By Swing-21
Summary: The natural evolution of an author is to let go of their shallow characters once they mature. But what happens to these Mary-Sues afterwards? Leo doesn't like the answer.
Warnings: Self-insertions and OCs.
Disclaimer: All Canon Universes mentioned here belong to their respective authors/companies. All Original Characters belong to me.
Leo looked at the imposing building and frowned. The center for Fan Invented Characters was huge. It covered kilometers with all its facilities. It was all in the brochure. They had the dorms, the gardens, the pools, the libraries and even small shops and cafés all over the place. It looked lovely, in fact. Anyone would be tempted to retire there, being taken care of and all that jazz.
The only thing was that, at fifteen, she felt way too young to retire from anything.
She grunted and readjusted her backpack, shouldered her broom and gripped her wand. Not that any of these items had any kind of magic left in them, but it felt secure. Like the Hogwarts uniform she was still wearing, or her beloved Gryffindor scarf. Those things meant nothing here, but somehow, it defined a great part of her. She felt the need to grab her beater bat instead of her broom, but the latter didn't fit in her pack.
She grunted and made her mind. It wouldn't help to stand before the immense entrance, rooted to the ground with nervousness. She wasn't some stupid Hufflepuff. The heart of a lion roared in her chest, she was of the house of Godric, after…
'Who am I kidding?' she grumbled to herself. 'There's no Gryffindor, there are no houses, there's no Hogwarts, there's no magic… There was no truth in all that I've ever known. Merlin, I sound like Potter with all the whining going on.'
She entered the glass doors and penetrated an impressive lobby. The ceiling was very far up, and a warm red carpet was leading straight to the information desk. She walked up to it, shooting mistrusting glances left and right to the people walking around. There were mostly women, in all different sizes, attires, colors and species. She could have sworn she saw a blue centaur over there, something that looked alarmingly like a troll, winged girls everywhere, a unicorn heading for the elevators… She blinked and realized she was at the desk already. A young woman was looking at her with a friendly face.
'Yes, can I help you?' she asked.
'Hmpf, I just got here…' answered Leo evasively.
'Oh, a newcomer!' she chirped. 'Welcome to the center for Fan Invented Characters, young lady! Or young witch, if I'm correct. You come from the Potterverse, don't you?'
Leo was divided between answering a powerful "no dhu" and cringing at the word Potterverse. It's not as if everything turned around the scarface kid, didn't it?
'Yeah, I'm from Hogwarts,' she answered with a strained smile, pointing to the crest that adorned her robe.
'We've got lots of young people from your school,' said the secretary. 'You'll see, you'll fit perfectly with the rest of them.'
Leo forced the smile on her face some more. She didn't want to meet all those other witches and wizards, those rejects that had gotten kicked out of their universe because it wasn't even theirs to begin with.
'Before we assign you to a dorm, you need to fill these forms, please,' said the secretary, handing her a couple of white sheets stapled together. 'It's the basic formality.'
'Yeah, alright,' she mumbled, letting her bag and broom fall to the floor next to her. She frowned upon seeing the weird writing contraption the secretary handed her, some plastic cheap thing she'd seen the muggleborns use. She got out her own quill and inkwell and started reading.
There was a full section for the center to fill, so she skipped that part. The first questions were rather easy. Full name: Eleonor Jamieson. Nickname: Leo. Age: 15 years old. Gender, Nationality, Species… species? What did they think she was, a house-elf or something?
'What do they mean by species?' she wondered out loud.
'Oh, just write human,' said the secretary. 'Unless you have some Veela, Vampire, Siren, Centaur, or anything that is not human in your blood or family tree.'
'How can you have Centaur blood?' she asked with a grimace. 'This is disturbing, wrong and just doesn't work biologically!'
'You would be surprised at what we get here,' said the secretary with a shrug.
