Need To Know
by AHS

"You look like shit. Don't tell me you let Ian cook for you."

Justin paused in wiping down the counter long enough to flip a middle finger in Brian's direction. The man was striding into the diner looking irritatingly good enough to eat.

"No, fuck you very much. Just," he shrugged, "tired. Work, school…"

"Nothing else?"

Brian slid onto the stool directly in front of Justin. Justin wordlessly got a mug and poured him some coffee.

"Not still playing nursemaid, are you? It's been over a week. That's a lot of cleaning up-… I mean, you may have no discernible gag reflex, but you don't exactly have the strongest stomach. Bottomless pit, though it may be."

Justin ignored a very specific part of that. "Please, I've seen worse working here. And I'm not playing nursemaid. He's my boyfriend. I take care of him."

Fuck, Brian did his damnedest to not think of that sexually, because he'd actually had an appetite when he walked in. Hopefully, the fiddler was still too busy doing his impression of Linda Blair in The Exorcist for that kind of thing to be going on.

"I'm surprised he let you get away. What will he do when he rings his little bell and you're not there?"

"Brian," Justin warned in a voice that said he better be careful if he wanted these friendly terms they were on to continue. "I'm not his fucking butler. But I do understand that what energy he has he needs to focus on his music."

Brian couldn't help but wonder how much of Justin's energy was being used to preserve Ethan's energy. How long it had been since Justin painted something outside of class. But no fucking way would he ask.

"As a matter of fact, today's his first day playing… for the people again."

"Ahh, back working the streets." Brian held up his hands at the look Justin gave him. "Musically speaking, of course. Respect." The corners of Brian's mouth wiggled but he forced them down before he could get in worse trouble. "And how is your lovely mother?"

"Jen's a fucking warrior!" Deb declared as she burst in from the kitchen and came upon the conversation. "Strong, I tell you! That woman was sick as a dog! Barely let me lift a finger to help her! She wouldn't even eat my manicotti!"

"Deb, I know people not wanting to eat is a foreign concept to you, but I'm pretty sure when somebody's got food poi-"

"Shh!" She slapped a hand quickly over Brian's mouth. "No saying those words in here. The customers will think there's something wrong with the food."

"That's a safe bet, isn't it?"

"Hahaha," Deb fake-laughed. "Stick to fucking, kid, 'cause your stand-up comedy routine stinks." She went to wait on some people who had just arrived, pinching Brian's side on the way. "I'd refuse you service if you weren't so skinny!"

Justin was grinning. "So… ridiculously dry turkey sandwich?"

"To go."

"Oh. Yeah, no problem."

Only slightly thrown, and no idea why, Justin took the order back to the kitchen. Five minutes later, they were at the register, and Brian was trying to make him keep the change from a twenty.

When Justin told Brian that Jennifer still really wanted to talk to him, Brian offered to switch it to a fifty if Justin would get him out of it.

*****

Three days later, Jennifer Taylor was apparently as good as new, because she showed up at Brian's office with takeout. Regardless of Justin's claims of her wanting to talk, he had not expected that.

He tried to pretend he had an important lunch meeting to get to, but Cynthia sold him out.

"Brian, I am… mortified," was her opener, once his desk looked like a Chinese buffet.

"Jade Pagoda may not have the best food, but I'm hardly offended, Mrs. Taylor."

She watched him toss a spicy pea pod into his mouth and chuckled lightly at his attempt to play off the not entirely comfortable situation. "Jennifer. And you know that's not what I meant. I'm mortified that anyone had to see me in that condition, let alone you."

"Why let alone me? It's not like you care what I think." It was matter of fact, not accusing.

"It's not that I-" She stopped, set down her container of orange chicken, and tried again. "I don't know what you think I think of you, but I respect you, Brian. I do."

He raised a disbelieving eyebrow, and she watched it lower, along with his eyes, when he saw that she meant it.

"I even… possibly… like you."

A little voice in his head tried to get Brian to make a comment about being flattered but not really into that kind of thing, but it wouldn't quite come out of his mouth. Maybe he was too busy feeling… good, for a second… until he reminded himself who he was talking to.

