A/N: Here is the next installment of the Choices series. Changes are afoot, so brace yourselves. We know how well our boy deals with change. So hang on for the ride :-) I'd like to thank Lexi Lynne for the suggestion that led to the meat of this story.

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.
- Anais Nin

The frying pan on the stove sizzled as Alex stirred bacon pieces with a wooden spoon. She drained the bacon fat into a mason jar. She knew that Bobby liked food cooked in bacon fat, but he wasn't twenty-five any more and she wasn't going to contribute to his cholesterol level if she could help it. She laid out the bacon on a paper towel and patted the grease from the pieces.

There was a knock at the door. She rinsed her hands under hot water and dried them on a towel as she trotted to the door. Tommy followed her from the toybox on the other side of the room. She pulled the door open and smiled at Carolyn. "Hey, come on in."

Carolyn grinned. "I am so tired of packing. I thought I'd take a break and come over for a visit. Hi, Tommy!"

"Anny Car! Binded me beebee?"

"Yes, sweetheart. I brought the baby to see you."

She took Sean's jacket off and set him on the floor as Tommy trotted over to the toybox and joined the baby with an armful of toys. Sitting by Sean, he held out a vinyl giraffe to the baby. Sean beamed at him and took the toy, sticking the giraffe's head into his mouth. Tommy giggled and grabbed a penguin. Holding it out to Sean, he was delighted when the baby took it and replaced the giraffe's head with the penguin's. Then he tried to put them both in his mouth and Tommy giggled.

Alex motioned to Carolyn. "Come on in the kitchen. I'm making dinner." She got out the flour, milk and eggs and walked to the counter by the bacon. "So, are you ready for Arizona?"

"Arizona, yes. My parents, no. My mother is convinced that I waited for them to move across the country before I decided to give them a grandchild. Everything is a conspiracy to her."

"You never did tell me why you've waited six months to go for a visit."

Carolyn smiled. "My family is very Catholic. It's taken her this long to accept my status as an unwed mother. She only stopped asking me where she went wrong last month."

Alex smiled. "Well, if Logan would get on the ball..."

Carolyn shook her head. "Let's not discuss Mike's commitment phobia."

Alex nodded at the ring on Carolyn's left hand. "He did propose."

"And some day he'll follow through with it and we'll have a wedding, too."

"Do you think maybe he'll miss you enough while you're gone that he might be ready to finish the job he started with that ring?"

"I don't know. I guess we'll find out. I've found out that the best way to deal with Mike is indirectly. If you challenge him outright, he'll buck for all he's worth. But if it seems like it's his idea, then it's all good. So I'm waiting for it to be his idea. I'm fine with things the way they are. Mike's home every night and he's attentive to me and the baby. Things are good between us. It doesn't matter what my mother thinks, especially since I don't have to deal with her every day. If I did, I think I'd have to hurt someone."

Alex laughed. "He's not making any points with her by not going with you, is he?"

"I don't know, but I can't blame him, really. My mother can be a lot to take on a good day."

Molly started crying, and Alex went into the living room to get her from her playpen. Tom followed her. "Beebee, Mama!"

She smiled at the little boy, who looked up at her with open, curious eyes. She could see his father in his expression, and it made her heart lurch. She leaned over to kiss him. "Let me feed her and then you can hold her."

"Kay, Mama!" He hurried off to Maggie's room. "Maga! Mama me beebee!"

Alex sat on the couch as Carolyn came out of the kitchen. "Putting dinner on hold?"

Alex laughed. "Like I have a choice. Molly certainly won't be put on hold."

Carolyn looked around the room. "Where's Maggie?"

"She's reading."

"But usually, she's out here in the middle of the babies, reading to them."

Alex laughed softly. "Well, she and Bobby have a deal. They were in the bookstore the other day, and she found a chapter book she really wants, so he made her a deal. He got her The Story of Ferdinand and told her if she can read the whole book to him, he'll get her the book she wants. She wants it to be perfect, so she's practicing."

Carolyn smiled. "He already got her the book she wants, didn't he?"

"Better than that. She wants Little House in the Big Woods, and he got her the entire set."

She laughed. "Why did he choose The Story of Ferdinand?"

"It's not a chapter book but it's advanced enough that he'll know she's ready to move on."

Carolyn nodded. "Do you think I can borrow him from time to time?"

"What for?"

"Well, he teaches his kids to read, and Mike teaches Sean to blow raspberries. Bobby is teaching Maggie and Tom German, and Mike teaches them to blow spit bubbles."

