RIDICULOUSLY LONG WAIT FOR THIS CHAPTER IS RIDICULOUSLY LONG.

Sorry, Tristana, I enjoy Caps too much to give them up so easily /FAILSATLIFE (but I will try to use them a little less while writing... it's a bad habit though!)

ANYwho.

Tristana is full of even MORE win because she got Theoden's speech reference right and I seriously didn't think anyone who reads fanfiction was as much of a LotR nerd as me. Thank you for making me feel less nerdy.

FUUUUU JUST LOOKED AT MY REVIEWS.

Miss Macabre Grey I'M SO SORRY. THIS IS SO LATE. But you all should be used to it by now. Not that that's any excuse for my procrastination but HEY. I'm taking AP Calculus and AP US History right now, so cut me some slack. :c And thanks for bringing my long AN notes to attention... Derp.

AND IF YOU WANT EVEN MORE EXCUSES, I'VE BEEN WORKING ON ORIGINAL STUFF. 150 ORIGINAL CHARACTERS NOW ADERPAHERP.

I'll be the Princess, You can be Target Practice

Chapter Five: It's Her, Never Me

I consider myself a rational man, on all accounts. I keep myself calm in dire situations, I hear people out, I never jump to conclusions, and don't give me that look, I have a gun, and it's loaded.

Anyway, I'm pretty willing to compromise during any shocking event to occur- however- if this so-called event involves my baby sister getting tackled and molested by a man I barely know, I must say, all bets are off. And I become the Swiss equivalent to Rambo. Because no one screws with my little sister and gets away with it. No one.

Needless to say, that man was out of my house faster than you could say 'ich werde sie töten.'

However, I did not expect him to return.

Now- I am also rational in the sense that I think on the same level as normal human beings, meaning that usually I expect people to leave after I attempt to murder them, not come back through my field of land mines in an attempt to- well, er, I haven't quite figured that out myself yet, actually, he's a strange man and I do not want to even think about trying to track his erratic way of thinking things through. I mean, my way of thinking is a little strange, too, but my brain has evolved from that of a neanderthal.

So I am smart enough to deduce that he is coming for Lili (definitely Lili for sure, his hugs and compliments meant nothing at all while I was nursing him back to health... no, he's just odd), which meant I had her hide in the bomb shelter beneath the house in a vault secured by a fingerprint and eye-scanner. It has recently been refurbished, actually, now the inside has a mini-fridge, a flat-screen, a bookcase that turns around into a gun rack- of course, Lili doesn't know about that one.

In any case, when I got back upstairs after triple-checking the security system and arming myself with an old-fashioned blowgun at Lili's request, I came up with a half-assed decoy in the kitchen, where I hoped they would start first (since it's probably the only place Prussia will be able to locate in the house). Of course, my premonition, as always, turned out correct. But I was NOT prepared for an ambush of that many, who knew Prussia had so many followers, anyway?

So here I am after barricading myself at the far end of the hall, waiting with flash grenade in hand for the impending ambush.

And I find myself asking, why?

Admittedly, it's been fun- arguably the most fun I've had since I was a child- and maybe the Prussian did deserve a chance at life. Maybe. He wasn't all that bad, he was just a little... over-zealous, I suppose. Now I suppose if I could discourage him from his advances on Lili, he would make a pretty good sparring partne-

My thoughts were cut off as my alter-ego James Bond unhelpfully supplied an answer to my earlier query.

"I discovered it had a crush on me."

And then I figure that my premonitions aren't always correct, and Prussia deserved at least two tranquilizer shots to the neck, if not five.

...And that maybe, maybe James Bond is losing his touch.

I completely deny any blushing whatsoever after Bond's comment.

ALOON:

Yeah, you waited this long, FOR THIS? Well, if you REALLY want an excuse- I suggest going to my profile! Prepare to be stunned as I curse life and all of its meaning.

I'm fine now, though, really. I actually got a really nice message from sky-journey which cheered me up so much! I doubt your reading this, but thank you. c:

And I was torn between James Bond quotes, I kinda wanted to use the 'I feel a slight stiffness coming on.. in the shoulder' one but I felt this one worked tons better.

Oh and:

Ich werde sie töten is I'm going to kill you in German, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

Also- second to last line- FORESHADOWING OOOH!

Lol. FFF.

And I'm thanking everyone again for the reviews, favorites, and alerts. Makes Rant-Rant a happy Zilla. C:

QAPY:

Where is Waldo?

Why can't Rantzilla write in Switzerland's PoV?

WHY IS THIS CHAPTER ALL REVIEW, ONLY IN SWITZERLAND'S PoV FFFFFFFF?

Will Switzerland make amends with Prussia, or continue to shoot hate beams?

Why did Rantzilla make this chapter such a cock-tease?

I TOLD YOU THIS CHAPTER WAS SHORT (sorry Miss Macabre Grey :C)

K BYE FOR SRS.