Chapter 21 – Hindsight

It was leaving day finally; everyone was catching the train at lunch so the morning had been a flurry of activity. The final years were desperately trying to get around, seeing all their teachers to say goodbye - those who wanted to say goodbye to teachers that was. Snape had only seen Malfoy. Though he did not expect anyone else, he wished wholeheartedly that Alana might come but each time it crept up on him he shook the thought from his head. She would not come to see him, surely. Not after last night.

After all that time, the torture he put himself through and she had felt exactly the same way. Still, that brought little comfort to him. Nothing could come of it. If anything, that made being around her even more dangerous. Merlin knew Severus Snape was thankful it was time for the holidays.

He was pulling some books from his shelves when the latch to the dungeon lifted and his heart jumped. Alana slipped through into the dimness of the dungeon. She looked grave.

"Miss Cross," he said curtly. She shook her head. "I'm leaving soon and I came to say goodbye. I thought maybe we should..." she struggled to find the words. "Put anything that was said last night behind us and part...amicably. As if it hadn't happened?" She sounded hopeful he thought.

"I agree," he nodded, putting down the books and giving her his full attention.

"Good," she said with a faint smile. "You're agreeing with me? That's a first, is it not?"

"I believe I've agreed with you over other things." She narrowed her eyes in a thoughtful expression. "I can't remember any."

"Well," Snape began. "I agreed when you said you were out of line all those times you spoke to me disrespectfully." Alana rolled her eyes and put out a hand for him to shake. "Thank you for all you tutorage this year, Professor."

He smiled and stepped forward, taking her hand gently and shaking. "Thank you for being my student. It has been a privilege to teach someone so good at potions." He paused. "There's something I must say...at the beginning of the year, I degraded you for what school you came from but I have to admit, although you have been many things Miss Cross – stubborn, disobedient, hot tempered..."

"Ok, ok..."

He smirked. "Although you have been those things, you were never what I described as a 'Beaubatons girl'. I cannot accuse you of that. And you really are a very good potioneer."

She nodded, blushing at his compliments. He seemed to notice that his uncharacteristic kindness was making her nervous so he gestured towards the door. "Go on, you must have other people to annoy."

Alana rolled her eyes. "You know..."

"I know," he said, anticipating her train of thought, as he had also been thinking it. "This is how we should have been." He looked away.

Alana looked at him and nodded. "Too late now."

"Hmmm." He paused. "I forgot to say, where are you going? Back to France?"

Alana looked grave and sat down on a stool. "I am for now, but I don't intend to stay there. I sent my father an Owl, the contents of which he didn't like very much, but I can't live in my father's shadow forever," she added. He nodded mutely.

She rose and shrugged. "My mother doesn't care as long as I'm happy." Snape felt a prickle under his skin. How long had it been since he was happy, or some else cared if he was? When he snapped back into reality, Alana was watching him curiously.

"I apologised," he murmured, "You gave me food for thought." He stuck out his hand again to shake hers for the final time. "Goodbye," she said softly.

"Before you go," he found himself saying. "I shall never see you again."

Alana frowned. "What is it?"

He drew her a little closer, and bent his head slightly, although he knew he shouldn't. Alana did not move, though she knew what was coming, so he took this as a sign to continue. He lowered his head to hers and gently kissed the corner of her mouth. He felt her take a sharp intake of breath. She smelt divine. Pulling back a little he touched the top of her jaw line with his mouth also, kissing her lightly on the cheek, trying not to think of how close he was to her neck and how much he wanted to caress it. It was fortunate that his hands were confined by hers. He stepped back, letting go of her hand. "I'm sorry if that was wrong, but I shall never have the chance again. Dreams will fade..." he said wistfully.

Alana shook her head. "That's fine," she said in a husky voice. She turned but looked back at him. Stepping forward she rose on the balls of her feet, brought his head down to her with her hand and touched her lips to his mouth. He returned it briefly, although it pained him. Alana Cross smiled and shrugged. "Sorry if that was wrong..." she said mockingly. He gave her a withering smirk and gestured to the door. "Goodbye Professor," she said softly, leaving through the wooden door for the final time.

"Enough," he murmured. "That was enough." He was talking to himself but it was reassuring and he hoped what he said was true; that with her gone, his torturous dreams would cease.

He couldn't bring himself to smile and frown or move at all after that. He swallowed hard and gave himself a few moments before he moved around to the shelves to put away some books. Already he was beginning to forget her face. And that was the way it should have been.

Snape sighed and looked back at the door, thrusting his hands into the pockets of his robes. Frowning slightly, his fingers wrapped around a cool object hidden within the depths of the fabric. When he pulled out his hand, the golden pencil sharpener lay in his palm. A smile crept across his face and Severus Snape laughed.

THE END

Please review; there may be a sequel in the works for this one. Well, there's the beginning of the first chapter! Anyone interested? Let me know, and thanks to all my faithful reviewers. You know who you are. xx