Title: Where do you go when you're gone?

Author: Doubleplusgoodduckspeaker

Summary: Seto was the only person that Yugi ever gave up on. Yugi was the only person that Seto ever wanted to believe in. In the end, neither one got what they wanted—each other. Rivalshipping YugixSeto.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!

Notes: Written for Round Five of Compy's YGO Contest.

Where do you go when you're gone?

Seto Kaiba sat on the barstool in the eat-in kitchen, absentmindedly stirring his coffee with a spoon even though he hadn't put anything into it. It made a dull, scraping sort of noise against the porcelain, more grating next to the voice of his boyfriend (he thought with a twinge of satisfaction, he was his, and Seto didn't even have to work all that hard to get him), Yugi Moto. The only times when Yugi got to see him were early in the morning or late at night, and he used most of the time for conversation, chattering about the day or trying to get himself to talk. He was currently going on about the dwindling customer base due to most of Domino, and the whole world at that, gravitating towards electronics-based dueling media. "Then why don't you sell electronic dueling equipment?" As in KaibaCorp equipment. As in my company's products.

Yugi looked up at him over his toast. "Because you won't sell them to me at a discount." That, and honor, and upholding the integrity of the game, and because his grandfather's dying wish (and testament) was for him to keep the store the way it had always been. He smiled, to let Seto know that he wasn't serious, but his head was currently immersed in his coffee cup, so the effort was lost.

"You'll drive it into the ground that way. You've got to keep your customers happy to succeed."

"But doing it this way makes me happy, and that means I've succeeded." Yugi spoke with a conviction rarely heard in early-morning breakfast chats. Seto merely grunted. What did he need with the shop anyways? He lived with him and wanted for nothing. He was also a champion duelist—it didn't pay as well as sports but you could still get endorsements—but despite the misguided focus of his determination, it was still a trait that Seto admired. He left for work thinking of the fact that he had actually only been in that store once, and then his eyes were only on the Blue-eyes White Dragon card. Not the true prize at all.

Yugi's smile weakened as he heard the door of the mansion swing closed. Seto left for work much earlier than he did; he had an awful lot of time on his hands, even when he was at work. Leaving his plate on the counter, he began to gather his own belongings. He had no idea—no way of knowing, either—how hard this was turning out to be. The first six months had been incredible. Yugi had been so surprised to see Seto making an effort to fit in with his circle of friends, he had nearly missed the real point to his actions—Seto had wanted to get closer to him. It seemed like everything Seto wanted, he got, and Yugi couldn't deny that being with Seto made him happy.

But now, things weren't the happy fairy-tale he had hoped for. Summer had ended and when Seto had offered his house and so much else, Yugi had accepted in the hopes that this would be a turning point in their relationship. It wasn't what he had expected at all. He saw less of his boyfriend now that they were living under the same roof. And the Seto that lived here was different, somehow. He was more aloof than ever, and it seemed that the closer they became, the more he wasn't sure of what he found. But it didn't change the way he felt about him. He was determined to like him, and all of him—for who he was. He had to.

Even though he was alone in the house, he still felt Seto's eyes on him from every painting and piece of furniture. Yugi smiled. He wasn't dumb enough to think he could change Seto Kaiba, but maybe he could start by adding some of his own personal touches to the austere mansion.

Seto hung his coat up in the closet by the front door. He was late—he had been late for the past several nights. It wasn't like it was his fault, either—the idiots he employed would not get it in gear! This was the busiest time for KaibaCorp, and when everything fell on them like a stack of bricks, he was the only one with enough sense to put it back together. He staggered up the steps to their bedroom door, feeling a bit disoriented from his consistent lack of sleep. He crept stealthily across the carpeting of the bedroom, knowing Yugi to be a very light sleeper, and in his haste walked right into his armoire. Thunk!

"Damn!" He rubbed his nose, glaring at the armoire before changing into pajamas and crawling into the right side of the bed. Yugi shifted, awake-but-not-quite, and murmured something intelligible. Seto cursed again, under his breath. He never meant to wake him up, but he seemed to do it every time anyways. Yugi needed his sleep and he figured that Yugi probably stayed up later than he ought to waiting for him. Then he finally falls asleep only to be woken up again! Seto clenched his fists, feeling every muscle in his body tense with frustration. There had to be something he could do. Instead of sleeping, he thought over his options. He didn't think his boyfriend would take kindly to being drugged with Ambien. He had to get his rest somehow, though… He felt Yugi snuggle up against him in his sleep and for the minute before he fell asleep he couldn't remember what had been so important before.

