Caity: Boo-ya! Chapter 4 babay!!!
Nae: Yayz!!!!
Caity: Well, we shan't blabber on too much, so onwards brave souls!!!
The constant sound of water dripping echoed through the room. I looked through the bars of my cage. Despite having improved night vision, the room was still too dark to make anything out. I looked to my left. The still form of a girl lay, the same as she has been for the past six years, unmoving, yet alive. I lived in constant fear of what the next day would bring, of the constant experimentation, as I have been for many years now. The silence was broken by the cheerful laughter of children playing upstairs. I believed them to be around my age but I despised them. They played and laughed, like normal children, where as I was confined to this room, having never seen the light of day since I was young. I still am young, I know that, but I feel like I've been here forever. I wonder if they know what's happening right beneath their feet, and if they do, do they care? They probably wouldn't....
"So, there was little Jimmy, trapped in the corner with no way of escape, when..." Caity froze, her arms up in the air for emphasis.
"TCHYA!" Nae continued. "Glass flew everywhere and two completely awesome super heroes came flying through the air-"
"And tackled the evil bad guys to the floor! They were all like-" Caity changed to a high pitched voice and started flapping her hands. "Oh no, we surrender, don't kill us, please-"
"And we were all like 'hmmm, should we or shouldn't we...' We decided to spare them so-"
"We tied 'em up-"
" Threw them into the back of a police car-"
"And we all lived happily ever after! The end!" Nae and Caity finished their story speaking the ending in perfect unison. Everyone else, except Ed and Tash who refused point blank to even touch theirs, were slowing munching their slugs, completely absorbed in Nae and Caity's totally awesome, overly-exaggerated story.
The room went quiet as everyone dug into their second helping of slug stew, Nae her fifth. Despite the Grannies craziness, she was actually a splendid cook and could make even slugs edible. The silence of the room was broken when Ed suddenly leapt out of his seat, causing Nae, Caity and Sharon to spill slugs down their fronts.
"I got it!! Caity, your right arm! Its automail!! Your right sleeve is longer then the other and you wear a full glove on your right hand, thus covering your automail! Thats also why you were in no pain when you broke it! " He yelled pointing at Caity and flapping his note pad around. Everyone else just rolled their eyes and returned to their slugs.
"Great observation skills genius..."
"Ewie, Nae got slugs in her senbon pocket..." Nae whined as she stuck her hand down her shirt and into a hidden pocket, looking a tad odd as she awkwardly fished the slugs out.
"Guys, this is a breakthrough!! Look!"
Ed waved his notepad around some more. It showed a really crappy chibi drawing of Caity plus Sharon plus wrench plus yells of pain equals automail arm!
"Brother, even I knew that, I thought it was obvious...Is that what you have been working on for the past 6 hours?"
"Nope! I also did this!"
He flipped his notepad to the next page, showing another really crappy chibi drawing of himself holding a trophy and grinning with Nae, Caity and Mustang in the back crying. Ed just smiled proudly at his 'artwork'.
Ed then flipped to the next page. "There's also something else..." He trailed off, then suddenly snatched Nae's arm, who was sitting next to him, and started inspecting it for the bullet holes he swore Caity had put there earlier.
"What the hell!" He exclaimed.
"Umm, yes?" Nae asked uncertainly, letting out a squeak of pain when Ed twisted her arm forward. Caity jumped out of her seat, grabbed her staff from her boot and wacked Ed over the head.
"Ow!" Ed yelled as he let go of Nae, who sat rubbing her shoulder. "What was that for?"
"What on Earth were you doing shrimpo?" Caity growled.
"Well, earlier you shot her and now there is nothing, I don't get...What the hell are you people?"
Caity instantly lightened up. "Oh, is that all you wanted to know, oops, sorry! Well, its a long story you see-"
"Shhhhh, I sense a presence..." Nae whispered dramatically.
Everyone froze. Nae scanned the room and slowly reached for her slingshot, loading a slug into it. She aimed it at the air con grating and fired, causing a very angry white blur to fall through the hole left by the now broken grating. Ed squealed as it landed on his head.
"AAAAH!!! GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!!!!" Ed picked up his spoon and proceeded to wack the furry creature, who made a sound oddly like a parrot screeching.
"YUKI!!!" Caity jumped out of her seat and scooped the furry white fox into her arms, snuggling her face into it. "Naaaw, did the evil Eddy-weddy hurt you? He's a big bully isn't he?"
