Under Me, You
i like my body when it is with your and possibly i like the thrill of under me you quite so new.
body. It is so quite a new thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smoothness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh . . . . And eyes big love-crumbs,
--"I Like My Body When It Is with Your Body, by E.E. Cummings
This is awkward.
Remus didn't mean to think it. He had tried all day to ignore the inevitable outcome of their decades long relationship, a relationship that had been carefully nurtured and gardened for years, a relationship that Remus would die a thousand times over for: they were now awkward.
Remus supposed that, had Sirius not been sent to Azkaban for twelve odd years and had Remus not degenerated into a prematurely old drone, things would have been different. Had they been able to allow their romance to bloom and take its normal course, things would have been different.
When Sirius had first arrived, they'd hugged. Not kissed. Not embraced. A hug. A tentative twining of arms and a husky hello. Remus hadn't been able to look at Sirius long in the eye, unless he was asking a direct and harmless question. Sirius, being Sirius, had made a few well-meaning, but not quite funny, jokes and jabs at Remus' bad habits.
As friends, they were fairly comfortable. Remus had been dying to touchkisssmellfeel Sirius the moment he walked in the door, but had been able to contain his need behind cups of tea and amiable conversation.
They spoke of Harry and the state of Remus' cabin and quidditch and they had skipped gracefully around what could have been.
Halfway past noon, after Sirius had taken a shower and Remus had hacked away at Sirius' matted hair with a pair of scissors, Sirius began to slip into his old self. Although there was bitterness behind every joke, sorrow behind each smile, Sirius finally emerged from the tired shell.
It was odd, the way they began to slip into their old selves. Sirius flirted outrageously, threw food at Remus, and made a general nuisance of himself. Remus blushed, and threw food back, and laughed good-naturedly.
It would have been perfect. Perfect if Sirius would just touch him.
It was as if they were going through an accelerated replay of their time together. The first hesitant "do you like me?"s of meeting. The tentative jabs to push the limits of good humor followed by full on silliness. Then came the worst, most painful part; where do we go now?
Remus remembered this stage vividly. It had been an awkward sharing of glances and a few painful nights wondering if the other boy was thinking about him before he fell asleep. It was weeks of praying that he would just look his way one more time, or maybe, just maybe, press those pink lips to his.
Remus' cottage was small. He had a bedroom, a kitchen, a bathroom, and a study. The study contained a meager desk, a chair, and piles and piles of books. The kitchen had a stove, an oven, and a sink. The bedroom was barely big enough to fit a full sized bed in it.
There was no couch. No room for a transfigured bed. They'd have to share.
Remus could play friends with Sirius. He could smile and throw cranberries at his old friend. He could make strained-turned-comfortable conversation and he could accept Sirius' patented friendly flirtation.
He couldn't share a bed.
It was unspoken that they would have to sleep together, and they slipped in after Remus' shower as if nothing had happened.
Sirius took the left side, as he always did, where Remus slipped unobtrusively into the right. Then, the comfortable friendliness of their day had disintegrated.
There was far too much space between them. Remus had clung to the very edge of the bed in order to give Sirius as much room as he needed. Sirius had curled on his side facing Remus. It was too much.
Remus sighed and shifted slightly, trying to force himself to relax.
"What's wrong, Moony?"
Remus jumped. He hadn't realized that Sirius was still awake.
"Just trying to…"
"Trying to?"
Sirius voice was quiet, husky. As if he were speaking to a rare animal he didn't want to spook. Remus shivered, but tried to suppress it. Sirius caught it anyways.
A pale hand reached across the unexplored expanse between them. His hand came up to Remus' jaw. Remus felt his eyes closing whether he liked it or not.
"I missed you."
"I missed you, too."
He heard Sirius make a soft sound in the back of his throat, but when he opened his eyes, Sirius had only moved closer.
The hand moved down from Remus' jaw to the back of his neck. Light, exploratory fingers fell down the skin of his neck. Remus gasped without meaning to at the feeling. Every nerve suddenly sparked into brilliant, blinding light and all Remus could feel was Sirius' hand.
