Dependence

SSJP Fan Fiction

Harry Potter

ObsessiveDevil23

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, I am not making any money from this.

Chapter 33 - Dependence

There was less than 48 hours between Sirius leaving the train station aboard the Hogwarts Express bound for London, at eleven am on Thursday morning, and eight o clock on Friday evening, when James would find out whether Severus was going to undo their deal in the wake of almost being murdered by a marauder. The time was made impossibly longer by the sullen stares and furtive glances he was receiving from Remus – who had apparently made it his mission not to leave James' side in the run up to his immanent ultimatum. Lily was, of course, inseparable from him in the wake of Sirius' leaving, and James pondered on how at one time he would have been ecstatic at her company, and now he was only wishing she was Severus. The irony of her being willing to spend time with him only when he had finally moved on from his crush on her was not lost to him.

On Thursday evening he was summoned to Dumbledore's office. Sitting on his side of the headmaster's desk, he was able to truly looked at the man in front of him for what felt like the first time; grey hair which had almost turned completely white; deep laughter lines, and even deeper frown lines; and worst of all - blue eyes with a noticeable lack of twinkle. When did Dumbledore get so… old?

The man placed his elbows on the table, entwined all ten of his fingers together and rested his chin on the bridge they made. James noticed the brown patches of aging freckles around the professor's knuckles. Dumbledore surveyed James over the top of his half-moon glasses, and while James was used to this action, he wasn't used to the uncustomary stab of guilt that attacked him when he looked at the old man's tired eyes.

"James." The man said, his voice so low and breathless it struck a chord of sympathy within James the way only old people's exhausted voices often do. James looked up at him, trying his hardest to plaster on a brave face – sure this meeting was the confirmation of Severus' wishes for James to die by Cinis. He could only hope Sirius would be able to flu to his parents upon arrival at London, and allow them to be with him when he was consumed by the flames.

"Yes sir." He asked, ignoring how his own voice shook dangerously.

"Peter is gone." The old man said, James went to open his mouth, to ask what Dumbledore meant by that, but the headmaster held up a hand for silence, and James immediately obeyed. "He left this morning – and it is my belief that his parting was in order to join forces with the blood purist calling himself Voldemort."

James shivered - he knew it was stupid, but that name was cursed. He was eerily calm about the news he had just been given. He thought later he might scream and rage about it, if he had more time to think it through, but for now it was enough he registered that Peter was no longer with them – that he had betrayed their trust and was playing at being a Death Eater.

"Do you know where is he?" He asked.

Dumbledore crossed his desk and sat on the other side of it, so he was closer to James, and could survey the boy more closely. James held eye contact. Dumbledore sighed.

"I have reason to believe that he is under the care of two well-known supporters of Voldemort's cause – Rudolphus and Bellatrix Lestrange."

James shrugged his shoulders.

"If you know they're Death Eaters, why can't someone just go arrest them?"

Dumbledore placed an aged hand on James' shoulder, and gave a little half smile.

"I wish it were that simple my boy, but you will come to learn that a war is not won on the battlefield – and we must be patient if we wish to see victory in the future."

James felt suddenly as if crying was the best course of action to take. Hot, fat tears welled up in his eyes, and his brought his hands up to cover them. There was a lump in his throat that felt like a bludger, and he had to seriously fight the urge to sob.

"Great," He mumbled. "I want my mum."

- X -

The next day, James found himself in a position he knew all too well. The heat was creeping in. Before he had been sluggish in his thoughts that Friday would see his end, yet as morning came without the relief of a painkiller from Severus, he could barely move for the heat and the blatant fear. He tried to be brave, he was a Gryffindor after all, but the lack of a painkiller was enough proof he needed that he wouldn't see much past eight o clock that evening.

His parents had arrived by half past five in the evening, having received word by Sirius. Euphemia cradled her son in his dorm, and Fleamont went to speak to the headmaster about what could be done. He arrived back in the dorm later, a stormy look on his face, having evidently had not much luck with Dumbledore.

James felt a hand on his forehead.

"You're burning up mate." Said Sirius' voice. "Too bad Snape doesn't think you're this hot."

He chuckled despite himself and the pain in caused him, then frowned.

"What are you doing here?"

Sirius grinned.

"I arrived with your parents, but this is the first time Euphemia's let you go enough for me to be able to see you. Not sure Dumbledore's too happy with me being back so soon, but I'm not going to leave you."

Fleamont was pacing in one corner, a book in his hand.

"What's he doing?" James asked his mother, gingerly pointing to his dad. Euphemia thinned her lips, tears in her eyes.

"He's researching how to make the Glacier Elixir – but I'm afraid he won't be successful – the original maker never made his work public."

"We depended on Severus too much." James replied, coughing slightly.

"People are always saying 'only ever depend on yourself, and that way you won't be disappointed.' - Yet, I feel if everyone lived by that philosophy, we'd be a very solitary race."

Everyone in the room looked towards the doorway, where Severus was stood, leaning against the frame. His hair was damp, and shoved back using the hairband James had bought him for Christmas, and he was clad in dark jeans and light grey turtle-neck. It was unusual to see Severus in anything other than robes, but it seemed he'd dressed up for the occasion.

"What are you doing here, if you're not going to save him?" Spat Fleamont, rushing towards the boy. Severus held up his hands in defence.

