CLUELESS

A/N: Um, hey? I'm Midnightazia. Well, I used to be. And this... well, this is a sappy oneshot.

Joyce! -waves- This is for you, hun! Your refusal to use 'Hell Rises' as your title totally hurt me... but I'm letting it pass, just this once. Joyce (lipstickdisaster) is awesome! Check out her stories. She's posting a story called 'No Parade' which sounds uberly awesome - so... look out!

Anyways, enjoy. And review? ;)

Oh, okay, I don't know what to say right now. Hi, I guess?

Now. I'm being extremely rude. And that's not good, especially when there's… oh right, a diary in question.

I swear I wasn't trying to be sarcastic.

Oh, woe. Here I go:

Hi, diary! Say hello to your brand-new owner, Gabriella Montez!

…So much for trying to give a good first impression. Which isn't saying much, seeing as you're a diary. You see, I'm, as my 2007-ish and extremely up-to-date friends like to call me, a total diary person. I always have been. For as long as I can remember, I've had a diary. Well, one diary at a time. My last one was a yellow-colored one with a picture of a kitten on the front…

Wait a second. Just let me remember the point of it all.

Ah, right. So, you see, I thought I'd be 'cool' this time. What I mean is, I'm a grown up. I've grown up. And yet, I continue to greet my diaries like a total dork (which I am, but that's not the point here). This time, I thought I'd say something mature-ish and sophisticated—because I am – get this – a grownup—and be cool for once in my surprisingly uncool life.

Failed again, obviously.

But then again, you're just a diary. No offense, I don't think an inanimate object (such as a diary… Not mocking you, honestly!) is capable of harboring spiteful feelings for me. I mean, you can, but it wouldn't mean anything, would it? Because, let me remind you, you cannot do anything to me. I…well, I hold the pen in this relationship, get it? So… you mean no harm.

But hey, look at the bright side; you get to know all my secrets! That's a nice reward, no?

Yeah. I know what you're thinking right now. I-D-I-O-T.

So, let's just start over. My name's Gabriella Montez. It's one of the things I actually like about myself. My name, I mean. I'm seventeen years old and from Albuquerque – the most boring place ever – and I'm a Senior at East High.

Hmm, what do you want to know about me? Oh—oops! I tend to forget about your diary-ish tendencies, but pardon me, I'm only human. Anyways, I live with my mother, Isabella, who's really very great. I love my mom. She's seriously very cool, and not only lets me do all kinds of co-curricular activities but actually encourages me to do them, unlike many parents who'd just wave them off as worthless, time-consuming things. Ergo, me being the Co-captain of the Scholastic Decathlon Team, and the Science Club, editor of our school newspaper—which is awesome, by the way—and the girls' volleyball team…

So yeah, you get it.

My father… Well, he kind of… Actually, he died. I know. I don't really know how I feel about it, because I haven't thought about it in, like, forever. Don't get me wrong; I love my father. But when he… he died… well, I just kind of tuned the world out and wallowed in depression, thinking about the time I spent having fun with my father and… I just never really got down and thought about his death, you know?

Gosh, diary, you've got me thinking. I don't like it.

Yeah. So. Where was I? Right. Family. I'm an only child. Cool, I know. But amazingly, even though she supports me with everything I want to do, my mother knows her stuff. She hasn't spoiled me. Which is good, because I know how annoying spoiled children can be; I live with Sharpay Evans. Yes, I know. Feel free to feel sorry for me. I love the girl to death, but goddamn, she can get annoying!

Speaking of friends, let me tell you a bit about them, yeah?

Great! So, first comes Troy. Troy Bolton. Let me get this straight, he's an asshole. An A-Grade asshole. But that's fine, because he's Troy, and he can be anything and everything because he's Troy and Troy is Troy. My god, that guy can pull anything off. I mean, he gets himself landed in deep shit, but somehow manages to get out—always. Not in just school or with his parents, but with me. I'm the most stubborn person you'll ever come across (Dammit, you're just a diary). He riles me up and makes my mind blow up—I KNOW!—but somehow, somehow, he always gets away with it without having his beautiful nose broken, or his ass beaten up…

Now. Stop right there. I think I'm not being completely honest. It might have something… okay, fine, everything, to do with the fact that his eyes are bluer than blue. Like, really blue. Blue blue. They're hypnotizing. Really.

Hey, you've obviously never looked into his eyes. But I swear his eyes have magic. One look into them and I'm all goo on the inside. It's so annoying. And unfair. And his smile – correction: his smirk – is so arrogant (cute, nonetheless) that I feel my insides turn all warm and fuzzy when I see it. In annoyance, I swear.

But the most annoying thing? He makes me lose control.

There. I said it.

I'm a control freak. Really, I am. But this guy – TROY – he makes me do all kinds of silly and unthinkable things, which I'd otherwise never do. Like, play basketball in his house at two in the morning. (He turned up at my balcony. Don't blame me; his eyes really are very magical, and besides he did that 'puppy-dog-eyes' thing, the asshole. I just caved. I'm sorry!). Or start a food fight in the cafeteria.

Don't. Even. Ask.

Enough of Troy. Urgh, I don't like how he's always occupying my thoughts lately.

Moving on. There's Sharpay 'Ice Princess' Evans. She's a bitch, I'll give her that. But she's not the ugly, slutty kind of bitch, you know? She's the 'Mess-with-me-and-die' kind of bitch. She comes off as a really cold and heartless person at first, but really, she's very, very caring. And loving. She always looks out for me.

And no, she didn't pay me to write all this about her. Honestly.

She's dating Chad Danforth, who's the biggest clown you'll ever have the misfortune to come across. Seriously, the guy is so thick! But he's sweet and stupid, and he looks out for me too. He's my brother, kind of.

Then there's Taylor McKessie, Smartie Extraordinaire. She's really… kind of, the mother hen of the group. She's got this sort of motherly slash bossy (I love you, Taylor!) personality, which is very helpful, seeing as our group of friends is full of superficial idiots (read: Chad, Troy… Me). She keeps us all in check, and I really look up to her.