Alex laughed heartily. "It's a balance. Bobby teaches them the practical things and Mike reminds them that they're kids and it's okay to be silly. Mike also reminds Bobby that it's okay to let go every once in a while." Her smile faded a little. "He's too serious."

"It's good that Bobby keeps Mike more or less in line. Sometimes more and sometimes less. Where is Bobby, by the way?"

"He's sleeping as far as I know. He played with the kids all afternoon and went in to the bedroom about an hour ago. He was up all night."

"Pain?"

Alex nodded. "This last surgery was a rough one, but he refuses to take his pain medicine and he stopped using the cane a few days ago. This is the first time he's been in the bed since before the surgery. He's been staying out here on the couch so he doesn't keep me up. A little while ago, he started to doze off, but Tommy kept waking him up, so he finally listened to me and went into the bedroom."

"What does he think he'll gain by not treating his pain?"

She shrugged. "I stopped trying to figure him out a long time ago." She watched Molly nurse, saddened that feeding the baby didn't have the same effect on Bobby that feeding Tom had when he was nursing. She didn't know what was wrong, or even if he realized that anything was. "He won't talk about it. He won't talk about much of anything. I don't know what's going on with him."

"What does the doctor say?"

"I don't know. I haven't been able to go with him to his appointments lately. All I know is that the surgery went better than he anticipated, and there's a good chance Bobby will be back to work soon."

"And that doesn't make him happy?"

"I don't know—he won't talk about it. Sometimes, I'm lucky if I get a grunt from him."

Carolyn heard and understood her frustration. "Maybe you should take a firm line with him."

Alex hesitated. "Bobby doesn't tolerate being pushed any more than Mike does, and I don't want him to slip further away. I'm not sure what to do. I can't even tell you if this is intentional. He's totally distracted by the pain, and he's miserable about not being able to work."

"You may have no other choice but to push him, Alex."

"Maybe I should crush his pills and hide it in his food."

Carolyn laughed. "Well, there's an option for you. I won't tell."

With a smile, Alex handed the baby to her and returned to the kitchen to finish dinner. As she was cooking, she looked at the prescription bottle on the refrigerator, but she left it there. She couldn't betray Bobby's trust, so she had to find a way to get through to him. There had to be a way.

Carolyn stayed for dinner, enjoying time with Maggie and Tom. Alex, she noted, was clearly worried, and she wondered what was going on with Bobby. He could be stubborn and difficult, but she couldn't help wondering if there was a deeper reason behind his behavior. As she got ready to leave, she asked, "Do you think Bobby would take us to the airport tomorrow? Our flight is at three."

"I don't see why not. Plan on it unless you hear differently."

Carolyn smiled as she balanced Sean on her hip. "Thanks, Alex." She waved to Maggie and Tommy. "Bye, kids."

Maggie had a book opened on the coffee table and she was reading to her brother. They looked up and said good-bye to Carolyn and Sean. Alex closed the door and sat on the couch, watching Maggie point to each word as she said it. Tom mimicked her, but Alex noted that he didn't miss a word. Her heart swelled with pride and love for the children. They were so much like their father, and she always saw that as a good thing.

After the children were in bed, she carried Molly into the bedroom and laid her in her crib without turning the light on in the room. She undressed and slid into the bed beside Bobby, thinking he was still sleeping. She rolled toward him and nestled into his side, surprised when he kissed her forehead. She touched his cheek. "I thought you were sleeping."

"I was for a little while."

"How do you feel?"

He shrugged. "It's hard to tell." He gave her another kiss before he slid out of bed. "Sleep well, Alex."

"Bobby..."

He touched her lips with his fingertips. "I'm going to get something to eat and go for a walk. If I feel like I can go back to sleep, I'll come back."

She could feel his absence when he left the room, and she knew he wouldn't be back that night. She couldn't help the tears that fell from her eyes.

Carolyn stood in front of the coffee table where her suitcase was open and half-packed. Another fully packed suitcase sat by the door. Her hands were braced on her hips and she surveyed the stacks of folded clothes on the couch. She picked up a couple of Sean's outfits and laid them in the suitcase, then turned her attention to a small stack of shirts. A knock at the front door disturbed her concentration. "Come on in," she called over her shoulder.

The door opened, and Bobby limped onto the apartment. She smiled at him. "Hey, no cane. How's your knee?"

"It's okay," he lied, and she could see the pain shining in his eyes. He was three weeks out from his last surgery, and the months that had passed since his mother's death had been hard on him. He was too quiet, too serious.

She tried to lighten his mood. "Any word on going back to work?"

He shook his head as he stopped beside her, looking over the suitcase and piles of clothes. She reached out and rubbed his arm. "Don't pout. At least they're still saying you can go back to work, right?"

