Author's Note: I've been informed that the previous snigger-fest warning was insuffient, so here's the upgraded version. Please put down all fluids and finish eating before you read this chapter (or at least this first scene). :) Enjoy!

"So let me get this straight," the image of Chairman Morshower drawled on the computer monitor. "You not only let them out of the brig, but you're scheduling an alien robot romp on the beach?"

It took every ounce of military training for Major Lennox to keep his expression smooth, even if he was only staring down the webcam. "Yes, sir. That's correct."

Trying to sound professional and failing, one of the four-star generals wondered with wide eyes, "Are all of the Autobots participating?"

"No, sir. Chromia has explicitly stated she does not share."

"Explicitly, huh?" another general sniggered. The wide-eyed one glared at him.

'Primus,' Will thought. 'It's like being in middle-school again!'

"This is violating so many regs I don't even know where to start," Morshower grumbled. Will could tell what Morshower was thinking as clearly as if they were communicating via Autobot comm: have you lost your fricking mind?

"Sir, you are familiar with Prowl and his exactness when it comes to rules and regs. Even he can't figure out what to charge them with." Other than sexual harassment, though in Will's defense, it was Wheeljack who had come up with that one, not Prowl. "Without charges, we can't hold them indefinitely. Prowl is working to remedy the situation by drawing up regulations that would be equally applicable to humans and Autobots, but in the meantime, they are spouses by Autobot standards and, frankly, we'll be able to better control their…interfacing practices by allowing them a little bit of leeway."

"By letting them play on the beach. Betcha that pervert Soundwave's getting an eyeful," one of the admirals said with a smirk.

"Outdoor interfacing privileges are only a temporary solution," Will repeated for emphasis. "The materials request you received yesterday is so we can build a permanent solution."

"A shielded storage facility for experimental weapons and ammo?" the 'explicitly' general asked. "You're going to let robots go at it next to high explosives?"

'Knowing Ironhide, he'd get a kick out of it,' Will thought grimly. "That's just a cover. We thought it would do less damage to the Autobots' reputation if their intimate practices weren't widely known. The experimental weaponry will be stored in Wheeljack's lab in a specially-designed room."

"An Autobot No-Tell Motel," snickered the admiral who knew way more about Soundwave than was healthy. The wide-eyed one rolled his eyes at him.

"They prefer to think of it as a honeymoon suite," Will said, blushing despite the uniform he was wearing.

After Annabelle went to school that morning, Sarah had invited 'Hide and Chromia over to the house. Once there, she had introduced them to the concept of the 'honeymoon suite' and started talking with them about interior design for the fragging Love Shack. So far, Ironhide was insisting on an extra-large padded berth, while Chromia was all for red leather and polished steel. However, both of them agreed that an Autobot-sized hot tub was a must, provided Ratchet could concoct the proper cleansing solvent from Earth chemicals.

Five hardened commanders of men – top-ranking brass who knew the horrors of war – stared at Will in owlish, unblinking shock. "Giant alien robot warrior honeymoon suite?"

Morshower repressed a grimace. "Major Lennox, I leave this to your discretion. Just send us the materials and human resources requests and we'll fill them, no questions asked."

"Thank you, sir," Lennox answered, thinking for the thousandth time that he didn't get paid enough to deal with this slag. "There is one other related matter we need to discuss."

To his credit, Morshower didn't even flinch. "Yes?"

"Arcee."

"Again – you tell us what you need, when, and where and we'll get it to you."

"Who, sir. We need Bumblebee in California. On private property we've secured for the purpose. The Autobots will transmit the rendezvous coordinates to Bumblebee on a secured comm link. Arcee is going to give him a tune-up."

The 'explicitly' general sniggered and didn't even have the good grace to try to cover it with a cough. "A tune-up, eh?"

"She's a qualified field medic," Lennox archly said in her defense. The idea of Ironhide and Chromia picking out curtains was just…impossible to not snigger at, but Arcee's situation was completely different. "We want this to be as discreet as possible since Arcee and Bumblebee want this to remain unofficial and the people who operate the private property don't have clearance to know about the Autobots. However, we all anticipate the Witwickys will tag along and are agreed to that."

"As long as I don't have to deal with it – ever – I delegate this and all interfacing-related matters to you, Major," Morshower declared.

Translation: we're never having this discussion again. With a swell of relief in his soul, he answered, "Thank you, sir."

…

Will strode down the steps to the ranch-house's porch. "Good to see you guys!"

Sam, Mikaela, and a sheepish-looking holoform all climbed out of the yellow Camaro in the yard.

A late-middle-age couple stood with Sarah Lennox and R.C. on the porch, watching the reunion. "Sam, Mikaela, Cam, this is Carl and Elena Jensen. They're the backbone of this ranch. Sarah would have lost the old place years ago if it weren't for them."

