Title: New Year Resolution

Warning: This fic is NOT beta-ed. My usual beta does not read stuff like this. It offends him (probably because he is straight and this stuff makes him all weird in the head). Volunteer betas are welcome.

Pairing: Tatsumi/Tsuzuki...sort of. Friendship fic.

Rating: K+

Disclaimer: All characters are the properties of Matsushita Yoko and are solely for entertainment purposes without financial profit. And I must say, her artwork is probably the finest I've seen in manga

AN: The idea bounced in my head several times since it's the new years. I'm fairly pleased with it though I feel that the people a little out of characters and the dialogue a little too cumbersome. Oh well. I hope this fic is a meaningful read. It presents my interpretation of the Tatsumi/Tsuzuki relationship dynamics. Do R&R since this is my first crack at a YnM fic.

It was the hour prior to new years. On top of the Tokyo Tower, near the red aviation warning light, a man in a neat black business suite stood with his arms crossed, stoically watching the city. It was snowing lightly and rather cold, but as shinigamis cannot die from starvation, they would not die from freezing either.

The city was bustling with people. Revelers and entertainers, businessmen and casual teenagers, all came together, wearing their varied garbs. Flurries of brilliant lights colors green, red, white, all colors of the rainbow, danced with each other. The city was alive. People laughed, danced, cried, shouted, a complete mix of emotions as they all came to together at this one moment to welcome the coming of a new year.

Meifu had the same type of celebration to welcome the New Year. One could argue that Meifu's celebration is far more magnificent. The weather was milder there, and the contrasts far more fantastic and startling. But Tatsumi had never seen the one for Meifu, always preferring the one here in the living world. There was no point in celebrating coming of the new in a place that represented permanent limbo of souls with regrets.

So Tatsumi had always observed new years from some high vantage point since he became a shinigami. Once Tokyo Tower was built by 1958, he religiously observed the festivities from the top.

There was another person who decided to come and always at ten past eleven.

"Hey," Tsuzuki uttered as he teleported just below Tatsumi's vantage point. Like Tatsumi, he wore a suite underneath but also wore a trench coat to ward off the cold. He unceremoniously plopped down on a cross beam just a few bars below. "I thought I would find you here."

"You find me here every year," Tatsumi said dryly. It was a same song and dance they did for as long as they had known each other. "Don't you have a party to attend?"

Tsuzuki shrugged. "I'll go back for the booze and food in a while. Right now, I want to share this moment with you."

"Sentimental idiot," muttered Tatsumi under his breath, but there was no malice in them.

"You say that every year," said Tsuzuki with his usual smile.

Two friends, one standing on top of the tower, arms crossed, the other seated on a cross beam, watched people milled about the squares. Children's laughter along with excited talks of New Year resolutions filtered upward into the night sky. Some people had already begun to play with fireworks, wanting to light up their cosmopolitan city even more than it already was.

"Much has happened," Tsuzuki had the mind to fill their silence with his usual chatter. "Since I first saw this with you."

"Yes. Very much," Tatsumi agreed for once.

Tsuzuki shut his eyes, in remembrance. "I first saw this with you during the New Years of 1946, right after bombing of Nagasaki and Hiroshima. Everything was...subdued. I think I was crying then."

Tatsumi shrugged. "You cried a lot more then...But who wouldn't have cried for the living? When you see so much deliberate killing all over the world? When you've just witnessed instant vaporization of tens of thousands of people? When your desk is filled with paperwork that took months to finish."

"It felt like the end of the world," said Tsuzuki, still thinking of the past. "And I thought you were a cold hearted bastard for barely blinking an eye."

"I was, as you say, a cold hearted bastard, then," Tatsumi freely concurred. "I think I'm not as unforgiving as I used to be and I will honestly say that you're the one who soften me."

"Seriously?" Tsuzuki sounded like he did not believe it. Nothing can really describe the depth of Tatsumi's scariness and it was hard to imagin him being meaner than now.

"Something's got to rub off after knowing someone for more than fifty years," said Tatsumi, his mind on the difference between then and now. "Much has changed. Other than Konoe, we've seen the entire department turn over to new employees. We've seen the change form block printing to computers. We've seen the world lit up from kerosene to electricity. We've seen this place of ancient buildings to rubble before turning into a marvelous city. We see the change from mail to email. Even you, Tsuzuki-san changed very much."

"You think so?" That was not something that Tsuzuki expected, nor did he expect what Tatsumi would say next.

"When I first met you, you don't even have even one shikigami summon. Your fuda magic was barely in control. You used to cry a lot and get depressed after each and every case. It took all my energy to calm you down. You would never tell me what you wanted but still came to me when you needed something. You could barely complete written reports by yourself let alone take care of yourself. To be honest, you were a handful on my sanity on good days.

