Tiny Toon Adventures:

"Rerun"

The lives of two tiny toons will change . . . FOREVER. Calamity's Dad went on a single's cruise to find Miss Right; and he did. The bad news: She is Little Beeper's Mom. Now Calamity has a new test subject, er . . . stepbrother. Can these two get along? Reader Request Story. Story concept by brave kid. Genre: Family/Humor.

Disclaimer: "Tiny Toon Adventures," Tiny Toon Adventures characters, names, and all related indicia are trademarks of Warner Bros. Inc.

Some Enchanted Evening:

"Beep! Beep!!"

A red and orange blur dashed down the streets of Acme Acres, weaving through pedestrians and occasionally blowing back a stray soda can or newspaper. Little Beeper paused, suspended momentarily in midair to glance behind him to see if his pursuer was still on his tail feathers. The subtitle (Hot-roddicus Supersonicus) appeared below the small roadrunner. Sure enough, Calamity wasn't far behind. Caught in the scene pause, (Canis Nemesis-Ingenious) appeared briefly over the young grey coyote. Then time released both comedic partners to continue their chase.

Reaching his top speed of 69 kilometers per hour, Calamity dashed up behind and slightly to the left of his prey; the red and orange roadrunner veered sharply to the right. Little Beeper smirked as he ran. This was the third such course change that the small grey coyote had steered him into. He was being herded! The desert fowl scanned ahead, searching for the trap that he knew awaited him. His smirk turned cunning; he'd wondered when Cal would bring this particular strategy into play.

'Surrendering' to the inevitable, Beeper obligingly ran toward Calamity's contraption that looked remarkably like a miniature version of an automated detailing bay. Instead of allowing himself to be funneled into the roadrunner-sized car wash, however, at the last second Little Beeper darted into a nearby alley to spring the trap back on its creator.

Startled from scrounging fish bones from a trashcan, Furrball yowled and dashed from the alley before he realized it was only Little Beeper and not the alley cat duo of Amby and Lloyd come to kick him off his territory again. Before the hapless cat knew what hit him, he found himself propelled along the conveyor belt in the roadrunner trap. It covered him in a fine mist of water soluble paint that blackened his already dark blue fur and ran a paintbrush down his back and tail before spitting him out the other side.

[Ooops.]

[ Sorry! ]

Both Calamity and Little Beeper rushed to help their luckless friend. But it was already too late.

"Oooo la la! L' delectable petite skunk-hunk! Come to me, mon amour!" Hearts throbbing in her eyes, Fifi La Fume appeared skipping down the street in inexhaustible pursuit. Playing kiss-tag was her favorite sport. Drawn to romance like a magnet, the very pretty, purple skunk-ette was nonetheless overpowering . . . in more ways than one.

His ears and whiskers drooping, a look of profound defeat settled briefly over Furrball's features. Then his sense of self-preservation kicked in and the alley cat raced frantically away.

Racing side-by-side, Little Beeper and Calamity chased after the pair. It was never their intention to involve the feline in their rivalry. Beeper cast a sidelong glance at his comedic partner.

[What's the big idea]

[with that last trap!?]

Calamity shrugged at the speed-demon.

[ Meh, ]

[I though you could use]

[ Racing Stripes. ]

Beeper beeped and stuck his tongue out at the little coyote. More than a simple prank, he knew that Calamity had planned on the purple femme fatale wearing down his resistance. Once exhausted and overcome by skunk fumes, even the little coyote could have caught him.

[ If not for Furrball, ]

[that would be YOU!]

Seeing Fifi briefly catch and shower kisses upon a struggling Furrball, the coyote realized just how bad things could have gone for him. It wasn't the hugs and kisses that were so bad, but the inevitable stench that accompanied such chases. The young genius made a mental note NOT to make a repeat attempt with this particular scheme.

"Buster Bunny! Don't your dare! . . ." Babs shouted at her boyfriend, but the pink bunny was interrupted. All four of the chasing toons crashed into Buster and Babs who were having a water fight in the park. Ever unlucky, Furrball got a full dose of Buster's high power super soaker water gun nearly drowning the poor, blue furred alley cat. It did, however, wash away the troublesome white stripe.

The pink bow over her left ear bedraggled and dripping, Fifi sat befuddled in a pile of her classmates. "Have any of vous seen where mon petite skunk hunk, deesapeared to?"

Watching from across the street as the six soggy toons sorted themselves out, Plucky turned to the white loon standing next to him. "So, Shirley, you say that both of them are home alone while their parents are gone?"

