Albus and Minerva Go Shopping

It was a glorious summer day, the pale blue sky was nearly the same colour as Albus' eyes, and thin wisps of cotton wool like clouds drifted lazily in the gentle breeze. Birds sang merrily and the mountain slopes were clad in purple, warmly scented heather flowers. Albus Dumbledore sat in his study, fingers intwined in a way that clearly showed he was deep in thought.

It was over two weeks since Hogwarts had broken up, and yet his dear wife continued to work nearly as hard as she had during term time, refusing all Albus' entreaties to rest and relax, or have some fun for once. As they so often did, Minerva's workaholic tendancies were worrying Albus. "After all everyone needs a break sometimes ..." He muttered absently, as he tugged at his beard.

So when Minerva came to join him for their morning elevensies, Albus made the suggestion that perhaps they should have a couple of weeks holiday together. An idea that was immediately rejected by Minerva, as she asserted that she was far too busy preparing for the new term to indulge in such frivolities as going on holiday.

Albus however was in an unusually determined mood, and simply kept insisting firmly and quietly that Minerva had worked exceptionally hard recently and needed a break. Even when Minerva stated equally firmly that she liked working hard and felt best when doing so, Albus still kept to his determination that she needed a nice holiday completely away from Hogwarts and all work. Even Minerva's fiercest glares failed to change Albus' resolve that they should both get away for a while, and finally Minerva had no choice other than to unwillingly comply with his wishes.

As soon as Minerva agreed, Albus' sapphire blue eyes twinkled brightly and continued to twinkle ever more merrily as Minerva informed him in her native gaelic of exactly how stubborn and infuriating she considered him to be. He even went so far as to chuckle annoyingly at some of Minerva's more colourfull gaelic swear words. Finallly Minerva stuck her nose in the air and swept out of the room, only pausing to compare him unfavourably with a Fwooper.

"You really do have an uncanny ability to anger your wife, don't you ?" Drawled Phineas Nigellus from his portrait on the wall.

"You know Minerva, she enjoys complaining about going on holiday nearly as much as the holiday itself." Albus answered lightly, then folded his arms behind his head, leant back in his chair and hummed contentedly. After a few minutes Albus murmured, "Better start packing I suppose ..." Reaching into his robes Albus flicked his wand in a leisurely manner. At once a bright purple carpet bag appeared in the middle of the floor, as Albus waved his wand rather like a conductor, books robes and tins of candy marched merrily towards the bag, and proceeded to pack themselves.

So it was that a few days later, Minerva and Albus were strolling along the high street of a delightfully quaint seaside town, pausing every so often to peer curiously into shop windows. Albus was wearing lemon drop yellow shorts, a bright purple T-shirt, and a red baseball cap with a seagull perched precariously on top. Every time Albus moved the seagull swayed drunkenly as though it had spent too long in the local pubs. Rainbow tinted sunglasses with vivid pink frames rested halfway up Albus' crooked nose.

It had taken Albus over half an hour to persuade Minerva to be seen with him, in what she condemned as "The most hideous outfit I have ever seen you in, Albus Dumbledore." It was only when Albus managed to convince Minerva that this was what muggles normally wore on holiday, that she agreed to accompany him. Minerva still kept shooting disapproving glares at him though.

Minerva looked far more sensible in a knee length emerald green kilt and cream blouse. Round her neck she wore the emerald and gold necklace that Albus had given her for their first anniversary. Albus was quite captivated by the unusual sight of his wife in anything other than ankle length robes, and kept casting amorous glances at her legs as they meandered up the high street together. Finally Minerva irately commanded him to "Stop leering at me, Albus Dumbledore. Honestly anyone would think you'd never seen my legs before."

After looking into one of the shops Albus had been inspired to transfigure his T-shirt so it bore the words, 'Kiss Me Quick' in glittering rainbow coloured sequins. Minerva snorted in disgust as she saw it and muttered something about undignified nonsence under her breath. Albus' eyes had twinkled mischeviously at this and with a sidelong glance at Minerva he had changed the wording to, 'Kiss Me Minerva.' Then beamed hopefully at her as though such a thing might actually persuade her to kiss him.