There's Ryan, Sharpay's shadowed twin brother. He's SO talented, that guy, and is super sweet. And there's Jason, the dumbo of the group. And his girlfriend, Kelsi Neilson. She's the sweetest girl ever, and writes the best music. She's, simply put, adorable.

Hey, what's that—oh, Mom calling!

Toodles (too much Sharpay influence),
Gabriella

October 29th; 10 something PM (can't be bothered to check the clock)
My Bedroom
Status: Trying to sleep… and failing miserably
Mood: Bored

Dinner was absolutely delicious. Mother's cooking is like heaven. Sigh.

Seriously, my stomach's going to turn into a spoiled little brat one day… what with all the feeding my mom has been doing. Anyways, tomorrow's Friday, – Hello, weekend! – personally my favourite day of the week, because of… well, the weekend-is-here- feeling it brings. It's better than Saturday and/or Sunday itself.

Hey, do you feel bored?

Hmm.

There's a thought. I mean, don't you diaries, like, ever feel bored? I mean, laying inconspicuously for your keeper to notice you and write some crap down in you is kind of a not-so-pleasant job, don't you think?

…I swear it sounded so much better in my head.

But like, it's precious to know someone's deepest darkest secrets, right? It makes you feel special, doesn't it?

There, there. That ought to be a comforting thought.

See. Right there. I have a problem with my big mouth. It's so big, and yet it can't keep all these thoughts inside. It just has to voice them all out. A-hole. I mean, not definitively, it's not. Because, hell, that'd be absolutely horrendous! Because big mouths mean fat lips—and I haven't even had my first kiss yet! What if the guy thinks my mouth is absolutely disgusting? What if he thinks my lips are too fat they can't even fit inside his?!

Oh my god.

Oh my fucking god.

That can't happen. I mean, I have waited so patiently for my first kiss. And then… it can't possibly happen.

I just punctured a hole in the page. My previous diary was so much better. In fact, all of my previous ones were. I don't even know why I'm talking about this. I mean, you're good, you're faithful enough. Yet there seems to be something off about you. No offense, diary…

I just yawned. Life's so boring. The clock just ticked. I just readjusted myself in my bed.

I just blinked.

I just breathed.

I just inhaled.

I just exhaled.

Inhaled.

Exhaled.

Inhaled…

God, just kill me already.

October 29th; …Later
Still My Bedroom
Status: Still trying to sleep… and still failing miserably
Mood: Annoyed

Tried to sleep. Couldn't.

I'm still in my bed though. That should be a comforting thought, seeing how restless I am. I don't know, I just need to do something. It's 11.13 PM and tomorrow's school.

Life. Just stop being such a goddamn pain in the ass already.

October 29th; …Still later
STILL MY BEDROOM
Status: Given up on the 'trying to sleep' thing, it's just hopeless…
Mood: Tired

Can't. Sleep.

Wait – why didn't I think of it before?

TROY! The ultimate answer!

October 29th; 11.45 PM
My Precious Bedroom
Status: Trying to sort out my emotions
Mood: Weird

So, after my last entry, I just picked up my phone from the bedside table and called Troy on speed dial one.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Tee-roy," I replied.

"Gabs?" He yawned. "What're you doing up so late?"

"Troy," I whined. "I'm bored. Like, totally. And what are you doing in bed so early?"

I could hear him roll his eyes. I mean, how rude. Your best friend calls you because she's feeling extremely bored, and instead of feeling special and grateful, you roll your eyes at her. Insolent bastard, hmph. "And you thought calling me and waking me up from my peaceful slumber would be the most entertaining thing you could possibly do?"

"No, loser," I replied, grinning. I could just picture him in bed, rubbing his eyes, only a pair of boxers on… Ahem, bad thoughts! "I thought it'd be fun to drive you up the wall."

"Bitch," he snapped, then let out a grunt. My grin widened.

"Aww, come on, Troy," I pouted, "Don't be such a fucking whiner."

"Whiner?" he asked in annoyance. "Gabriella, you do realize it's, like, two in the morning, right?"

I turned to look at the wall clock. "Actually, lazyass, it's just 11.30 PM…"

"Yeah, big difference."

"Actually, it's a difference of three hours."

"Three hours mean nothing."

"Three hours mean three more hours of sleep."

He laughed. "Screw you."

"All in good time, my dear, all in good time."

"Ah, so now I get it. You feeling horny?"

I snorted. "You wish."

"Well, then, what's with the excessive flirting?"

I gasped in mock horror. "Flirting!" I cried. "I wasn't flirting!"

Okay, I admit. I was flirting, but just a little bit. I mean, it wasn't like I was doing it intentionally. And yes, I knew that I was flirting, but in that moment, it was all about talking to him and having fun with him… and maybe a little bit about how he was going to react to it. It was just kind of… being caught up in the moment, you know?

"Yeah, right. What about the 'all in good time, baby, all in good time'? Tell me, Gabs, you getting all turned on?"

I know. THIS is exactly the shit I was talking about. I mean, I'd never let anyone else get away with that. But with him… it's like, I just let everything be.

"First off, it was 'my dear', not baby," I replied indignantly. "And secondly, it's called teasing, you pervert."

"Ah, and here I was, thinking you'd finally admitted that there's a spark here…"

Fine, I admit. He made me blush. Happy? But it was okay, since he wasn't there. And then: "Are you blushing now?"

Yeah, he practically reads my mind.

"Goodbye, Tee-roy," I said sweetly. He laughed, and I hung up, feeling strangely light-headed and warm.

I know, right?

Asshole.

I mean, fine, it wasn't his fault that I was a pathetic, needy girl who…

Okay. Okay. Let's just leave it at that, shall we?

We shall.

--

I didn't go.

I've thought of the perfect thing to do to make my boredom go away though.

You see, I was just sitting blankly on my beanbag, staring around the room like a beached trout and my gaze fell onto the perfect boredom-curer! Under my bed lay…

MY OLD DIARIES!

…What, no applause?

Wait, do you even realize what I mean here? Old diaries? Reliving old memories? Laughing at your old self? Gasping in embarrassment at your silliness? Hello?

Does no one here get my point?!

…Well, you are a diary.

October 29th; 12.25 PM
My Bedroom
Status: Staring at the wall ahead
Mood: Horrified

This… is NOT HAPPENING!