"Now that your baby boy's finally escaped my clutches?"

Jennifer sighed. "It's not like that. I knew how much you cared about Justin. I just didn't think you were… at the same place in your lives. I worried about him getting hurt."

"And you were right. He did. Again."

She knew he was referencing prom night. Saw the shadow come over his face. "And again, I don't think he was the only one."

Brian stared, unseeing, into a container of rice, before his head popped up and he forced a smile. "It all worked out for the best. I'm fabulous, Justin's finally happy, and you get family dinners with the perfect son-in-law. Except for the poisoning you."

"Ethan is a nice young man. He dotes on Justin. They have a lot in common…"

Chopsticks paused on the way to his mouth, Brian looked at her. He could have sworn he heard a "but" lingering after that sentence. Seemed unlikely, but it would have been less unexpected than what she said next.

"You know, Craig and I were married for twenty years and I don't think I ever let him see me with my makeup completely off?"

He blinked, at a loss for a sequitur. How the fuck did they get on makeup and Craig?

"Well, it sounds like you were doing your part to make the marriage work."

"We seemed like the perfect couple. We had similar backgrounds, and for most of our marriage, we hardly even fought. But I don't think he ever really knew me. The makeup -- I know it sounds like an insignificant thing, but relationships have to be honest and… flawed. That's how you know they're real. You can't love some idea you have in your head, and you definitely can't be that for someone else. If there are no outward flaws, that just means they're hiding on the inside."

…What the fuck?

"Jennifer, did you have to cancel your therapy appointment this week or something?" Brian snarked.

"No, that's Thursdays, ten a.m."

He'd been kidding… hadn't thought about her really being in therapy… but he guessed she'd had a lot to deal with the last couple of years.

She kind of enjoyed shutting him up. A small lipstick smile hovered. "Just something to think about, that's all. Now… eat a dumpling."

"Nah, too many carbs."

She gave him this looklike Debbie would when he was a kid and tried to turn down seconds.

"Fine. I'll eat a dumpling." He chewed pointedly, and maybe even got a kick out of how pleased she looked with herself. Reminded him of… "You ordered a lot of my favorites," he said, clearing his throat.

"I know. Justin told me what you liked."

Five or ten minutes of companionably silent eating later, Jennifer gathered her purse and made Brian agree to take the leftovers.

He'd give them to Cynthia. She'd probably only had a yogurt for lunch. And he supposed he wasn't pissed at her anymore.

"Let me pay you back for all this."

Jennifer didn't even narrow her eyes. Just quickly pulled out her checkbook. "Fine, then tell me how much to make out this check for."

"Check for what?"

"Your shoes."

"…Why don't we call it even?"

She chuckled, then stepped close, regarding him seriously. Brian was afraid for a second that she was going to hug him. But she just touched his arm.

"Thank you, Brian, for what you did for me." At that, she walked away.

"Is the thanking done now? Can we go back to how we were?"

"Yes, you're once again a pervert and a predator in my eyes. I promise."

Not really. But it seemed to make him feel better.

*****

"I can just picture the look on his face," Justin laughed. "Good job, Mom… Okay, I'll talk to you later. Bye."

"The look on whose face?" Ethan had gotten home while Justin was talking, and he came up behind him, nuzzling his neck.

"Oh, hey." Justin tensed slightly but turned around, giving Ethan a small kiss on the lips. "Um… Brian."

"Brian." Ethan took a step back. "Why were you talking to your mom about Brian?"

"She called to talk to me," Justin pointed out, hoping the jealousy would be kept to a minimum. "She had lunch with him at his office today, to thank him."

"I suppose he's her favorite now."

"What?"

"Never mind that I'm the one who's good for you. Now I'm the one who made her sick, and he's the one who rescued her."

"Ethan, you're being ridiculous."

"Am I?"

"Yes. He did a nice thing, and she said thank you. That's all. My mom still thinks you're wonderful."

"Does her son feel the same?"

I left BRIAN for you. What the fuck more do you want?

Justin was shocked by his own inner voice. Why would he think something like that? Maybe it wasn't him. Sounded more like something Daphne would say.