Ed sat rubbing his head, staring perplexed at the rather cute creature which only seconds ago had been trying to separate his scalp from his head. He cringed in pain as a heavy wooden object collided with his head.
"Ed, hurting Nae is bad enough, but, Yuki? Nup that is crossing the line that is!" Caity wacked him on the head again with her staff, Yuki sitting quite smugly in her arms. "If...you..ever..tough...her..again...you..will..die!" She kept whacking him until he transmuted a blade out of his auto mail, cutting Caity's bo staff in half.
"Stop it!" Ed braced himself for another attack. None came. He risked a peek through his arms, which were in the air acting as a shield. He watched as Caity placed her hand over the cut in her staff, a blue light forming as the pieces rejoined. "You..you can do alchemy?"
"Ah ha!" Ed sighed in relief; Caity was back to her normal bubbly self. "Watch this..." She pointed to Tash, who was taking a sip out of her cup of water, only to start choking as the liquid solidified and slipped into her mouth, gagging her. She managed to spit the ice cube out, and glared at Caity. Caity let out a small squeak before dashing off, Tash hot on her heels. The room went quiet.
"Sooo..." Ed looked around the room. Al was sitting in the corner, for once glad he couldn't eat as just the sight of those slugs made him sick, Granny was mixing up some random mixture of different herbs and liquids at a bench at the side of the room, Sharon was looking up at Nae, worry evident in her features and Nae was, well, being Nae.
"Tchya, Edward, ya gotta try this!" She giggled as she hung upside down off the chandelier.
Granny gave a satisfied nod as she poured her completed mixture into a squirty bottle and turned to climb onto the table. She precariously scrambled up and walked to the centre until she was face to face with Nae. Nae, still on edge after Ed's random attack, gazed back, ready to defend herself if the crazy old bat randomly decided that she was a demon or impostor or something. She fell off the chandelier and landed with a crash on the table after granny squirted her in the face with the unknown substance and walked off, quite satisfied with her work, hopped off the table and toddled into the kitchen. Nae sat up and wiped the liquid off her face.
"Tchye, Holy water, hmm, that's new. Better then garlic or salt I guess..."
Everyone jumped as a loud smash shook the house, followed by yelling.
"YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME, MUWAHAHAHA!!!"
"GET YOUR ARSE BACK HERE!!!"
"NEVER! YOU'LL NEVER GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS ON MY AWESOMENESS!!! BAHA!!!"
"WANNA BET BITCH!!!"
"BRING IT!"
"So, aaah, holy water?" Ed was finding the silence uncomfortable, the yelling continued in the background.
"OW!!! YOU SHOT MY FOOT!!!"
"WELL, YOU SHOULDNT BE CHASING ME!!!"
"YOUR THE ONE THAT TRIED TO KILL ME WITH A FRICKEN ICE BLOCK"
"Aha, Granny Batty-furai is fully convinced that I'm a witch or something..." Nae replied as if that settled the matter. An awkward silence settled over the room again, interrupted by the yells and bangs echoing through the house. There was a large smash of china hitting the ground.
"Woops...I hope that wasn't expensive!"
"Caity!"
Granny Batafurai came stomping out of the kitchen, face contorted with anger, brandishing a rather deadly looking soup ladle, muttering to herself.
"Demon...spawn...break...anti-demon.....statue....kill..."
Sharon muttered an 'Oh crap' whilst Nae, Ed and Al just watched the vicious old lady as she made her way to go kick some serious arse.
"Aren't you supposed to be some pistol crack-shot?"
"Yeaaaah..."
"Well how on Earth did you manage to hit something that was at least 3 metres from me?"
"You know what....I don't know...."
Caity and Tash sat huddled on the ground, failing at super gluing the statue back together. Tash's foot was bleeding for the bullet wound she sustained. Suddenly, a dark aura filled the hall and the hairs on the back of the girls necks stood up. They slowly turned, only to see Granny Batafurai looming over them, a malicious grin spread across her face, ladle held high above her head...
Ed snuggled deep into his warm, fluffy blankies, glad that everything was finally quiet. Caity and Al slept across the room, Al on the bottom bunk, Caity muttering something about ponies on the top one. Tash demanded a room of her own and Sharon was sleeping in her own room. Nae, he presumed, was on the top of his bunk. Just as he was about to fall asleep-
"BANG!!"