"Right."

"When's your next appointment?"

"Tomorrow." He withdrew his arm from her and changed the subject. "So, when are you going back to work?"

Carolyn watched Sean beat on his teddy bear with a block. "I'm on terminal leave, Bobby," she said.

He stared at her and blinked. "Terminal leave?"

She nodded. "Mike and I decided that we don't want both of us out in the field. So he'll stay on active duty. I'm taking a part-time teaching position at John Jay while I go back to school for my doctorate."

He gave that some thought. "How do you feel about that?"

"It's a good move for me. I'm happy with it." She placed a baby quilt in the suitcase. "Have you ever considered going back to school, Bobby?"

He shook his head. "I like what I do, Carolyn. I'm...I'm happy."

"Are you really? You don't seem very happy."

"I'm not working at the moment."

"Do you have to work to be happy? What about your family?"

"What about them?" he asked defensively.

"Don't take that tone with me," she challenged. "Bobby, you can't dichotomize your life. You're miserable because you're not working, and your family is suffering."

"That's not true!" he objected.

"When was the last time you slept with your wife?" she snapped. She looked away quickly. She hadn't meant for that to come out that way.

He opened his mouth to protest, but no words came. Carolyn looked back at him when he remained silent. He looked shocked. She reached out and caressed his cheek. "Do you love your wife?"

"Of course I do! Never...never think I don't."

"What do you think is going through her mind? Bobby, you need to pull your head out of the sand and look around. Everything you do impacts your wife and children. She feels you slipping away, and she doesn't know what she can do to pull you back. You're going to sabotage the best thing in your life if you don't watch your step." She watched the panic cross his face and she grabbed his hand. "Listen to me. You had knee surgery less than three weeks ago. We hate to see you in such pain. Take your pain medicine and get the pain under control. Then spend some time with your wife. It will do you both a world of good."

He sat on the edge of the coffee table and she smoothed her hand affectionately over his hair. "Do you want to lose your wife?"

"No!" he answered, almost panicked. "I...I can't lose her. Do you think...I mean, is she...?"

"No, she's not going anywhere yet. But she's going to allow you to push her only so far away. She'll only let you cut her out of so much of your life. She suffers when you do, and watching you try to make it without the medicine you need is killing her. Do you trust me?"

"Yes." He knew that Alex and Carolyn were close, and if she thought there was any chance at all that Alex was even thinking of leaving him, she would know. "I do trust you," he assured her.

"Then take the damn medicine and spend some time with Alex. She needs you, too, you know, and you've been shutting her out."

"I...don't like the medicine. It fogs my head and clouds my judgment. It makes me...I don't know...I just want to get by without it."

"That's fine, but right now you still need it. Take it for two weeks and then try to do without it. Be smart about it, Bobby. Think about Alex and the kids, too."

He looked at the ceiling, and she watched a tear roll down his cheek. She chose not to mention it. He finally looked at her. "Are you sure she's not...talking about leaving me?"

"I would have noticed if she was. But she's not going to put up with this for long. Now give me a hand here with the rest of this packing or I'm going to miss my plane."

He picked up a stuffed turtle from the table beside the suitcase. "Alex told me your flight is at three."

"Yes, and I had better finish packing or Sean isn't going to have half the things he needs. Mike goes nuts when I buy things the baby already has." She reached out and closed her hand over his. "Please, promise me you'll talk to Alex so I don't worry the whole time I'm gone. You take things too seriously. Relax. It's okay to relax and let go once in awhile."

He made an annoyed sound. "Okay, Carolyn. I'll talk to her."

He helped her finish packing and, in spite of her protests, he carried her luggage down to the car.

Bobby walked Carolyn into the terminal, carrying the baby since she wouldn't let him carry her luggage. He held Sean while she checked in and walked her as far as the security area. "Do you want me to walk you to the gate? I have my badge."

She smiled. "I'll be fine. Thanks for coming this far."

He kissed Sean's head and handed the baby to her. She leaned up and gave him a kiss. "Take your medicine and talk to Alex."

He nodded. "Enjoy your visit."

Another smile and she walked away, with Sean looking over her shoulder and waving. Bobby waved back. Lost in thought, he walked back through the terminal. Naturally, Alex had picked up on his moods. He hadn't thought it would bother her if he slept on the couch. He was stubborn about not taking his medicine and she'd been upset when he discarded the cane, but he knew she'd get over it. But leaving him? He still felt a simmering panic in his gut that he couldn't dispel, making him dizzy and nauseous. Son of a bitch...

A/N: The Story of Ferdinand is by Munro Leaf. The Little House books are by Laura Ingalls Wilder.