"Now, you're the master of twelve shikigami and probably the most powerful fuda magic user on the department. You don't get as depressed after a case and you don't always cry. When you want something you will actually ask for it and not always from me. You're relatively efficient about completing reports but you're too lazy most of the time. You can even take care of a junior shinigamis like Hisoka, as long as you're not feeding them whatever you cooked. I still say that you're handful, though, considering now that you're destroying even more things than you used to and it takes forever to get expense reports out of you."

Tsuzuki blinked. That had to be the most words Tatsumi had said to him at a time without yelling at him. Perhaps they were just feeling contemplative or that they rarely had a chance to be alone like this. Tatsumi, after all, was an extremely busy person and Tsuzuki rarely had the opportunity to interact with him outside of work.

Tsuzuki felt that he owed the man his own thoughts. Tatsumi was the serious type who would appreciate a different prespective. "You, for one, did not change as much. You're still as stingy, mean and detailed as I remembered. Your shadow technique is as controlled as usual and your ofuda magic is still better than anyone else. You still that perpetually half pissed off, half scheming bastard who scares everyone, even your superiors into submission. You still have that nasty habit of doing whatever dirty, underhanded, backmail or bribe to get your way. You still confuse me all the time because your face doesn't carry emotions very well so all I ever get is mixed messages."

"Sorry about that."

"Hey! That's my line!" Tsuzuki reminded, slightly peeved. "But I'm not finished. You're still that ever present constant that holds everyone to the ground. Kacho can be away, people change, people come and go, but you're always there, in the background, holding everything together. You're everyone's savior, the pillar that held up everyone's skies. No one will admit it, but everyone needs you." Then in a barely audible voice, Tsuzuki muttered. "I will always need you."

There was silence after all that was said. The comparison happened often, just never the opportunity to share their thoughts. The words themselves were neither good nor bad; they were neither judgmental nor critical. The words were only blanket observations from the years they had known each other.

"I didn't know you think so highly of me," Tatsumi said.

"It's hard not to think highly of someone who had been saving my ass for more than half a century," said Tsuzuki jokingly. Then his tone took on a matter-of-factly quality to it. "Besides, even after obtaining twelve shikigamis, you're still the only the other person in JuOhCho outside that pervert Hakushaku and Dai-Oh-sama who is still on par with me power wise. And don't say you're not. I know you don't show it because you don't want to scare away all the employees like you did when you first showed up. Even old chief had to resign because he was that afraid of you."

Tatsumi said nothing in response so the pair was quiet again.

Below, even more people had crowded at the square. Everyone peeked nervously at the minute hand on the large clock that displayed precisely for the celebration of New Years. The minute hand now pointed at half past eleven.

This time, it was Tatsumi who spoke. "I am glad about one thing that's changed. I'm glad that you found Kurosaki-kun."

Tsuzuki nodded in agreement. "Hisoka is my balance. We temper each other. He makes me feel so needed and wanted. I make him feel safe, guided and cared for. It's a good relationship," That wistful book blossomed on Tsuzuki's face. "Sometimes though...I wonder, if I had been more...stable, more mature, like now, would our partnership ever ended?"

There was a minute of reflective silence between them. Taking themselves now as they were now, they would have made a superior pair of agents. Controlled power back by vast intellect, experience and efficiency, their combined talents would maybe even get the budget to the green. Teamwork wise, they trusted each other without question. Tsuzuki would never waste time questioning Tatsumi's decisions and Tatsumi would accept Tsuzuki's judgement.

Too much had changed, though, and they had to drift apart. Partially, it was frowned upon by their superiors to have two powerful shinigamis working together; something about preventing a hostile take over by lowly employees. Enma would lose out on Tsuzuki's second purpose, the testing of new agents. Plus, the Summoning Division would fall apart without Tatsumi's dedicated leadership. Primarily, though, the two agents themselves had too much history, too much had happened, and they carried too much of the scarring experiences from working so long as shinigami and could snap without warning.

They could never work as closely again and both knew it.

"Let's...not talk about that," Tatsumi suggested. "It's not good to think of old what-could-have-beens."

"But I must talk about it and tell you while I still can," Tsuzuki pressed and took a deep breath. "I realized now that my own neediness drove you away. When I think about it, I shiver with hate for the old me. That useless selfish person who was always whining and weeping, always begging for help, looking for give outs because he would not help himself. That person had tested the limits of your patience, took from you the comfort you provided and never gave back. You must've been glad to rid of me back then."