"Why does everyone assume I'm going to let him die?" He asked, pushing himself from the doorway. "I admit I didn't give him the painkiller this morning but to be honest anyone could have whipped up a batch of that, so I didn't think it would be such a big deal. Guess you really do depend on me." He said this last statement directly to James, having crossed the room to sit at the edge of his bed.

"So you're going to give him the potion?" Euphemia asked, rising from her position in hope. Severus shrugged.

"Of course. I just have to wait until eight." He said, as if this had been perfectly obvious all along. Sirius sat down heavily on the floor, puffing out a deep breath and looking up at Severus where he was perched on the end of James' bed.

"I am so sorry I tried to kill you." He mumbled. Snape rolled his eyes, then looked down at James.

"Dependence forms the very essence of our relationships with other people." He said. "Would you see someone hanging off the edge of a cliff, screaming for help, and simply leave them because they should have only depended on themselves in the first place? Of course you wouldn't. Whether you are running on adrenaline, or paralyzed with fear, we always find a way to help out our peers. Even if they were a total stranger. Even if they were an enemy… Our human hearts sympathise too easily. We question ourselves, asking; what would happen if I was in that situation? Would people leave me? Perhaps it's curiosity, perhaps it's an idle daydream, perhaps it's a sympathetic gesture. Or perhaps, it's that deep down we realise that the human race depends on each other.

"It could be argued that somewhere, hidden, there are entities - immortals or Gods, that are beyond the cycle of dependence. Maybe they laugh at us pitiful mortals, because they have the pleasure of being able to depend solely on themselves. It's an enviable image. However, the fact of the matter is - we are mere humans, and we do have to depend on others. Even if we were able to skim it down to the basics, we'd still depend on other animals for food, and those animals would have to depend on plants for nourishment. Those plants depend on the sun for photosynthesis, and that sun depends on the gravitational pull and the orbit of the universe to keep doing what it does best - being a giant ball of gas that radiates heat energy.

"Perhaps the universe is the route of this 'evil' called dependence, but no, even that universe might depend on the other universes around it. Maybe there is no source. There may be no starting point, telling us when dependence began. We could keep tracing it back to the very beginnings of time, when the future ends, and still we might never know. It's inevitable that we just accept that dependence if a part of us. No… is us. We're defined by our relationships with others, how we act with the people around us. Those actions are based off how much we depend on that person – subconsciously. So, I feel justified to say that the immortal dependence is one and the same as us mortal humans."

He paused, sighed, and checked his watch.

"Just something to mull over." He said, bringing a small vile out his pocket. He pointed his wand at it and everyone watched as it grew into a sealed container of potion. He uncapped it, and checked his watch again. "Two minutes James." He said to the boy, who was finding it hard to keep his eyes open.

"Why?" The Chaser rasped out, whining pitifully at the intense heat.

"Because." Severus replied. "We're bound together. I depend on you as much as you depend on me. I don't know if this is love or not, but… If I let you die, who would I have to torture?"

James let out a pained laugh, and Severus checked his watch one more time before tipping the potion into the boy's open mouth.

- X -

Fleamont and Euphemia returned home early the next morning, have resigned themselves that having a chronically ill son would inevitably mean bouts of drama over whether he would survive. They bid him farewell, having had reassurances from Severus that he would not, any time soon, forget or forgo making James his weekly Elixir, and flued back to London with Sirius. James spent a day in bed recovering from the drama, catching up Remus, and their new-found friend Lily, on what had happened with Peter.

The next day, Sunday, found James wondering the halls of Hogwarts, a new found relish for life filling his heart. He smiled up at the gargoyles, grotesques and other statues that filled the ancient halls of the castle, and despite worrying he still had a whole year to go with two marauders down, he was feeling relatively optimistic.

"James."

He gulped, as Severus stalked towards him, dressed once more in muggle clothing that suited him much better than ill-fitting cloaks. This time he'd opted for a black shirt and charcoal slacks.

"I want you to know that as long as you keep to our arrangement – keep doing your orders, I will always make the Elixir for you."

James felt a peculiar swell in his chest upon hearing the words. He recalled the Slytherin's statement yesterday, that he didn't know if what he was feeling was love or not. Which meant there was a possibility that it might be. He felt giddy at the thought and couldn't stop himself from grinning.

"Okay." He replied.

Severus smirked, that same devilishly evil and sexy smirk that James had first noticed in Dumbledore's office the day he had found out he was ill. It made the boy feel weak at the knees.

"Then I have an order for you." Stated the Slytherin. James held his breath in anticipation.

"Yes?" He asked, trying to make it sound like he didn't care.

Severus leant forward, holding the Gryffindor by the shoulders so he couldn't escape. He did a quick check of the hall to make sure no other students were around, and when his checks came back that they were well and truly alone he leant forward even more so that their noses were almost touching, and whispered:

"Kiss me."

A sequel is in the works for Dependence, hence it getting a massive overhaul. I plan on two more stories for it (at the moment) - one being a shorter story set in sixth year mainly focusing on Remus and Regulus (as they somewhat ran away with me), and then a longer one set in seventh year which will bring us back to Severus and James. Who knows what I'll do after that. In any case, I hope you've enjoyed the ride, and if you've come this far feed my soul with reviews?