DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these characters, cheeses, wombats, or Smurfs.

Cheeses and Wombats and Smurfs, Oh My!

It seemed like just an ordinary night at the theatre. Statler and Waldorf were, as usual, in their box, preparing to ridicule whoever and whatever was to come out onto the stage. It was a full house; not one seat was empty. The audience was starting to get restless. The Muppets were already ten minutes late in starting. What else was new?

From the audience, everything appeared normal. And then one went backstage…

"THE CHEESE IS ON THE LOOSE!" Kermit screamed over the hubbub of the actors. "LOOK OUT FOR THE CHEESE!"

Dr. Honeydew and Beaker appeared out of their adjacent dressing rooms. Kermit crashed into the former as he ran across the backstage area. When he saw who he had hit, Kermit began to fume.

"YOU!" He yelled in Dr. Honeydew's face. "This is all your fault! If you weren't constantly experimenting with dairy products in that blasted lab of yours, we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place! Talking cheese, my foot! That lump of Limburger is scheduled to go on in ten minutes, and if he isn't located by that time, we're all ruined. The crowd loves him! He tells jokes, they laugh. Portrait of a comedy show. But if you and that beeping, walking freakshow of yours intend on keeping your jobs, I suggest you get moving AND FIND ME THAT CHEESE!

Dr. Honeydew wasn't about to argue with that. "Come along, Beaker. Let's go find the cheese," he muttered as he caught his assistant's hand and sidled past his employer.

"Kermit! Kermit!" Fozzie called as he pushed his way through the crowd to the frog. "We have a little problem."

"The cheese, I know," Kermit mumbled.

"No, no, it's not that," said Fozzie softly. "Uh, you know FooFoo, Miss Piggy's dog?"

"Yes, unfortunately I'm acquainted with the little beast."

"He's missing."

Kermit screamed and ran away down the hall.

"Well, he took that pretty well," Fozzie noted to himself.

Kermit ran into his office, breathless and frazzled, where Scooter was reviewing some paperwork. His assistant looked up with a smile.

"Hey, Kerm. Show start yet?"

"No!" Kermit cried. "My cheese and my poodle are on the loose!"

Scooter furrowed his orange brow, puzzled. "Come again, Kerm?"

"Oh, Scooter. You know the new act, Cheese Gone Wild, with the live cheese that Bunsen created?"

"Who, Dr. Honeydew? Yeah. It's a crowd fave."

"Well, it just ran away."

"What, that quack never trained the thing?"

"I don't know," Kermit continued in exasperation. "Apparently not. Anyway, the cheese has the opening act, and if we haven't got it in ten minutes, the crowd may leave! A walk-out, Scooter! A walk-out! We can't afford that. I've sent the bumbling fool and his reject counterpart to find it, but I doubt they are competent enough for a job like that. Scooter, I need backup!"

Scooter thought for a minute, then said. "OK, and you were saying something about a poodle?"

Kermit sighed. "Yeah, FooFoo is missing too."

"Piggy's pooch made a run?"

"Uh-huh. Probably started chasing the cheese, and the cheese obviously ran. It's probably all linked together. But Piggy is having a nervous breakdown. I'm having a nervous breakdown. We're already thirteen minutes behind schedule, and FooFoo is supposed to go on with Piggy and Rolf in the third number! HELP!!!"

"Calm down, Kerm," said Scooter as he came up to his boss. "Do you have the script?"

"Yeah."

"OK, we'll make a few minor adjustments, rearrange the order of the numbers a bit, and everything will be fine."

"Thanks, Scoot, I owe you one," Kermit breathed.

"Now, get the whole cast together backstage for a quick meeting. But we'd better send someone on to appease the crowd. They're probably pretty anxious by now. And Statler and Waldorf are probably placing some rude comments through the intercom as we speak."

"Do you think they'll start sometime this century?" Statler asked Waldorf in their box.

"Nothing's impossible," replied Waldorf.

"Try slamming a revolving door," said Statler.