"Of course. It doesn't have to be you versus him all the time." Justin touched Ethan's face and managed a smile. "There's… no contest."

Ethan kissed his hand. "You're right, I'm being silly. It's none of my business if your mother wants to be buddies with Brian Kinney."

"I don't think there's a danger of that…"

"It's not like it's you and Brian."

Justin immediately wanted to say it. To say that he and Brian were friends. But he quickly decided instead to add that to the list of mostly unimportant things his boyfriend didn't need to know. Like that he didn't like Ethan's cooking. (Well, that had been somewhat discovered, in light of Justin not getting sick, but it hadn't been talked about.) Or that he found Ethan's friends to be pretentious asshats. Or that, though Ethan was obviously extremely gifted, Justin still wasn't nearly as big a fan of the violin as he'd sort of pretended to be.

So, he said nothing.

"Ah, I'm so drained. I'm still not one hundred percent, you know. But I gave the people everything I had. And the response?" Ethan puffed up a bit and tugged on Justin's wrist. "I'll light some candles and tell you in the tub."

Another candlelit bath? Seriously? "I don't really feel like it."

"Aw." He made a pouting face. "Baby, you know I get lonely in there by myself."

Then buy a fucking rubber duck.

Justin's eyes grew wide. His own thoughts (or Daphne's, he just wasn't sure how) guilted him into saying yes. "Okay. I'll be right there. I didn't get to finish checking my email when my mom called."

"Mmm, don't make me wait too long."

Once Ethan was in the bathroom, Justin went over to his computer.

An email awaited him. From Brian.

I understand you were in on that little ambush. Fucker. But at least now I am free from gratitude and can return to life as selfish bastard.

Food was good.

~ B

Justin laughed… quietly, though the running water drowned him out… and sent one back.

My mom didn't say much, but I think she had a good time. She told me to tell you she called you "delightful company" and see how you reacted, lol.

You're welcome. Hope you got a good fortune.

~ J

He sat there for another minute or two. Just kind of staring at Brian's email, at the letter B.

"What's taking my beautiful boyfriend so long?"

"Nothing," Justin called out to Ethan, just as a new email popped up. "Just finished." He clicked…

It said, "Beware of meddling, know-it-all twats." And…

*growl* -- (That's my reaction.)

~ B

Ridiculous as it might sound, that typed growl made Justin start to get hard.

He bit his lip, turned off the computer and headed to the bathroom. The origin of his erection, well, that was something else Ethan didn't need to know.

*****

One night the following week, Justin was at Daphne's working on an art history paper a little less than diligently. He kept clicking over to the internet window and checking his email.

Not for any particular reason, he told himself. Just an excuse for procrastination.

But one of those times he checked, Daphne noticed his face brightening in a way that did not go with doing homework, and peered over his shoulder, reading aloud.

"Some asshole in a sports car tried to cut me off on the way home from work. Pittsburgh drivers are for shit… B."

She laughed, at the email and at Justin's face as he looked at her, like he couldn't decide if he should feel caught or not. She thwapped his shoulder lightly. "Well, aren't you going to reply?"

Justin smiled, shrugged, and typed.

I bet he's grumbling about the asshole in a sports car who was driving like somebody's grandmother ;-b …who is also a Pittsburgh driver, btw.

~ J

"Brian drives like an old lady??"

"Not quite. But he drives slower than you would expect. Really, it fits his control issues."

They'd barely gotten their giggles under control when another email arrived.

Assholes drive RED sports cars. I am a man with taste. Give me some fucking credit, Sunshine.

Later. ~ B

"Huh." Daphne rubbed her hands together and walked a circle around her tiny bedroom and tried to tamp down the glee that was bubbling up inside her chest. "Sooo… you guys are talking again?"

Justin opened his mouth… closed it. Finally went with, "We were never really not talking… exactly."

"But now it's different?"

He couldn't argue that. Nodded. "Since, you know, the day my mom got sick. When we see each other now, at the diner or wherever… I won't say it's not still a little awkward, but… it feels different. Better."

"So what changed?"