Sirius paused for a moment, as if surprised, and then laughed. "I remember that spot." He brought his fingers up to the knob of Remus' first vertebrae. Remus gasped again. "I remember the neck," his hand went lower, on its way to Remus' stomach, but it caught the spine first. Remus jerked and gasped at the trail of fire that Sirius' fingers left down his back. Sirius chuckled again. "The spine is new."
Remus couldn't breathe. He was alternating between longing for Sirius to stop, stop this was too hard--and the more prevalent burning need for Sirius to keep going. Remus knew that if Sirius stopped now, if those hands left his skin, he would die. Simply cease to exist.
Sirius' hand made its way up and down Remus' spine, until it made its way to the beginning of Remus' tailbone. Remus' hips bucked upwards. Sirius chuckled again.
"You still make those sweet sounds you always used to."
Remus could only whimper an apology.
Sirius' eyes flashed in amusement and confusion. "Don't apologize, Moony. It lets me know I'm doing my job."
His hand snaked around to Remus' hipbone. Remus stiffened, knowing what was about to come. It was Sirius' favourite place on Remus' body. Sirius gave the knob of his hipbone a sharp, insistent pinch. Remus yelped and his hips bucked completely off the bed.
Sirius' hand disappeared and for a moment, Remus thought he'd scared Sirius away. But then Sirius made a rapid motion to roll on top of Remus, knees straddling his hips and elbows around Remus' head.
Sirius smiled. The crescent moon illuminated his face. "Let's see…neck," he bent his wrist and made idle circles beneath Remus' ear, "spine, hip, stomach…what else?" The idle hand snaked up into Remus' hair and stroked at his scalp. Remus couldn't help but tilt his head towards the attention. "I know you like to be petted. And I know," he gave the hair a playful tug, "you can't resist the hair pull. What else did I forget, Moony?"
Remus' lips were parted and he could scarcely breathe. He had never been able to suppress anything when Sirius did this. "Ears." He prompted breathlessly.
Sirius leaned back on his knees and brought a hand to Remus' earlobe. "Correct me if I'm wrong, Moony, but it's not so much the cartilage," he suddenly fell atop Remus and his teeth grazed Remus' earlobe. "But the flesh."
He tugged on the morsel of flesh with his teeth and curled his tongue in the shell of Remus' ear. By that point, Remus had lost all control over his breathing and heartbeat.
Sirius moved down from the ear to the neck to the collarbone and rested his head on Remus' collarbone. He laughed quietly. "Merlin, Moony, you're heart's going crazy. We haven't even gotten to the main attraction yet."
A hand fell down Remus' stomach, taking a detour to dip in his navel, and then slipped in Remus' pyjama bottoms. Remus stopped breathing altogether.
"Relax, love."
Remus managed to take a breath in, but was unable to release it without gasping. The hand passed by what really needed the attention straight to the thighs.
"Between the legs," Sirius whispered into Remus' ear. Remus could hear the smile. "And a bit up, if I remember correctly…"
Remus growled low in his throat as Sirius barely skipped past his cock. Sirius hand went behind Remus and curled around his buttocks.
"You've never been one for arse, have you, Moony?" He bit at Remus' neck. "But, if I'm not horribly mistaken, you do like it when I do this…"
He ran a finger down Remus' tailbone and then slipped his ring finger inside, slowly, before pulling out sharply.
Remus yelped and his hands came up to Sirius' back, fingers digging into flesh.
Sirius paused, and pulled away slightly. He looked at Remus closely, as if trying to work out something in his head. Then he dived down and kissed Remus fiercely.
"I've been wanting to shag you the moment I walked in that door."
Remus smiled quietly, closed his eyes, and kissed Sirius back.
"I love the heat between your legs." Sirius whispered against his lips.
"I love my body when it's with your body."
Sirius paused and pulled back slightly. He barked a laugh. "You still think of E.E. Cummings during sex?"
Remus blushed. "Apparently."
"Sexy werewolf."
Author's Note: E.E. Cummings is one of my favourite poets. I feel as if the term, "cum" is from his name. If it's not, I don't care, because it's a damn pornographic name and I'm going with it.
And, if you're wondering, they did proceed to do completely dirty and filthy things to each other, but would like some privacy--thank you very much.