"Like totally." Shirley patted the large pink bow in her long blond hair and straightened her pink sweater, glad that she had escaped the watery mayhem. Sure she was a water fowl, but all that water would have seriously ruined her hairdo or some junk.

The small, green duck rubbed his winged hands together. He had a choice of two houses! Plucky began yelling at the top of his voice. "Open-house PARTY tonight!"

Annoyed, Shirley psychic-zapped the green mallard in the tail feathers

A small, purple whirlwind blew through. Dizzy Devil spun to a stop drawn by the promise of a party as well as a tantalizing scent on the breeze. "Mmmmm, roast duck."

A camera flash goes off. Blinking away the spots in front of our eyes, we see:

A pink, long-necked flamingo took the names of the two toons sitting at a small, intimate table before moving on to the next couple. To the photographer of the Cruise Toon Romance line, the pair was just two more lonely toons on the deck of the CTR love boat. But to her, he was all the colors of the moonlit night; while to him, she was the very breath of the world's new day. Little did the photographer know that he would be seeing much more of the new anthropomorphic couple.

Flash: The two new lovers danced the Congo-line. "But what would our friends say? . . ."

Flash: The moon shone down, softly back-lighting the two's midnight swim in the ship's deck top pool. "If they are our friends, then they'll be happy for us."

Flash: The couple visited the reconstructed Mayan ruins of Cozumel on a ship sponsored shore excursion. "You know, we really should have gotten together sooner after my divorce and your wife's death."

Flash: The two browsing a gift shop for souvenirs to take home to family and friends. "Well, we have lived as neighbors for years, it'll just be a bit more convenient now."

Flash: Him in a bow tie and collar and her in a veil standing before the ship's captain, saying 'I do.' Another success story in the annals of the CTR love-boat line. Drawing close to the new found loves of their lives, the two kissed. "I can't wait to tell the kids."

A final camera flash documenting the lingering kiss of the whirlwind romance:

Plucky smirked as he watched Fowlmouth get his tail feathers roasted by the biggest, most advanced video game he had ever seen outside an arcade. Though the small white rooster was obviously swearing a blue streak, absolutely none of the profanity escaped the noise cancellation dome suspended over the game station. At least he wasn't disturbing the rest of the party. [Game Over!]

"You lose! It's my turn now!" Plucky gleefully shouted.

" . . . dadgum bleeping son of a dadgum bleep! This bleeped game's been dadgummed rigged!" As soon as the small green mallard walked under the cone of silence, Fowlmouth's foul mouth came in full force.

"Yeah, yeah whatever. It's my turn. Now get off the game." Plucky kicked the small white cock off the game system and took over the duel handled control pads. "And watch yer mouth out there, FM. There are ladies at this party!"

Put out only for a moment, Fowlmouth saw his chance now that Plucky was absorbed in 'Marsbound Exterminator.' The lights were low, but every time that Fowlmouth tried to turn them completely out, Calamity growled at him. Sheesh! That dadgummed nerdy coyote genius was even doing homework at a party! Plucky had advertised well; much of Acme Loo's student body was here. Resigning himself to more illumination than he really wanted, the small foul-mouthed rooster sidled up to the prettiest loon in the Looniversity. "Some dag-gumm, bleeping enchanted evening, huh, Shirl?"

"Like, get crucial or some junk, FM." Shirley refrained from psychically blasting the small white cock for his crudeness as she might others. The poultry's language was bad enough without getting the hot seat. Despite having toasted Plucky's tail for foisting another wild party on some poor unsuspecting classmate, Shirley couldn't resist coming anyway. Now though, with the attentions of two amorous fowls vying for her attention, the white loon was beginning to regret it.

Plucky wasn't as involved with the video game as the young rooster thought. As Plucky dived over the back of the couch and tackled Fowlmouth for hitting on 'his' girl, Dizzy spun by consuming much of the popped corn, chips, leftover pizza, and soda that was scattered about the place. Hamton sighed; he pulled out a dust cloth from his blue overalls to clean up the slobber.

Sharing wall space with the game system was an enormous entertainment center that covered the rest of the wall. The blaring music changed every other song as some toon or other would pop in their favorite. For the last several songs, however, Babs had monopolized the machine in its karaoke setting. Buster had staved off a stint of 'spin-the-bottle' by requesting that Babs do a spin-change impersonation . . . at the last party, Elmyra had almost scarred him for life with that particular party game. However now, Babs seemed to be stuck on a 'Cher' kick and was singing into a microphone along with the wall-sized stereo system. The pink bunny was currently in the middle of "Believe."

