Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill.

Pairing: Nathan and Peyton.

Rating: Strong T

Warnings: A little love scene, that barely touches on T, I promise.

A/N: This came to me while writing my other story.

I'm Not Falling Apart

Smiling at her own reflection, Peyton couldn't believe it was finally here. Her wedding day. Unlike most girls she hadn't dreamed of the day since she was in diapers, in fact it hadn't been in her books, but two men had shown her with love it was possible to dream. And she was finally here, her wedding day to be married in a couple of hours and she was giddy.

It was ironic wearing for her to wear white, but it was tradition and Brooke had worked sweat and tears on her dress, that was hanging by the door waiting to be worn.

Her smile widened at the memory of telling her best friend she was engaged. At first Peyton had dreaded telling Brooke, because let's face it, Lucas had been a sore spot for a long time. But the exact opposite happened, Brooke could barely contain her excitement and had the wedding planned within the first 3 minutes of telling her.

"You look beautiful," a familiar voice brought her out of her musings. Dread immediately filled her every pore. What was he doing here? She couldn't dare turn around, but feigned nonchalance she didn't quite have. "What you're not going to even look at me, Sawyer?"

Closing her eyes, she reprimanded herself, at the delicious chill that run down her spine at the way he said her name. They weren't anything, so she wouldn't even indulge him. Ignore him and maybe he could go away.

He knew Brooke and Haley weren't going to be back for a while, Peyton always needed time to herself to feel sane, especially with such a high pressure day. But to prevent any interruptions, he turned the lock, shutting them away from the world one more time. "You could at least acknowledge your future relative, Peyt." A taunt would always get her to respond, no matter how much she tried to hold her tongue.

"Nathan what do you want?" it was obvious he was baiting her, and that was one trap she was going to avoid like the plague. It would be letting him know he could still get to her, and Peyton just wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

He smirked. Though he didn't get at biting response like he expected, he saw something else in her eyes. Peyton was nervous, and he liked it. "To offer my congratulations to you of course," moving closer, impressed that she didn't step back. Sure she was nervous, but was still stubborn as hell. His Peyton was still there.

"Much appreciated, now you can leave," she deadpanned turning her back on him. God, he wasn't suppose to be here. She had counted on him not being here. Why couldn't he just leave her alone, to the little happiness she'd found, Why couldn't he -

Olive met Sapphire in the mirror, her heart raced. He was closer that he should have been. Her caustic response was meant to make him leave but, this was Nathan. He was stubborn, never gave up until he got what he wanted, and seemingly he was yet to get it. "Nathan just leave."

"No," he stated moving closer, eyes still locked with hers through the mirror. "Not until you tell me why you're doing this. You've made you're point , Peyt, I get it. You don't need to do this."

Was he serious? A cynical laugh escaped her. "It's just like you and you're massive ego to make this about you. It isn't about you, Nathan. I don't have to do this, sure. But I'm doing it because I want to. I'm happy finally after all the crap, and I'm marrying Lucas," happy she was finally getting to him, as his blue eyes turned stormy. "I'm marrying your brother. You can either accept it and be happy for me, or you could leave because honestly, I don't need you here." Now she was just trying to hurt him she knew, but damn it, he brought out the worst in her when he really wanted to. "I. don't. need. You."

The words pouring out of her mouth hurt. Yes, he knew she was marrying someone. And yes, that person was his brother. But her not needing him, was what broke his heart. He screwed up, and lost her again. And worst still he hadn't even fought for her, letting his pride get in the way. He should be happy that she was happy, however, he just wasn't ready to let anyone but him make her smile. Marriage scared him, and that's why he run. Cowardly, but who could blame him when the first one had nearly broken him. Peyton deserved that and he hadn't been able to offer her that, or a solid and stable relationship.

Something struck him though, through his musings. She hadn't once said in her little tirade, that she was in love with Lucas. Not a single time and, he held on to that hope. He was going to turn this around. "What about love?"

