettling." Everyone turned to stare at Fletcher, quickly noting the group of light hairs on his chin to which they had previously missed.

Promptly, Valkyrie burst into crazy peals of laughter.

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Valkyrie stared silently at the blank television screen, wondering what she had done to deserve this. So far, 'Fletcher sitting' was not the best pastime in the world and she missed Skulduggery, despite him having been only gone for a couple of hours to an unknown location. She wasn't used to being away from him for long by choice and it made her feel sick. She really loved the damn skeleton.

She quickly shook away the daunting thoughts and concentrated on her current situation. Could someone die from hair related babbling?

"….And you see, you just can't put clumps of gel in and hope for the best. You have to put the appropriate amount and mould it in to get the best effect-"

"Hey remember that time when Paul the Drunk guy kissed you?" Valkyrie asked randomly, turning to the handsome boy beside her. He stopped talking and his eyes narrowed furiously when she brought up that certain subject.

"We promised never to speak of that, woman! He didn't kiss me! He tried to. It was a scary time for us all." He spoke so solemnly it made Valkyrie laugh again.

All previous anger that Fletcher had melted away quickly and he grinned at her, leaning a little forward towards her laughing form. "You were so jealous that day, weren't you?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

She sobered up immediately and stared at him as if he was an alien from Lidl or a talking pig juggling ten lemons with a cow head.

"Oh yes. Insanely jealous." Valkyrie replied, her voice laden with sarcasm. "I definitely wanted some crazy drunk guy who looks like William Beckett trying to rape me on a bench. Just what I always dreamed off." She rolled her eyes and leant away from him.

"Oh come on! I didn't mean jealous of the Fletch-Man and you know it."

"Fletch-Man…Really?"

"Every girl wants me. It's simple logic."

"Oh yeah, what about all those shoot downs from Tanith?"

"She's infatuated with Ghastly, so I let her off."

"True that. But seriously, you're hitting on me? How do you know I'm not infatuated with someone?"

"Pffft, your only 15 years old. You can hardly be in love with Skulduggery or Ghastly." Fletcher rolled his eyes, leaning back into his previous, egotistical pose.

Valkyrie let out a deep breath and crossed her arms over her chest. "Of course I'm not in love with Skulduggery or Ghastly. Their ancient." she spoke sulkily, ignoring the persistent thought that pulsed in a corner of her mind. "But I'm certainly not at all attracted to you. Especially not with that hair."

Ignoring the hair jibe, Fletcher leant forward again, so close that their noses were nearly touching. "So you won't feel anything if I kiss you? You won't mind at all?" he whispered, trying his best to be seductive but failing epically. Valkyrie held back a burst of giggles, which was very unlike her.

"Hmm…I do feel something…," she whispered back, staring him straight in the eye. She could almost feel his cocky grin. "…Your stupid beard tickling my chin." She smirked and went to slide away, pleased with her teasing as his grin fell.

But Fletcher had other ideas and grabbed the top of Valkyrie's arm, spinning her so he could press his lips furiously to hers.

She tried to protest and stiffened in his arms until he slid his thumb across her jawbone. Then, she relaxed into him and kissed him back, unaware of what she was supposed to do. Her first kiss.

"Valkyrie! I got the pizza. Fletcher killed you with boredom yet?" They quickly disentangled from each other at the sound of the door opening and Tanith's voice. The teenage girl quickly stood and hurried over to where her older friend was waiting, in the doorway, persistently wiping her mouth and brain of any touch of Fletcher.

Yuck.

"Not quite yet, but he was getting there." Valkyrie croaked, grabbing the two boxes of pizza off her and hurrying back to where Fletcher still sat, looking dishevelled. "I'm suing you for rape." she hissed at him but he only glared at her.

"What are you two whispering about?" Tanith asked, with narrowed eyes as she came and sat in between them. They both instantly feigned innocence and gave their half-hearted excuses to do with 'Crazy fan fiction fan base's planning their humiliations' and 'Dancing Crabs in Tupperware'.

Right.

A little while later though, "I'm going to bed." Fletcher announced grandly after they began to tuck into the food and watch a random Rom-Com Gordon has secretly stashed somewhere.

"It's only half 7." Tanith mumbled in disbelief, her mouth pull of tomato and cheese pizza. After wiping the red spit off his much-loved leather army jacket, Fletcher shrugged and hurried up the stairs to where he had claimed his bedroom.

"God, that kid gets weirder every time I see him." Tanith grumbled and pressed pause on the ancient DVD player so could turn to Valkyrie and have a talk. Which was weird to say the least? "Missing Skulduggery?"

Valkyrie shrugged and pondered over the innocent little question. "I guess so. I mean, he's away on Sanctuary business, which is of course to do with stupid old Fletcher and his mum, and I'm not there to help him! I'm here looking after stupid old Fletcher because people are trying to kidnap or kill him or whatever." She took a breath and slumped grumpily in her seat.

"Well, on the Brightside I'm sure you're going to be the one killing Fletcher first." Tanith replied and turned back to the television to play the Rom-Com again.

"Yeah thanks Tanith."

"No problem."

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A couple of hours later, around Midnight, a loud noise was issued from upstairs and was followed by a couple of other frightening sounds. Valkyrie jumped and hit Tanith on the upper arm so that she would look away from the television screen.

"What was that?"

"Probably Fletcher tripping over his own ego or something."

"Tanith!"

"What?!"

"This could be serious. I'm going to go and look."

"Yeah you do that."

Valkyrie stood and hurried over to the staircase, turning on the light switch as she went. Just as she was about to embark on the first stair, Fletcher came running down the stairs, screaming like a little girl. The sight of him nearly made Valkyrie die of laughing.

He was wearing a blue onesie and had a small, single curler in his 'beard', with a hairnet covering his hair and a toe-separator in his foot, doing just that. "Someone's trying to kill me! Someone's trying to kill me!" he squawked, speeding over to a desk in the middle of the living room. He crouched and hid beneath it.

"Fletcher? What on earth are you talking about?" Tanith asked, striding over to where he was hiding.

"That Texan guy with the razor and no eyes. He tried to stab me and was asking all these weird questions. He's gone now though." Fletcher whispered, peering at her.

A silence settled between them all as they processed this piece of information. Valkyrie was the first one to speak.

"Fletcher, there's something we need to tell you."

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So here is chapter one! Ah, good times… Sanguine pwns everyone and I have revealed Fletcher's beddy time routine. FLETCHERYRIE KISS! WOO! And there shall be some Valduggery soon….Gak…

DARK DAYS! WOOO! This story is not a follow up and Dark Days has not occurred (NOOOOOO! :O), Skulduggery did not decompose and there's no Darquesse. Caelan might pop in for a visit though…

Anyway, Happy Easter and I'm off to drug Flaring and Shakra's eggs.

Signed Faithfully

Druna Malgood.

(The least loved member of DFS ): )