UNDULATIONS
Written for the S/U LJ Community Prompt Table: AUTHOR'S CHOICE: depth
A companion piece to "For Him"

by SlwMtionDaylite

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I own nothing. Paramount, et al. own all. I really wish they would let me borrow Spock for a while though.
Rating: K
Genre: Romance, Angst
Characters/Pairing: Spock/Uhura
Word Count: 324

Summary: I have heard them say that grief comes in wave. I have never understood what that meant. Until now. Spock POV.

I have heard humans say that grief comes in waves.

I have never understood what that meant. After all, grief and other emotions are abstract concepts that cannot be given physical attributes. They could not be quantifiable.

So, suffice it to say, I could never understand what that meant.

Until now.

When I had watched my mother fall to her death mere seconds from being saved, I was struck with intense anguish. In the moments just after the destruction of my home planet after the survivors had been beamed aboard, I had felt nothing.

I was numb.

Perhaps it would be a correct assumption to say that I had been in shock. Too much shock to feel anything.

The grief would not come until later.

As I sat in the captain's chair - my chair - I did what was required of me by Starfleet regulations. I recorded my verbal account of what has happened.

Perhaps it was the act of retelling the event that allowed my emotions to take hold of me.

I had found myself suddenly overwhelmed by…a wave of emotion.

Vulcan - my home planet that had never truly accepted me for what I am, but my home nonetheless - was gone.

My mother had been murdered.

I suddenly had difficulty maintaining control of my emotions. I breathed slowly, deeply, trying to rein them in.

I found it difficult. Impossible, even.

So much so that I had to leave the bridge. It would be unbecoming of a Vulcan to suffer an emotional breakdown in front of the entire crew. It would be unbecoming of a captain.

Nyota followed me.

I was grateful for her appearance. For her understanding, her knowledge.

I was allowed mere seconds to grieve.

Then, like a wave, it was gone.

I, like everyone else onboard, had a duty to perform.

It would not be until later that I would allow my grief to wash over me again.