A Complete Waste of Time

Summary: Harry has returned after a month-long incarceration, the Russians are still titchy about Sugarhorse and the Americans are ... the Americans. How do the powers-that-be plan to deal with this? With paperwork of course.

Author's notes: Good god, has it been this long? I was going through my computer files and found this hidden away. After watching season 7 again, I thought 'why not?' Hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: I own nothing relating to the Spooks fandom; it is the property of Kudos and the BBC.

-o-

Chapter 2: The Torture Continues

-o-

"And how did everyone go?" a much too cheery voice called. The mysterious woman from on-high gave them each a bright smile as she collected their papers and held them close to her chest. No one answered, not trusting themselves to speak. This didn't seem to quell the woman's enthusiasm as she beamed at them once more.

If looks could kill, Ruth thought, glancing at Harry whose gaze should have incinerated, she'd be long dead.

"I take it this ridiculous thing is over and done with?" Ros snapped, breaking Ruth's observations. "And we can go and do our jobs. That is, the defence of the realm."

"I presume so-" Harry began,, turning his attention to his Section Chief (whose only response was to raise a supercilious eyebrow – she truly had perfected that look over the years) only to be interrupted by the oh-so-chipper woman.

"No, no," the woman said. "You'll receive a ten minute break; get a cup of coffee and whatnot, and then will come back here and discuss each other's answers. I'll muddle them up so no one knows who's getting whose and then you can all confer with each other."

Harry's eyes widened. "I beg your pardon?" he managed eventually.

"It's always good to know how your fellow members approach different-"

"Surely, you're joking," interrupted Malcolm. "My colleague was correct. We do have more important things that we could be doing."

"Rules are rules," the woman chirruped. Yet another smile and she turned again and left the room, leaving a thoroughly livid Section D in her wake.

xXXXx

Ros closed her eyes and glared at the back of her eyelids. She couldn't quite believe what the hell was happening. For god's sake, did that idiot not realise she had far more important things she could be doing? She waited for a few seconds, hoping against hope that when she opened them she'd be back at her desk.

She opened her left eye. No such luck.

Teeth clenched tightly, she stretched in a feline arch, relishing the way her spine cracked. Feeling marginally more human, she leant forward again to find all members of her team looking at her with expressions ranging from slight distaste (Malcolm) to complete disgust (Jo.) She ignored them all as she pushed her chair back and got to her feet.

"If I'm going to survive this I need a cup of very black coffee," she stated plainly. "And can I also add that is absolutely absurd, Harry, Surely, you could have done something?"

"What, pray tell, do you propose?" Harry snapped, not liking her tone.

"That's why you're the country's Head of Security and I'm not," Ros retorted. She gave him a sarcastic smile and wave as she walked out of the conference room, heels snapping against the floor. Harry glared at her retreating figure until she had disappeared. No one else was able to get beneath his skin like Ros could when she so chose. It was as if she had had lessons growing up on what to and what not to say... As well as how to flay people to the bone with mere words... It was an impressive skill which he admired when it wasn't being used against him. Right now though, he wished nothing more than that she'd keep her mouth shut.

He could still hear her footsteps from where they sat and could imagine her rummaging around looking for her favourite cup.

Bloody pain in the-

xXXXx

Lucas kept his head down, out of Harry's line-of-sight (and thus his firing line) and followed Ros into the kitchenette where she stood, back turned, hands on hips, waiting for the kettle to boil. A stance she appeared to favour. He approached slowly but, despite his best attempts, couldn't help but notice how her blouse oh, so subtlety, showed off a very shapely figure. Damn Ruth, he thought, clenching his eyes shut, damn that question. It wasn't as if he hadn't noticed it before but now...

Of its own accord, his mind wandered... Ros, leather... For heaven's sake, what was the matter with him? He was supposedly a highly qualified spy, able to push aside emotions etcetera. And yet at the moment his mind was whirling around one image and one image only...

"What the hell is wrong with you?" the object of his thoughts hissed, having turned around, cup of coffee in hand, breaking him from his oh-so-pleasant day-dream.

"Um-" Lucas began, tongue-tied. "I was-"

She glared at him for a moment longer before rolling her eyes and striding past him, obviously deciding a conversation with him wasn't worth the effort. He watched as she grabbed her (goddamn it!) leather jacket from where she'd slung it over her chair and knew immediately that she was planning a jail-break. He inwardly chuckled; only Ros Myers would attempt such a thing.

May the odds be ever in your favour.

xXXXx

Harry drummed his fingers against the desk, wanting nothing more than to walk out and go into his office. He had a call to the Home Secretary to make, a call to that prat Richard Dalby and yet another to Katchimov's replacement. All slightly more important than this piece of rubbish.