Leo went back to her forms, and frowned seeing the next questions. They were asking about her hair color, her accent, her magical powers, her ancestors, her Quidditch position… Question 22 caught her eye: Are you related in any way to these characters: Harry Potter; Hermione Granger; Ron Weasley; Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore; Salazar Slytherin; Tom Riddle/Voldemort, and the list went on for an entire page. She frowned. She knew they had some Longbottom relatives, thanks to her mum's cousin that married one, but all pureblood families were interrelated anyway. She checked the little box next to Neville's name and went on.
On the next page, there was exactly the same list, but the question was changed: "Are you interested, in a relationship, or do you have any kind of romantic connection with these characters?" Some names made her want to throw up. Come on, Snape? The bastard was disgusting. She made a little X next to Nymphadora Tonks' name, she'd had a huge crush on her DADA teacher, but it's not as if anything could come out of it.
After fifteen minutes, she was done, and gave back the forms with a grimace. She hated filing tests.
'Thank you very much,' said the secretary. 'Now, I'm going to find your Mother's name in our database…'
'My mum's name is Josie,' answered Leo.
'Oh, not your biological mother, your author one,' corrected the lady. 'We call Mother the author that created you and inserted you in your borrowed universe.'
Leo frowned. She wasn't sure she wanted to hear about this "Mother", this fraud that wrote her in a universe that didn't belong to her in the first place. But she said nothing, and let the secretary look in her computer.
'Mmh… I think I got your name registered… Yes, Leo Jamieson, we knew you would come eventually. You are registered under the Mother Swing-21, but she had other aliases before…'
She went on, naming a handful of names more cheesy and dorky as the list went back in time. Leo felt sick. Was she really created by someone who used such stupid avatars?
'Your Mother already has a file to her name, so entering you won't be too long. Let me just compare your info to hers, it should take a couple of minutes or so,' she said, writing down the Mother's gender, age, hair and eye color and such irrelevant details.
'Why are you doing this?' asked Leo with annoyance. 'Is it really necessary?'
'Oh, it's primordial. To figure what level you are, we have to know how similar to herself she made you. It's the basis for all Mary-Sues.'
'…What? You totally lost me,' admitted Leo with a raised eyebrow.
'Oh, how silly of me,' said the secretary. 'Here I go on and on without even explaining it to you! It's rather easy, really. You do understand that the world you were raised in isn't exactly your own, isn't it?'
'I gathered that with the expulsion letter,' grumbled Leo.
'There is always a basic universe, or as we call it here, a Canon. Yours is nicknamed the Potterverse, and was created by a published author named J. K. Rowling. Some other authors used her universe to write unofficial stories and insert new characters in it, characters like you. Sadly, not everyone has the same talent and experience, and sometimes characters are rather two-dimensional and shallow. We call these Mary-Sues.'
Leo nodded and motioned her to go on.
'Here, we use five different levels to classify the characters. A level 1 will be a rich and interesting character, and a level 5 is a hopeless case that will only interest her own Mother.'
'And how do you calculate this?' asked Leo with worry.
'Simple things, really. These forms were actually a test, see? You get points if you have unusual hair and eye color, if you're an American exchange student, if your magical powers are unusual in your own universe, things like that. The more you score, the more chances you have to be a Mary-Sue.'
'And what do I get if I manage to be a level one or two?'
'Personal satisfaction and the right to snob the upper levels,' grinned the secretary.
'I can work with that,' smirked Leo. 'But seriously?'
'More freedom. The fours and fives cases are followed very closely by specialists because they tend to take very badly the rip from their universes. They need constant attention and persist with their delusions. Just with speaking to you, I can tell you're not higher than a level three.'
'The average,' shrugged the young witch. 'Not really better than my OWLs, then.'
'That's what we'll know in just a minute!' grinned the secretary.
She took a moment to calculate the answers, compare the physical appearance to the Mother's, look for the origin of Leo's name and came out with a number.