"Pleased to meet you," Mikaela said.

"The pleasure is ours," Elena graciously answered. "We'd invite you in, but if you're going to make it to the Collin place before dark, you'd best leave now."

"Sorry," Sam apologized. "Our flight was delayed."

"That's fine," Carl grunted. "We'll see you when you city slickers have had enough. Enjoy yourselves!"

"Thanks," Will answered, turning to his wife and the femme still on the porch and tilting his head toward the trio of bikes.

"We will," R.C. murmured as she walked down the steps, and Sarah fought a smirk.

"Mind if I ride with the girls?" Mikaela asked Will, and he handed her his helmet in answer.

"Sarah knows the way. See you there."

The silent holoform who went by the designation Cam Romero climbed into the back seat, allowing Sam to drive with Will in the passenger seat. As soon as they were out of sight of the house, the holoform disappeared.

Will and Sam made small talk on the way to the cabin, mostly centered on how Sam liked being a married man. He and Mikaela had finally tied the knot last Valentine's Day. Sam mostly blushed and stammered a lot, but he did admit he liked having Mikaela officially as his partner now.

The sun had already set when Arcee and her charges turned off the washboard gravel road onto a rutted track that led across an open field. They could barely make out the faded-white walls of the old two-bedroom, one-bathroom farmhouse as the twilight deepened.

As soon as Sarah and Mikaela climbed off their bikes, Arcee transformed, shining a headlight at the door while Sarah unlocked it and rummaged around inside for an oil lamp. Bumblebee waited for Sam and Will to remove their luggage from the trunk before switching to his bipedal base mode.

"Thanks!" Sarah said to the femme as she lit the lamp. "We should be good from here on out. Why don't you and Bumblebee make a sweep of the perimeter?"

"Yeah," Will half-heartedly agreed. "Go on patrol. And take your time."

Sarah started water heating on the propane stove and broke out a box of freeze-dried dinners while Sam and Will brought the luggage in. "Take your pick!"

"Wow," Mikaela murmured. "You weren't kidding when you said we'd be roughing it."

"Beats MRE's," Will retorted, choosing the packet of beef stroganoff.

"We keep the house stocked up for deer-hunting season," Sarah answered. "It's also good to have a place you can fall back to if the weather ever catches you by surprise when you're this far from home." Sarah shot Mikaela a quick, happy grin. "Besides, I grew up reading 'Little House on the Prairie.' I don't mind. At least we have the generator, beds, a tankless propane water-heater, and indoor plumbing. And we'll have a lot of fun tomorrow. Hiking, horseback riding – there's even a small reservoir we can go swimming in."

"Sounds fun," Mikaela agreed.

At the kitchen table, Sam politely asked Will, "So…you left Spitlet on Diego Garcia?"

"Yeah. Sorry we didn't give you an explanation for this sudden vacation. Prowl didn't want to discuss details over an open phone line. He's a bit tetchy about protecting the human Prime."

"He's not the only one," Sam answered, and Will knew he was thinking of Bumblebee.

"Anyway, didn't want my daughter exposed to all this slag," Will grumbled. "And I gave 'Hide a detailed explanation as to which parts I would weld together if Annabelle even suspects that he and Chromia are up to any shenanigans."

"Chromia's the new femme, right?" Mikaela asked with interest as she set the table. "Along with Wheeljack?"

"Yeah. Um…You want the short explanation or the detailed one?"

"Short, I guess," Sam answered.

"Autobots have sex drives – literal ones – but the femmes are the ones whose drives are active. Chromia and 'Hide are mates. Spouses."

Sam stared at Will for a second. "Okay, maybe that was too short of an explanation. Why are you leaving Annabelle with mated Autobots and their active sex drives so Mikaela and I can go camping with you and Sarah?"

Will exhaled in frustration. "It's…unhealthy for a femme to go too long without interfacing – the equivalent of intercourse for 'bots. It can even be deadly because it messes with their sparks. And Arcee…"

He just couldn't bring himself to say it, not with memories of the painful-sounding thuds coming from Prime's office when Arcee was on the rampage.

"You're her pimp?" Mikaela exclaimed, putting the pieces together faster than Sam.

"Something tells me Bumblebee won't mind," Sarah murmured slyly.

Mikaela glowered at her, and Sarah shrugged. "Well, you know…"

The girl rolled her eyes, but she tipped her head, allowing that Sarah was right.

Will looked from one to the other, irritation building. He recognized communicating in code when he saw it. "What?"

"Well…" Sam hedged, "'Bee and Arcee are already together, kind of. They have been for at least a year."

Mikaela snorted. "Try, 'since before coming to Earth.'"

"WHAT?" Sam and Will both exclaimed.

"Arcee asked us to not tell," Sarah said, trying to soothe her husband. "Prowl would have fits if he knew all the details."