HOLY BLISTERING HELL, MOTHER OF CHEESECAKE, THERE IS NO WAY…

I mean, I didn't even know! I didn't know! ME! I should've known. I mean…

WHAT IS GOING ON? This is so wrong!

I mean… why… how could I not know?

IT WAS MY FIRST KISS AFTER ALL.

My first kiss. Mine, dammit. This is so fucked up!

Okay, so yeah. You're confused? Well, good, 'cause so am I.

Apparently, I've had my first kiss.

…You have my permission to play the ominous drumroll, yeah.

You know what? Do you think that reading my old diaries was a good idea? Do you think I had a few good laughs, and a few embarrassed oh-my-gods, and a few minutes of peaceful entertainment where I could just relive my old memories?

YEAH? Well, I don't think so!

Because THIS:

Hey Tilly!

Oh my god! I can't stop squealing! I had my first kiss today! On the lips! I know, right? Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! I'm so lucky! And I really liked it… I think. He said I was pretty! Oh my god, isn't that cute?!

Wait, Shar's here. Oh, I'll go and tell her! My first kiss! Yippeeeeee.

-xoxo
Gabi

I'd just take a minute to say… HOW GODDAMN STUPID WAS I? Gosh, what's with the copious oh-my-gods? Seriously.

And now, I'd take another minute to say: What the fuck?

The fact that I didn't know about my first kiss isn't even that weird. I mean, sure, it's kind of stupid that I've been 'waiting patiently' for something I'd already had… but what's more weird is that I don't recall a single thing about the kiss.

How was the kiss?

Where did it happen?

Most importantly… Who kissed me?!

God. Whatever.

I tell you; not a single thing. Pretty weird, eh?

Tell me about it, damn it.

The only thing I can tell from that diary entry is that I was six then. Yes, that's all very important, because without this little piece of information, I'd have been left in the dark for the rest of my life. Like, hell. Fucking stupid.

I mean, I know I don't have photographic memory and all that shit… but not a single thing? I mean, what, why, how?

You know, diary, a first kiss is one of the most important things in a girl's life. It's THE kiss, you know? THE kiss, with which every other kiss you have is compared to. It's the point where a girl's introduced to the world of emotional whirlwinds of love, heartbreak, heartburn, relationships, romance, and whatnot. It's one of the most important things in one's life… A kind of thing someone would want to remember forever. Definitely. I mean, the shyness, the newness, the sweetness, the pureness… and I can't remember a single thing. I've always wanted to experience that giddy feeling, the awkwardness, the newness… and savor it in my heart for the rest of my life.

AND NOW THIS.

Gosh, the gods really have it out for me, don't they? Gee.

You… you wouldn't get what I'm feeling right now. You really wouldn't. You know, one thing I hate is being left out in the dark, without a clue of what's happening around me or why it is happening. I HATE that lost feeling. And this is really… I don't even have a word for this.

Gee, is it too much to ask? Just… just… FUCK.

Yeah, just fuck.

Who could it be? And more importantly, why can't I remember who it was? I really don't have that bad a memory. Fine, it has its moments… but first kiss, people! A first kiss is kind of like losing your virginity (or lips losing their virginity, if you must)… and it's not like me to forget such moments.

I'm kind of sort of a really romantic girl, you know.

I don't know whether I liked it or not. Well, I mean, of course, at that time I would've liked it, because at that time, I'd have been cherishing in the sudden giddiness of my heart… but you know, I never got to recall that moment as a teenager, as a grownup. I never really analyzed it with a rational, grownup's mind, and that's what bugs me. Everyone could talk about their first kisses and I'll just be clueless and emotionless about it. Because, oh right, I don't remember my first kiss. Like, at all.

Sheesh, don't I rock?

I can just picture it all.

Ms. X: My first kiss was absolutely blissful. XYZ was so awkward, you know, and it was really sweet. I kind of, like, felt my heart burst – literally, don't roll your eyes – it was… it was just amazing, you know? How about you, Gabi? What was your first kiss like?

Me: (Blinks) First kiss? I don't know. I can't recall a thing about it. Actually, I didn't even know I've had mine until just a minute ago.

Ms. X: Oh… right… well, who was it with?

Me: (Blinks again) I have no idea.

Ms. X: Oh. Oh, okay.

And then she'd burst into laughter.

I don't blame Ms. X, I really don't. I mean, really, I could just kiss someone now and claim it to be my 'first' (cough cough) kiss. It'd be new and kind of like a first kiss… but then again, it really wouldn't. Because, in the back of my mind, I'd always have that nagging awareness that I already had my first kiss with Mr. Mysterious.

You know, it's that moment when their lips first touch, it's shy and it's new, and there're a lot of questions… it's exploratory, and it's introductory. It's the beginning.

And I'll never experience it.

Fate, I hate you with the fire of thousand suns.

Damn it all.

October 29th; 11.55 PM
Bed
Status: Thinking
Mood: Satisfied

Well, I know what you're thinking. Satisfied? I can just see the raised eyebrows.

…And yet again I forget that you're a diary. Damn it!

Right. I'm not really satisfied. I mean, I'm satisfied… but it's a whole other matter I'm satisfied with.

Again, I'll write out the tragic diary entry, just for the sake of precision.

Hey Tilly!

Oh my god! I can't stop squealing! I had my first kiss today! On the lips! I know, right? Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! I'm so lucky! And I really liked it… I think. He said I was pretty! Oh my god, isn't that cute?!

Wait, Shar's here. Oh, I'll go and tell her! My first kiss! Yippeeeeee.

-xoxo
Gabi

'Wait, Shar's here. Oh, I'll go and tell her!'

Do you, like, see where I'm going? YEAH!

I'm gonna ask Sharpay! DUH. I rule. (Not)

Signing out,
Gabriella

P.S: Finally, I can sleep. Yay me.