Yugi bid his most recent customer a good day and turned to straighten the display of new booster packs on the top shelf of the counter. Business was slow but that was to be expected—it was mid-afternoon on a weekday, after all. The age of card tournaments every other week had passed, and with it, cards were not as hot a commodity as they once were. It was okay with him, though. With less cards being bought, less were being made—and that made each card more valuable. That was how he saw it, anyways.

The bell on the door clanged cheerfully and he looked up, pleasantly surprised at his friend's arrival. "Anzu! I'm so glad to see you! It's been… what, a month now? You should come over more often!"

"Somehow, I doubt I'd be welcome at the mansion," she frowned, knowing how unpopular she was with Kaiba.

Yugi's eyebrows raised into his bangs at her words. He had meant the game shop, but… the mansion was his home now, right? Shouldn't he be allowed to have his friends over if he liked? It was a mansion, not a cloister… still; he couldn't deny that he felt infinitely more comfortable here. This was familiar to him. "Forget all that. Tell me about how you're doing! I want to hear a story about your dance class. Are the little angels behaving?"

She launched into telling him all about her after-school class, and how frustrating yet rewarding the experience was. As he listened Yugi couldn't help but compare it to his own relationship. As much as teaching Seto to be human was difficult at times (a mental picture of Seto in a ballet costume did not help at all), whenever he got a greater-than-one-word answer or a smile or a touch or a kiss… everything seemed okay.

"Yugi? You were spacing out there." Anzu shook her head as she giggled, and Yugi couldn't help but notice that she was wearing sparkly chandelier earrings instead of the usual pearl studs. It made light reflect off onto the surrounding surfaces; the wall, the counter, his nose. "I'm sorry; I'm not letting you get in a word at all."

"You've actually given me quite a lot to think about." He crossed his arms on the counter and rested his chin on them.

"Yugi…I don't mean to pry"—yes you did, but we'll continue on as if you didn't—"but is everything okay?"

"It's…complicated."

"Well, you know whatever happens; I'm always here for you, Yugi. You know that. …right? And I'm sure you'll make the right choices and everything. But you should do what makes you happy. You're always trying to please everybody else. Just take a Yugi-day, and I dunno, get your nails done or something."

"…or something." He grinned and waved her out of the store. "It was nice to see you!" Why couldn't he have with Seto what he had with Anzu? He supposed those things took time.

Yugi's heart-to-heart, take one:

Fact: I hardly see him. When I do, it doesn't seem like we really get anywhere. Maybe instead of babbling on about my pathetically easy life we could actually talk about something important, that matters to the both of us, like… us?

False: What the hell is this, facebook? You ought to march into Seto Kaiba's office right now and demand to know the truth! What am I to him, anyways? More importantly, what is he to me?

They were eating dinner. Together. Somebody patch this through to the history books.

Seto had stormed out of the office at five, and although it took another quarter-hour just to wade through the people in his building who still wanted his time, it was worth it when he saw Yugi beaming at him from across the dining room table. Looking into his crystal water glass, his face appeared in triplicate; the barely contained smile was just for him.

"So… there's no special occasion? We're eating with the crystal and china, and I doubt I can even pronounce what's on my plate…"

Kaiba took an extended sip of his red wine. He always found explaining himself irritating. "We haven't been able to eat together as often as usual. So when we do, I'd like to do this right."

Hard to argue with that. Yugi loaded up his fork with steak and asparagus, it pausing halfway to his mouth at Seto's next words.

"You're happy with the meal, right?"

The fork was lowered back onto the plate.

"I've been thinking about what you said the other morning. That if you were happy, then that's where the success is. I think you're on to something. I want you to be happy, because that's the only way for me to win. Does this—"

He couldn't finish his sentence because Yugi had launched himself around the table straight into his arms. Seto was stunned into silence. Yugi looked up, suddenly bashful. "I don't need fancy dinners to be happy, Seto. I'd be happy with takeout or pizza, if you were there to share it with me." He smiled, but couldn't shake the unsettling feeling in his stomach that had nothing to do with the food he had been eating. He should know that. And despite how much he admired Seto for prompting the discussion, he was unnerved by his choice of words. 'I want you to be happy because that's the only way for me to win.' Was this about winning? Was he some sort of prize? He couldn't beat me in a duel, so I become some other sort of conquest? He knew how much Seto hated explaining himself, so he didn't want to ask him about what he really meant for fear of spoiling the moment. Or did he really want me to be happy, and he doesn't really know how to explain that to me? It gnawed at him a little, but he suppressed it, instead wrapping his arms more tightly around Seto.