'Leo Jamieson, Gryffindor beater, average student, hater of all things Hufflepuff, renown for your bad temper and mean strike. You're not a self-insertion, which is good, but you do have some things in common with your Mother. Your good points are the fact that you're not a very likable person and you don't go out of your way to interfere with the original characters. Your bad points are that you have a boyish nickname, you are part of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, are a red-head and don't care at all about what the rest of the world thinks. You are a level 3, meaning that you are a Mary-Sue, but that you can evolve into a rich and interesting character with some work.'
The young witch twitched at hearing all her life displayed and criticized that clinically. She wasn't aware that being a red-head was such a bad thing. Curse the Weasleys, it was probably their fault.
'Is there any way to lower my level?' she wondered with a frown.
'Only if your Mother uses you in another story, or if she rewrites yours.'
'Oh, great.'
'Don't be sad, three is an excellent number! Most of our population here are bad cases of fours and fives. Really difficult people to hang with, I can assure you. Your Sisters are twos and threes, just like you.'
'…Sisters?'
'The other characters created by the same Mother,' she explained. 'I'll call one of them to show you around, alright?'
Leo shrugged, and waited while the secretary talked into a phone. She looked around with feigned boredom at the diversity of the people around. She could understand a little bit more of what happened, now. That girl with the silver hair, the wings and elfish ears had to be a level five. Leo shuddered with disgust just at the sight of her.
A weird creature approached them. It was humanoid, but had green skin, big red eyes, black antennas, and had no trace of a nose, ears or hair. It was wearing a red uniform, marked with a triangular logo, and a backpack of some sort. Leo noticed that it was wearing platform shoes, but even with that, it didn't reach to her chin.
'Leo, I'd like you to meet Taty,' said the secretary, designating the thing with her hand. 'She's one of your Sisters.'
'Pleased to meet you,' said the creature with a feminine voice.
'What the FUCK are you?!?' asked Leo with an incredulous face.
Taty seemed taken aback and narrowed her eyes.
'I am Captain Taty, leader of the explorer ship the Squeaky,' retorted back the creature. 'I am an Irken, or as your people call it, an alien. I am also your older Sister and a level 2 character, so I'd watch what comes out of your mouth, human,' she snapped.
'Sorry 'bout the swearing,' apologized Leo out of habit. She'd been caught by McGonagall before, after all. It hadn't been pretty.
'Make sure it doesn't happen again,' warned the alien. 'Your little magic stick may be ineffective here, but I still have deadly weapons stored with me at all times.'
'Now girls, play nice,' warned the secretary. 'Don't make me get security.'
'I beg your forgiveness,' said Taty with a lowering of her antennas. 'I won't let my temper get the best of me again.'
'That's a good Irken!' said the secretary. 'Now if you could show her around, please?'
'Alright. Come on, human witch, grab your things and follow me.'
Leo shouldered her bag and took a secure hold of her broom. Even if it didn't work here, it was still a friggin' Firebolt 9000, for Merlin's sake.
Taty walked at a fast stride ahead of her, but Leo's legs were longer so she had no trouble catching on.
'So… what is there to do in this place?' wondered Leo, trying to start a pleasant conversation.
'A lot of things,' said the alien. 'They have every accommodation for us, depending of our origins, interests and abilities. I often use the fighting simulator to keep in shape, but I think you would be more interested in the Arena. They have every kind of sports there, even your Quidditch one.'
'They have QUIDDITCH?!?' shouted Leo with glee.
'It's very popular with your people, although some others have taken a liking to it. Crystalia-84335109, one of Legolas' many younger sisters, is a hell of a Seeker.'
'But… how do they play it without any kind of magic?'
'Use of magical, paranormal, mutant and technological powers is restricted, but not totally prohibited. They just have to make sure that we don't wreak the place apart. If everything the Mothers decide is true, we'd have powers here equivalent to several omnipotent gods.'
Leo nodded distractedly, her mind busy with the repetitive chanting of "Quidditch-Quidditch-Quiddiiiiiiitch!" She held her broom closer, glad to have it with her now.
'The dorms are this way, but I think we can make a detour by the Reality Check corridor,' said Taty with a wry smile. 'I think it's best that you see this as soon as possible, it'll help you understand our… situation a bit better.'