Tatsumi shook his head. "I was hardly glad...but I must admit that it was a great relief."

Tsuzuki accepted the comment without feeling rejected. This was one of the many lessons he had to learn the hard way.

"Me too..." Tsuzuki followed.

"Hum...?" That, Tatsumi was not expecting.

"Don't take it the wrong way. I was definitely in pieces afterwards," Tsuzuki stumbled quickly over the words. Memories of that time were not pleasant. "But I realized now that it was either break our partnership or ourselves and you had the courage to force the right decision. In a way, our partnership ending is a rude and necessary awakening of sorts. It taught me that I must care for myself first, do what I wish first, before I can think of others. I cannot thank you enough for that precious lesson."

"Ah." Tatsumi acknolwedged, but said nothing more.

Now the silence was one of relief. Tsuzuki had wanted to say so much to Tatsumi. He wanted to tell Tatsumi how much he appreciated him and how much Tatsumi meant to him. To finally have the opportunity to say these words, Tsuzuki felt that he would have less regret when the inevitable day came.

The clock struck forty-five past eleven. The people in the square chattered in unbridled anticipation.

Up top on the tower, the noise of the crowd was a distant faint roar and promised not too few dying of alcohol poisoning.

"You gave me hope," said Tatsumi out of the blue.

Tsuzuki tilted his head upwards. Now that was not something that Tsuzuki was expecting.

"You care too much and I still consider you a sentimental idiot for doing so," Tatsumi admitted. "But your love and compassion for others without holding judgment was too pure. You can still cry for those you must kill when I can no longer do so. Because of you, my faith was renewed. I was assured that there is a purpose to all this, that we are here for the right reasons and that there can be a happy ending. I thought maybe that even humanity can be saved from its own avarice if someone can still mourn a murderer's death."

Tsuzuki felt a smile graced his lips from Tatsumi's compliment. Tatsumi, harsh and severe, critical and judgmental, steady and collected, always completely there and strong, had said something nice about him. Tsuzuki felt warm all over.

It was now only fifty-five past eleven. The entertainers and firework setters all sprung into fury of preparation. The old year must be sent off and the new year ushered in with a happy bang.

Tsuzuki, wanting to share the moment with his long time friend, flew up from his cross beam and floated in a sitting position next to Tatsumi.

"Asato," Tatsumi addressed him in the familiar ways they had been in the past. It was probably the only time in the year he would do so. "I've always wondered...Why are you still so...friendly to me after so many years? After my constant reprimand? You can't be so masochistic as to enjoy my unpleasant remarks."

Tsuzuki smiled warmly, the main reason always present in his mind. "Because you're the very first and only person to really praise my eyes."

"I did? Surely others have? Like Wakaba, Watari, Hisoka, hell, even Muraki."

"Yes...but they are different. They talk about my eyes when they want something from me. Wakaba-chan says it when I'm depressed. Watari just thinks they're funky. Hisoka says they're a pretty color and Muraki...I really don't want to know what he thinks. They all say that I have pretty eyes, but only after they've known me for a while."

"So, what's the difference?"

Tsuzuki almost chuckled at that. Tatsumi? Clueless? For shame! "They say it to get a happy response from me. You say it to force me to accept myself for all my strengths and flaws."

"Do refresh my memory," Tatsumi said. He was never in the mood for twenty questions.

"When we first met, back in the old Bureau office, with our old chief Eoko, you made a point to meet me in the eyes. You told me that my eyes are beautiful and that I should never be afraid to show them off, no matter what other people say." Tsuzuki smiled with fondness of that memory. Back then, Tatsumi's fingers were so gentle as he parted Tsuzuki's hair so those amethyst orbs were unobstructed by messy bangs. Tsuzuki could never forget the incredible feelings when he first gazed fully upon those sapphire eyes. Tsuzuki had felt like a seedling breaking out of the ground to meet the sunlight for the very first time. Someone had finally unconditionally accepted him at first glance without question. Tsuzuki had finally realized that he should never be afraid of others' opinion.

"Since then," Tsuzuki continued, "I never had a partner who is so frank with me of what they thought of me. They're all too polite, or put on a front, even Hisoka is like that. He calls me an idiot all the time, but even his remarks are never as cutting as yours."

"When have you heard remarks more cutting than mine?" Tatsumi reminded dryly.

"Eh. You're right. You're still quite mean, That's agreed upon by everyone across JuOhCho, even Hakushaku. But don't you ever wonder that I always meet you in the eye when you speak to me? Of why a cry baby, like me, would want to meet the eyes of someone who can make anyone tremble in fear with just a glance?"