October 30th; 7.41 AM
Troy's Car
Status: Talking to Tee-roy
Mood: Restless

I woke up early today. Ten whole minutes earlier. I know you're rolling your eyes and being all, 'Ten minutes, big deal!' about it; but it really is an improvement. Mornings and I don't go together. Besides, it's kind of weird, seeing as I went to bed after midnight. I dressed quickly (ten minutes; shower, hair drying, dressing. Oh, and brushing my teeth. Beat that.) Oh, and interesting news: Discussed the topic of my first kiss with mom over the divine breakfast that consisted of an apple. She just laughed – yeah, laughed – and shook her head, saying she didn't know what I was talking about. I mean, isn't that just disappointing? I'm not pouting. But yeah, there was this kind of mischievous and very obvious twinkle in her eyes, that just shouted, 'I'M HIDING SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT FROM YOU, JUST SECRETLY KNOW THAT' in my face. It riled me up, needless to say. Mom is never this sly and clever, save for the times she's teasing me about Troy, but that's…

Wait.

Wait right there.

First kiss. Mom being all secretive. Troy.

Hmm.

I smell something fishy. Do you?

Okay, it's not really cool to talk about my mother teasing me about Troy inside his car – because, oh no, it's not like I have feelings for him, you know. It's not like there IS something to hide, because, quite simply, there isn't…

Darn it, how unconvincing do I sound? Oh, woe.

"Why are you always writing in that stupid book?"

Troy just asked me that. "It's not a stupid book, it's a diary," I reply tersely, not looking up.

"Same thing." He grins. "Aww, come on, Gabs. Talk to me."

"Fine, you attention whore, fine."

I know; I'm the easiest person to convince in the world.

…It doesn't help that he has the most gorgeous killer blue eyes ever. Damn it.

October 30th; 7.41 AM
Homeroom
Status: Listening to Darbus drone on and on about useless shit
Mood: Bored out of my mind

Fate hates me. Period. That's the only explanation.

I mean, Sharpay came to school late today. So late that I didn't even get to talk to her about the kiss. So late I didn't even get to say 'hi' to her. AND she sat at the back of the classroom, not up front like she always does. That's so not her, hello? The whole thing was annoying, what the hell. I mean, is the universe conspiring against me or something? It certainly seems so. And now is she avoiding my gaze, or am I just being paranoid?

I don't even know.

And you know what the more annoying thing is? I don't have any classes with her 'til after Lunch. Which means that I'd have to ask her during Lunch period. Which means I'd have to do it at a table full of all of my friends. Which means a shitload of embarrassment on my part and loads of laughter on theirs. Gosh, whatever.

I am sure she knows about it. The kiss, I mean. I'm sure she remembers who it was with and all the things I told her about afterwards… She's got to, right? No, please, let her remember. She's my only hope. My only hope besides…

Besides… hey, Troy! Troy would know! Troy, Troy, Troy! YES. He's been my best friend for my entire life, right? So he would know about it… he's bound to know about it…because, obviously, I'd have gushed my heart out to him after I had that kiss… he has got to know. His brain's really sharp and he remembers things very clearly… he tells me about all kinds of stupid and embarrassing things I used to do in the past… and now he'd tell me about the kiss too. I just need to pull the 'puppy-dog-look' off perfectly. And voila. He'll cave.

Oh, I'm clever. (Ha ha)

So Troy just asked me why I wrote his name, like, a thousand times in my diary. He says I might have feelings for him.

Psh. As if.

Later,
Gabriella

P.S: I'm such a hypocrite, diary.

October 30th; 12.34 PM
English Literature classroom
Status: Brooding
Mood: Suspicious

Now I'm sure. Absolutely sure.

There is some fishy, fishy business going on around me and I don't know anything about it. And you know what else? It completely annoys the crap out of me. Surprising? Not. Because I talked to Sharpay over lunch, and guess what she told me?

Nothing. Zilch. Nada. Zero. Not an itty bitty piece of information.

Yes, that's not good. And yes, she sucks hardcore.

You see, when I thought I could find out about my first kiss and who it was with from Sharpay, I hadn't considered her refusing to tell me. Yes, she actually refused to tell me. Flat out. To my face. I mean, psh, how rude. Actually, she said she didn't know, but I'm sure she's lying and I'm sure she knows that too… so it is kind of lying to my face. I mean, not remembering is one thing… but refusing to tell me? That's a whole other blasted matter. And besides, she doesn't even have any right. To keep the truth from me, I mean. She has no right.

Diary, sometimes I wonder why I'm even friends with her.

Yeah, I'm lame like that.

Oh, and another thing. A shocker. Prepare yourself, diary. I don't want to take ten years off your life with this but…

Troy knows.

Troy knows.

Troy knows.

TROY. KNOWS. ABOUT. IT. TOO.

Hello, injustice?! Does anyone not see how stupid this is?

I could totally picture myself saying to Ms. X: 'I don't know about my first kiss. But hey, my best friends do! You can ask them; they refuse to tell me.'

Okay, I know what you're thinking. I actually was considering asking him about it before, and now knowing that he knows shouldn't even be that surprising. But I'm frustrated and confused… besides, it's not like I was sure about him knowing before. Now, though, I am. Which is stupid.

I'm… I'm just done. No, seriously. This is what happened:

I literally ran out of History when the bell rung, keen on catching Sharpay as soon as I could. And – for once – I made it to the cafeteria before any of my friends and – get this – without tripping over thin air. Not once. I know; I feel so proud. It's a huge success, seeing as I can't walk on flat surfaces without anyone being there on my side to steady me. But anyways, I bought my lunch (Mac 'n' Cheese, an apple and chocolate milk. See? I'm a health freak.) and walked—well, skipped, really—to our usual table in the back of the room. Stupid as it may sound, I was tingling with excitement… or maybe I just needed to pee. Either way, two minutes later Taylor and Kelsi came over and sat down on the table. Kelsi had a tray of food, and Taylor had her head tucked into a book. I swear, that girl's just… I don't even know. I mean… lunch! Hello? It's the only thing in school I actually look forward to.

"Hey, Gabi," Kelsi greeted me politely, smiling brightly. Something must be up, hmm.

"Hey, Kels." I inserted the straw in my carton of milk. "And Taylor, just eat, for god's sake."

She looked up, and rolled her eyes. "Good morning to you too, Gabriella." I just grinned.

"Hey, anyone seen Sharpay?" I asked, looking at them both expectantly.

Taylor nodded. "Yeah, in Chemistry. Why, what's wrong?"

