Stretchin' the old romance muscle. Own nothing, makin' no profit. Enjoy. Read and review.

-So, how was it?

-My first time, you mean, Master? I think you know full well. After all, in all this time, I thought you would have... em... ample experience with this stuff.

-Granted, Draculina. In my centuries of age I have always made it a point to try everthing. Sometimes once, sometimes more... So?

-...Do I have to answer to that, Master? I mean, it is a very special memory for me. How can I be expected to share such a unique moment, even with someone like you?

-Forgive the smirk, Draculina, but I do believe you are exaggerating. After all, even with your special companion here, what could have happened that I have not yet seen?

-Well, Master! Just look at the size! Don't tell me you've ever handled something like that.

-Hmph. The Turks were unique in that regard. This size, I, er... think, was their standard; not, perhaps, bigger, but quite interesting in action. Let me tell you, I did handle something like this once. Nowhere as fast or heavy, mind you, but I did thoroughly enjoy the experience and would certainly be willing to repeat it with your friend here. The sheer strength of good British produce can't even start to be compared to what the Turks had those days.

-Were you always such a dirty old man, Master? You're not giving in till I tell you how was it, will you?

-No, not really. Mind you, I'm proud of you for taming this beast, but I must confess I have a strong desire to give it a test myself. If only Integra would let me.

-Not a chance, Master. Where would you, for starters?

-Oh, I don't know. Abandoned London districts would be magnificent, especially if I had my say on what toys I could take. Failing that, I suppose a forest or a glen away from civilization would be magnificent. Nobody to interrupt or bother because of the noise. Humanity this days can be so annoying.

-I dunno. You alone with this monster? You'd make enough of a ruckus to raise the dead.

-Perhaps. Say, you... didn't have any trouble?

-Trouble? From inexperience, perhaps. To go for it the first time with such a tremendous thing is, well, quite unexpected. I just fell into a comfortable position and suddenly, well. How do you think it felt? I mean, at first, I was just setting in and preparing and then the thrusts and bumps or however you wanna call them started. And don't get me started on when I decided to go for the second part! Honestly, if I hadn't had a good footing, I would have fallen down to the floor in the middle of it all. How d'ya think I'd have felt then?

-Well, it would certainly be a mortifying situation. How did everyone seeing you react?

-Cheers and shouts of triumph, all wanting me to go on and on and on. Damn voyeurs. But on I went and it all went down perfectly. Greatest moment of my life. The flashes and light really made me believe it was a once in a lifetime happening. I mean, the photos taken were quite spectacular!

-I won't correct you. It must have been a truly unique event, and I envy you for bearing such an important part in it. Integra must, too.

-Yes, she said so herself. She's still quite proud of me for my cool-headedness in such a crucial moment. Never letting go until my part was finally realized.

-And yet with all eyes fixed upon you, with the full weight and power hammering you, you did it. Well, to be frank, I might have not done it so fast. I would have taken my time and played for a bit, have my fill of fun on an experience not likely to ever be repeated.

-So I gather. You'd have pushed everybody to their limits; every onlooker, this old lug, and even yourself. With a smile and gusto in your face I can only imagine.

-Won't deny that either. I'd probably end up drooling and screaming like a banshee. And talking about screaming...

-No. I didn't. Just clenched my teeth, held on to the pressure and kept with it until it was all over.

-Alucard. Commander Victoria. Having fun?

-Why, yes, Sir Integra. Just discussing the time I used the Harkonnen II.

Gotcha. Happy holidays, people.