AN: I come bearing the next installment of my angsty fic. . Not as angsty as most angsty fics, I guess, haha… but it's ABOUT angst… does that count?? XD

Disclaimer: Junjou Romantica and Junai Egoist are the rightful property of Nakamura Shungiku

Summary: With Misaki's encouragement, Usami struggles to make amends with Hiroki- He intends to ensure that his feelings reach his childhood friend.

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To Write a Tragic Love Story

Chapter 4: Resilient Pride

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"Usagi-saaan…" Misaki whined as he slumped against the front door. "Those tabloid reporters won't go awaaay… if I leave for university, they'll see me and wonder why I am living with you…"

"So what? Just tell them you're the help." Usami mumbled as he dialed Hiroki's number again. He had to take a short bathroom break, and though he attempted to take the phone with him, Misaki insisted he not.

"I AM the help!" Misaki snapped before sighing. "…But it would still look suspicious… Sumi-sempai offered to let me stay over until this whole thing blows over…"

"No way."

"But Usagi-san! If word spreads that you're living with another guy-!"

"No one will even care or notice." Usami hung up when the line went dead and tried again.

"Usagi-san!" Misaki approached him, annoyed. "I took a journalism class in high school! The teacher made us do as much research to find out about her as possible! All I had to do was google her name in order to find out more about her on various websites!"

"So?"

"SO! If someone googled 'Misaki' and 'Akihiko,' do you know what they would find?!!"

"…" Usami hung up, again giving his lover's question some thought. "…Those are the characters names in one of my BL books… so they'd find the book characters… then they may recognize my writing style and recognize that I wrote those BL books… and then they may realize that you and I are an item."

"They would li-!!! … Wait, you hit it, dead on…" Misaki eyed his lover, annoyed. "Exactly. EXACTLY! So I hate to abandon you in your time of need, and in fact, being away from you at all, especially now, makes me very sorry and sad, but for both of our sakes, I think it's best if I leave for a bit."

"Good idea." Usami called his bluff, picking the phone back up and dialing.

"USAGI-SAN!!! JUST ANNOUNCE TO THEM THAT THE RUMORS ARE ILLIGITIMATE AND PUT AN END TO THIS INSANITY!"

"The rumors aren't illegitimate… though I do wonder who in the hell started them." Usami muttered.

A knock sounded at the door and Usami took the phone and headed around the corner into the other room to hide.

"Uuuuusaaaagiiii-saaaaan!!!"

"Answer the door, Misaki."

Misaki blinked, turning and hurrying to the door, peeking through the peep hole.

Sumi stood on the porch, waving at him, Aikawa and Isaka at his side- a herd of reporters hovering about, behind them.

"…Usagi-san… I think you may want to come take a look."

Usami hung up the phone and headed over, peering through the peep hole before frowning. He dialed Aikawa's number on his cell then peeked through the hole, watching as she answered without checking to see who it was.

"Hello." She spoke into the phone but stared straight at Usami's peep hole and thus straight at Usami.

"You may enter- the other two may not."

"Sumi-kun has something he'd like to talk to both you and Misaki-kun about."

"I don't care."

"And executive director Isaka needs to use the restroom."

"…I'd prefer if he didn't use mine."

Misaki nudged Usami behind the door and opened it, hiding behind, as well.

A flood of flashes, questions, and cries followed after Aikawa, Isaka, and Sumi as the three poured in and quickly shut the door behind them, all looking quite peeved.

"Sempai, why are you here?" Misaki blinked. "Is this because I ignored the three hundred seventy eight texts you sent me or the calls I didn't answer? I've been really busy, I'm sorry… and my battery died the other day and I couldn't get my charger from the university because it was the weekend- also the paparazzi have been on our front lawn for the past three days."

"You left your phone charger at school?" Sumi huffed.

"Yeah, I think so. I even ordered a new one off the net, but it hasn't arrived yet."

Isaka raised a package. "This might be it."

"You went through our mail?!" Usami fumed.

"No, those reporters were, so we snagged it." Aikawa folded her arms. "Sensei, I understand you have a right to your privacy but you need to go out there and settle this thing with the media so they back off."

"Okay, I'll tell them I'm done with writing, then." Usami opened the door and Sumi rammed his back into it, arms folded and glaring.

"So it's true?! You're really not going to write, anymore?!"

"Of course it's not true." Isaka huffed. "Akihiko was born to write."

"No, I've truly given it up." Usami huffed.

"The reason for all the reporters out front," Misaki interjected, annoyed. "Would any of the three of you have anything to do with it?"

"…" The three fell eerily silent.

"As I thought." Misaki sighed.