Seto sequestered himself in his office like he usually did, the better to get more work done. For a few blissful minutes, the sound of fingertips on computer keys was the only sound in the room. Then, as invariably happened (he wondered again why he didn't just padlock the door and be done with it) the door flung open and Mokuba stormed inside, hair bobbing on his shoulders like some strange wedding train. "Seto, I need—"

"Not right now." Seto shook his head and narrowed his already strained eyes. After the customary pause, "Now what is it?"

He took a deep breath, about to launch into an extensive monologue, but the look on his older brother's face stopped him. He shut the door firmly behind him and, while walking to the desk, removed the 'VP' pin he normally wore on his lapel. He figured they were going to have a conversation as brothers, not employee to boss. "What's on your mind? You look awful. Have you been getting enough sleep?"

Aching blue eyes narrowed further in expectation of the offhand and inappropriate comments Mokuba had been known to deliver in the course of his relationship with Yugi. When none came, his features relaxed, and he practically slumped over his desk, heedless of the papers meticulously arranged on its surface. "It's exhausting."

"I told you once he moved in you'd get less sleep—"

"Mokuba. Now is not the time." How on Earth did his brother end up married? Shizuka was a saint to put up with him. He wondered how she did it. Mokuba was a handful from day one; Seto had been happy to kick him out of the house to start his new married life. Come to think of it, not long after that he had asked Yugi to move in with him. Seto Kaiba never guessed that one day he was going to ask for advice on any topic, much less relationship advice, from his younger brother. "Did you and Shizuka ever have any problems?"

"Of course. Apparently I snore." Mokuba shrugged. Seto regretted ever asking the previous question. "Seriously, every couple has their problems. You just have to work through it. You have to look beyond what is actually said. We understand each other so much it's scary. We're family as much you and I are. She makes me want to be a better person. We trust each other. I think that's the most important thing."

"Hmm… you might have a point." Seto let a ghost of a smile filter through the lines creasing his face. "No wonder I keep you around."

"Hey, speak for yourself!" He got up to leave, his earlier end-of-the-world pressing concerns forgotten.

"What'd you both do? With your snoring, that is."

He laughed. "It was awful for awhile. We tried everything—electronic wristwatches, those annoying tape strips, sleeping in the other bedroom, a tape of ocean whooshing noises—everything."

"What worked?" Already a plan was forming in his mind.

"We got used to it."

It was late when Seto crept up from the lower level to the upper, where all the bedrooms were located. The only ones that ever got used were Mokuba's old room and the room that he now shared with Yugi. Tonight, a third room was going to be broken in.

He had thought about what Mokuba had said. He would try this, and maybe it would work out. He hoped it would. He had already moved a pair of clothing and pajamas to the spare room. If he was going to keep Yugi awake, then wake him up when he was trying to get sleep himself, and then wake him up again when he got up early to go to work again, he was going to try to do something about it. Silently he changed and slid into the bed sheets. Although every bedroom in the mansion looked exactly the same, this… felt different. He wasn't sure if he liked it. But he would do anything to keep Yugi happy, and one of those things was to keep him healthy. He reminded himself again that it was for Yugi; he would do whatever it took. He rolled onto one side and tried to go to sleep.

Yugi woke up after an unusually dreamless sleep to realize that he had in fact slept in. He normally tried to get up shortly after Seto did, if only to spend a little time with him before he left for work. He sat up, looking at the place next to him. The sheet remained firmly tucked in on Seto's side of the bed. What was this all about?

Yugi's heart-to-heart, take two:

Fact: I know he didn't sleep here last night. Seto Kaiba is many things, but he is not the sort of person to tuck in the sheets on half of a bed after he gets out of it.

Also Fact: He has pulled all-nighters before. He called here the first time, and then made me take a lunch break the next day so that his day could be brightened by my smiling face. Not his words.

False: What is this, not his house? Seto can sleep wherever he likes! As long as it's with me, of course. But he would tell me if he wasn't feeling well, or couldn't make it upstairs and crashed on the couch. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough. Maybe he is trying to tell me, in his own peculiar, no-sense-making Seto Kaiba-ish way. We're not playing Taboo or anything! This is Life!

Wait… what the hell is Seto doing in the kitchen? I mean, it is his kitchen, but… where was he?