Oh okay. Couldn't I ask where she was just… just because? Did there really had to be a reason? I mean, that's just unfair. Do I really seem so uncaring about my friends? As if reading my mind, Taylor rolled her eyes and explained, "Usually, you're so busy tucking in your food, you don't really care about where any of us is. And today, you've not even touched your tray."

Okaaaay.

I blinked owlishly. "Right." Then I picked up my apple and nibbled on it.

Taylor was right. It wasn't like me to be just sitting during the Lunch period, doing no… well, no eating.

Hmm. Is the first kiss thing really affecting me more than I'm letting myself think it is?

Fine, I'm freaked out. Utterly, insanely, astronomically freaked out. But that isn't the only thing. There is something deeper about the matter. Which is bugging me incessantly. Because it isn't just about me not knowing who it was with… it is more complicated. What if, somewhere down the path, someone asks me out and asks me about my first kiss? What am I going to say? 'Oh, hey, yeah, I've had my first kiss, but I don't remember it'? This is like… like being lied to my whole life. All my life, I've waited for the perfect moment patiently.

I lied to myself all my life. Gah.

I'm so delusional. And what is Troy gonna say?

…Wait, why does he even matter? Gosh.

"Gabriella? Earth to Gabriella?"

"Hm?" I blinked and looked around. Everyone was there by then. Freakin' awesome. "Oh, sorry, lost in my head." Troy sniggered. I stuck my tongue out at him and turned to the girl sitting across me, decked in pink. "Sharpay!" I shrieked, excited. "Sharpay! You've got to help me!"

She sighed dramatically, but said nothing. Picking up her slice of pizza, she regarded me with a look. What? What's wrong with the world? Why do people keep being rude towards me? Ignoring the look I was receiving, I grinned blithely. "I'm in crisis."

"Crisis?" Troy chirped. "Tell me?"

I ignored him. "Who was my first kiss?"

Just… just don't bother. Take me to the rooftop and push me off without a second thought. Really. I deserve it.

Sigh. Don't make me accountable for that. It was just… I don't know… I just said it. I hadn't even planned on it. But… whatever.

Unfortunately for him, I asked the question just as Troy brought his can to his mouth to take a sip. Needless to say, he choked and I abandoned my apple and started thumping him on the back violently. After a few seconds of furious coughing, he choked out, "What?"

Sharpay burst into obnoxious laughter the moment Troy asked that, and everyone else was just staring at me like I had gone crazy or something. I mean, I don't even blame them. No one asks their best friends who their first kiss was. Because, oh I don't know, it's something they don't need to ask. Hmph.

I ignored the stares I was getting. Even Taylor had abandoned her book and was looking at me questioningly. I ignored her too.

"Well?" I asked in annoyance. Sharpay just continued to laugh.

HOW RUDE.

I mean, fine, I shouldn't have asked her that right now. I should've asked her when we were alone or something, without so many people to ogle at me. And definitely not at a lunch table.

Rolling my eyes, I risked a look at Troy. He was… well, he was uncharacteristically pale.

Hmm.

Wait. Stop and rewind. PALE? Me smells fishy business, nay?

I swallowed a lump in my throat. Which is funny, because I don't even know there was a lump in my throat. Was I nervous?

This. This needs analyzing. So, just a sec.

I was nervous. I was nervous because I didn't know how Troy was going to react to the piece of information.

But… hadn't I planned on asking him about it? So… that'd mean that he already knows about it… And that I was just nervous about bringing it up in front of him.

Wow.

That was the reason I had a lump in my throat.

That was the reason I wanted to kill myself for asking that in front of everyone. Especially him.

That was the reason I was so confused about the whole 'first kiss' thing.

Troy.

Oh boy. Cliché, much?

Totally.

When Sharpay finally stopped laughing her ass off, I looked at her expectantly. And nervously. What if she told me who it was and… No, no, Troy was there. I shook myself. "Shar?"

"Gabriella," she said, rolling her eyes. There was a grin on her face, nonetheless. "You don't—you don't remember?" she sputtered, bursting into laughter once again. Oh god.

I blushed a hot red, and mumbled a tiny, "No."

Laughing, Sharpay shook her head. It was so… un-Sharpay-ish, you know? She opened her mouth to say something, then looked at Troy, and closed it.

Um…?

What?

Fishy business, methinks.

"I don't know."

And then she went back to her lunch.

I know, right?

Bullshit. B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T spells bullshit.

"Gabriella," Taylor said as I gaped at Sharpay, "You don't remember who it was? Or are you just not sure?"

I noticed Kelsi looking at me strangely, but as soon as she caught my eye, she turned pink and went back to her lunch. I swear, she's the only one of my friends with manners. Jason and Chad hadn't even noticed; they were busy with stuffing their mouths full to the brim. Gee, ew.

Troy was uncharacteristically silent. And… was he fiddling with his thumbs?!

Now that got me brooding.

I shook my head fervently. "No! Not a thing! In fact…" I'm sure I was blushing to the roots of my hair by then. "In fact, I didn't even know I'd been kissed on the lips before yesterday."

Thankfully for me, Taylor didn't roll her eyes at me or stared at me incredulously. She just got this pensive look on her face, a telltale sign that she was brewing up some kind of theory. See, I knew she was my friend for a reason.

While Taylor experimented with her theory, I looked at Troy and mouthed, "What's wrong with you?"

He just shook his head.

Guess what happened next?

My stomach clenched uncomfortably.

By that time, my appetite was completely gone. Troy wasn't eating either, which was very stupid and confusing, seeing as it wasn't his first kiss we were talking about. I was too embarrassed to even look at him.

But I looked, nonetheless.

He looked kind of… uncomfortable?

"So how did you even find out?" Ryan asked out of the blue. Everyone looked at him, then went back to their lunches. I just stared.

"Huh?"

"How did you even find out about the kiss?" he asked again.

Hello, Ryan? Remember the meaning of a small word called 'tact'?

"Oh, that," I said, blinking. Go-osh. "Well, I was looking through my old diaries yesterday and I found this entry saying that I had my kiss that day…"

"Oh!" Sharpay exclaimed, squinting. I looked at her curiously. "I remember that," she looked at me, then looked at Troy, "…well, not really. I mean, I think I remember, but I don't. So, I don't."