"I came to visit the other day and I caught these two leaving. I also overheard them talking about Usami-sensei's sudden urge to quit writing. I couldn't accept it so I asked my father to verify. Some people overheard our conversation and before I knew it, it was all over television and in the tabloids… I apologize for my mistake, but if Usami-sensei gives up on writing, it'll be an even bigger mistake!" Sumi snapped.

"Agreed." Isaka huffed. "I don't know what's gotten into you all the sudden, but to suddenly decide to stop writing is irrefutably asinine."

"I'm also inclined to agree." Aikawa huffed. "Surely, whatever happened-"

"Shut up." Usami muttered, suddenly, interrupting all three, who stared at him, quizzically.

"…Usagi-san…" Misaki placed a hand on his arm, frowning. "…Wh-what Usagi-san is trying to say is… there's an ordeal-"

"Whatever, it's been three days- get over it, already." Isaka muttered, annoyed. "I can't imagine that whatever happened impacted his life so much that he'd give up on something he's put his entire heart into in the past- ever since he was small, from what I understand."

"You don't understand, so don't just keep going on as though Usagi-san's side doesn't matter." Misaki huffed, annoyed. "Usagi-san is dealing with some stressful things involving a very dear friend, and-"

"Usami-sensei…" Sumi spoke up, interrupting Misaki. "Even if it's something as extreme as a dying friend-"

"It's a dying friendship." Usami snapped. "…A very important friendship. I tried to use a painful experience of a friend to inspire myself and ended up wounding them deeply. Because of the way I offended my friend, they revealed something very unsettling to me. Now, all of my energy is going toward mending whatever is left of the friendship between us, and this time, I'm choosing my friend over a stupid book. My writing, my career, none of it, regardless of how much you three value it, is more important to me than my friend."

"…Then call him and tell him." Isaka shrugged.

"I've tried! He won't answer!"

"Then write about it." Sumi snapped.

-

Usami glared at him for being so persistent.

"Hear me out." Sumi huffed, pointing. "If he's a dear friend to you and 'writing' is what suddenly came between you two, then he must be involved, in some way or another, with your writing, correct?"

"…"

"Then write about it. Write your feelings. Reach out to him through your work. If he loves your novels, and I don't see how anyone possibly couldn't, then he'll read it- and your feelings will reach him that way."

Usami averted his gaze, and while the others weren't certain if he was giving Sumi's advice any thought or not, Misaki understood that this suggestion had struck Usami quite hard.

"I came to apologize for causing all this mess." Sumi muttered. "Maybe you can put my advice to some good use and resolve it, that way. Whatever you do… please don't stop writing… your works are very important- not just to me. Yours were the only works that ever moved me, and I'm not easily moved… if your words can move someone like me, then surely your feelings will reach your friend through your upcoming work. If he's not answering you, then reach out to him in a way you know he can't ignore."

"…" Aikawa and Isaka watched Usami's stoic expression before blinking and stepping aside as the man passed them, opening the front door and stepping outside, closing it behind himself.

The two glanced at one another, then to Misaki, looking for some kind of explanation or suggestion as to what the man was doing. Misaki simply shrugged and Sumi huffed, peeking through the peep hole, interested.

"Usami-san!" A reporter raised a microphone, quickly and her cameraman zoomed in on him. "Can you confirm or deny the allegations pertaining to your sudden decision to quit writing?"

"…Those rumors are nothing more than rumors." Usami replied, in a cool and even voice.

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Hiroki watched the television from his seat in the book store's coffee shop, sipping at a warm cup of coffee, arching a brow.

"While I had dabbled with the idea of giving up on my writing due to another personal matter taking priority over the challenge I'd set for myself… I've decided not to give up, completely. I may or may not meet the deadline that was asked of me, due to the personal matter that's come up, but I'll do my best to attend to all matters- both personal as well as professional- without further delay. Thank you for your understanding, and please look forward to my upcoming work."

An annoyed teenage girl switched off the TV and turned to whine to her friends. "I tooold you it was just a publicity stunt."

"What're you talking about? Something came up- famous people like writers are people, just like us."

"Whatever- I'm cynical of anything any famous person does- same goes for politicians."

"You're too cynical."

The childish banter served as white noise for Hiroki who finished his coffee, stood, and headed home, deep in thought.

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"Hiro-san," Nowaki greeted him once he returned home. "Did you see the news?"

"Akihiko's going to continue writing- good for him. I never told him to stop." Hiroki muttered. "Still got nothing to do with me."

"How can you say that, Hiro-san? It has everything to do with you. After what you said… er… or wrote… you should definitely let him talk to you. He's writhed enough, don't you think?"

"I don't."

"Hiro-san!"

