A/N: Er, Harry'll always be normal font. :P No one else will be. I'm trying my hand at throwing different characters in because, I figured, just Harry and Voldemort would get really dry, really quickly.
Chapter Two
Harry,
Some disturbing rumours have reached me, I must say. And, however far-fetched they may be, I felt I should seek some reassurance on the matter.
Humour me with this, my boy. You're not, by any chance, corresponding with Voldemort, are you?
- Professor Dumbledore
Professor,
Haha… ha. Sir, what would make you think that? It does seem a bit unrealistic.
- Harry
Harry,
Professor Snape seems unusually certain about this. He seems to recollect a long, violent rant about the impudence of messy-haired, scarred brats.
Are you quite sure? Has there, perhaps, been any accidental correspondence? Were you trying to contact Miss Granger, and your owl misinterpreted the request? It happens to the best of us.
I digress, this tidbit seems rather well backed up, and I'd hate to doubt Severus.
- Professor Dumbledore
Professor,
No offense intended, but Snape's a bit of a nutter. Maybe all of that mental digging finally got to him? After all, he must abuse his powers almost daily, and stumble across the no-doubt disturbing images in teenager's minds.
That'd drive anyone nuts, most of all a bitter, greasy old man.
But, no offense intended, of course.
- Harry
Potter,
I hope you burn.
- Professor Severus Snape, Potions Master, Head of Slytherin, Hogwarts.
Harry,
Oh dear. It seems Severus was rather put out by your last letter. I hope you didn't receive anything too disparaging from him.
Remember, Harry – it's Professor Snape.
Ah, yes, it seems you've yet to answer my question definitively. Are you?
- Professor Dumbledore
Professor,
Am I what?
- Harry
Dear Potter,
It was always my assumption that the Boy-Who-Lived (or whatever filthy moniker you go by now) would have better manners. Or were you stricken down? Made unable to answer my last letter?
No matter what pathetic excuse you'll no doubt muster, the fact remains that that was indescribably rude.
Sincerely,
Voldemort, the Vanquisher
Dear Voldemort,
You're one to talk about someone being indescribably rude. Or was killing my parents polite?
And – 'the vanquisher'? Is that meant to intimidate me? If I really have to remind you, just look at our track record. Who's more of a vanquisher?
Sincerely,
Harry
Potter,
The Vanquisher is a lovely title, thank you very much. In fact, it adds some much-needed alliteration to my name. If it were to be necessary, I could extend this to 'Voldemort, the Vicious, Vaunted Vanquisher', but I find my current name is suitably terrifying.
And, yes, killing your parents was polite. One of them had dirty, dirty blood, and obviously needed to be put down.
Such a shame.
Sincerely,
Voldemort, the Vicious, Vaunted Vanquisher
Harry,
I must insist that you answer my letter, post-haste. Severus has returned with news of alliteration – we don't know what he's planning to do, but we fear it may revolve around 'Harry's Head Hanging'.
Yes, this is a legitimate worry.
- Professor Dumbledore
Professor,
You need not fear alliteration. It won't hurt me.
- Harry
A/N: This has been done forever, I was just too nervous to upload it. By the way -- the extra 'u's in things is because I'm Canadian.