He wrinkled his nose, glancing at the woman who was shuffling about outside, alternating pages and what-not. Soon, he would stifling a laugh. From the expression on her face, the answers were ... he'd use the word 'interesting' for now. Though judging from some of Jo and Ros' answers... He snickered, earning himself a strange look from both Jo and Malcolm. Ruth on the other hand looked as if she was going to start hyperventilating. What the hell had she written?

xXXXx

Ros glanced toward the conference room, judging distance and speed. No one seemed to be looking in her direction. Yep, if she was quick, she could do it. After all, she had things she could be doing. Head down, back straight, she made a dash for the pods. And had nearly made it when a familiar, angry voice rang out.

"RosMyers! Get back here!"

She slumped her shoulders, knowing it was a lost battle, and turned back around, trudging towards the conference room.

She hated Harry sometimes. She really did.

xXXXx

"Surely, this won't take another two hours?" Jo muttered to Ruth, hiding a smile behind her hand as Ros threw herself back into her chair causing it to skid back two feet. Who would have thought Ros Myers could be so childish? It was a side not often seen of their Section Chief. Usually she was, well, holding forks to people's necks. Jo shuddered, not really an image she wanted playing through her mind. Jo watched as Lucas re-entered the room but, to her surprise, he walked around the table and sat next to Malcolm, not in the empty seat next to Ros. Strange, the two usually got along well.

She glanced at Ruth, who hadn't answered, and nudged her with her elbow. "Ruth?"

"One would hope not," the other woman replied as she thought of her answer to 'What do you think about espionage?"' Someone was going to read that and, heaven forbid, they would then have discuss her response. Could today get any worse? The questionnaire was bad enough; but now having to consult with her colleagues... urgh.

She closed her eyes and forced herself to take a deep breath as she willed the ground to open up under her feet. It won't be that bad, she told herself; they'd all see it as a joke, it won't be that bad...

xXXXx

The mysterious woman re-entered the room, seemingly oblivious to the glares she was receiving and handed them each a manilla folder. Harry snatched his from her hand and opened it angrily, glancing through the pages. Doodles of flowers, every synonym of 'ridiculous' one could think of, frequent obscenities... His eyes flicked to a middle page and he couldn't help how his lips tugged upward.

Oh, Lucas, you poor man, he thought, you poor, poor man.

"I've jumbled up all of the quizzes so you'll have different answers from different people," the woman was saying, "I would also encourage you to make notes. It will show management that-"

"You do know that we can recognise each other's hand-writing?" Malcolm interrupted incredulously. "'Jumbling' the quizzes isn't going to make the slightest bit of difference."

The woman faltered for a brief second before a short, sharp shrug of her shoulders. "Rules are rules." She beamed at each of them in turn once again before she left, the door shutting behind her with a 'click.'

xXXXx

"Okay, number one," Lucas began, tapping his pen against his chin. "What is your favourite animal?"

No one made a sound, choosing instead to glare at the folder in front of them.

"Oh, come on," he continued, exasperated. "We may as well get this over and done with."

"Well, I can't say I'm surprised by your answer, Ruth," Ros said with a smirk from across the table. "You've always struck me as a bit of a cat lady."

She smiled sarcastically as Ruth fought the urge to leap across the desk. She didn't (sensibly) knowing full-well that a fight between the two of them was only going to end one way but it was tempting nonetheless. One would have thought that the blonde might try to make an effort but apparently her 'I never apologise' motto still remained.

"As opposed to your answer, Ros?" Malcolm inserted quickly, hoping to quell the argument before it truly began. "An albatross? Really?"

Ros stiffened in her chair even as the rest of the team looked towards her incredulously.

"They're a magnificent bird," she said snootily, wanting nothing more than to fall into a giant chasm. However, she was Rosalind Myers, and she kept her head held high.

"But it's an albatross!" Jo spluttered in disbelief. Surely, this couldn't be serious?

"Your point being-?" Ros replied, maintaining her aloof gaze.

"So, you're a bird lady?" Ruth interrupted gleefully, her face split into a grin. "I'll have to get you some binoculars-"

"Let's move on, shall we?" Jo said hurriedly, not liking how Ros' hand tightened around her pen. If she could kill someone with a fork, she could certainly kill someone with a pen.

xXXXx

"Favourite colour, people?" Jo called. "Malcolm, you've put down 'green.'"

He nodded. "The colour of Spring. And Harry, yours is 'red'?'

"Because that's not predicable," Lucas muttered.

Harry glared across the table. "I've never really given it any thought before. But at this particular moment in time-"

"When you felt like breaking someone's nose, red was the most appropriate?" Lucas said helpfully, not bothering to hide a smile.

"Exactly."

xXXXx

"Okay. Question four. What three items would you bring if you were stuck on a desert island?" Jo asked, grinning as he read the answer in front of him. "Harry? Apparently you'd bring a mobile phone, a book and a bottle of single-malt whiskey?"

