Disclaimer: See part 1

Note on Canon and timeline: I'm pretty much going off the radar as I please. This is post-series for Buffy by two years/eight years after the time jump. As for SVN, I'm doing my own blend of SVN/True Blood here. We're on a TB time line (vamps out in '06) and I'm reserving the possibility of pulling in a few TB characters but we're using SVN canon. So let's say this is a a few years after book nine. Basically, your best off if you just disregard this statement, turn off the part of your brain devoted to timelines and enjoy the ride ;)

Chapter 3

March 2011

As she retrieved the laptop from Eric's office, it occurred to Sookie that she had reason to be a little suspicious of the strangers who'd showed up in the parking lot, reasons beyond the fact that they appeared to be a bunch of fictional characters come to life. She'd heard confirmation of the existence of the documentary in all the women's minds plus gotten a distinct impression of recognition from the vampire, Spike. But none of them seemed aware that the film had gone far beyond their group of friends. If they didn't know, they had to have all been living in someplace more back water even than Bon Temps for the last year. Maybe, literally, under a rock. It was as if the four of them had skipped an entire year of life....

Such a thing wasn't exactly unthinkable. There were, of course, several varieties of magic in the world. But there were also several varieties of practical joker and Sookie knew a few of the best. Still, until Pam or Eric cracked (or until one of the 'strangers' betrayed herself with a stray thought) Sookie figured she'd play along. After all, Eric had spared no expense, getting the original actors and everything, so she might as well let him have his laugh.

Sookie brought Eric's laptop to the booth where the strangers were waiting --looking and feeling all sorts of stunned. "Wow, shiny," the red head, Willow, said in appreciation of Eric's rather flashy computer.

"Eric's not a 'sparing expense' kind of person. I'm just surprised he didn't get Apple to make it in red." Sookie joked, politely ignoring the youngest girl, Dawn, who was shoving at the bleach blond Spike and commanding him to "stop fidgeting."

"This Eric guy," Buffy asked, her flippant tone getting her an intensified stare from Pam who was standing, looming really, over the end of the table. "He owns the bar?"

"Sure does," Sookie confirmed. It'd been a while since she'd been around people who didn't know who Eric was.

"So vampire, then?" Buffy concluded. Of course Dawn's birthday couldn't be simple. It probably made the cover of Evil Undead magazine. "Former Key Turns 18, Let the Mayhem Commence.".

Sookie started laughing before she could stop herself at the images in the Slayer's head of vampire tabloids. She'd never heard of "Evil Undead" but Sookie wouldn't be surprised at all if "The Daily Fang" was running just such a story today, especially if the actress who'd played Dawn really was turning eighteen.

"Eric is the Sheriff of Area Five," Pam said, not at all helpfully judging by the looks she got from everyone but Sookie. "He is the second most powerful vampire in the state after the King," she said a little indignantly this time.

Dawn and Willow put on impressed faces for Pam's benefit and wondered, silently, what Pam meant by 'King' but Sookie caught the look that passed between Buffy and Spike. Must be the source of the heebie-jeebies I'm getting, Buffy thought. "Stop fidgeting," she told Spike and kicked him under the table.

"Ow." He kicked her back.

Oddly enough, Buffy smiled, just a little, but it was a smile.

None of the four of them was the clearest of broadcasters. Spike, being a vampire and all, was a given. But there was something very strange about the feel of his mind. He wasn't a pocket of dead air in her mental field. If anything, his mind seemed like a jumble of thoughts, spinning so quickly that it blurred too fast to comprehend but tugged at her attention nonetheless. Strange.

"Speaking of my master," Pam said, breaking into Sookie's mental probing of the guest list. "What are you getting him for his birthday? I haven't come up with anything better than a dashboard mount for his GPS."

"He does hate when it falls off the windshield," Sookie said encouragingly with maybe a little bit of patronizing mixed in. She'd been doing her best not to indulge Pam's desire to throw Eric a birthday party seeing as Eric had been dead for a thousand years and not even he knew when his birthday had been.

Pam saw right through her, striking a hands on hips pose which was extra imposing considering her outfit which was mostly black leather and already more than a little dominatrix-like. "Well, I'm sure I could be just as unconcerned about the whole thing if I was having sex with him too. I suppose you think you don't even need to get him a gift."

"Anya?" Dawn asked, looking Pam up and down with mock hopefulness. Spike turned a laugh into a cough.

Sookie, every ounce of blood rallying in her cheeks, tried not to look at Pam in horror. It wouldn't help. Pam's talent didn't lay in picking up subliminal distress signals. Or in social grace.

When she could breathe, Sookie let out a long suffering sigh. "I don't need to get Eric a gift because it's not his birthday. He doesn't have a birthday. And the party's a nice idea but if you throw him a party, he'll only be confused." She could see him already, raising an eyebrow at a baloon-and-crepe-papered Fangtasia and demanding of her, "Lover, please explain the necessity of the flaming pastry."

Okay, so Eric had seen birthday parties before but Dracula's birthday was one thing. His own, nuh-uh.

The conversation should have ended there but Pam persisted. "Eric gives you gifts for your birthday. Don't you think it's rude not to reciprocate? Humans. You think you've cornered the market on feelings. Gift giving is a time honored method of expressing affection and all people seek affection."