Leo lifted a suspicious eyebrow, but followed her anyway in the many corridors of the facility. The young witch was surprised to see that there weren't only females in there. She saw boys from her own universe, good wizards and Death Eaters alike, but also men and male creatures that Taty identified as Gundam Pilots, Cybertronians, Pokemon Trainers, Ninjas, Air Benders and such names that Leo didn't catch.
A sudden thought crossed her mind and she turned back to the alien.
'There's so many people here… We know where they come from, but what happens to them afterwards? What will happen to ME?'
'For you, I don't know,' answered Taty with a shrug. 'But me, I'm getting promoted.'
'Explanation, please?' said Leo with her eyebrows raised expectantly.
'It doesn't happen often, but it's the only way of getting out of here. Our Mother has to write another story, a completely original one. Not taken from any kind of pre-made universe. And if you get lucky, she'll give you a role. That is the only way of getting out of the center and living in a real world, without the risk of being kicked out.'
'And what are the chances of that ever happening?'
'For us, rather good. I didn't even spend a year here before I received my promotion letter. She's using me as a character in a comic project, I have to be human and ugly as a Vortian's ass, but I don't care as long as I get out.'
'And the others? The secretary said we had more Sisters, didn't she?'
'Yes, Mother is a recidivist. We were quite a handful, but she started reusing most of us for stories and slowly, our number diminished. But there's still…'
She stopped and lowered her antennas. After shooting a quick glance to Leo, she quickened her pace.
'How about I show you? We're almost here anyways.'
They were in front of immense wooden doors, engraved with the inscription "Reality Check corridor". Taty pushed them open and motioned Leo inside.
It was a very large and lost corridor. The carpet was a warm beige, the walls were a soft wooden color, and numerous lights adorned the ceiling. What surprised Leo were the windows. They lined both walls for miles. Large, clear windows, each labeled with a different name. In front of each one was a small wooden bench.
'…Is it me or they don't show the same view at all?' wondered Leo, walking alongside Taty.
'They each show reality,' explained the smaller alien. 'Or Canon, if you want to be technical. The worlds as they exist without us.'
'…And what is the use of this?' she asked, getting more and more disgusted with the idea.
'It's therapeutic. Some of the worst cases of denial have to sit and watch for hours each day so it gets through their heads.'
Leo noticed that some of the benches were occupied. She lifted an eyebrow walking past a blue haired girl wearing a metallic headband and sobbing loudly something that sounded like "Sasuuuuuukeeeeee" or some other Japanese word.
'Your universe is over there, if you'd like to-' started Taty.
'No thanks,' cut Leo with a sickened feeling. 'Not now.'
At first she thought that she could do better than the sobbing princess over there, but a violent nausea hit her upon seeing the window the alien was pointing. The sign indicated "Harry Potter" in golden letters, the P shaped like a lighting bolt.
'Hmpf, as if the whole world revolved around that guy,' grumbled Leo.
'I can relate,' sighed Taty. 'I come from a universe named after an egomaniacal incompetent fool.'
She stopped suddenly and frowned. Leo followed her gaze and saw that she was looking at a black-haired girl, sitting silently in front of a window. The plaque read "Animorphs".
'Who's that?' whispered Leo.
'…Ana,' muttered Taty, a sadness taking hold of her alien features. 'She's our oldest sister… The first one to get here. I think she's been here for…'
'Ten years,' said an empty voice.
The girl –Ana- turned slowly around and nodded slightly in our direction.
'Taty,' she greeted.
'Ana,' sighed the alien, 'did you even go to sleep yesterday?'
'Wasn't tired,' muttered the girl.
'You should take better care of yourself, at least eat something-'
'I'll go get breakfast in a minute.'
'It's almost lunchtime.'
'Then I'll eat lunch,' she answered in a monotone.
I frowned, unsure of this whole situation. That girl got on my nerves, with her general moodiness, but then a lot of people got on my nerves. I figured that the alien wanted me to meet that wreck of a human being for a reason.