"…I guess I did. Brian was pretty nice to me after we…" Justin trailed off. "I was the one who tended to be cold and always had my back up. I'd get angry when I'd see him. But I think that was because he was being nice. After what I did to him, if he could act so unfazed, I figured he really must not have cared very much."

"Justin."

"I think when I saw him at the hospital, I could just… tell he still cared a little. I don't know exactly. But yeah, it changed."

"And the emailing?"

"It's weird. I'll get an email from him a couple of times a day now, just like what you read. Only a line or two. Nothing deep, just some random thought or thing that happened, like incompetents fucking up the boards at work or how the grocery store started carrying an inferior brand of guava juice." Justin's lips formed a soft grin at that, and he stood, rolling the stiffness out of his shoulders. "I respond like you just saw, short and simple."

"Why is it weird?"

"Because we never even did that when we were together."

"You never emailed?"

"Well, we lived together, so… Sexy emails, sometimes. Like, what he was gonna do to me when he got home from work." Justin mentally ordered himself not to flush, remembering. "But not so much the little things about our days. I guess this is what it's like to be friends with Brian Kinney."

"You don't think you were friends before?"

Daphne asked that much more quietly than she usually spoke, but Justin heard it almost with an echo.

"No, we were," he said, sure but a little sad. "I guess we just… lost that first."

"I bet Ethan isn't happy about this reclaimed friendship."

"He doesn't really know," Justin admitted. "But no, he definitely wouldn't be. He was uncomfortable with knowing Brian and my mom were talking. But it's not like anything's going on with us… Brian and me."

"Right, you're just flirting."

"What? Daph, Brian and I are not flirting."

Daphne had grabbed Justin's seat and been looking through his emails with Brian. There was nothing inappropriate in them, nothing overtly sexual. But they were so flirty.

"Sure."

"I am committed to Ethan. I'm happier than I've ever been."

She wanted to ask why he was lying to his best friend and himself, but only said, "I don't know how the flirting and the commitment are mutually exclusive, but okay." She hopped up and gestured to the computer. "You want to go back to work on your paper?"

Justin looked at the screen for a second and rubbed his eyes. "Fuck. I don't feel like I'm going to get anywhere with it tonight."

"Great! Let's go out."

*****

"I can't stay out too late."

Daphne rolled her eyes as they walked into Woody's. Where had her fun friend Justin gone?

"I've heard all about how good you are at sucking, but could you please refrain from sucking all the fun out of this? We just got here. Ethan's still at practice or rehearsal or whatever, right? He's not even home. And I don't know about you, but I could really use a night out!"

Justin looked around, half relieved, half disappointed at not seeing any of the gang. Daphne was right. He'd missed this place. "Pool table's free."

"Buy us a couple of beers. I'll rack 'em! Get ready to eat my chalk dust!"

He shook his head and laughed at her as he went to get the drinks. She was a terrible pool player, but she didn't care.

The bartender nodded in recognition at Justin, almost seeming to say, Welcome back, and didn't ask to see ID. A few guys gave him some very interested looks, and it still felt fucking good.

"I saw that, Hot Stuff," Daph giggled, as he handed over her beer. "Tell me again why you don't come here anymore? I mean, I know it's not Ethan's scene, and you're not interested in taking anybody up on you know, 'cause you're monogamous and blah blah, but if I were you, I'd come for the ego boost alone!"

"I don't need my ego boosted. Ethan tells me all the time how gorgeous I am, how inspiring, amazing. How much he loves-"

Daphne took her shot and broke loudly, though ineffectively, in an effort to not hear that crap again. "That's why you've abandoned your favorite bar?"

Justin scratched his ear. "I guess that and…"

Just then, he felt the atmosphere change, and his gaze landed on someone who'd just walked in… No fucking way. Right on cue.

He almost pulled Daphne under the pool table and hid. Instead, he made a slightly more dignified split-second decision and yanked her into an open booth facing away from the door. Thankfully, she'd seen him, too, so she didn't squeak in surprise or ask what the fuck.

They watched, even breathing quietly, as Brian walked in. He signaled the bartender and got a glass of (likely) Beam, without words. Leaned against the bar looking sinfully good. Owning the place, as he always did. Surveying it so as to pick which toy he wanted to play with.

