Prologue

I cradled the small blue cylinder in my hand delicately. My fingers curled lovingly around bottle of Lofepramine as I contemplated my situation. It would be so, so simple. People feared death because it was unknown. But what they failed to realize was that death is easy; it's living that's the hard part. And it would be effortless, tranquil even, to slip into a blissful state of death.

Surely anything would be better than this hell on earth. I let my eyes wander to the soft bruises that dotted my bare arms and legs. After all, hadn't I been thinking of running when I found out about the baby? Nevertheless, the baby was gone now. I could transition smoothly from life to death and join my baby in the afterlife, wherever that may be. My baby, my poor little baby.

While a part of me knew that my son was better off dead than near Charles, it still didn't diminish the pain. I knew it was selfish to want my baby, but I couldn't help it. He had given me something to live for, if only for a couple of months. And now, it was over. He was gone and I was alone.

My gaze fell on the pill bottle again. Death was simple. So, so simple. But, there was something. Maybe it was my innate instinct to stay alive, to keep moving forward towards something better, sweeter. It certainly wasn't fear. I knew the taste of fear all to well;
the way it pooled like venom in the back of your mouth.

Acrid poison that slid down your throat to the pit of your stomach, charging every breath with intoxicating terror. This was something different. Something gentler. With a steady hand, I set the bottle back inside the medicine cabinet and closed the hinged door. I stared at the reflection in the mirror, a pale woman with stringy brown hair and a complacent smile. With a frown, I looked away. This was not who I wanted to be.
There had to be something more.

And I was going to find it.