Ways to Annoy Ed Elric.

Just some crazy cracked up humor that I came up with. Please review! :D
Warning: Twilight Bashing!

I. Mistake him for some other Edward

Edward Elric walks down a random road. Before long, he is captured by a weird fangirl.

"Oh my God! Edward, what's up?"

"Uh...walking to get some fresh air?" Ed replies, annoyed by the girl's squeaks.

"But...you're under the sun!" The girl exclaims, poking and nudging Ed's skin.

"And is that a problem?"

"Darn hell, yeah! You're supposed to be all shiny! Where are your sparkles?"

"My sparkles?" Ed looks at the girl, confused and doubting her sanity, "Never had any! I'm not Armstrong!"

The girl frowns.

"I dunno why but many girls just wanna glomp you! Dude, how come?" She asks, twisting her face in confusion, "Why would they wanna drool over some girly man wearing lipstick in his own movie?"

"Girly man? LIPSTICK? Hey now shut up! Sure I made one movie but there weren't any lipsticks there!" Ed fumes, "AND WHO YOU CALLING GIRLY YA' PENISLESS MAN!?"

"Like, no need to fuss! Just wanted to get an autograph!"

"Oh really?" Ed says calming down instantly. He takes out his pen and a piece of paper, barely beginning to write his name-

"Wait! I thought you'd be taller for your age!"

-but smacks them down the road.

"WHO YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT YOU CAN'T SEE HIM STANDING ON TOP OF AN ANT?"

"You're even shorter than Bella!" She scowls, ears still ringing from all that screaming.

"WHO YOU CALLING SHORT THAT HE- wait! Bella?" Ed pauses and blinks, "There's no Bella!"

"Oh so sorry!" The girl says, blushing at the identity crisis. "Wrong show!"

She takes off, leaving behind a wide-eyed Ed, panting and fuming at the unexpected embarrassment.

The pen continues lying on the road in an unfixable mess.

Moral of the story: Don't glomp anyone unless you're well acquainted with his/her personal description.