"You've got to be kidding me, Sharpay." I rolled my eyes. "Now… tell me, anything you remember?"

She glared at me. "Nope, not a bit."

"Fine, fine. Be that way." I rounded on Troy. "You!" I said with an accusatory look. "You've got to remember. I know YOU would know about it."

He looked startled. Blinking, he coughed. In my peripheral vision, I noticed Taylor narrowing her eyes at him, opening her mouth and closing it shut. That alone confused me more. "I don't."

I wasn't expecting that.

"You what?" My jaw dropped. "You're kidding me, right?"

"Nope." There was an edge to his voice.

"You are!"

"I'm not."

"Troy," I warned. "Just stop, okay?"

Yes, I was acutely aware of the audience we had. I was also acutely aware of how stupid and unreasonable I was being, seeing as I myself didn't know anything about said kiss. How can I accuse him of lying?

Sheesh, the irony.

"Look," he snapped. "How can you say that I'm lying when it was your kiss and you didn't know about it yourself?"

He was right. He was very right. But his words stung anyway.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, blushing.

"S'okay," he mumbled back and picked up his can, smiling half-heartedly.

"Hmm," Taylor said, rubbing her chin. We all turned to look at her. "Do you think you have selective amnesia?"

"Say what, now?" Jason said, looking interested. I figured his food was finished.

We ignored him.

"I have what?" I blinked as it sunk in. "Oh. You mean like erasing some particularly bad or traumatic event or thing that happened from my memory?"

"Exactly." She gave me a significant look.

"Ohhhhh." My eyes widened. "Oh. You mean… you mean… if the kiss was particularly horrible… I could've, like, erased it out of my memory?" I sputtered.

Troy choked on his breath.

"Exactly that," Taylor said, eyeing Troy with amusement and… satisfaction? The kind of satisfaction she had when she finds out she was right. Her eyes twinkled.

"Hmm, I think I remember feeling kind of like I was drowning… or something…"

"Do you really?" Sharpay asked in a strangled voice, trying to hold back obvious laughter. I nodded without thinking.

"I think I'm gonna go," Troy choked, looking physically sick.

I pulled out of my reverie, concerned. "Are you okay?"

He looked at me for a second. I didn't like the intensity of his gaze. "Fine," he grunted, turned around, walked away, dumped his tray in the dustbin and slid out of the cafeteria doors.

Uh… what?

Moody bitch.

That was when everyone at the table burst into laughter at something very amusing that I couldn't see. Huffing, I stood up and walked out of the damned place.

That was useless, no?

Yeah, it was. Completely useless. I should've never brought up the topic. In fact, I should just forget it, move on and live my life pretending to be a deaf slash mute slash blind woman, so that anytime someone asks me about my first kiss, I can evade the question under the pretence of deafness, muteness and blindness.

Ugh. Really. That's the only thing I can think of right now: Ugh.

Oops, Mr. Hurricane (Yeah, his name is Hurricane, honestly) looking in this direction. Gotta go.

October 30th; Sometime Later
English Literature
Status: Planning
Mood: Drained

Boys I Knew When I Was Six:

1. Charlie Kitts
2. Adam Lister
3. Creepy Guy With Greasy Hair
4. Bignose And Freckly Face Guy
5. NoName And NoFace
6. Guy Who Looked Like Elmo
7. Guy With Black Hair And… uh, Two Eyes?
8. Blurry Face
9. Cute Blondie With A Crooked Grin
10. Pimply Face

…So this is useless, right?

Yeah, I thought so too.

Maybe I should just stick with the turn-into-a-deaf-mute-blind-lady plan.

October 30th; 4.15 PM
My Living Room
Status: Watching TV (or 'watching' TV)
Mood: Excited

Well, I had an interesting conversation with Tay just now, on the phone. She called me. I know, right? Taylor never calls me unless it's 'serious business' or whatever. And today she called me to talk about… wait, let me tell you the whole thing.

Sharpay drove me home. Normally, it's Troy who does, but I think I can safely say that today is, by no means, normal. Sharpay met me at the doors, mumbling about Troy already being gone or something. I admit, I was quite hurt. I mean, fine, he might have some emergency (I highly doubt that, though) but he always tells me. Me, not Sharpay.

So he's decided to be Mr. Cool Cucumber now? Fine. Fine. See if I care.

I pretty much just tagged alongside her, and the drive to my house was unusually quiet. And believe me, Sharpay and quiet don't go together at all. Ryan had stayed behind in school for some drama club stuff, so it was just me and her. Something about her mood told me not to prod the first kiss subject, so I didn't. I know better than to mess with Shar's temper.

After she dropped me home, I changed, showered and ate. I was feeling pretty restless. More than once, the thought of calling Troy occurred to me, but I pushed it away. If he wants to be an ass, then so be it. My will, I will not break.

Mom was out shopping with Troy's mother. She called and told me to entertain myself, which I did. I went to my room and put on some Lily Allen music and cranked up the volume of speakers. By that time, I was past that anxious, I-want-answers stage and was feeling pretty much impassive about the matter.

And then my cell ringed.

"Hey."

"Gabriella?" Taylor's voice seeped through the speakers.

"Taylor? What's up?" I asked, surprised.

"Okay, let me get straight to the point," she said professionally. "What's going on with you and Troy?"

I frowned. "Troy and I? Well, he's my best friend."

A pause, then: "You know what I'm talking about, Gabriella."

What I wanted to say was: 'No offense Taylor, but you're very annoying. I mean, what's going on with Troy and I is none of your business and you know that. So why not just stop prodding your big nose in our business and just refrain from being nosy for once? And even if there IS something between us – which, I assure you, there isn't – you just wouldn't help.'

What I ended up saying was: "I don't know."

"You don't know?" She sighed. "Gabriella, I think we all know you have more than platonic feelings for him. Just admit it."

"Fine," I exploded. Exhaustion was finally taking its toll on me. "Fine. I admit I love him. Happy?"