Brian's sight never got as far as Justin and Daphne smushing themselves into the shadows, having found a hot prospect three stools down. One of the guys who had been giving Justin drooling looks. Next thing they knew, he was whispering in the trick's ear and then pulling him by the waistband towards the bathroom.

"That?" Daphne finally spoke. "Is that the other reason?"

Justin took a large swallow of beer.

"Justin, let's go."

"No," he surprised both of them by saying. "Why should we? Part of what's so great about being with Ethan is that… this can't bother me anymore."

"Right. So you're going to stay? Go up to your buddy Brian afterwards and high-five him and be all, 'Score!'?"

He looked back up and could still see them. Against the bathroom door but they hadn't gone in yet. He forced himself to watch… and smile.

"I'm fine." And he was lying. The trick was grabbing Brian's ass. Brian groped the trick's cock through his jeans. The trick leaned in…

And suddenly Justin wasn't lying anymore. Because Brian turned his head away.

It could have been a fluke. But the trick tried again to move in for a kiss, and this time Brian actually put his hand on the guy's mouth and pushed it back. Shook his head. Then pulled the guy inside the bathroom and shut the door.

"Justin?"

The worry in Daphne's voice got his attention, and he blinked quickly, turning to her. Realized he'd had a tear in his eye. Which was probably a hefty amount of why his best friend was looking at him like she wanted to hug him to death. But she didn't understand.

She didn't understand that Brian was behind that door fucking that guy, and Justin didn't CARE, but not for the reason he'd claimed.

"I think I do want to go, Daph." He needed to think about some things.

"Okay."

They left, Daphne hugging him a little too protectively on the way to the car. And he tried not to smile, because it would only confuse her.

He called Ethan and told him he and Daphne weren't done studying. Back at her apartment, Justin told Daphne he needed to go for a walk… just a short one, alone… and she reluctantly let him instead of making him talk.

Once outside, he made another call.

"Hellooo?"

"Em?"

"Baby! Oh, it's so good to hear that voice again! I know I see you at the diner, but it's been too long since you've called me!"

"I know it has."

"So, dish! What is new with you? Ohh, I heard about Ethan and your mom. Eww. They feeling better or still green? Oh my goodness, that reminds me of a near similar situation I had involving some - unbeknownst to me - expired goat cheese. How are you supposed to tell when goat cheese is expired? It smells the same as when it's good! Anyhoo…"

"Emmett!"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry. I really do miss talking to you more and I'm going to fix that. But right now I need to ask you something."

"Ooh, curious. Ask away!"

"Please don't say anything to anyone, and don't ask why, but… when was the last time you saw Brian kiss someone?"

That actually made Emmett go quiet for several seconds, thinking. "Huh… Not counting the little Michael ones?"

"Right. Like, really kiss someone. Have you seen him do it with tricks?"

"I won't swear to it, but I really can't picture the last time I saw him kiss a trick, no. And now that you mention it, I thought I'd noticed that at Babylon, I remember I was going to say something to Teddy, but I must have gotten distracted..."

"Em, thank you!"

"Sweetie, I don't want to give you the wrong idea. Brian's tricking like crazy. Probably more than ever before."

"I know," Justin assured, knowing his smile was audible and promising himself he'd explain it to Emmett soon. "And I don't have the wrong idea. I finally have the right one."

He said goodbye and went back inside, and everything started to hit him. He sat cross-legged on Daphne's couch and ran pencil over paper, pages and pages, for over an hour. Formless thoughts and feelings that took on shapes and became a mask fallen to the floor, roses, candles, Brian's eyes, his own lips, a doorway, sun breaking through dark clouds…

When he was done, his hand hurt like hell, he was sad and he was happy.

*****

"There's my little genius boyfriend. Finally get that paper finished?"

"Actually, no, not even close… Ethan, we need to talk. I need to talk."

"…All right. Talk."

Justin took a very deep breath.