Sookie waited to see if Pam was finished with her lecture before smiling tightly at the newcomers. "Pam is a dedicated reader of 'Dear Abby'."

'Oh' Dawn mouthed and nodded clearly happy for the clarification.

"Right smart bint, that one," Spike said with no trace of sarcasm. "If you ladies have business to settle and all, I'll just pop outside for a smoke, yeah?" The vampire's gestures included Sookie and Pam's conversation, his pack of cigarettes, and the back door. Sookie could see why the Summers women nagged him about fidgeting.

"I've got the article right here," Sookie said, halting his motion. She just hoped Pam was done interrupting.

Sookie turned the display to the side of the booth so the four strangers could see it better. There was still quite a lot of craning of necks and shielding of glare. Soon, by silent consent, Willow began to speak.

"Okay," Willow said. "This is from a list called '2010's best non-traditional news sources.'" The woman (witch, Sookie recognized the haze of magic around her mind) adopted an animated reporter voice, dropped it, blushed, then picked it up again with a little less gusto. "In the internet blogs- blogsphere? there was nothing hotter to blog about last year than conspiracy theories on a little video you might have heard of called 'Buffy: Slayer of the Vampyres.' Hey, wow, it's really here!" Willow said, breaking narrative. "Sorry.

"It's been almost a year now since "Buffy: Slayer of the Vampyres" became the internet's most downloaded video but you remember it, I'm sure. The editing was poor, the time line incoherently jumbled, and watching it, you kind of got the sense that you'd been dumped into the middle of an urban legend or some inside joke that you were never given quite enough background to understand? Yeah, that one.

"It was never very clear if the "documentary" was meant to be frightening or funny but it seemed to succeed at humor only unintentionally which catapulted it immediately into legendary cult comedy status in dorm rooms across America. After a few months relegated to semi-legal download hubs on every college campus, "Vampyres" exploded onto the virtual world stage when several conspiracy sites started posting rumors that Tucker Wells had disappeared. Wells was widely regarded as a genius, a man who understood the young adult mindset well enough to create a self promoting film that had so thoroughly laid claim to the public psyche that its dialogue had crept into vernacular and it had been viewed in nearly every household in the nation.

"Wells' rumored disappearance prompted a wave of amateur and semi-professional analysis of the footage, and a whole slew of blogs sprang up to analyze the analysis. The acting, often remarked upon as being quite outstanding given the film's low budget appearance, quickly came under suspicion. Some claimed that the actors who so deftly appeared to be surprised by or unaware of the camera were indeed real people, human and vampire, caught unawares.

"Further rumors of Slayers, women with super human abilities whose mission it is to kill vampires for the good of humanity, lit up the web world wide. With a few keystrokes on Google, you'll find thousands of blogs that report the bloody... or should I say 'dusty' endeavors of these women. Some bloggers claim that Slayers in vampire-friendly countries like America and England have run afoul of government agencies and have quietly been brought up on criminal charges. Others claim the women are being wooed by fanatical religious groups. Still other sites claim that the documentary was made by Andrew, not Tucker, Wells and that this man, the younger Wells, will be directing a full length remake. Casting wish-lists by zealous fans name everyone from Angelina Jolie to Anna Kendrick as possible Buffys.

"What do you think? Comment on your choices for the Buffy cast below or follow the links to check out our picks of the best Buffy blogs." Willow's fingers scrolled down the track pad for a moment before she looked up with a small smile to indicate she'd finished. Her audience sat open-mouthed.

"2011?" Dawn squeaked.

"People? I'm people now, am I?" Spike managed to sound both cynical and impressed.

"Angelina Jolie?" Buffy was less impressed.

It was at that moment of stunned silence broken by the occasional exclamation of disbelief that Eric stepped out of his office. His presence at Sookie's back was like a pair of warm hands on her shoulders. Even so, she was annoyed enough to tartly thank him for gracing them with his presence. She'd told him who'd shown up in the parking lot. He'd either stayed in his office to let the joke run for a bit or because he wanted to spend as little time explaining things to the strangers as possible.

The strangers' slack-jawed expressions didn't have to change much to accommodate Eric. Buffy and Spike were on their feet faster than Sookie could follow but they didn't quite manage to stop gaping. Sookie understood, nearly six-and-a-half feet of undead Viking will do that to a person.

Sookie opened her own mouth to begin introductions, but Eric beat her to it. "A not-quite-human," he said, looking at Dawn. "A practicing witch," Willow got a glare she only deserved by Eric's not-too-fond-of-witches standards. "And the woman who killed Dracula." Buffy stared calmly back at Eric.

Sookie tried thinking about warm woolen mittens and shiny red cars and all kinds of soothing things. Maybe this Buffy actually was some kind of superwoman but she'd also won the 'Person Eric Likes Least at the Moment' lottery and seemed to have no idea.

After an absurd moment in which Buffy and Eric sized one another up and Spike looked ready to fidget his way into a fight, Eric broke the stare down to look at the other vampire. "William the Bloody," he said with a nod. "I see you survived the Culling. You're welcome under my protection, of course. Though I wish you hadn't brought your pet Slayer along."