Children on Board

Summary: Spock and McCoy take their bickering too far.

Spock & Bones friendship. (Spones??)

"... And that's my opinion on the matter," Doctor McCoy said. He looked up. There were six others in the conference room with him. Captain Kirk, First Officer Spock, Chief Engineer Scott, Lieutenants Uhura and Stevens, and Jim's latest blonde interest, Yeoman Rand had listened raptly to his report, (all except Spock, who seemed more interested in his PADD), and now they glanced at each other and spoke in hushed tones, (again, all except Spock).

Finally, they nodded at Jim Kirk, who in turn nodded at McCoy.

"Thank you, Doctor," Jim said formally. "We agree with your conclusions. I think we can move on the next -"

"Captain, if I may."

The interruption came from Spock, and the words, uttered in that soft tone of his, were met with a chorus of badly repressed groans. Stevens and Rand rolled their eyes, Uhura cringed, and even Scotty couldn't help muttering some choice words from his Scottish repertoire.

But of this, Mr. Spock took no notice. He was looking at the Captain.

Jim sighed.

"What is it now, Mr. Spock?"

"Captain, the Doctor's opinion is, as usual, completely illogical."

McCoy narrowed his eyes belligerently.

"Would you care to elaborate, Mr. Spock?"

"Yes, Doctor," Spock said quietly. "I can start by pointing out how statingly simplistic your conclusion is. You failed to notice the -"

"Simplistic, is it? Well, if by simplistic you mean humane, then by all means -"

"I did not mean mean that at all," Spock replied calmly. "Quite on the contrary, in fact; I was merely -"

"Guys, please," Jim groaned, "Can't we have a meeting without you two getting into a fight over each and every issue?

"That green-blooded goblin started it!" McCoy said heatedly.

"Aye, Mr. Spock," Scotty said, "Couldn't you let the Doctor get away with one wee illogical conclusion at least once?"

"IThen I would be failing in my duty, Mr. Scott." Spock turned back to Jim. "Captain, I certainly have no desire to enter into a fight with Doctor McCoy. Doing so would be grossly unfair on my part, as the Doctor would be at a disadvantage."

"Oh, really," McCoy replied, "I'd like you to try, you green-blooded -"

"All right, that's enough!" Jim said, pushing his chair back. He glared at McCoy and then at Spock. "Since you two insist on turning these weekly meetings into a forum for your mutual distaste, then maybe you should be in charge of them."

"But Captain!" Scotty started to protest, but Jim waved at him.

"Dont worry, Scotty; you're not staying. None of you are," he added, glancing at the others, (but especially at Yeoman Rand). "Mr. Spock and Doctor McCoy are surely capable of making all the right decisions here -especially when they realize they're not to leave this room till they're finished."

"But Jim -" McCoy said, half-rising from his seat.

"Maybe this will teach you a lesson, Doctor," Jim said sternly. He rose from his seat and glanced at the others. "Come on, everybody. The children have some homework to do."

A sheepish doctor McCoy tentatively followed them, only to be turned back at the door by the Captain himself.

"Sorry, Bones," he said. He turned to go, then glanced back. "You know, I never thought my 5th Grade Grammar teacher's tactics would come in handy one day."

Once the door closed, Spock rose and started gathering the PADDS on the table.

"Children, he called us," McCoy said, still staring at the closed door. "I am older than him, for crying out loud."

"I do not believe the Captain meant that literally, Doctor."

McCoy rolled his eyes, "Would you please stop correcting every little inaccuracy that comes out of my mouth, Spock?"

"As soon as you stop letting them come out, Doctor," Spock replied automatically. He looked at McCoy, "Doctor, if I may," he said, more cordially this time. When McCoy turned, he added, "I have noticed that your insults are becoming repetitive. You called me a goblin only two days ago."

McCoy scoffed. "This from the one-note man himself. How long do you think you can keep this logical vs. illogical thing going on, Spock?"

"That depends on you, Doctor. If you insist on acting on emotion rather than reason -" he let the word trail off.

McCoy scoffed again, but he was smiling good-naturedly now. He tilted his head in the door's direction.

"We're losing our touch, Spock. In the old days we would have cleared the room in a half-hour, tops. It took us forty-five minutes this time."

"Old days, doctor? We have been only three months in space now."

"It feels longer than that," McCoy said morosely, "Especially when you have ten, twelve people breathing down your neck every time you want to make a decision -"

"There were only five others present, Doctor," Spock muttered.

"-a decision that doesn't concern them, in the first place," McCoy finished. "I despise bureaucracy, Spock."

"It is most burdensome, Doctor."

McCoy frowned just like he did whenever Spock agreed with him on something, then shook his head.

"Ah, well," he said, returning to the conference table. "At least we got rid of them. Now we'll get some work done."

Spock had divided the work neatly between the two and was already working on his part.

"Have a seat, Doctor," he said cordially.

"Thank you, Spock." He picked the carafe near his elbow, "Tea?"

"Thank you, Doctor. Perhaps later."

McCoy scoffed to himself. If Jim looked at them now... He would never believe it. Sometimes McCoy himself couldn't believe it either. It worried, him, actually. He didn't want Spock to lose his edge. A mushy, kind Spock would be too boring to bear.

As if on cue, the First Officer spoke.

"Oh, and, Doctor? I will appreciate it if you keep your humane points of view to a minimum today. They're as burdensome as bureaucracy."

McCoy narrowed his eyes.

"Spock -"

And so the children worked and bickered happily ever after.

The End