"What about it?" confused at what he was trying to say, and the confidence in his voice growing stronger.

"You haven't said you love him," he pointed out, stepping closer eyes locked on hers, until there was barely any space between them.

She couldn't handle close proximity with him, it always ensured that he could convince her of anything. And right now she was in danger. All she had to do was put a little space between them, so she could think straight again and maybe kick his ass out like she was suppose to 5 minutes ago. But, Nathan anticipated the move and quickly trapped her, by placing hand on either side of her on the dresser, moving even closer. Of course, he'd know her next move. "Nathan stop."

"You can't say it, can you?" he said, not to taunt her, rather just to state what was obviously in her heart. "Peyton…you don't love him."

Closing her eyes, she broke contact from those piercing deep blues. His stare and his proximity was just too much for her. "You don't know that," her voice shaky, as she tried to get a bit of resolve back.

"Your eyes can't lie to me, Peyton," he whispered gently against her skin, unable to resist her sweet vanilla scent and warm skin. He didn't kiss her soft skin, even though he wanted to so badly, he ached. Truth was, he was scared she would reject him. And rejection from her… it would tear him apart.

"Nate…"

She was going to say something, and he could feel her slip away. No, he just couldn't let that happen. Resting his chin on her shoulder, he wrapped her arms around her waist. "Babe, you don't love him. How can you want to live a lie with him?"

"It better than having my heart torn apart," she confessed in a weak whisper, appalled at the fact that she was fighting back tears. 3 months she'd waited for something - Anything from him - but not a word. Why the hell was she letting him affect her so?

Her, close tears, was killing him, but in a twisted way it assured him that she still cared for him, no matter what extremes she was willing to go through to get over him. "Then let me sow it back together Peyt. Baby don't do this."

"I'm not risking my heart again. I can't…it's just too much." Her resolve almost shattering, because as much as her mind was telling her to quit being a moron and push him away, her heart had missed him so deeply and just cared way too much still, to do it.

"Tell me how to fix this Peyt," his tone pleading as he finally kissed her neck. Screw rejection. "Tell me how to stop this."

What was she doing? No. she couldn't let him back in again. This wedding could make Lucas happy, and maybe someday, she would be happy too. "You can't," letting a tear drop, but regaining her senses that seemed to fly right out the window when it came to this blue eyed boy. "You're 3 months too late," forcefully trying to pull away his arms that remained tightly wound around her waist. But, facts were, he was too strong and he just didn't want to let go.

"Peyt…"

She was on a roll and couldn't afford to lose steam. "No Nate," finally able to get free of his embrace, she whirled round to face him. Olive eyes swimming in tears, but blazing with anger. "It's too little, too late! You can't fix anything, because what you broke can't be fixed from all the times you've broken it. You can't stop this wedding either, because I've moved on from holding onto someone that was never really mine. I'm done giving chances to something that is, and always will be… a mistake!"

He stood there taking every poke, and harsh comment because, he deserved it for leaving her. But, when she said the words mistake in relation to what they had, his sorrow turned to anger. How dare she trivialize what they had? It was his turn to laugh cynically, "A mistake?" stepping closer, making her back up at the fury in his eyes. "Why are you stepping away, Sawyer? I just want to confirm your Mistake Theory." His tone cruel but he didn't care.

"Nate don't you dare -" but she couldn't finish her statement, as he grabbed her by the hips and pulled her to him.

"So I guess this will be a mistake too?" his eyes had been resting solely on her lips as he spoke, before crashing his lips onto hers in a harsh kiss. If, he was a mistake then heck, he was going to be the incredibly unforgettable one.

His kiss was fierce, as she put up her best fight to push him away and, for the life of her, not kiss him back. Unfortunately, every push or resistance to his kiss just egged him on to deepen it and make it more urgent. Several times he swiped her bottom lip, demanding entrance, but each time she denied him, though her knees were weak. It was stupid to still be affected by his kiss, but damn him she wasn't going to let him win.