"Am I the only person on the planet who doesn't know which 'bot is 'facing which?"

"There are only three female Autobots here," his wife pointed out, "and RaFly doesn't have a mate."

"That you know of," Will snarled back.

"I'd know," Mikaela said archly. "RaFly and I are tight. She doesn't have a mate." And then, because she couldn't help teasing the usually-cool-and-collected soldier who looked like he was near exasperated tears, she added, "Yet."

"GAH!"

Sarah giggled. "Honey, I'm sure Sam and Mikaela will let you know if there's ever a change in RaFly's…status." She turned her authoritative mother's glare on the younger couple. "Won't you."

Sam sniggered. "If it gets this reaction out of Will, you bet!"

…

After dinner, Will fired up the generator and they watched a movie on the old TV in the living room. It was a whodunit that kept them on the edge of their seats for a good two and a half hours. Once the credits were rolling, though, Mikaela looked out the east-facing window, in the direction the 'bots had gone. Sarah drifted into the kitchen to finish the cleaning up.

"When will they be back?" Mikaela wondered. "They left more than three hours ago."

"Yep," Sarah said, absentmindedly putting the drip-dried dishes away. "Ironhide and Chromia only stopped at seven hours because Prowl interrupted them."

"So you think they're still…?"

Dramatically plopping down in a kitchen chair, Will miserably answered, "Chatting? Yes."

A little stunned, Sam asked, "Right now?"

"Yes."

"For how long?" Mikaela demanded.

Will crossed his arms on the table and rested his forehead against them. "There's a reason we wanted you to take a two-week vacation."

"Two weeks?" Mikaela repeated.

"Like the entire two weeks?" Sam stammered.

Will slumped even lower in his chair. "Yes."

The younger couple just stared out the east-facing window in awestruck silence for a moment.

"So," Sarah brightly said, unsubtly trying to spare her poor husband. "Who's up for Scattergories?"

…

Will didn't wake up until almost noon. Diego Garcia was eleven hours off from Pacific Time, so it had taken him forever to fall asleep last night. Unfortunately, the East Coast was three hours earlier, so Sam and Mikaela had been up since dawn. Slagging jet lag.

Softly kissing his still-sleeping wife, Will pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and wandered out to the main rooms. Mikeala was sitting at the kitchen table and reading a book she'd found on the shelves in the living room. She also had a coffee pot on the propane stove and pancake mix all ready for the griddle. "Morning," she greeted him.

"Good morning." Looking around, he asked, "Where's Sam?"

Over the rim of her coffee cup, her eyes darted to the front door. "Talking with 'Bee."

He opened the door to see Bumblebee in his alt-form. There were grass-stains on his doors and he was surrounded by Arcee's three bikes. The blue one leaned against his passenger door, the purple one was touching his driver's side back panel, and the pink one was pressing against his front bumper. Cuddling. Autobot alt-forms cuddling. Now he'd seen it all. Sam was sitting on a large rock near 'Bee's driver's side, and Will could hear the quiet song-clips as the two conversed.

And then Major William Lennox sighed in sudden relief – the last of his interfacing-related problems was solved.

Arcee activated her holoform, and the blissed-out expression on her face almost made him blush. After all, this was Arcee, the quintessential soldier. Seeing her wearing that expression was as disconcerting as seeing Sarah in fatigues and packing heat would be. R.C. climbed the porch steps and joined him in the kitchen. "Reporting in, sir. We found nothing unusual on patrol. Everything's good."

"Everything?"

She flushed a little. "Everything. Is very good."

Behind R.C., Mikaela shook with silent laughter

'Sweet Cybertron,' Will thought, 'she can't even talk about it in complete sentences.' "I take it Ratchet will clear you for active duty after this vacation, then."

"Give us the full two weeks, and yes sir. And about Bumblebee's and my respective assignments…"

Will's heart sunk. Of course they'd want to be together now that they were mates. "Yes?"

"Bumblebee's primary loyalty is to Samuel and will be for as long as the Prime lives. We both understand that. And I know I fill a niche on the strike team. We are both content with our duties for the foreseeable future."

Will half-smiled. So the soldier in her wasn't so far gone as all that, then.

R.C. ducked her head at little in embarrassment. "However…if it wouldn't be too much of an inconvenience…could we take a two-week vacation like this again next summer?"

Will barked out a laugh. "I'm positive that can be arranged." Gesturing toward the kitchen, he said, "You want some breakfast?"

"There's plenty of pancake mix," Mikaela encouraged.

"No thanks," R.C. coyly answered. "I think I'll just recharge in the sun for a bit. But we're on standby if you need anything, sir."

"You're on vacation, femme."

"Enjoy it," Mikaela added with a smirk.

Flashing one last blissed-out smile, R.C. said, "Yes, ma'am," and flickered out of existence.