iCan't Cry

Sam's POV

I can't get over what I just saw. Now standing here, next to the door, I can't bring myself to think it is true. Carly would never dance with Freddie. It just won't happen. But there they were, dancing when they thought no one could see. Yet, I did.

I can't bring myself to break down and cry. It's just not who I am. I'm sad, yes, but crying shows weakness, and I don't show weakness. Even if I just lost the only person I thought I could ever really love to my best friend. Even then, tears don't fall from my eyes. Even though I'm perfectly alone and no one would see, I just can't cry.

I hear the music stop. They'll be coming out soon. They'll see me. I have to leave, get out of sight. Quickly, I duck behind the building and watch as they walk out of the Groovy Smoothie. They are laughing, smiling. They are happy. So why aren't I. I should be happy, it's just I'm not.

I try to stay tough as I walk home, alone. The image just burns my memory. No matter how much I think about it, I still can't cry. I want to now, but even if I try, I can't. Is it impossible for me to cry. I can't remember a time when I cried, not when my father left, or when my mother was put in jail.

No I've cried once. It was hard to do it in front of Freddie, so I made him leave. I was really upset that day. I feel worse now. So why can't I cry. I can't cry around Freddie, I can't cry for Freddie, and I most diffidently can't cry because of Freddie. And I won't.

It's dark on my street. No lights anywhere. The neighbors are gone again, another pageant for their perfect daughter. My mother is gone, visiting my sister, Melanie. I hear, in the house across the street, the new born baby cry. I haven't seen her, but Mrs. Macy Mcperfect, neighbor says she is the most prettiest think she has ever seen. How could something so pretty be so loud?

My house is empty. No a signal noise could be heard. I'm alone, no surprise. At home, I'm always alone. I don't turn on many lights, the darkness sooths my acing heart. I don't turn on the TV, or radio, or computer. I go straight to my room, where I stay, alone. I look at the pictures, the ones of me and Carly, when we were happy.

Why do I feel like this? All this pain, just for knowing Freddie is with Carly. I knew one day I had to admit it, at least to myself. I like Freddie. I wish he liked me. I want Freddie. I wish Freddie wanted me.

"I LIKE FREDDIE!" I yell to the sky, breaking the silence of my empty house.

No one can hear me. No one can see me. No one even knows I'm here.

I feel them running down my face, tears. I'm crying. I'm crying for the pain I feel, watching my best friend with the guy I wish I had. I let the tears fall down my checks, knowing I can't have Freddie. I use to think I couldn't cry, now it's all I can do. Why can't that love sick boy realize that I like him, and I know Carly does not. Now crying in my room, alone on a Friday night, I realize, I want Freddie and he does not want me. I can cry, and I see that now.