Her denial just made his frustration mount, and forcefully push through the weak barrier of her lips to finally taste her tongue. For a moment, he hoped she wouldn't retaliate, he wouldn't be able to stop if she did. But, she began kissing him back just as harshly, keeping a small fight that was soon going to stop entirely. Not once did he hesitate to push her back against the vanity, his hips on hers.

This was wrong. It was so wrong, but she couldn't stop it. More importantly, she just wanted to get lost in him and it broke her heart. This was confirmation that he still had her heart in his hand, and despite her efforts to forget him, she was still in love with him. God, she really wished this was a mistake, that it had all been a mistake, but it wasn't. It never was. Her lie may have come out strong and true, but it was hardly close to what she really felt. She had tried to hurt him, and it had backfired heavily on her.

The kiss became intermingled with the salty taste of tears. Peyton was crying, but so was he. This was hurting her, but it was hurting him too. But like she said, he was a mistake, and likewise, he was determined to make himself someone she would never forget. They'd grown up and moved past the only physical part of their connection, and turned that misplaced passion into something real. Or at least he'd thought they did, and it saddened him to have to show her they were more, by having sex.

She was close to suffocation, but there was no way she wanted him to move away. It would bring back the reality of the situation. Unfortunately, he did break the kiss resting his forehead on hers, both their eyes closed from all the emotion flowing through them. She wasn't going to fight him anymore, because she just couldn't. So they just stayed like that, trying to get their breathing back to normal.

He began kissing her again, placing feather light kisses on her crown, forehead, nose, both tear stained cheeks, chin then the softest of all kiss on her lips. If he'd done it roughly, it would have probably hurt less, but he was nothing but gentle and careful with his touches. A gentle tug on her lower lip, with his own had her sighing and letting a silent tear escape the barriers of her eyelids.

That sigh almost brought him to his knees, as tears escaped his own closed eyelid to mingle in their soft gentle kiss. One of his large hand moved down her side from their position on her hips, as he gradually deepened the kiss, his other hand lost itself in her hair. The pins holding her hair up fell out from the disturbance of his fingers. He'd always told her how much he love her hair curly and wild, and having it up in the elaborate style Brooke had spent hours on was not acceptable. Her own hands couldn't remain stationary, as one hand stayed flat against his black shirt, feeling the increasing pace of his heart beat, as the other played with the hair on his nape.

It was unfair how well she fit in his arms, and felt against his body. Her soft curves meeting his hard muscle. He needed to feel her, and be with her so badly, it was killing him not to just rip of her robe and have her. It would just be too trivial an act, for such a moment. He wanted her to remember it being a beautiful moment, just like her first time with him, so that if she still went through with the sham, it would be engraved in her every pore who he was to her.

His kiss swollen lips moved from her lips, down to her chin and onto her neck in warm sensual kisses, as his hand rode up her leg making her gasp. The other in her hair, tugged gentle, as he moved back up and capture her lips in a slow, torturously passionate kiss, that had her fisting his shirt for some sort of balance. What he always did to her had to be sinful, because it literary set her whole body on fire.

This wasn't wrong, it was so frigging right! Why couldn't she see that this was how it was meant to be.

Pulling away he just looked at her, dishevelled hair, darkened olive eyes, tear stained cheeks, kiss swollen lips, flushed skin and chest heaving as she tried to catch a breath from his earlier assault. She was gorgeous, and he just couldn't help touch her. Fingers traced her lips, that he was ready to capture once again, chin, down to her neck.

She just watched his face as he continued his gentle exploration, mesmerised, only closing her eyes as his fingers traced the dip of the neckline of her robe, grazing her skin. Why did he have to make her wait? Why was he taking his time? Was this some sort of torture?

He knew what he did to her, and he was going to make it agonizing for her, returning his eyes onto her face as he gently tugged the clumsy knot of the belt and slipped a slow hand into the robe to caress the newly exposed skin of her hips and waist. He had to smirk slightly at her sharp intake of breath, at the touch of hands. His basketball calloused hands always sent her heart racing, so he slipped his hand further back to caress her lower back. A groan escaped him, as she curved her body into his. His small smirk, slipped from his lips as the reality of the situation came back to him. This was the last time, and his conceit couldn't slip in and lose him this small part of her.