'Hey,' I said with a little wave of my wand. 'I'm Leo, new girl here. Nice to meet you and all.'
She finally turned and took a look at me.
'Oh, hi,' she mumbled. 'Pleased to meet you too.'
'So… Err… She says you're like our older sister, right? You're like a veteran of this place, that's impressive.'
'If you want to think so.'
There goes the last of my patience.
'Listen, I'm trying real hard to be nice and polite, here,' I snapped. 'Sorry for trying to make actual conversation instead of being sucked into your wormhole of self-pity.'
'Leo!' snapped the alien besides me.
'What?' I snapped back. 'I don't get why you brought me here. I just got kicked out of my own home and discovered this morning that everything I ever knew was a lie and that I wasn't worthy enough to live my own life! So forgive me for not being totally appreciative of this girl's pity party, whoever she may be!'
'Human-witch, you have no understanding-' started the alien.
'Captain Taty,' cut the other girl. 'Please… She's right.'
She got to her feet and busied herself by tying back her black hair. I was surprised to see that she was smaller than me, and looked practically underfed. I think I could break her with a single hand or a single word.
'You're right,' she started again. 'I've been wallowing in my misery for too long… I… I've been here too long. This place gets to you after a decade.'
'What's there not to like?' I shrugged. 'There's Quidditch, no?'
'Yes, Quidditch,' she laughed self-depreciatively. 'And so much more to do… It's like being on vacation. Forever.'
She walked past us and turned her head around.
'Let's go to your room to drop all this,' she proposed. 'You can ask me anything you want.'
'Anything?' I repeat.
'Do not abuse,' warned the alien. 'There are certain topics-'
'That haven't been discussed in too long,' continued Ana. 'Yes, anything.'
'Huh…' I think, shouldering my broom. 'Well, what level are you?'
I saw the alien open her mouth and stop herself from saying anything. Her displeased face told me that it was one of the taboo topics.
'Four,' shrugged Ana.
'Four?!?' I exclaimed. 'How can you be a four? You- you don't have wings or pointy ears or silver hair… You're not a vampire, right?'
That actually made her laugh. Taty opened the door and let us out of the Reality Check corridor, to my great relief.
'None of us are vampires, thank the Tallest,' grumbled the alien. 'It has become a overused term in the last couple of months.'
'Huh?'
'Things like that happen often,' shrugged Ana. 'A new Canon is created, people go crazy over it and soon leave it for another one, filling the center with forgotten characters. Right now, it's the vampires, before that, the ninjas, or the wizards like yourself.'
'Great to know I'm part of a trend,' I grumble. 'So, what makes you a four?'
'I look a lot like our Mother. Same age when she created me, same nationality, same interests. I'm also related to one of the Canon characters… I miss my cousin Marco, even though he never knew me in the first place,' she said, trying to shrug it off.
'That must be hard, loosing people you care about…'
'Yeah,' she whispered.
I frowned again, the longing in her voice not sounding like one would sound for a cousin.
'There's someone else you lost, right?' I blurted out before thinking about it. On the other side of Ana, I saw the alien narrow her blood red eyes.
'Err, maybe I shouldn't have asked that…' I try again.
'…It's alright,' she said in a soft tone. 'I'm not the only one here…'
'You don't need to explain anything, really-'
'I don't mind. I haven't talked about him in a while.'
She stopped in front of a window and I stood next to her. I could see a huge pool from here, hundreds of humans and creatures having fun and lounging around. Some people flying in the blue sky, I think I could spot a game of Catch-the-Snitch.
'A lot of the girls here are in love with a Canon character,' started Ana. 'They may understand that they don't belong to their world and every single hard truth that we have to accept when we lose our homes. But the heart doesn't forget. If you loved someone, loved them with all you had, who can come and tell you that it's not true? That you have to stop and move on?'
'So… you loved a Canon guy?' I tried. 'Or girl? Or whatever creature exists where you come from?'