Ed quickly jerked awake, looking around for any sign of an intruder.
"BANG!! BA BANG BANG!!!"
He looked up and noticed Caity jumping around in her bed, guns pointing at the roof. Thankfully, they didn't seem to have any ammo in them.
"DIE BITCHES!!!"
Ed continued watching Caity warily. She appeared to be sleep shooting? Ok, now that is a tad odd. Not only was she pretending to shoot at whatever it is she thought she was shooting at, but she was yelling rather loudly and making her own banging sound effects.
"BAHAHAHAHA!!! FEEL THE WRATH OF MA BULLETS!!!"
She commando rolled from one side of the bed to the other, still pretending to shoot.
"BANG! BANG BANG! HA YOU ALMOST GOT ME, SUCKERS!!!"
Caity attempted to perform a flip off her bed, but instead caught her foot on the railing and crashed to the ground. Ed moved to the edge of his bed- she was lying on her back, fast asleep. Rolling his eyes, he sat up and checked his watch: 2.54am....He sat up, no point in trying to sleep while some trigger happy sleep shooter was jumping and yelling. He stood up, but jumped back into bed when Caity suddenly sat up and pointed her guns at him, still asleep.
"Think you can escape, eh? WELL NOT FROM ME YA CANT!! BANG BANG!"
Ed cringed when he heard the sound of the trigger click, but nothing happened. Suddenly, Caity went quiet and opened her eyes a crack.
"Oh god...cant you guys be quiet for once?....I'm trying to sleep...."
She slowly heaved herself up and pulled herself up the ladder into her own bed, instantly falling back asleep. Ed just blinked. Deciding that he had better leave before she started dreaming about using her guns as clubs, he slipped off his bed and tip-toed quietly onto the veranda.
Ed looked out over the railing at the moonlit forest, a gentle breeze rustling the trees. A solitary owl hooted as it flew off in search of food and a group of small, furry animals quietly squabbled over the 'fudgemonkeys' as Nae called them. He –
" HI EDWARD!"
-fell backward into a pot plant as a cat eared figure flipped over the edge of the roof, hanging upside down from the gutter.
"Oh Nae, its only you..." Ed sighed as he sat up, rubbing his head. "Don't do that ok?"
"Sorry Edward!" Nae flipped off the roof and crouched on the railing. "Can't sleep?" She asked. Ed got up and walked back over to the railing.
"Yeah.."
"Caity?"
"Yeah, does she do that often?"
"Tchya,why do you think Tash wanted her own room? Plus that ain't the worst of it, one night she got hold of one of my knives...That was scary....But don't worry about getting shot in your sleep, I make sure to confiscate all her ammo," She reached into one of her pockets and pulled out a handful of bullet magazines. " But shhhh, don't tell her!"
"Dont worry, I wont.." Ed shuddered. She was scary enough without her bullets and he wanted to be able to sleep without worrying about whether or not he will see the next morning...
"Soo, aah, about the whole 'why don't you have any bullet holes thing?" Ed asked apologetically.
"Well, you see, I wont be able to explain much considering I was locked up in the back of a dark basement with a comatosed chick most of my childhood,tchye, but I guess I'll try...
"Caity actually cant remember her child hood because she got amnesia after loosing her arm in a car crash, which killed both her parents. It was Sharon's mum that made the automail arm for her. Tash's parents were also killed, but they were murdered by the military, I'm not too sure why... And as for me, well I don't remember much because I was in the dark most of the time, but I was extensively experimented on by the military, in fact I don't even have any idea what they did to me. Anyway, the military picked Caity up from the hospital and they got Tash after they killed her parents, how they got me I don't know. Well, we were then experimented on and trained to become the 'ultimate weapons' for the military, that's how we got these crystals," Nae picked up a red crystal that was suspended from a necklace."What they do I'm not entirely sure, but they make us almost invincible it seems, or at least heal faster then average. They also appear to give attributes to our alchemy, Caity ice, Tash thunder and me fire, Tchya!
"We refused to co-operate and attempted to escape a few times. Once we did actually succeed and so we took the comatosed girl I mentioned earlier, Terese, to a trusted friends house so they can't touch her anymore. But since we didn't really plan what exactly we were going to do when we got out, we were at a loss of what to do next and Caity was re-captured. Tash and I busted her out, met you, I got caught and yeah, now we are stuck with you two..." Nae fell silent, attempting to tug off the tracking device still on her arm. Ed was lost in thought. He looked back at Nae, who was now doing cartwheels on the railing.
