A/N: I couldn't help myself, I just had to write this. Anyway, enjoy. And, for those who don't know, Brittany is my OC. And many thanks to w1nter, my lovely editor!

CHAPTER ONE: DRUGGED

The planet Jamsheen was well known for its clubbing. Whole cities were dedicated to dance clubs, night clubs and, much to Captain Jack's delight, gay clubs. The Doctor had, thankfully, forbidden the Captain to enter any of the latter; Jack Harkness could get into enough trouble without looking for it in places like that, thank you very much.

It had become something of a tradition for the two time travellers to visit alien worlds without informing either the Torchwood team or the Doctor's current companion. For two beings that didn't need much sleep, nights could get incredibly boring. To the Doctor, it seemed that humans slept an awful lot, spending half their life with their heads on their pillows. And, since Jack had finished nearly every single video game ever invented during the nights he spent alone at the hub, they both had nothing much to do.

Usually it was Jack that suggested that they go visit some obscure planet, ringing the Doctor up and saying something along the lines of: "I have just finished Assassin's Creed for the twentieth time. Do you want to go ice-skating on Woman Wept?" Or: "I've just watched all six Star Wars movies in a row. Can we go to the paintball planet of Virgo V?" Or, possibly even: "If I stay here any longer, I'm going to accidentally blow up half of Cardiff. Wanna come shoot hoops with me?"

Tonight, it had been, "I've just beaten level 496 of Space Invaders. Let's go clubbing!"

Normally, the Doctor wouldn't have agreed to such a request, but he was bored off his trolley, having alphabetised his entire vinyl collection (which filled three whole rooms) five times. In a row.

Of course, the Doctor hadn't done too much dancing or drinking, but he had enjoyed himself. Whenever he was with the one and only Captain Harkness, he couldn't help but smile. Jack flirted with anything that moved, but that wasn't what amused the Doctor. No, it was the fact that nearly everyone that was on the receiving end of Jack's flirting actually accepted his advances. It was really quite funny to watch.

Music spilled out onto the streets as the Doctor and Jack walked back to the TARDIS. The latter was quite intoxicated, while the former was singing just for the hell of it. Three moons hung in the sky amid countless stars, casting a baleful glow down on the thronging streets.

The TARDIS was sitting right where it had been left, nestled between a rundown bottleshop and a nightclub claiming to be the 'Ludicrous Lounge'. There also appeared to be a two-headed yellow alien passed out of the timeship's doorstep.

The Doctor gingerly stepped over the unconscious alien and unlocked the TARDIS door. Jack was ushered into the control room, and the coordinates set for Cardiff. The time rotor began to hum as the Time Lord punched buttons and flicked switches with his hands, elbows and occasionally, feet.

Jack sank down into the room's only chair, singing loudly and rather flatly, though whether this was because the Captain was just inept at singing or had drunk far too much alcohol, it was hard to say.

"There I was, dancing high among the sta-ah-ah-ah-ars!" he crowed as the Doctor tapped out the beat on the mushroom-shaped console.

"Be careful you don't wake up Brittany," the Time Lord pointed out, adjusting a lever with a delicate motion from his foot. "And what's that song? Starlight by Jagrakh?"

Jack gave a nod accompanied by a lewd smile. "She was one hell of a singer! Belting out those songs as loud as a… I don't know, but it was pretty loud."

The Doctor rubbed his temple. He still had a headache from touring the alien nightclubs, and with Jagrakh being one of the Malthuse, a species of alien with lungs that made up around half their body weight, it probably wasn't going to go away any time soon. He was amazed that his ears hadn't started bleeding from the noise.

At least his query had interrupted the Captain's singing. Although, the silence didn't appear to be helping his headache. If anything, it seemed to be getting worse.

"Ooo, that can't be good," he groaned as his vision blurred, colours bleeding into one another. "That's really not good."

"Doctor?" Jack's voice was full of concern as the Captain rose to his feet. "Are you alright?"

"Do I look alright?" the Doctor shot back, leaning on the console for support. All he could see was a dim wash of gold, but that was rapidly fading. "I can't see a thing!"

He could hear Jack moving across the floor towards him, and turned his head towards the sound. Everything was just a sea of swirling spots and just to make things worse, it felt like there was a team of miners intent on digging their way through his skull.

"Doctor, I think we better get you to the med centre –" Jack began, placing a hand on the Time Lord's shoulder, but he never managed to finish his sentence.

Pain shot up the Captain's arm and straight into his head. His eyes prickled and burning pain started to spread across his body. For the Doctor, it was even worse. He dropped to his knees in agony, squeezing his eyes tightly shut and clenching his jaw against the fire that was spreading out from the shoulder Jack had touched.

The Captain stumbled backwards, the room spinning around him. "Oh God," he cried just before he collapsed to the floor.

The Doctor held on for a few more seconds, curled up on the floor of the TARDIS. What was happening to him? Suddenly, clubbing with Jack didn't seem like such a good idea anymore. He just needed to warn Brittany.

He flailed around blindly until he found a switch on the side of the console. "Activate emergency protocol seven-one nine-six-five-alpha," he forced out through gritted teeth, flicking the switch. "Lock flight pattern to binary coordinate ten-zero-zero-one-zero-one by three-zero,"

The TARDIS began groaning loudly all around him, and he released his grip on the console, falling down into the deep darkness of unconsciousness.

The TARDIS flew on through the vortex, dancing across the eddies and currents like one born to it, heading for the galactic coordinate that had been designated before her pilot had passed out.

She hoped he would get better soon. The TARDIS cared for her Time Lord, and anyway, it was much more fun when he was around.