'Do I look like the kind of girl who'd date an Andalite?' she snorted. 'I know there are, but blue fur and hooves aren't my thing.'
Okay, maybe her universe wasn't that normal after all. Hooves? Blue fur?
'I didn't even do the simple trick and fall in love with a Canon guy, like you say. Those, you eventually get over. It takes time and courage, and a lot of tears… but you move on. But for Chris…'
Her voice stops and her eyes loose themselves in the pool below.
'I just realized I haven't said his name in years,' she whispered. 'I've been trying so hard to forget…'
She lifts her head and looks at me with a sadness that almost make me want to hug her. I'm not a hugging person, but right now I felt as if Voldemort had killed her puppy or something.
'Christophe's mother and mine, I mean, ours, used to write together. They… created us, both of us, to be a part of- never mind, I won't go into my world's story. We were created to help save the world. But we were also created to belong together. I was his and he was mine from the start, and we loved each other so much-'
Her voice broke and a tear rolled down her cheek.
'There are people and things that should not be separated,' explained Taty. 'Canon characters belong together, we belong with the ones we were created with. I couldn't bear to be separated from my crew, no more than you could bear being separated from your broom.'
I hugged my Firebolt 9000 protectively.
'Imagine how it must be to lose the one being you were created to be with,' said the alien.
'But… what happened to him? Shouldn't he be here?' I asked, stupidly looking around as if he would suddenly jump from behind a column and yell "surprise!".
'He got promoted the first month,' continued Ana without looking at us. 'His mother invited him to participate in a story of her invention, but… She dropped it. And since it never got published, there isn't a window of it in the Reality Check Corridor. I wish I could see him…'
'But if she dropped the story, why doesn't he come back here?'
'He's a Canon character now, not one of us anymore. He has his own universe and can't ever get out.'
There's this empty feeling in my stomach, something I don't like at all.
'And… you've been here for the last ten years,' I completed.
'Waiting. For Mother to start writing again. In case she needs me. But… others got promoted. I never did. I'm not interesting enough, not developed enough, I know. I'm just a four, just her first Mary-Sue. No self-respecting author would want to work with a character like me.'
She sighed and pushed herself away from the window.
'Let's go to your room. We can drop your things and go get something to eat, whatever meal they serve right now.'
She walked slowly away without sparing us a glance. I stay there, rooted to the spot, completely frightened. Will I become like that? Will I be another depressive Ana, pining for a long-lost life, staring at the Potterverse window for days at a time, never aging but slowly dying away? Am I doomed to spend the next ten years in an aimless never-ending vacation resort, surrounded by orphans and rejects and whatever those insane Mothers have thought of creating?
'Human-witch?' asked the alien, waiting for me. 'Are you coming?'
I feel the need to drop everything and to run back to the Reality Check corridor. Maybe I can peer out of the window and see Hogwarts in Spring again, and Diagon Alley, and Hogsmeade, and London's foggy weather… And the other students, and the teachers, and my pet owl, and Zonko's, and the sugar quills, and-
'Human? Leo?'
And then I look outside.
Maybe I can just go and play some Quidditch. Yeah, Quidditch sounds nice.
The End
Author's Note: I know this isn't much of an ending, but I mostly wanted to give a feel of the place and the general idea. I think much more can be done with that plot bunny, so don't be afraid to use it with your own characters. Just send me a link to your story, I'm really curious about what can be done with it.
If you're wondering, Ana finally got her invitation. And yes, she'll meet Chris again.
As for Leo… who knows? This is the only thing I ever used her for and she was fun to write, so there's hope for her :)
The test was of course, a Mary-Sue Litmus test. And the levels are those:
1: Rich and interesting character
2: Self-Insertion but interesting anyway
3: Mary-Sue that can be worked into a full character
4: Pathetic Mary-Sue, will only interest a handful of readers (mostly the creator's friends)
5: Hopeless Mary-Sue, won't interest anyone but her own creator
Take care of your Mary-Sues, they're a huge part of you. And think about it, you're probably the only one that loves them.
--Swing