"DROP IT." Hiroki snapped, making his way to their bedroom.

Nowaki sighed, combing his hands through his mussed hair. "…Hiro-san… I don't like spending our only days off like this."

"Then drop all that crap about Akihiko." Hiroki called from their room as he lay on the bed, reading through one of Usami's old books.

"But if you'd just give…" Nowaki entered and glared. "…Are you reading one of Usami-san's books?"

"So what?" Hiroki huffed. "The books are good. Akihiko is bad."

"Usami-san… is not bad, Hiro-san." Nowaki frowned, sitting at the edge of the bed. "…I really think you should talk to him."

"The phone's not even ringing- I'm not calling him of my own accord. If he wants to apologize, he should call me."

As if on cue, the phone rang. Nowaki headed into the living room, looking at the caller I.D. "Hiro-san, it's Usami-san, shall I answer it?"

"Nope."

"But you just said…"

"Just let it ring- the machine'll get it."

Nowaki sighed, staring at it. After a moment, the machine picked up.

"Hello, you've reached the Kamijou-Kusama residence. Please leave a detailed message after the beep."

"Um… I uh…" A foreign voice sounded through the machine and Hiroki entered the room, staring quizzically at the contraption. "Sorry to bother you, Kamijou-sensei… this is Takahashi Misaki… I took one of your classes a few semesters ago and… had a question about… academics… if you could call me back, my number is…"

Hiroki stared at the caller ID, then at Nowaki, then he stared off into space.

"TAKAHASHI Misaki…?" He thought, running the name through his memory. Takahashi was Takahiro's family name, meaning this runt was probably the idiot's little brother- but had he really had the displeasure of teaching the brother of such a dimwit…? Ah, yes… Takahashi Misaki… always sitting with Sumi Keiichi, who would often fall asleep during class… if he recalled correctly, neither of them had done particularly well in his class… Sumi loathed most literature, overall, and Takahashi… well he simply hadn't been very good at conveying his thoughts and feelings coherently and thus had barely passed with a low B.

"…So, again, th-thank you for any assistance you can provide… have a nice day…" The machine beeped and ended the call.

Nowaki glanced at Hiroki, interested. "Takahashi Misaki…?"

"…Student… who's evidently living with Akihiko… this is a trap, I'm not calling back." He huffed, turning and heading to his room, again.

"But it's a student Nowaki pointed out, frowning.

"I know… it's bothersome, but I know it's a trap."

"But he has a question pertaining to academics…"

"He's lying, Nowaki. Takahashi was Takahiro's last name."

"…Takahiro Takahashi?" Nowaki grinned, happily. "That's a fun name."

"'A fun name,' he says…" Hiroki muttered, plopping back down on his bed and looking for his lost place in Usami's book.

Nowaki sat beside him with a sigh before lying down next to Hiroki, resting his head in his arms. "…Hiro-san… something's bothering me."

"Is this about Akihiko?" Hiroki grumbled.

"…That's the thing, Hiro-san… you… ignoring this issue and sulking is more bothersome than all that you admitted about him… about how much you used to care about him… are you sure you no longer feel that way?"

"Of course not!" Hiroki snapped. "I have absolutely no feelings for Akihiko- the second that idiot's name left his lips that day, my love for him DIED. I met you soon thereafter- you came and saved m-!" He cut himself off, eyes widening and a deep dark red washing over his face. "Ah…"

"…As touching as I wish that would make me feel, you're still troubled by it… your -thoughts, lately, are obviously centered on Usami-san… I think that you'd be doing yourself a favor- and me, a favor, too- as well as Usami-san… if you just confronted the issue like an adult."

"Are you insinuating that I'm a child?"

"Just that you're behaving a bit like one." Nowaki admitted.

"Ugh…" Hiroki lowered the book, annoyed. "…Can you… please… just give me some time…? I'll deal with it when I'M ready. I'm sick of dealing with it at HIS convenience."

"If that were the case, I'd understand and back off, Hiro-san… but I don't think that's the case…"

"Why not?" Hiroki tossed the book across the room, turning over onto his back and folding his arms, letting his head hang off the bed. "…Don't you think I feel humiliated and embarrassed by that disgusting display?"

"I don't think anyone thought it was disgusting, Hiro-san. I think you told Usami-san exactly how you felt- and right when you finished, you even admitted to feeling relieved about it."

"Well I don't, anymore! Now I feel stupid! I wish I hadn't said anything!"

"Hiro-san, it's alright that you felt that way- how you feel is how you feel and I think you did the right thing by telling Usami-san… if it were me, and I were to hurt you- or even some other friend, I'd definitely want to know about it…"

"But to tell him like THAT!!! It was ugly, and-"

"It wasn't ugly, Hiro-san… what was ugly was what happened- so right now, Usami-san probably feels ugly inside… do you really want him to?"