"But after all is said and done, You're gonna be the lonely one, oh . . ." She even got the 'Cher effect' perfectly with its up-front use of auto-tune on the vocals. "Do you believe in life after love?"

Even though many of the Toonsters were wary of being here, what with all the inventions and explosives that Calamity had scattered all over the place, everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. Mary Melody even snagged her one-time pet, . . . and still good friend . . . Furrball, for a dance. Babs' music was infective and more and more of the toons from the Looniversity joined in the dancing and general confusion milling about. And through it all, Calamity just kept up with his inventing. At least with the aid of his inventions, the kid genius was managing to keep the place more or less intact. Hamton shook his head as he cleaned, but the pig couldn't help grinning at the confusion roiling around the place. "I'm just glad that it's not MY house this time."

"Do you believe in life after love? After love . . . After love . . . After love." Babs spin-changed from her poof-y, curly black haired version of Cher. "Ya know it, Baby!"

"Hey, Babsy! Do Wonder Babs!" Yelling over the applause, Buster interrupted before his girlfriend could complete her change into yet another of Cher's extreme hair color and outfit changes. The blue bunny personally liked Babs in the spin-change outfits, but he wasn't so sure that he liked all the other guys liking Babs in some of her 'Cher' costumes.

"Up, up, and up some more!" Babs shouted as she emerged from her spin in the red, white, and blue outfit of her supertoon impersonation.

Little Beeper dashed past and snatched away the microphone from Wonder Babs. They certainly didn't need her blasting out their eardrums with her super lung power. The small roadrunner had always secretly considered himself a 'supertoon' with his super speed . . . even without having to spin-change into 'Little Dasher,' like the pink bunny had to for Wonder Babs. Beeper was just glad that he was comedically paired with a super genius so that his adversary was in the same league as him. He'd totally blow away anyone else. Well, he totally blew Calamity away too, but at least the grey coyote did provide him some challenge. The little orange roadrunner with red wings and head feathers beeped, really looking forward to the time after graduation when he and his chase partner made it big and he didn't have to be a delivery boy anymore.

"If I could turn back time . . . if I could find a way." Sure enough, Wonder Babs was still singing Cher songs. Though her rendition of "If I Could Turn Back Time" was a shade off as it was the supertoon singing and not the pop singer. The front door flung open, cutting short Babs' musical exhibition. Risking the pink bunny's ire, several of the Toonsters applauded, ready for a change in music.

"Remind me, Roderick, exactly why are we here again?" a cultured, snooty voice cut through the music. Four of the most stuck-up students from the Loo's rival school, Perfecto Prep, strutted in. Two ducks . . . and two rats. Dansforth Drake stole a kiss from his girl, her arm draped through his. Margot Mallard, a tall, pink anseriform with an abundance of wild, magenta hair, batted her big blue eyes and fluttered her extraordinarily long eyelashes.

Nearly every male toon present entered critical meltdown or dropped into an eye-popping wild-take at the curvaceous female. Even Plucky and Fowlmouth emerged from their fight cloud long enough to gawk. Plucky remembered Margot and her false friendliness when the Perfectos had tried to convince him to betray his home team during the Acme-bowl. Now he realized that she hadn't really liked him, but he drooled nonetheless . . . until Shirley psychic blasted his tail again. His only consolation was that most of his male classmates suffered similar 'reminders' to keep their eyeballs in their heads from their respective female Acme Loo counterparts.

"Heh, heh, heh. Trust me on this one, Drake." Roderic Rat spoke conspiratorially to his sidekick. The brown and tan rat's voice sounded a bit rough and gravely, and his chuckle evil. "This party is going to be a blast . . . if you catch my drift." The rest of the Perfecto Prep football team crowded in behind their team captain, ready for a little 'de-constructive' mayhem.

"Outstanding idea." The yellow duck ran a hand through his olive green hair; Dansforth returned his cohort's devious grin. "I do so enjoy gloating over the financially impaired. Ha ha ha."

Buster glanced around at his classmates. Apparently as school class president, he was expected to take charge . . . even though he hadn't called for the party. Buster locked eyes with Calamity, but the blue bunny signaled the kid genius down. Though his other inventions were reliable enough, the little grey coyote's traps were risky propositions at best; and quite frankly, he was a terror with dynamite. He'd handle this! Buster puffed up his chest and approached the encroaching Perfectos. "What are you and your preppy friends doing here, Roddy? This is an Acme Loo party."