"Honey—"

"No, stop, Tay," I sighed. "It's just too weird. I mean, what if it doesn't work out? The very idea of Troy and me being… being together is so weird…"

"No, it isn't," she cried, startling me. "Will you stop being so goddamn stubborn for once and look at this rationally? You and Troy have practically been friends since you were in diapers. You know him, honey, you know what he likes and doesn't like, what he desires, how he feels about things. It's like a ready-made romance for you guys."

"Exactly, Taylor." I flicked my hair out of eyes, frustrated. "It's too easy. Get that? It can't be that easy. Something about it is seriously wrong."

Taylor let out a weird noise that sounded like 'pah'. "Love doesn't always have to be that hard, Gabriella! Look, the basics are already there. You know him like you should, you tease him, you flirt with him, you fight with him… you guys are already kind of a couple. You just need to admit that, you stubborn grasshoppers."

I rolled my eyes. "Why do you care, anyways? Wait, why are we talking about this?"

She gasped in mock offence. "Gabriella Montez, I'm your friend!"

Rolling my eyes for the second time, but smiling nonetheless, I replied, "Yes, yes, you are."

"So… bringing that first kiss thing up during was pretty tactless, I must say."

I blinked and raised my eyebrow at the sudden change of the tone of our conversation. "Uh, it was?"

"Don't tell me," she sighed. "Did you see his face? Did you see how sick Troy looked?"

"No, that was because…"

I closed my mouth shut. Why had Troy reacted that way?

See, stupid as I am, I hadn't even thought about that before. When Taylor voiced it all out, it kind of hit me with a jolt. Why had Troy reacted the way he had? Was he hiding something?

It was all too much to take in.

And it didn't help that I wasn't working on full mental capacity at that time.

"See? Now you're quiet because you're thinking. It's okay; think away, Gabriella. I'll talk to you later. Be there at Sharpay's. 7 PM sharp." And she hung up, sounding infuriatingly satisfied and smug.

So, yeah.

Friday… wait, FRIDAY! Hello? Friday? Sleepover at the Evans's house? Playing Truth or Dare?

Yahoo, hurray, yay. I completely forgot about it… well, what with the emotional turmoil I'm going through right now… But life just got loads better. Because, let me tell you, sleepovers at Sharpay's are always awesome. And the whole gang would be present. Which means Troy…

Oh, boy. You know when I said life just got a lot better? Well, I take it back.

BECAUSE IT DIDN'T.

October 30th; 6.34 PM
My Bedroom
Status: Freaking out
Mood: Freaked out

Okay. Okay. I can't go to Sharpay's.

Because, oh right, Troy's going to be there. Troy. Which means I'm not. I can't be.

This is completely insane. I mean, Troy. Troy has been my best friend since I was, like, one. And I've never felt uncomfortable or shy around him. He makes me lose control… he brings out a whole other side in me. People say I act different when I'm around him and I know it too.

He's Troy.

Troy. Troy. Troy, Troy, Troy, Troy.

Oh – fuck.

October 30th; 6.42 PM
My Bedroom, On My Bed
Status: Trying to control my heartbeat
Mood: Freaked out

Oh, dang. Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn.

Okay, enough cussing. But seriously, DAMN.

I'll tell you what happened. I will. I promise.

…I'm in love with Troy.

October 30th; 6.44 PM
Still My Bedroom
Status: Deciding
Mood: Anxious

What should I wear?!

Diary! What should I wear? Should I dress like a girlfriend? Should I dress like a slut? Should I dress like I'm in love? …Wait, how do you dress when you know you're in love? How, how, how? If I dress in love, is he going to figure it out? Does Troy know I'm in love with him? Have I been too obvious?

Oh my god!

Oh my god, oh my god. What if I have been too obvious?!

…This is not good. I need to calm down. Hmm, calm down, Gabriella. Calm down. Like, calm down. Wait, I know just the thing to do.

Twinkle, twinkle little star. How I wonder what you are. Up above the—

Goddamn.

So, somehow, somehow, I made it to Sharpay's house, despite my nerve-wracking nervousness and the raging butterflies in my stomach.

Two words: Don't ask.

Thank you.

Moving on. So, when I finally made it to her room—after getting lost three times; her house is hyooge—, huffing and puffing and flushing, I found all of them sitting in a circle on her carpet. Yeah, all of them: Taylor, Kelsi, Sharpay, Ryan, Chad, Jason, Troy. When I opened the door, they all kind of looked up, eyebrows raised and all, and I wanted to pull my lip over my head and swallow myself. Seriously.

"Sorry," I mumbled. And then, I hobbled over to where they were all sitting and sat down between Kelsi and Taylor. Usually, I sit beside Troy, but since he was so busy on being Mr. Cool Cucumber, I didn't. Ha, take that, Troy, I thought.

"What's up with you?" Sharpay drawled from her spot, examining her nails. Side note: I wanted to kill her then.

"Hey, why don't we start?" Kelsi put in. Side note: I wanted to hug her then.

"Yeah, let's!" Jason added. I thanked the heavens.

"Okay," Sharpay agreed. "Ryan, go get the snacks. And a bottle." Ryan looked like he wanted to protest, but Sharpay gave him the Look. The Look was authoritative. The Look was not to be messed with. Shoulders slumped, Ryan got up and disappeared out of the room. "Guys, make yourselves at home."

Yeah, she always says that, for some reason or other.

"Gabs, you okay?" Taylor asked me quietly.

"Yup, totally," I answered blithely. I noticed Troy looking at me out of the corner of his eyes. Freaking stupid whiny ass.

"Did you…" she trailed off, looking at Troy. "Did you think about it?"

"Think about what?" Kelsi asked, confused.

I contemplated my answer as Tay told Kels about our phone call. I mean, sure, yeah, I definitely did think about it. Hello, did you not see how I was freaking out before coming to the Evan's house? But Troy was there and so was everyone else and I just didn't want to admit it in front of them. "Yeah, I did," I said slowly.

"Really?" Taylor looked a little too excited. Um…? "And what are you going to do?"

Fortunately for me, Ryan appeared at the door at that exact moment, arms laden with cans of soda and packets of chips. He dumped them all on the floor. "Oh, look whose back!" I exclaimed, gesturing at Ryan.

