Half of Me

Chapter One: Nightmare

I was at First Beach, sitting underneath a pale, driftwood tree, our tree, I had come to think of it. I listened to the choppy waves break on the rocks just

I heard a familiar roar in the distance, and saw Jacob on his motorcycle, speeding this way. A smile broke out across my face, and I waved at him, and he gave me that goofy grin that I adored.

The smirk was quickly whipped off his face, replaced by a mask off horror as he looked ahead. His bike was headed straight for one of the many trees that line the street, and his brakes appeared to not be working.

"Jake!" I screamed, as he jumped off of the motorcycle, a split second before it it hit the tall pine tree, making the thick branches sway madly, causing green needles to shower the ground below.

"Jake!" I yelled once again, and rushed toward him. He was lying face down on the pavement, his breaths few and shallow. I pulled him onto my lap, sobbing his name repeatedly, cradling his almost-still body to my chest, burying my face into his wide shoulder.

I could hear screams of horror and the sounds of pounding footsteps as people who were on the beach saw the bike, now a twisted lump of metal, curled against the tree, and me, holding my best friend, my love, though I never admitted it to him, and watching him fade in my arms. Their cries were muted, I was focused on only one thing now, the slowing heartbeat of Jacob.

I cried even harder, nearly going into hysterics. "Jacob!" I wailed. "Jacob, I love you! Please don't leave me!"

Jacob's eyelids fluttered for a moment, and he whispered one word, "Bella," with a sigh, using his last breath before he lay motionless in my arms.

"No," I whispered. "NO!"

I woke with a start, gasping for air, tears streaming down my cheeks. My Jacob. My love.

That memory has been haunting my entire existence for the past two months, thoroughly making my life living hell.

I sobbed, hugging my knees to my chest, rocking back and forth. This has pretty much become my nightly routine, ever since that day.

I picked up the glass of water sitting on my side table, next to my bed, choking down the liquid in between sobs. I tried numbing myself, clearing my mind of all thoughts, all emotions, a practice that I have mastered over the past eight weeks. Slowly, I drifted back into an uneasy sleep.

I was sitting next to Jacob in the sand, tossing rocks along with him into the grey ocean water.

"Ha!" Jake screamed triumphantly as his stone sailed well passed the boulder that looks like a hook-nosed man, the place of his previous rock-throwing record. "Beat that, Bells!" He laughed.

I grinned. "You really shouldn't underestimate me, Jacob Black," I said in the most serious tone I could muster. Then I made a great performance of winding my arm as I threw my rock into the dark water, which sailed a total of six feet.

Jake clapped. "Bravo!" he exclaimed, then laid his arm across my shoulder. "You are clearly the stone-slinging champ!"

"And don't you forget it!" I smiled, and we both laughed.

The scene faded as dark clouds rolled overhead, eventually fading to black.

I woke with a start, though this time I could see the faint morning light streaming through a window. I looked around, disappointed to see that I was in my bedroom. A dream. That was all it was. A mere memory.

I broke down and started crying again. Oh, how I wished I could once again go with Jacob to First Beach and play the games we had in our childhood, to see his smile, to hear his carefree laugh, to feel his warm, rough hand in mine. . . I sobbed harder. Jake was never coming back, I knew I had to accept it, but I just couldn't, I refused to, as I had for the past two months. A world without Jacob was pointless. He was my everything, he was more than just a friend, he was more than company. He was a necessity, like the sun, my own bright, warm sun, the air that I breathed. Without him, I couldn't live.

Not that I haven't tried. I have put on quite a show for Charlie's sake, though I am sure he's not convinced. I do a pretty good job of masking my feelings, but I slip up sometimes. It doesn't exactly help to convince him when he hears me screaming in my sleep for Jacob, my Jacob, my only love. That brought on a new round of sobs, and I was thankful that Charlie wasn't here, having left already for work.

I took a deep breath and focussed on calming myself down, numbing my thoughts and feelings until I had none. When it came down to it, I always chose becoming a mindless zombie over crying over my deceased friend 24/7.

I let myself get ready for school with my normal routine, not paying much attention to anything. I slipped on the first things my hands touched, pulled a comb through my hair, staring at the mirror without seeing anything. I already knew all too well how I looked, and I know it wasn't a pretty sight.

My cheeks were sunken and my skin was paler than usual, all of the color drained from my face. My hair was a mess, no amount of combing could ever fix that, and I had dark purple shadows under my eyes, a mark from all of the sleepless nights I have spent longing for Jacob. I was also stick thin, having lost weight since the accident, my appetite as well. To sum it up, not only do I walk around like the living dead, I now look my part, too. Not that I cared. I stopped caring a long while ago.

School was the same as always. I payed strict attention to the teachers, always focussing intensly on the task at hand, never letting my mind drift, never letting myself slip up and reveal a nasty truth I did not want to hear. During lunch I turned my attention to the task of eating, taking small, perfectly sized bites. Angela was talking to Ben, and Jessica was chatting with Lauren Mallory and Rosalie Hale, they had all stopped trying to get a response out of me. I was now invisible, non-existent in their world, their happy world where they have never seen a loved one die, never seen the object of their affections so painfully ripped from the world before them. Instead they were prattling on about unimportant things, Angela and Ben about some assignment that I had already finished, the girls about some celebrity. Must be nice to be free of suffering, to be without a care in the world.

After school, I dragged myself to the kitchen to make dinner, as I always do. Normally, I cook only the most long and extensive recipes, so it's nearly impossible to focus on anything else.

Supper with Charlie was a quiet event, as usual. We were never so talkative before I turned myself into a zombie, why should we speak now?

I scrubbed the dirty dishes and went to my room to work on my homework, putting all of my effort into it.

Inevitably, the time came, the hour I dreaded the most, the point of the day where I was the most vulnerable. I crawled into my bed, cocooning the blankets tight around me, numbing my mind, drifting into blackness.

I woke up crying, as usual. Another nightmare, or rather, the same one, the memory of the darkest day of my life. I sobbed even harder. Was this nightmare ever going to end?

Though this is titled chapter one, it's more of an introduction, really. And I'm sorry everyone about killing off Jake, I'm not the completely heartless girl I may seem right now, I like Jacob too, but it was necessary to the story.

Please review!

-Abbie