"…No…"

"Because you care about Usami-san, because he's your friend, right?"

"…" Hiroki sighed. "…I'm still going to wait a while… I don't know how to approach him about it."

"…Hiro-san… I don't understand how you could approach him after what happened… without him knowing… um… you may not know this, but… Hiro-san… you were my very first…"

"I know. You told me so, yourself."

"So…? So how… after such an incident happened… I mean, first of all- how do two people do such a thing without being emotionally involved in one another?"

"…" Hiroki frowned. He used to do it all the time- with various men, in order to temporarily ban his thoughts and feelings from focusing on his childhood friend… He was sure Nowaki knew about that, to some degree… but apparently with a friend, it was different, somehow…

"…Hiro-san… if it's painful… you don't have to talk about it, but… if I can help somehow, just by understanding… I want to…"

"…" Hiroki thought about it before slinking slowly off the bed. "…It wasn't that hard… it would have been… if you hadn't come along… after we got together… suddenly all my worries, and anxiety regarding Akihiko…" He sank completely off the bed and sat up, thinking back on those times. "…I don't really even remember them… the earliest things I can remember occurring between me and him after you and I got together… were just petty arguments about the Junai Egoist crap…"

"About that…" Nowaki frowned, suddenly. "…Why did he feel compelled to use us-?"

"Don't ask." Hiroki muttered. "That was all your fault and all my fault."

"My fault?"

"And my fault."

"How?!"

"Apparently he was inspired by the way you grabbed me that first time."

"…?" Nowaki showed no recollection of that incident, but Hiroki knew the bastard was only pretending not to recall. Coy fucker.

"Then when I screamed at him after finding the first volume, he got me drunk to calm me down and I guess I… helped him put us more into character or… whatever…" He grumbled.

"…Aaaah…" Nowaki huffed, annoyed. "So that's why he made that comment about you being loose-lipped when drunk?"

"Which. Is. Why. I. Don't. Drink. Anymore."

"Hiro-san, you can still drink around me-"

"NOT HAPPENING."

"Just not Usami-san."

"You bastard."

"Hmm… but the Junai Egoist stories seem light- like they were written when Usami-san was in a playful mood… and I actually enjoyed them a little…"

"Good for you! I found them humiliating!"

"Are you sure you weren't simply hurt because Usami-san used you without understanding your true feelings for him?"

"I don't know, Nowaki…" Hiroki placed his fists on his hips as he stood. "…I don't even care much about that crap anymore… You know what I want out of all this?"

"…Mm…?"

"I just want to move on… I want you and me to stay how we are and I want Akihiko to just..."

"…To just…?"

"…I don't know… I don't know what I want to happen between him and me from this point forward… I think… that's why I'm… not… answering his…" Hiroki trailed off, frowning and staring glumly at the floor. "…I want to know what I want to have happen. I don't want him calling the shots, anymore. If I answer as I am… he'll end up getting me to go along with whatever he says… we'll probably just go on like we always did… what I'm most afraid of… is that we'll just go back to the way things were, before…"

"You don't want that?"

"…Part of me does… part of me would feel… insulted… and hurt… if that's what happened… because… if that happened… it'd just mean that he really… doesn't care… at all about me."

"So…" Nowaki approached his lover, frowning, arms folded. "…You DO want him to care for you. … Hiro-san?"

"…I don't want him to… care for me in the way that you and I care for each other… I want him to care for me… the way I care for him, now… the way he always cared for me… I want us stay friends…" Hiroki sighed, pressing his cheek into his palm and resting his elbow on his knee. "…I just want some time to think things over."

"You've had a few days."

"So? It's not enough."

"…Alright, Hiro-san…" Nowaki sighed. "…I'll leave the subject alone… but I'm ready and waiting for you to talk to me about it when you need to."

"…Kay…" Hiroki lay down and pulled open his book. "…Since it's our day off… let's order something tonight and just relax."

"Alright." Nowaki smiled. "…Um… usually you get cold on our days off, together… think you'll be getting cold, tonight?"

Hiroki buried his face in the book, flushing bright red. "I-I don't know! I'm not cold right now! …A-are you…?"

"No… I suppose not." Nowaki sighed, heading into the other room to sulk and order dinner.

Hiroki gritted his teeth, eye twitching. "Stupid brat…"

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AN: Well, that's it for chapter 4- next chapter will probably be posted toward the end of the month. Thank you for reading and please be so kind as to review- and let me know if you caught any mistakes that I may fix- even trivial ones—thank you.