After that we pretty much played the game (Truth or Dare). Most surprisingly, when Sharpay's turn came, she chose truth. Chad, like the pervert he is, asked her what her underwear looked like. We all gagged at that, and Ryan looked like he was going to throw up. Jason was the only one who found the truth amusing. Kelsi chose dare (Is it just me, or did the sun rise from West today?) and ended up dancing to 'Boom Boom Pow' by The Black-eyed Peas. By the end, she looked like a tomato. It was pretty fun, nonetheless. Chad had to eat five packet of chips, which he did. It was, quite simply put, disgusting.

One strange thing was, during all this time; Troy didn't say much, save for the occasional laughs he forced out. It bugged me more than I think it should have, but I pushed the thought to the back of my mind and forced out laughs of my own.

Chad spun the bottle once again and, lo and behold, it pointed to Troy.

That's when all the drama begun.

I swear; it was like the temperature dropped a few degrees.

All eyes were on him… or, in Taylor and Sharpay's case, me.

Sheesh.

After a second, though, Sharpay tore her eyes from me. I breathed in relief. "Bolton, truth or dare?"

He was silent for a minute, and then he turned to me. His gaze fixed directly on my face (I felt a shiver run up my spine at that), he said, "Truth."

It was probably the way he said it; mocking, teasing—and I knew his answer was directed at me—that I felt something inside me snap. "Fine," I snapped. "Here's one: Why are you being such a fucking bitch?"

He blinked, taken aback. "Excuse me?"

Everyone in the room was looking between me and him. But you know what? I didn't give a damn. "I asked you," I ground out, "Why are you being such a pathetic whiny bitch?"

His eyes flashed dangerously, his jaw set. The sexual tension was palpable.

Way too dramatic.

"I am being a bitch?" He raised an eyebrow.

I didn't know what had taken over me. I just didn't back down. "Yes. Yes, you are," I retorted. "You've, like, hardly talked to me today."

Damn it, my voice cracked.

He looked at my face, and his face softened. He leaned forward and, just like that, he snatched me into his arms and buried my face in his chest. "Don't cry," he muttered. I heard gagging sounds from behind me; Chad and Jason. "I'm sorry."

Sigh. That was heaven.

…And then I had to go on and be a bitch.

"No," I exclaimed, pulling back. "You're not! You… you can't just do that!"

He blinked rapidly, confused. "Do what?"

"Just go on and hug me like that. Because you know I'll cave. You stupid bastard. That's just unfair."

"Look who's being a bitch now," he snapped. I got off his lap and went to sit on Sharpay's bed.

I shook my head fervently. "You always take the easy way out."

"Well, what do you want me to do then?"

"Can't you just tell me about it? The kiss, I mean?"

"Guys," Sharpay cut in. We ignored her.

I grasped his hand and yanked him up, ignoring his cry of protest. Scowling, I pushed open the door and walked towards the end of the hallway, dragging Troy behind me.

I turned around and crossed my arms over my chest. "Well?"

He mirrored my actions. Pst. "I can't."

"Why not?"

"Just… because."

"Oh, yes, because that's a completely logical reason."

"Just… Just," he sighed, struggling for the right words, "Just… no, you know what? Fuck you."

My jaw dropped open. "Pardon?"

"You're so goddamn infuriating," he said, sliding down the wall and sitting down with his legs spread in front of him. "You're so annoying. But I always have this weird compulsion to make you smile. Or laugh. Or anything. But what do I end up doing? Fucking up, that's what." He ran a hand through his hair.

Aww.

That. That was enough. I don't know why I did what I did next, but I did.

I launched myself at him. Seriously. Launched.

And then? I practically ate his face off.

I know. Call me Whore Extraordinaire.

But I don't care.

When I pulled back, we were both breathing heavily. "That… that was nice, huh?"

Troy looked like he had been hit in the face with a cannon ball. I flushed with embarrassment. "No, Troy, don't say anything yet." I took a deep breath. "I have to tell you something. But don't speak until I say so, okay?" He nodded. "I… I love you. I don't know if you think I'm mad or what, but I'm tired of this. Of us being friends. Wait, no, of us being just friends. I always think I'd tell you tomorrow, but damn it, tomorrow never comes. So here, today, I'm telling you. I," I looked down at my hands, "I love you. There, that's it."

That was… embarrassing, extremely so. I wished I'd brought a knife with me so I could kill myself promptly after my little speech.

"Gabs?" I looked up at him shyly. "I don't think you're mad. And by the way? I love you too."

Ah, bliss.

"And I feel I have to tell you," he added, smirking innocently. "I am your first kiss."

And he looked at me with such… such… I don't even know, but, oh god, he looked at me with such emotion, I felt my insides burst and tingles… I felt tingles. The intensity of his gaze, goddamn… He looked at me with such sincerity and such emotion, and in that moment, I felt more loved and special than ever.

Then, my stupid mouth decided to intervene. Chuckling weakly, I said, "Troy, when I said first kiss, I meant first kiss on the lips… not on the cheek or something."

There. It's official. Just gag me and push me off a cliff. Don't listen to anyone, just do it.

I. Am. So. Stupid.

He laughed. Thank god. "Shut up, idiot."

And then he pulled my mouth to his.

Ah, right.

Hmm.

Sigh.

It was sweet and awkward at first, but the newness and awkwardness subsided as one kiss melt into another. The kisses turned more heated, and tongues got involved… but goddamn, it was perfect.

After twenty minutes or so of some of the most pleasant making out one could ever have the pleasure of doing, we went back to Sharpay's room. Our hair looked like they had withstood gale-force winds and our smiles just shouted, 'I MADE OUT WITH MY BEST FRIEND' in all their faces. Upon seeing our faces, Sharpay rolled her eyes, but there was a distinct smile on her face nonetheless, and said to Chad, "Pay up."

"Dude," Chad groaned, looking at his best friend. Troy just grinned.

Diary, tell me, if you ever had the chance, what'd you choose: writing in a boring notebook about your boyfriend and his lips or actually being with said boyfriend and said lips?

See, honey? Exactly my point.

And besides, I don't think there's any rule about choosing your diaries over your boyfriends. Humph.

Later – or not?,
Gabriella

P.S: TROY IS MINE! FINALLY! YIPPEE!

A/N: I know. -sighs-