The Broken Program

Team GEMINI

Part 1

The Broken Heart

Every second I live my life without her is filled with so much pain and agony that I lose myself in it. I'd lose myself to the desperation, loneliness and paranoia. I was filled with so much grief, that at one point in time lead me to uncovering my mother's old research and continuing where she had left off.

Project F was my gateway to redemption. It was also the only way for me to see the angel that saved me once upon a time. I knew it was impossible to bring my beloved back, but I could try and come close.

I created her to be perfect. I created her to be the one to fill the void.

I created her.

The first time she opened her eyes, I was so apprehensive—a fear like no other—but the moment I saw myself in her nostalgic blue eyes I knew right then and there… my creation couldn't fill the void. They looked, sounded, and acted alike… but one thing she was missing was the love she felt for me.

No longer would she look at me in with a tender gaze as we talked. She would instead sit there and listen to me ramble on, cobalt hued eyes containing the same shimmer as they once did… but she wasn't listening to me because she wanted to, she listened to me because she thought she had to.

I created her to be perfect. I created her to be the one to fill the void. I created her to ease my broken heart.

I created her.

Everyone thought I was as crazy, if not crazier, than my own creator. I may not have sought out Al Hazard and all of its splendour, but instead I was searching for something for more precious and irreplaceable.

My beloved.

Her warm love, sweet kiss and caress were what I desperately reached out for… but this thing that I've created couldn't emulate the real thing. Even through the heat of passion, when she'd call my name out and hold me, I couldn't feel or hear a thing.

My beloved was gone.

I remember a day when we sat on the couch and watched some old home videos. She was curled up against my body, with my arm around her shoulders, as she laughed away at our sweet memories. She acted so naturally. She acted as if the angel captured in the video was her.

With my beloved's memories imbedded into her, my creation didn't know she wasn't human… then again, she couldn't feel a thing. So she wouldn't know that what she "felt" wasn't how a human felt.

I created her to be perfect. I created her to be the one to fill the void. I created her to ease my broken heart. I created her to mimic the original.

I created her.

Not a day has gone by since the regret settled in.

My creation was a miracle to others, but to me she was a curse. A ghost who haunted me with her pleasantries and false affection. She would say she loves me, but deep down inside I knew she felt nothing for me. She was nothing but a mere host for my beloved's memories… but she wasn't my beloved. She will never be my beloved, so why do I feel so attached yet distant towards her?

I created her to be perfect. I created her to be the one to fill the void. I created her to ease my broken heart. I created her to mimic the original. I created her to be my new source of strength.

I created her.

My beloved and I were connected by an invisible string of fate, but when she died… I felt that string snap in half. I felt incomplete, lost and lonely… but most of all I felt scared. I was terrified by the sudden emptiness in my life.

This thing that I've created will never be able to reconnect that dead string and bring it back. Even though she stands beside me, I feel nothing.

I created her to be perfect. I created her to be the one to fill the void. I created her to ease my broken heart. I created her to mimic the original. I created her to be my new source of strength. I created her for only one purpose.

I created her.

A year or so after her activation, I noticed a strange occurrence. She began to act against her programming and act on her own. She would defy me expressively and pout at me when I denied her of whatever she wanted. She knew how to cry at sad things, laugh at funny things, blush, and do whatever emotion she was programmed to do… but when she did these things they were somehow different.

I consulted my fellow engineers of the strange occurrence and they all came up with the same theory: self-awareness. My creation had gained a mind of her own and overwritten the sole reason of her being. At first I thought it was impossible, but after some careful observation, I was shocked to realize my creation really had overwritten her programming.

Three months pass by me in a flash, and each day that does, I find myself seeing my creation as her own separate being instead of a replica of my deceased lover, and for the longest time… I felt… calm and relaxed.

Entering through the front door I shout, "I'm home!"

A blurry copper red whizzed towards me as an eager voice replied, "Welcome home, Fate!"

"Glad to be back home," a smile crept onto my face as I patted my new companion. "Nanoha."

So like my creator, I had failed in the duplication the one I had lost, but in the end I gained someone just as irreplaceable.