"Because you're trying to get some free pastries?" Tatsumi offered. He had seen Tsuzuki try to use that cute innocent kicked puppy look to get something for too long.

Perhaps driven by the past good memories or irritation that Tatsumi was not getting the point, Tsuzuki flew upward behind Tatsumi and wrapped his arms around Tatusmi's chest rested his hands over Tatsumi's heart. Tsuzuki rested his chin on Tatsumi's shoulders. "Nope, you silly money grubbing vein popping secretary. It's because I've promised myself a long time ago that I will try not to disappoint the only person who likes my eyes for who I am. Granted that I've failed more often than not since you're always scolding me, but I always made sure I do what you told me the very first time we met. I will always met you in the eyes on important matters."

Tatsumi received a sudden revelation about Tsuzuki's many seemingly illogical tendencies. That was why Tsuzuki would often stare at him like a fool when Tatsumi had the urge to wipe crumbs away Tsuzuki's mouth. That was why Tsuzuki always seem so shameless when he wanted something from Tatsumi. That was why Tsuzuki never looked away like a regular person when he was about to burst into tears in front of Tatsumi.

For once, Tatsumi gave himself a defeated scoff. All that emotional wreck over the sight of Tsuzki's hurt expression because of some silly comment he made when they first met, how more ironically pathetic can the situation get? Think of all the gut wrenching feelings he could had avoided for over fifty years if only he was less honest.

Tatsumi did raise a hand to cover Tsuzuki's hand in acceptance of the other's man's obvious regard for him. In a way, this marked a new chapter in their frienship where they are finally equals. "You are such a sentimental idiot," Tatsumi muttered with another shake of his head, his other free hand covering his eyes.

Tsuzuki only laughed.

The clock struck twelve. Fireworks exploded in the sky. The crowd below cheered, filling the night air with good cheer and revelry. It was finally the New Year, a time to start everything anew. Old regrets were shuffled away, replaced by hopes for a better future. The blast of cheer lasted approximately five minutes before people started to part for their own entertainments.

Two friends watched the scene unfold. The activity had became a comfortable ritual, a little like going back to an ancestral home and seeing distant relatives. It was the annual observance from which both shall use as mental anchor for the many tumultuous events to come.

"There goes another year," Tatsumi stated in his usual dull tone.

Tsuzuki nodded as he slipped from the hug.

"So...got any new year resolutions, Sei?"

"Not really," Tatsumi said, barely flinching at the casual usage of his name. He could at least afford that much for an old friend. A spontaneous idea came to his mind. "I'm feeling generous right now. How about you make one for me?"

Tsuzuki looked ecstatic, a million ideas flashed in his mind and he almost said something when he was cut off.

"...And please make it a serious one. I will not give you extra vacation days, no extra budget, no extra sweets, no pay raise and definitely not better apartment assignment, no matter how much you begged."

The look on Tsuzuki's face was comical but eventually he came up with a serious resolution. "Promise that you will not ascend without me."

"Asato..." Tatsumi's voice took on a warning tone. "We should not be talking about ascending."

"I'm serious," said Tsuzuki sincerely. He floated away from Tatsumi's side to face him. With an aged-old gesture, Tsuzuki plucked those irritating glasses off Tatsumi's face and gently tilted Tatsumi's chin until violet met cerulean.

Tatsumi felt the cold fingers, but said nothing, his expression not changing at all. He let his mind drift as he stared into thos violet orbs, recalling how he had to tilt Tsuzuki's chin when they first met.

Reassured by Tatsumi's acceptance of the gesture, Tsuzuki continued, "I won't need anything from you, Sei, and I will try not to burden you as I have in the past. I just need to know that you're there." Tsuzuki brought his face close to Tatsumi until their foreheads touched and their eyes closed.

Tsuzuki's heart in his words as he spoke. "Everyone else come and go, everyone one else change, but you're always there to put the pieces back together. You have always been the one constant I can count on. Sometimes, I would panic when I think about what I would do when you're gone. Without you, I could not have escaped Kyoto. Without you I would had never met Watari, Wakaba, or even Hisoka. I would had never known the joy of having everyone around me, the joy of living. I know, I'm selfish to ask this of you, but this is only new year resolution I can think of."

The serious mood lifted and Tsuzuki quickly floated backward, looking a little embarassed at his impromptu confessional. He handed the glasses back to Tatsumi. "So how is that for a New Year's Resolution?" said Tsuzuki, putting as much levity as he could in his voice. "Do not ascend any time soon and not without me. Think you can keep that resolution? You'll make me and everyone extremely happy if you do."

This time, even Tatsumi smiled as he stared into Tsuzuki's eyes. "Of course."

------------

Written: 12-27-09