At once Minerva's eyes sparked with emerald fire and her lips snapped into a familliar thin line of rage. Shooting her best death glare at her husband she snapped, "If you ever want me to kiss you again you had better change that to something more sensible at once."

Albus' bright blue eyes twinkled in a way that Minerva found absolutely infuriating, and the slogan was immediately changed to, 'I Love Minerva.' Then he beamed hopefully at her again.

Minerva rolled her eyes in disgust as familliar scarlet flecks of fury adorned her cheeks, in a way that always delighted Albus. "I refuse to be paraded along the street on your T-shirt." She stated firmly.

Albus sighed in mock despair, an effect that was quite ruined by the humourous sparkle in his eyes, and after a few moments thought changed the slogan to, 'Lemon Drops Rule OK.' "Does this meet with your approval my love ?" He asked.

"No." Snapped Minerva, and at once the slogan changed again to read, 'Ginger Newts Rule OK.' "That's much better." Minerva said in a self satisfied tone.

"But I don't like ginger ..." Albus complained.

"I do." Minerva answered firmly, and that was the end of the matter.

As the couple continued their stroll, Albus' eyes suddenly lit up with joy. "Look Minerva, a muggle candy store." He said gleefully.

"Shhh Albus ..." Minerva began, then before she could say more Albus had pulled her into the shop.

As they entered the store the heavenly aroma of creamy caramel, divinely decadent chocolate and many other delectable delights made Albus' nostrills twitch in anticipation, as an expression of utter bliss crossed his face. "Wonderful ... quite wonderful ..." He murmured, as Minerva sighed and readied herself for a long stay in the shop.

Several minutes passed in relative peace as Albus browsed contentedly, and then became involved in a deep discussion about the merits of different types of cocoa beans, with the young man who was in charge of the shop. Meanwhile Minerva occupied herself by gazing in disgust at some of the more garish candies on display, and then flicking through the pages of a muggle magazine that was lying on the counter.

"May I interest you in our new Chilli Chocolate bars Sir ?" The shopkeeper asked Albus, as he pointed to a display stand.

For a few seconds Albus gazed at the display stand in baffled silence, then he asked, "If it's chilly why isn't it in the fridge ?"

The shopkeeper sighed quietly then answered patiently, "No Sir, it's chilli inside ..."

"My dear fellow, you're not coming down with anything are you ?" Albus enquired anxiously. "It really is most pleasantly warm in here, not at all chilly ..." As Albus reached out a hand to feel the shopkeeper's forehead, the man took a rapid half step backwards.

For a moment the shopkeeper stared at Albus as though he wasn't sure if he was joking or not. Then he sighed a little louder than before and in a slightly strained voice said, "No Sir, the chocolate Sir, it has chilli in it."

"You mean it has a chilled centre ... that is really most unusual, but however do you prevent the middle melting if it isn't in the fridge ?" Albus asked curiously, wondering if this was some new muggle technique that he hadn't heard about despite avidly reading Candyaholics Weekly whenever he could.

The shopkeeper clenched and unclenched his hands as though striving to retain self controll and good manners. For a few seconds there was silence, then in an even more strained voice he answered, "No Sir it has bits of chilli in it." Then as Albus opened his mouth to speak, the shopkeeper added rapidly, "No Sir not frozen or chilled bits, chilli peppers." The shopkeeper peered hopefully at Albus, then as albus still looked utterly baffled added even more rapidly, "And the peppers aren't cold or frozen either."

Albus was looking more and more bemused by the shopkeeper's attempt at explaining. 'Why did the man keep telling him that things were chilly and then telling him that they weren't ?' At last he said almost forlornly, "But you said they were chilly ..."

The shopkeeper turned pale and then bright scarlet as he clenched and unclenched his hands several times, almost as though he were striving not to pound them against the counter. At last he answered in the type voice normally reserved for very small children, "It's the name of a plant Sir. It doesn't mean they are cold, they are just called Chilli Peppers Sir."

"Really ?" said Albus looking utterly fascinated, "Does it grow in a particularly cold area ? Because that would explain the name if it did ..."

This question rendered the shopkeeper utterly speechless, as he glared at Albus almost as though contemplating throwing him out of his shop. Albus seemed completely unaware of the state the man was in as another thought entered his head. "You mean this chocolate has vegetables in it ? He asked in horrified tones.