"Uh, uh, uh, Mister No-Money Bunny. Not so fast." Roderic Rat flicked a speck of dust from his green polo shirt and straightened his cravat. "This is an open-house party after all."

"Yeah, but like, not an open louse party, or some junk," Shirley muttered under her breath.

"Watch it, spooky loon girl," Roddy growled.

"Chill Roddy, after all this is a party." Roderick Rat's girlfriend, Rhubella, fully entered the room but still somehow managed not to mingle with the riffraff. The ginger rat girl's voice would actually be sweet if she wasn't always so snide and biting in everything she said. Ruby turned to the loon as a faux confidante. "It's such a burden being wealthy and sophisticated. We simply had to come slumming to relieve our very high class boredom."

"We simply had to come slumming to relieve our very high class boredom." Babs spun into a mocking impersonation of the débutante rat . . . complete with tight purple top and black skirt that were two sizes too small for her. "Of course, everyone knows, only boring people get bored."

Ruby pirouetted but remained as herself. "Oh look, I am Rhubella, I don't have to pretend to be me . . . though I can see why you would want to. Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha!"

"As if!" Babs began, but the pink co-star of Tiny Toons was interrupted when Plucky and Foulmouth exchanged looks then took their fight cloud over to the preppies. Why settle for beating the stuffing out of each other when they could take it out on Perfectos? The roiling fight cloud soon sucked in any-toon in its way.

"Oh, great," Buster moaned. "That's all we need . . . for someone to get thrown through the living room window."

Alarmed, Calamity looked up from the invention with which he was tinkering. Despite Buster's assurance that he'd handle it, the small coyote's predator instincts surged to the fore and Calamity struggled through the mass of toons crowding the house toward the fight. But there was more of the student body crowded into the house than he thought reasonable.

[ Mary! ]

[Go long!]

Mary Melody broke away from the press of toons. When the dark complected girl was in the clear, she fielded the compact invention that the coyote lobbed at her. It sported a single large button on the side. Donning a blast helmet and crossing her fingers, Mary pressed it. It unfolded itself into a block-ish contraption. Astonishingly long robotic arms extended from the miniature 'car wash' right into the large fight cloud of Acme and Perfecto toons. As they pulled out two fowls, Mary leaped for the control panel that also emerged and released Fowlmouth from their iron grip, but not before allowing the kid-genius' machine to tape shut his beak. The 'nemesis extractor' wrapped Margot in red tape. Then, with Mary conducting its operation to music, the mechanical arms extended back into the fight cloud again. This time she came up with Plucky and Dansforth.

Mary repeated the same procedure as before, but not before casting a sidelong glance at Calamity. His invention seemed to have a predilection for avians. It was then that she noticed the target selector. Hmm, it listed many prey selections, but no rats. Well, she couldn't really blame the little coyote for not wanting rodents on the menu. The dark complected girl took manual control. It was remarkably like operating one of those claw games at the arcade.

"And Roddy makes a valiant effort to cut through all the red tape, folks! But, oh! it's too much for the preppy rodent and he is hopelessly entangled. It looks like the entire Perfecto team is bogged down." Reporter Mary continued narrating her own efforts. In short order, the anchor-toon for the Looniversity Eyewitless News extracted not only Roddy and Ruby, but the rest of the Perfecto Prep football team as well. With no one to maintain the fight, the dust settled. "Don't you just hate Red Tape?"

"Mary, darling! Allow me to lend a hand . . . or at least a stick of dynamite . . . or fifty." Babs quickly gathered up the stray dynamite from around the room and lovingly tucked it all into the red tape binding the Perfectos. Babs winked and said in an aside; "I can't help myself." The pink bunny lit the fuses.

The explosion was truly spectacular. It shredded the couch and blew the components out of the wall-sized entertainment center. The remaining snacks and soda sprayed everywhere. And the Perfecto Preps flew headlong out of the still opened front door.

A bemused smirk crested Little Beeper's beak. The little roadrunner recognized the contraption as being modified from the trap that Calamity tried to use against him earlier. Ignoring his comedic chase partner, Calamity palmed his face then began upgrading his home cleaning bot to work on damage control.

Babs clapped the dust from her hand-paws and closed the front door behind the Perfecto Preps. She sniffed in well rehearsed disdain. "Riffraff."

The young toons looked at each other for a few moments as the smoke rising in lazy circles slowly cleared, then as one they shrugged and returned to what they'd been doing. Just as the party was getting back into full swing, the door burst open again.

"I'm home. And I've got a little surprise for you!"