"Gee for someone who was locked up all their lives, you are pretty jumpy.."
"I'm making the most of it! Plus, I'm a chimera, merged with a cat, so I'm pretty agile anyway Tchya!"
Ed froze. A chimera? Well that certainly came as a surprise to him. And as for the other two...He would have to ask them himself.
"Why aren't you asleep? We have a long travel tomorrow and your going to tire yourself out doing that..."
"I am nocturnal! I sleep during the day, though come to think of it, hehe, I haven't slept for the past 48 hours!"
"Riiight...."
"Hey Edward, I have a joke for ya... If there was a serious car crash, who would be the most likely to survive? The dumb blonde, the smart blonde, Barney or Big Foot?"
" Ummm, well, I reckon Barney, because of all the padding in the suit aaaaaand he's a dinosaur so if he wasn't killed millions of years ago, then how could a simple car crash destroy him? Of course we have to take into account alchemy's founding principle, equivalent exchange'-"
Nae just blinked at him. It was a joke for heavens sake!! It wasn't as if as if she was asking him to answer a history assignment question!
"-And that's according to Newtons theory, of course! Then, there's Einstein's light bulb design diagrams. According to them, just say this car had a large amount of light bulbs-"
Ed pulled out his notebook and started drawing a very complicated diagram of light bulbs, alchemy circles, giant purple dinosaurs, apples and cars wrapped around poles.
"-and that is why Barney would survive and all the others are idiots because they got into a car with Big Foot, who was obviously the driver! How I know he is the driver you may ask? Well, if we think about Leonardo da Vinci's 'Mona Lisa', also known as the 'La Gioconda' may I add, well -"
"Ummm...right...well actually the answers is......the dumb blonde!!! 'Cause all the others don't exist, hah!"
"But according to Newtons theory......Wait a second....I AM A SMART BLONDE!!! GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE-"
BANG! Ed and Nae jumped as part of the roof flew into the air!
"HOLY CRAP!" Ed yelled as he ducked behind a pot plant. They stuck their heads into the doorway, only to see Caity lying under Ed's bed shooting at a perfectly innocent moth as it zoomed around near the roof. Al was cowering under his blanket, only to have the roof suddenly cave in on him.
"AL!" Ed ran forwards, only to be stopped by Nae.
"Beware the sleep shooter....Dun dun dunnnn!"
"Nae this is serious! Al is-"
"Yeah, yeah...the important thing here is that we get that ammo from her, were on Earth did she get it from anyway.....hmmmm..."
"Nae!"
"Oh right!"
Nae crept up to the still shooting Caity, who was cackling evilly at the plight of the poor moth. Using her super awesome, extremely stealthy cattiness, Nae crept up to Caity and yelled into her ear.
"CAITY! THE MACARONI MONSTERS ARE COMING, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!! YOUR AMMO WONT WORK AGAINST IT! YOU MUST SAVE THE PRINCESS!!!"
Caity suddenly snapped awaked.
"Princess? There are no princesses you idiot! I was trying to fight...off....the.....waait a second....I did it again didn't I?"
"Ah-huh!"
"And, err, why has the roof collapsed?"
"Oh, uuhhh, Ed snored too loud and the demons, weeell, they weren't too happy with their fudgemonkeys....They don't like vanilla you see...."
"Oh, ok, so ahhh, where is Al?"
"Mummble muffle mumbles muffle!"
"Al don't worry, I'll save you!!"
Ed dug frantically through the pile of debris trying to save his beloved brother.
"Well, I, Nae, feel that since it is Caity's fault that Ed snores too loud, I decree that she saves Al! Also, she appears to have failed in saving the princess!"
"What! Plus its not my fault I couldn't save her, the evil moth ball monster was in my way!"
"Caity...save Al....now..."
"Fine...."
"Okie dokies! Aaaand while she's doing that, Im'a go find Keshi and Yuki!"
It was morning. The sun was shining bright and the birds were singing. A certain blonde was hanging onto a pole for dear life, almost crying.
"Noooo!!! I don't want to do it!!! Please, anything but that!!!"
"Ed do it or....." A small red headed girl was standing in front of the blonde, pulling a small but dangerous looking knife out of one of her pockets. "I'll cut your hair!"