"Morning," Seto grunted. He was somewhere behind a copy of the Times and Yugi was sure that some coffee was there as well.

"Morning!" Yugi replied; a little too cheerfully, a little too quickly. As if compensating, he practically slunk across the kitchen to grab some breakfast.

"You have a good sleep?"

Yugi's hand missed the drawer pull by a foot; he took a minute to compose himself before gathering the ingredients for his breakfast. He was hatefully transparent; it was always so obvious whenever he was trying to hide anything. But, despite the lack of dreams, he hadn't slept fitfully the way he usually did. "Umm, slept great! How about you?"

"Fine." The newspapers rustled as he turned a page.

Yugi played with his cereal more than he ate it. It felt uncomfortable; he couldn't bring himself to ask Seto where he had slept—if he had slept—the night before. Yugi was no sleuth; he knew he probably wouldn't figure out anything unless Seto told him. But once he was alone in the house, he figured it wouldn't hurt to look around a little. He found what he was looking for in the second spare bedroom.

He had absentmindedly begun folding Seto's pajamas before he even realized what he was doing. Quickly, he tossed the clothes away as if they were on fire, where they landed on the bed. The covers of the bed were rumpled; they had obviously been slept in.

Yugi's mind raced. He still couldn't quite piece together what was happening. Why had Seto chosen to sleep here? Was he sick? Why didn't he tell me he didn't want to sleep near me anymore? Was it my fault? He wanted to be suspicious, but he couldn't help blaming himself at the same time. If he was hiding something like this, then what else was he hiding? Was it really that hard to open up to him? Yugi desperately wanted him to. Because if he never shares his feelings, then how do I know how he feels about me?

"And with the exponentially-increasing divergence to completely electronically-based dueling systems, we feel like Kaiba Corporation should continue to be at the forefront of this wave of popularity."

"Continue."

"What we have in mind is an Internet-based world where anyone can plug in and challenge people from around the world, at any skill level. We would instill a ranking system and include a system where victories are rewarded. What we had in mind could be considered a risk, but we at R&D are researching into the ramifications of a system where monster cards don't exist, but rather the monsters themselves can be encountered in various areas and fought or captured. Trap and Magic cards must be found or purchased. It would provide a whole new level to the Duel Monsters universe. "

"Interesting." Seto Kaiba leaned back in his chair a little. Perhaps they were on to something. He had tested similar platforms like this before, but using the Internet as the connection medium was brilliant. He supposed the day would come when employees of Kaiba Corp actually earned their paychecks. "This sounds like a worthwhile endeavor. Have your department prepare a file of your progress so far and we'll meet to discuss the next steps of the program and the interface system tomorrow."

Yes, this was very similar to the game that he had tested along with his brother, Yugi and his posse of friends a while back. Although the content of that game never made it big, the actual hardware was an invaluable step in what they were trying to accomplish now. And best yet, this would put complete control in the hands of Kaiba Corp; without cards Industrial Illusions could tag along like they always did, slowing things down and grabbing a chunk of the profits in the process. This was just what everyone wanted. This would solidify Kaiba Corp's place at the top of the gaming industry. It made everyone happy. He won.

Dinner, two nights in one week? And it was good dinner, too—neither one had said much, content to scarf down everything on their plates. Although he supposed he should be happy, it all just made Yugi more nervous. Something was going on.

For the past week, half of the bed Yugi slept in remained tucked in. The sheets of the spare bedroom remained rumpled up. He checked every day; it was becoming routine. How could something like this become routine? Seto didn't look sick. As far as he knew, he wasn't sick—and Seto made him go to checkups every month. Every morning he resolved to ask him what this was all about—and then he chickened out at the last minute, avoiding confrontation, content to just watch Seto with worry in his eyes. Did Seto not notice how he was acting this whole week? Or was he ignoring it for some secret reason? As he chewed his food it felt like gum in his mouth and he didn't want to swallow.

None of this felt right. He wanted to trust Seto, he knew he should, but it hurt him to not know why. Did he really think I was that blind, that I wouldn't notice? Each question built upon the next, forming a staggering tower of doubt which shadowed over his vision, over the way he saw Seto.

It wasn't until after dinner, when they were both lounging on the comfy couch in the study, that they actually started to talk. When Seto had mentioned an exciting acquisition, a part of Yugi thought he was talking about himself. When he continued in talking about the move towards a virtually cardless dueling system, he felt like he was being punched in the stomach. So this was what he had been working on, staying up late for, replacing what—?!