Peyton released her clutch on his shirt, and focused her attention on unbuttoning his shirt. With every release of a button, she place a slow sensual kiss on the newly exposed skin. It hurt so much that she was going to do this one last time, but it just had to be this way. They just weren't right for each other, no matter how much it was tearing her apart. When the last button was released, she gently run hand up his abs, muscular chest, and finally to his shoulder. He didn't do anything just watched her, his hands on her hips. She slowly pushed the shirt off his broad shoulder, caressing his muscular arms in the process.

Nathan let his eyes flutter closed as she nibbled on his ears gently, before peppering kisses along his jaw line. It was his turn to let silent tears through, he couldn't take this slow torture. It wasn't fair, why couldn't she just stop being stubborn and be his again. It was clear they still cared for each other, so why was she willing to marry someone who couldn't make her feel the way he did. Gently pulling her head back so she could face him, he captured her lips frantically as if possessed. He wanted this day to be just a bad dream.

She picked up on his frantic panic on to herself as she kissed him back just as fiercely, letting her robe fall to a pool at her feet, and also letting him pick her off the ground. As always her legs wrapped around his waist, and arms tightly wound his muscular shoulders.

They fell onto the bed with a crash of hurried disrobing and tangled limbs. But as they lay there fully unclothed and open emotions playing in their glassy at their impending fate, they slowed down wondering if rushing things was really fair for their last time. They lost themselves slowly. Hearts breaking the further they went. Here, and now was all they would have from now on.

When Brooke and Haley returned, they found Peyton in her a towel, face washed and crying profusely. Both brunettes didn't hesitate to rush to her side, to comfort there clearly distraught friend. Any asking of what happened and why she was so upset, just seem to make her cry harder. Brooke had to really wonder if Peyton really wanted to marry Lucas, but didn't voice her concerns on the matter. It was Haley who asked, fearing heart break for her best friend, and was relieved to hear Peyton say the wedding would push through. It was selfish, but Haley couldn't stand Lucas being hurt once again, also the fact that a possible reconciliation of her and Nathan was on the horizon, and the two blondes getting hitched would put her unrealistic suspicions of Peyton and Nathan to rest.

Larry complimented Peyton, and she almost broke into tears once again. For so many reason, but managed to keep them in and cried inside instead. The ceremony had passed like a blur, the only thing in her mind was the earlier betrayal with Nathan, and how it had hurt more than it help. Them making love, didn't help either move on like they should, it just made the longing that more unbearable. But, she owed Lucas to honour her promise. This would make him happy and that was all she would focus on from then on, instead of dwelling on the unhealthy love she had for Nathan.

During the ceremony, she'd seen him, Nathan, at the back in the shadows, watching. Peyton had stopped breathing, as she looked at him.

Before leaving the room earlier, he'd spoken the harshest realities in the world that had torn her up, and when he'd banged the door shut behind him she was sure she wouldn't see him again. But there he was waiting for her, holding to the last hope that she would walk away from Lucas and back to him.

For an irrational second, she thought about it, running down the aisle and into Nathan's arms. Unfortunately as soon as the thought had struck her the reality settled in. This wasn't some stupid fairy tale, this was real life. A reality where her and Nathan sucked together, and she'd said yes to Lucas when he'd proposed.

"Peyton?" Lucas prompted her to answer the priest question, concern prominently in his voice.

"I …do," she said finally and a collective sigh of relief filled the air. She was doing the right thing, they weren't right for each other. Twice they tried, and twice they failed. This was for the best.

The loud bang of the door, however told her Nathan didn't see it that way. And once again she held back tears.

More soon

Reviews would be lovely. Constructive Criticisms is welcomed. Flames … "to each his own".