Chapter 1: Forked Road

When the angels stopped showing up, there really was no use for us. Why would there be? Hell, the very point of our existence was to fight them, so why keep around an unused tool? Ayanami, Ikari, and I were far from the only ones affected from it. NERV was torn down exactly a year after the angels disappeared, and since then, we've all pretty much lost contact. Most of the NERV employees found various jobs around the city, but they spread out, and communication is next to nigh. Last I heard, Ayanami was still living in that run down apartment she calls a home… not too sure how she's paying for it though. I honestly haven't the slightest clue about Ikari. As much as I regret and hate myself for it, I made it so I didn't really say goodbye to anyone on the last day of NERV.

That last year living there was… actually, not too bad. It was just like living at a normal home, but with over a thousand other guests. We pilots completed our junior year of high school there, and strangely enough, we all had the exact same classes. Somehow, I think NERV was connected to that. Rei never really changed her cold attitude, but she did happen to make a friend in class despite her behaviors. Shinji and I quit bickering as much once we moved out of Misato's and into NERV, but strangely enough, we did still hang out.

We would always meet up after school at watch TV or something, but I think that was more out of habit from Misato's. However, it was extremely different – we did it and enjoyed it. We would always meet up in his room, he would always cook for me, and we would always watch some show on Discovery… God I miss that. Both Shinji and I went through two relationships during that time, and all of them ended "Just because." By the end of our second relationship, we just so happened to have broken up just a few days apart from each other… I guess you could call it depression, emotional distance, or whatever other psychology babble is out there, but we made each other feel better about being alone that day.

As fate would have it, not even an hour after I left his place, a meeting was called for everyone living in the building. Long story short, we had a week to get our stuff and get out. After I heard that, I made the conscious decision to not communicate with anyone until the building was gone. Why? Because I realized that this place was the only thing holding relationship together – Gendo and Ritsuko, Misato and Kaji, Shinji and I…

I didn't want something this fickle to hold anything together, let alone me, so that was the last night I spoke to Shinji. I believe my last words were "Thank you," but I can't really be sure. From there, I got an apartment fairly close to Rei's, along with a part-time job to help pay for it. Yeah, NERV even left us high and dry in that area. When our senior year started, we didn't have a single class together, and it even went as far as us not having the same lunch schedule. Personally, I call that fate at work.

Roughly four months into school, I made a fairly rash decision based on something temporary. I dropped out and started working full time to help pay for the rent and food, because part time was only paying for one of those. The job was a fairly simple one; I was a hostess at an upper-middle-class restaurant. This went on until a month after my eighteenth birthday, which, by the way, was spent eating ice cream out of a jug. Unfortunately, one of the main qualities of a hostess was to be as pretty as possible. Now, I may have all the curves and the looks, but I wasn't "Asian" enough to satisfy the diner's desires. They wanted a woman of their own culture, so I was fired.

That night, as I was walking home… actually, I was at my door if I remember correctly, a man wearing a fairly decent suit approached me.

"Hey, I was in there and I overheard why you were fired," he was a pretty handsome man, but still had that sleezeball attitude on him, "Tell you what, why don't you come to a party I'm hosting tonight? It'll help you get your mind off your problems."

"I don't have any problems," I continued to fiddle with my keys, trying to get the door open. I wasn't scared of this guy in the least, I was just annoyed.

"Well then," he chuckled as he spoke through that, "Here's a card with my address on it," he has a card? "If you're feeling up to it, feel free to show up any time. See ya around…"

With that, he walked off, leaving me staring at his card. It was professionally done, no question about that, but there wasn't any sign as to why he needed these cards in the first place. I walk inside, grab a beer, and fall back on the sofa. I guess I adopted Misato's habit of getting buzzed before bed, and frankly, I see why she stuck with it.

I stared at the phone for at least an hour, like I do every night, only now there were two options in front of me. One was on that business card, and the other was on an old, wrinkled, purple post-it note with a phone number and "S.I." written on it. I've never called it before – hell, I don't even know if it still works – but tonight I had some incentive. Without much of a thought, and after over a year of staring at it, I stand up and dial the number. It rang a few times, and when I thought it was going to click over to voicemail, there was an answer of a typical nature. My mouth froze… hearing his voice again was… amazing. He obviously grew up since the last time I saw him, but I know that I haven't. With head hanging low, I hung up the phone and grabbed the card, leaving the house and an alternate fate behind me.

The party was, to put it simply, amazing. It started off with just some simple drinks, socializing with some people, the typical party routine. This routine followed suit in a room in the back, where I was lead by a guy I was talking to for quite awhile. The routine did, however, change up just slightly. That was the night I was introduced to something a little harder than alcohol, and I turned out to love it. To be completely honest, I was ignorant on exactly what I was taking, but it felt good. Good enough for me to want more, good enough for me to spend the night, and good enough to make me want to spend the night with a man… any man.

When I finally came down, I was still in bed, my clothes in an oddly neat pile across the room. The guy was gone, but I could still hear TV in the background, so someone was home. With as much dignity as I could muster, I got dressed and walked out of the house without a word. When I finally got home, I started bawling as soon as the door closed, something I wanted to do the entire walk home. Crying on the floor in the fetal position, the full impact of what I did hit me. I took a handful of God only knows what, and… I needed a shower…

I'm still in that same shower, now going on the fourth hour of it. The hot water ran out long ago, but I don't care. I'm pretty sure I'm still crying, but it's too hard to tell with all this water around me. Looking back on my life, I actually miss the old me. At least back then I had friends… what do I have now? With a deep sigh, I shut off the water and dry myself off. I threw on a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt – I doubt I'll be going anywhere today.

The next hour was spent staring at a blank television while I sat on the sofa. The clothes that I tore off still make a line towards the shower, reminding me of what happened. Now that I look back with a clear head, I think that I took either ecstasy or roofies… something that comes in a pill anyway. As much as I hate to admit it, I actually did enjoy the drug itself, just not the after effects of it, and frankly, I'm craving it. The high that I was on was like nothing I've ever felt before. I was special for those few hours! I loved myself! And I need it again… what am I doing? I know damn well what'll happen if I do that! I'm a smart girl! I know the effects of crap like that!

"But I need it…" I curled up in a ball, wrapping my arms around my legs, not trusting that they won't head for the door. Am I addicted to this already? I only did a few hits of it… no, I'm not addicted to the drug itself. I want the feeling. The feeling that I'm on top of the world, just like I used to be. Suddenly, I realize I'm crying again… I haven't cried in years, and today I've done nothing but. Hours pass without me moving an inch, and I'm sure I've dozed off a few times. I've been trying to make myself call Shinji again, but what could he do? I doubt he'd even talk to me after what I did to him, and I don't blame him. It's a stupid idea… just forget about it.

With a pull of courage, I finally stand up and begin to pick up the clothes I threw. I never plan on wearing them again, which is really a shame, seeing as it was my favorite outfit. Regardless, when I pick up the jeans, a small tablet fell out of the pocket and onto the floor. I pretended like I didn't see it and continued on my way towards the trashcan, tossing all the fabric inside. Once again, I sit on the sofa and turn on the TV, but I did nothing but watch that little blue pill stare up at me. Without really realizing it, I began to sweat thinking about taking it. No one is here, so really, nothing could really happen. And this'll be the last time, right? Right, because there's no way of me getting more… just one more time…

A/N – Well, I tried continuing an old story, and that didn't really go too well, so I started up this one. Not too sure where it's going, but so far I like it. Check out the next chapter, Honey; until then, keep on keepin' on!