He didn't want to answer that, even to himself. He turned his head so that Seto wouldn't see his face and quickly laughed, trying to cover up his distress. The tears had to go. The lump in his throat had to be banished, somehow. "That's great, Seto. I'm sure it will go flying off the shelves."

"The actual content of the platform is still being configured. I'd like to assemble an advisory panel of duelists to make sure that the game is well-rounded and compatible to your experience and tastes. I'd like you to be on the panel. Your friend Jounouchi can join you, I think—"

Yugi didn't quite much care for what Seto had to think after that. What was his goal next, to turn all his friends against him? To put him on this panel where he would be constantly surrounded by this game, by this—charade—of duel monsters? He always preferred the game simple, without the help of any technology. Just two decks and a flat surface. When things got too real, it started to scare him. More important than any of that, than himself—this new game would devastate his game store. Couldn't he see that? Moving away from cards, damn it; he should know how that would affect him! What would he have if he couldn't have cards? Heart of the nothing! Nothing anymore. He wasn't sure he was strong enough to handle something like this. And he wasn't sure he could count on Seto to support him anymore.

He knew what he had to do. After saying goodnight, he gently kissed him on the cheek and went upstairs to wait for him in the spare bedroom.

Seto smiled as Yugi went upstairs. If Yugi was on the panel, then that meant they could spend more time together—it would mean that things could go closer to how they used to be, in the very beginning of their relationship. Maybe he would even go back to their bedroom. He was really starting to miss it. For Yugi… he'd do anything. He'd have done everything.

Slowly he stretched and began to climb the stairs leading up, following the dark red carpet runner to the door of the spare bedroom. One more night, and then I'll come back. He opened the door and flicked on the lights.

"Yugi!"

Yugi sat on the edge of the bed, his hands clenching the fabric almost as if it was keeping him steady. His head was bent down, and as he raised it to look at him, everything else disappeared and all Seto cared about were the twin tracks of tears coursing down his face.

"Yugi, I can—"

"What the hell is this all about?" Yugi practically screamed at him, his voice breaking and hiccupping. "Because none of it was about me, that's for damn sure!"

Seto couldn't move. It was as if someone had nailed his feet, not his shoes, to the floor. He wanted to say something else, something comforting, perpetuate the lie, but disbelief took over. "How could you think that this wasn't about you? Everything has always been for you!" He felt himself sink, crouching down until he was at Yugi's seated height, and they both could look straight across the room at each other. Two steady, unbroken lines.

"Sorry if I find that hard to believe! You sleep…here…" his fingers abruptly released the fabric as if disgusted, "and I can't figure out why! If it's something I did—"

"No—!" Seto's voice was strangled, hoarse. "I only want the best for you!"

"How could you know what's best for me when you don't even talk to me anymore? Not about anything important, like each other. Instead, it's your company or my work, and we could be talking to a wall for all the good it's done!"

Seto felt uncomfortably hot at the same time shivers ran from his brain down his spine. He had made an unforgivable mistake. He didn't know what it felt like until now. He didn't know what to do.

"And it seems like everything you've been doing in your work has been to completely undermine mine! Cards, Seto. Can't you see—?" Yugi looked at him, silently begging him to say something. To take him into his arms and just explain what the hell had gone wrong. He wanted to be comforted. He needed to be loved. But Seto just knelt on the ground. He barely moved besides his trembling. "Please, Seto. We've spent so much time together, but do we really know anything about each other? What am I you?"

"Everything," he whispered.

"What the hell does that mean? It didn't stop you from making me miserable. I can't live like this, Seto. I want you to love me. I want to love…" he looked down suddenly. "I see now that it was a mistake." Slowly he rose from the bed. "I can't do this. Find me when you want the same things, and are ready to talk about it. No more empty silence. No more unspoken words."

Seto remained on the floor, shivering, as Yugi walked out of the room. He didn't close the door, but a moment later he heard the opening and closing of the front door of the mansion. Yugi had left…him. He repeated the words over and over inside his head, not able to think of anything else. He felt like a part of himself had left along with Yugi. He couldn't be the same person he was before. "Damn it!" Suddenly he swung a fist up, over, in an arc over his head until it landed with a dull thud on the carpeted floor. It didn't hurt. He wanted it to hurt.

"Yugi…I…love…you."

It hurt.

Yugi didn't look back once as he left the manor. If he did, he was afraid he would go running back, sprinting up the stairs and into that room, but he knew he couldn't. Not without…

Yugi's heart—:

Fact: Is breaking.

The End.

Review please?