"I need to be truthful about some things and you not interrupt me…… I don't like your cooking. I hate pimiento. Yes, I only pretended to eat the casserole at my mom's. Candlelit baths lost their romance after about the twentieth one. I miss going out to things other than PIFA parties. I miss bars, dancing. I don't like your friends. They're snobs, they think they're funny and they're not, and I feel like they look at me like, 'Isn't he cute? He paints!' Sometimes I feel like you think your art is more difficult or more impressive than mine, despite everything I've gone through with my hand… which I've never fully told you about, have I? And I have to wonder why that is. I don't paint or draw as much as I used to, even though I'm in school for it now, and no, it's not because of my hand, it's because my muse is gone. Sometimes I feel like I'm trying to be your muse for you and forgetting to be an artist. For some reason, though I've always gotten a little thrill from being able to say 'my boyfriend' about you, I hate it when you call me that. And you're probably the most talented violinist I've ever heard, but I still basically think the violin sounds like cats having sex. Yours just sounds like, I guess, cats having good sex…… Uh… that's it."

Well, except for the one all-important truth he was willing to bet Ethan already knew. Because that one he'd told him, from the very beginning.

Ethan was glad he'd sat down before Justin started. He'd just been flattened by an avalanche. He sat, unable to even react for a couple of minutes. He finally croaked out some words.

"You're just telling me all this now? My God, Justin, why are you even with me?"

Justin felt horrible. He'd never really told Ethan he loved him, but he'd let him think he did, or at least that he could get there. "Because you're wonderful." He heard Ethan laugh in disbelief. "No, I mean it. You're attractive, passionate. You made me feel important and… treasured. I couldn't have asked for a more attentive boyfriend."

Ethan thought he understood this now. "You were with me to try and get some of that attention from the man you really wanted. When that didn't happen, you were stuck with the consolation prize."

"No!" Maybe… but he hadn't thought of it that way, he really hadn't. "That's not what you were."

"What about when we make love?"

"What about it?"

"How is it?"

Justin's eyes darted to the ceiling, searching for a way out of this conversation. Was nice a weird word to use about sex? Different? "It was… good."

"I see we're talking in past tense now, hmm? Fuck you, Justin," Ethan seethed, wounded pride giving way to anger. "If you're still hung up on that whore…" His dark eyes narrowed. "Were you really with Daphne tonight?"

Justin sighed, knowing what Ethan was thinking. "Yes. I was."

"And I should believe you? Because you've been so honest with me?"

"Ethan, that's what I'm trying to be now, because I at least owe you that much. I realized a couple of things tonight. All those little truths… me holding them back, that was a sign that our relationship wasn't as perfect as we wanted to pretend. But none of that stuff really mattered, even all added up. I still could have been happy with you if those were our only problems."

"I'm on the edge of my seat." Sarcasm wasn't Ethan's strong point, but he gave it a shot. "What, pray tell, was our real problem?"

"I was with Daphne tonight, but I realized something on my own, about Brian. And about you and me. I realized that… Brian not kissing someone else means more to me than you kissing me does." Justin swallowed at the weight of his words, even as he felt his chest lighten. "That's how I know I have to go."

*****

He showed up on Daphne's doorstep with a hastily packed bag and quite a story to tell.

Including the end bit, where Ethan let Justin know that he had not, in fact, been at orchestra rehearsal all night, but with a lover. (Though the lover was apparently a guy from the orchestra.)

Daph wondered if he said that just to get back at Justin, but Justin had been able to tell it was true. And it apparently wasn't the first time. He should have felt like a fool, angry, humiliated, and he supposed part of him did. But he also laughed, in a fucked up way feeling freed from having to feel bad about hurting Ethan.

He dodged Daphne's Brian questions and questions about what would happen next, occupying their mouths with ice cream and putting on a distractingly cheesy 80's movie. Then prepared to pass out, exhausted from a very long day, full of way too many changes and discoveries and still more questions.

But first, he logged on. Sent a quick email, with no real point, except to say…

Goodnight :)

~ J

A few minutes later, just before he could fall asleep sitting up, he got this back…

?

'Night.

~ B

And Justin slept. Kept company by the most hopeful dreams he'd had in a long time.

*****

The next day, Justin knocked loudly on the loft door, but the pounding of his heart was louder.