The shopkeeper sagged visibly in relief, perhaps this eccentric looking old fool had finally understood what he'd been trying to tell him. "No Sir, it has spice in it, Chilli Pepper is a spice Sir, a very hot spice." He answered as calmly as he could.

Immediately Albus gasped in horror, then looked completely appalled. "You mean this chocolate has spice in it ... what a horrible thing to do to chocolate, why it's positvely barbaric ...." He spluttered indignantly. "Minerva, did you hear what they've done to this poor chocolate ? They've polluted it with nasty spice ... the poor thing ... cruelty to chocolate that's what it is ..." Albus continued irately, as his blue eyes sparked with unusual anger.

"Don't be so silly Albus, chocolate doesn't have feelings." Minerva snapped disapprovingly.

"Of course chocolate has feelings, and it definitely wouldn't like having Chilli in it." Albus answered in his most determined voice.

Minerva glared at Albus furiously, then asked sarcastically, "Then if that's the case how do you know chocolate doesn't object to you eating it ?"

While this conversation between Albus and Minerva had been going on the shopkeeper had begun to look more and more worried. He was now frantically pushing a red button half hidden behind the counter, and whispering desperately into an intercom, "Security, security, I have a couple of loonies here, security ..."

The flash of anger in Albus' eyes had now been replaced by concern. "You don't really think that chocolate would object to me eating it, do you ?" He asked hopefully.

Unnoticed by Albus, Minerva's eyes glinted evily for a second. Then she put on her most matter of fact voice and answered firmly, "Well Albus, If chocolate has feelings then it would most certainly object to someone eating it without even asking wouldn't it ?"

"Oh ..." Albus said miserably, as he gazed sadly at all the delicious looking chocolate in the shop. "Oh ..." He muttered again, as a vision of life without any more chocolate ever flashed before his eyes. Then he suddenly brightened, "I know ..." He said hopefully "I'll ask it if it minds or not, perhaps it doesn't."

While the shopkeeper watched aghast with shock, Albus began to wander round the shop asking the chocolates if they minded being eaten or not. Meanwhile Minerva was staring at her husband in disbelief and disapproval, embarrassing her like this in the middle of a shop, really what was he thinking. Minerva's lips were set in a thin line of displeasure as she commanded, "Albus Dumbledore stop this nonsence at once, and come along."

Albus was so intent on his attempts to get at least one bar of chocolate to answer him that he seemed not to have heard Minerva. The shopkeeper was now looking positively petrified, and his voice was becoming ever more high pitched with panic. "Security ... security ... where are you ? Security ?" He whimpered pitifully into the intercom.

Suddenly Albus seemed to notice just how distressed the shopkeeper was. "Minerva, we're scaring this poor man, I think we should leave." He said.

"What do you mean we !" Snapped Minerva furiously, "You're the one who started this nonsence Albus Dumbledore."

"Me ?" Said Albus indignantly, "What did I do ?"

"What you always do." Snapped Minerva, "Embarrass me, that's what. Honestly why I couldn't marry a nice sensible man I do not know, I must have been insane."

As they left the shop the pair could be heard still squabling. "Raving loonies ..." The shopkeeper muttered, as he wiped the perspiration from his damp forehead in relief. As the shopkeeper sank trembling into a chair the final words he heard were, "So in other words my dear Minerva you're a crazy old coot just like me ..."

Author's Notes

I was totally stuck on a title for this story, the rather feeble title was the best I could come up with. This story was inspired by my own opinion that polluting yummy chocolate with nasty chilli is completely barbaric lol. Something about shopping always makes me think of Albus and Minerva, which get embarrassing when I suddenly burst out laughing in the middle of a crowded store. :D Please review, reviews are nearly as sparkly as Albus' eyes. ;)

Elevensies is an English tradition of having tea or coffee and cake at 11.00am. Fwooper is in Fantastic Beasts and where to find them, it seemed a fitting insult for Albus from an irate Minerva. :D Since it's described as brightly or garishly coloured, and having a song which slowly drives one mad lol. In my imagination this story is set in my home town since the idea of seeing Albus and Minerva shopping in my high street fills me with joy. :D