"You think that's a sword? This is a sword!" A large blade shot out of Ed's arm, he stood smirking. Nae just grinned as she pulled a katana out from another of her pockets.
"Fine..." Ed sighed as he untransmuted his arm and walked grudgingly back into the bedroom.
He slowly approached the sleeping figure, completely aware of how dangerous of a situation he was in. Cautiously, he poked her on the shoulder.
"Psst, Caity, get up, its time to go..."
No response...
"Caity...up..."
Tash looked at Nae who was standing just outside the door.
"You did that too him on purpose didn't you? Not being lazy for once..."
"Yup!"
"Oooh, your evil..."
Nae just stood waiting...waiting......again she started counting down...three....two...one.....
"SAVE ME!!!!"
Ed came running out of the bedroom, sprinted across the room and out a window. He was followed by a rather scary looking Caity. Her hair was a mess and she was still in her PJ's, a pistol in both hands, a murderous look on her face.
"Alright, where's the bastard that dared to wake me up?! WHERE IS HE?"
"Come on Caity, we gotta get going!!" Nae cheerfully grabbed Caity's arm and attempted to drag her outside, only to have her latch on to the cupboard.
"NOOOOO!!! I need foood!!!!!!"
"Well ya should have gotten up earlier...."
Caity snatched her arm back and stalked back into her room, her nose in the air, this would have made for an awesome exit had she not tripped over the dining room table. Tash just sniggered as she too walked off. Fifteen minutes later Caity was dressed, fed and ready to set sail!! Ed had hidden in the garden until she had forgotten about him, becoming best friends with a garden snail named Jim. Nae, Keshizumi, Tash, Ed, Al, Caity and Yuki stood at the front of Sharon's house, ready to begin their journey.
Once Nae was 100% sure she had all of her weapons, which she had a tendency to leave lying everywhere, they all said a final farewell (and Nae got a double dosing of salt, just in case), the group set off down the road.
"So where we going Ed?" Caity asked as she skipped along the road. Ed reached into his pocket and pull out a scrap of paper, unfolding it. It showed a picture of a rather rich looking man with short black hair and piercing blue eyes.
"Well, during my investigations, I discovered this guy, Oliver Hekigan - " Tash paused at the mentioning of the mans name, but shook her head and continued walking. "Apparently he has succeeded in creating a philosophers stone, so we will be heading there."
"Woo, sounds like fun! So where are we headed?" Caity asked.
"Well, Hekigan's mansion is in the hillside near a small town called Myrivini, a town popular for its street performers and shopping, its actually quite rich for such a small place. Very colourful and loud too, from what I can remember." Al answered.
The group walked on in silence. Yuki and Keshizumi chased each other through the tall grass on the side of the road, flushing out small birds. Due to her lack of sleep, Nae slept on Tash's back, the taller girl didn't seem to care: She was quiet and if Nae's quiet, then Caity tends to be too. Caity was humming to herself and watching the birds as they flew overhead. Ed and Al meanwhile alternated over looking at maps and bits of paper to practising their alchemy, with Caity occasionally joining in.
Finally, after a rather uneventful walk, they made it up the hill to the train station.
Sharons Happy Happy Interviews~!
Sharon: Hello and welcome to another installment of 'Sharon's Happy Happy Inteviews~!'! Say hi to Granny Batafurai!
Granny B: Shhh my dear....I sense demons abound...
Sharon: *whispers* Ok Granny...First question...'What sort of a cottage do you live in? Not only does it have a second story, but a chandelier in the dining room?' from Ed.
Granny B: Its is a special anti-demon cottage...It also has a secret underground observatory room to keep tabs on all the demon sightings and activity in the area, complete with spa bath and coffee machine. I also have acorns hanging at each window, to keep the lightening out. There is also a bell tower connected to the hen house, as the sound of the bell, which is triggered by the hens when they lay eggs, keeps the demons away. And-
Sharon: Second question' Do you-
Granny B: My dear, is that a rosemary stem behind your ear? What bad luck that brings! A rosemary stalk behind the ear of a fair maiden brings bad luck to those within a 10 mile radius until the next waning moon! I am leaving! I will see you in a month my dear, may you be safe!
Sharon:......Uuh....Thats it for 'Sharon's Happy Happy Interviews~!' I guess....See you again...desu...