The door slid open, and there was Brian… hair rumpled just so, white V-necked T-shirt, jeans, barefoot of fucking course… looking questioningly at him, and Justin forgot everything he'd planned to say.

Brian wanted to make a joke about Justin having forgotten his Girl Scout cookies. He wanted to ask him what the fuck he was doing there. But he didn't want Justin to think he didn't want him there and leave. Then he thought, why the fuck not, that's what you made sure happened before. To which his mind responded, THAT IS why the fuck not, asshole.

They just kind of stared at each other.

"There's something I- I need to know," Justin got out at last.

"Okay."

Brian waited. He waved his hand around in question. Justin wasn't saying anything else. The staring continued, and Brian was becoming increasingly uncomfortable.

"Well, this is scintillating conversation, Sun-"

"Are you still keeping the no kissing rule?"

Brian's eyes widened for just a second, but he otherwise showed no expression other than bored. "What?"

Justin stepped a little closer. "Are you not kissing tricks? Even though we broke up months ago, have you stuck to your promise to not kiss anyone but me?"

Brian made a sound that was something like a laugh, but he looked like he was getting a migraine. "Why the fuck would I do that? It's not like I'm kissing you anymore."

Justin had crept closer, closer… Brian never moving back… and he was now the closest he could get to him without quite touching. He looked up, to Brian's mouth, Brian's eyes. Raised up just a little. Breathed against his lips, "Answer the question."

Brian held Justin's gaze… defiantly, at first, with raised eyebrow… fighting… then slowly, so slowly softening… absorbing the warmth in the blue… too long since it was this close… until there was nothing to do but surrender.

"I don't make promises I can't keep."

Justin's eyes closed at the words, the gruff but tender voice, his forehead falling lightly against Brian's chin. He was shaking a little, and strong arms wrapped around him as he whispered, "I broke up with Ethan."

He felt happiness burst open in the chest he was pressed to before it could be hidden away.

"Why would you do a thing like that? I heard he was the perfect boyfriend."

"Not quite," Justin mumbled, thinking of the cheating confessions (more like boasts), and felt Brian look at him for clarification. He'd tell him later. "But that's not why."

"Then why?" Brian stopped surreptitiously smelling Justin's hair long enough to hold his breath.

"Because I was fooling myself. I didn't want a boyfriend. I wanted- I want the man I love."

"…They're not the same?"

He felt soft hair brush his lips as Justin's head shook back and forth, no. Hands on the side of his face as Justin's face slid up slowly, nose drawing a line up his chin, warm lips over stubbled skin, top lip gliding over his bottom lip and then slipping between, landing without looking.

Brian sucked the top lip gently, then less so, until Justin's hands dug into his hair. He pulled the boy's body even tighter against him and licked at the full bottom lip, sucking it inside. Justin's soft tongue found his, rubbed, and he felt like heat was reentering his body… limbs, veins, cold heart… that hadn't been there since he left.

Fuck, this was really happening. Fuck, he'd missed kissing. And kissing was Justin. Fuck, he'd missed Justin.

In no time, both hard and panting and almost painfully alive, Justin's fingers clinging to Brian's biceps, Justin pulled back just enough to breathe. Afraid this might not mean what he wished it to mean. Afraid to ask, but he had to.

"Are you taking me back?"

Brian just wanted it to happen. Not to describe it, not fucking dramatically label it. If he was forced to think about it, what if he couldn't do it? "I don't know. I'll send you an email later," he tried to joke.

But he watched that beautiful smile disappear and knew there was no way he wasn't taking Justin back. Taking back what was his. Apparently he was feeling something stronger than pride these days.

"I'm taking you in every way imaginable," he growled hotly, nibbling Justin's ear.

He picked him up and strong legs gripped his waist and he backed them up through the door. When he laid him down on the bed, Justin still looked unsure, so he kissed his nose.

It was so… sweet. Justin lit up because he knew that really meant yes. But he still almost couldn't believe it. Part of him had thought Brian would never…

"Why, Brian?"

"Because I… I want what I want, too. Okay?"

Brian wanted Justin. Very possibly loved Justin. His lips never quite managed to form the words, but they said it with every kiss given, and with every kiss denied.

That was all Justin needed to know.