"Correct."

"Well, that's just ridiculous," Ros snapped.

"How so?" Harry retorted immediately, annoyed.

"You didn't think that a water-purification system might perhaps be a touch more appropriate? What use is a mobile phone if you've died of dehydration?" she said triumphantly, folding her arms across her chest.

"A valid point, Harry," Ruth conceded, hating that she had to agree with the infuriating woman.

Harry frowned but couldn't think of a suitable response.

Damn you, Ros Myers...

"But," disagreed Malcolm. "Assuming there was fresh water, a water-purification system would be unnecessary. And, if he had a mobile phone, he could call the Grid and get a helicopter very shortly. He wouldn't have time to die of dehydration."

Ros stared across the table at Malcolm, betrayal leaking from her every pore. He always sided with her; had done ever since she arrived in Section D. This was just... Abashed, Malcolm glanced down and fiddled with his pen, not wanting to look her in the eye.

"Moving on-"

xXXXx

"Did anyone else notice that there were two question nine's?" Ruth said, breaking the awkward silence and looking around the table.

"No, but of course you did," Ros said sarcastically, turning away from Malcolm who was still guiltily twisting his pen between his fingers. Ruth opened her mouth to retort but was quickly interrupted by Jo.

"Shall we do '9b' then? What languages can you speak?"

Ignoring Ros' muttered response of 'a lot', Lucas turned to Ruth. "Can you really speak Ancient Greek and Latin, Ruth?" he burst out.

She nodded, puzzled. "Why would I say I could if I couldn't?"

"And the 'cat lady' title gains further credence," Ros whispered loudly, earning herself a glare from both Ruth and Harry.

"I can still buy those binoculars," Ruth warned. "Let's not forget that."

Ros, choosing to ignore that sentence, fluttered her eyelashes as she turned the page over.

xXXXx

Jo coughed lightly, bringing attention to herself. "Question 11: Which of Shakespeare's plays does Juliet feature in?"

"They can't be serious, surely?" Lucas said.

"They've been serious all day, so far," Malcolm pointed out. "Why would this be any different?"

"True. Shall we just assume that we're all intelligent enough to get this one right?" Ruth said. No one argued. "Okay, onward and upward..."

xXXXx

Lucas flicked the page and grinned. "Does the milky way contain milk?"

Silence.

"Anyone..."

"Well, of course not," Jo said, rolling her eyes.

"Technically incorrect," Lucas disagreed. "We are in the milky way and we drink milk."

Jo glowered as Malcolm conceded his point with a nod of his head. "How true."

Lucas glanced around the table, waiting for anyone else to state their response and was unnerved to see Ros looking utterly horrified. What on earth...? She was usually unflappable. He took a deep breath as comprehension dawned. If this was question twelve, question thirteen was next, which meant-

"Really, Ruth?" Ros spat, proving his supposition correct as she threw the folder onto the table in disgust. "Really?!"

Ruth flushed as, wanting to see what all the fuss was about, Jo pulled the page towards herself. Seconds later, her expression mirrored Ros'. Confused, Harry grabbed the folder from the desk and promptly choked.

"Oh, I see-" he mumbled, his cheeks flaming red (though he was never admit that he was slightly chuffed.) He cleared his throat, wanting to divert attention from himself and Ruth. And (thankfully) Lucas had provided the perfect diversion. Poor man... "Well, it's scarcely better than yours, Lucas."

The other man's eyes widened. Surely, he hadn't written anything concerning Ros and leather on the sheet? No, no, no... this could not be happening. But the smirk on Harry's face indicated otherwise. He looked up at the ceiling in despair.

"What are you talking about?" Malcolm asked. Harry pushed Lucas' paper across the table and Malcolm's eyes widened. He coughed lightly, eyebrows almost at one with his hairline. "Lucas, you really should... perhaps..."

"Does anyone want to tell us what the hell is going on?" Jo snapped.

"Not particularly," Harry responded, snatching the paper back. Best not to let it fall into anyone else's (specifically Ros') hands. He imagined that Lucas was quite attached to his testicles.

xXXXx

"Okay... moving on. Do you believe you have a good memory?" said Ruth quickly, before another argument could escalate.

"I forget," Malcolm replied, sounding sarcastic even to himself.

Ruth rolled her eyes even as Ros beamed across the table, his earlier betrayal completely forgiven.

xXXXx

Jo was also grinning as she read out the next question. "If you were an animal, what would you be?"

Lucas exhaled through his nose, looking thoroughly annoyed.

"What's your problem?" Harry said, not in the mood for theatrics. And Lucas really should remember the weapon he had at his disposal.

"It's a ridiculous question," Lucas responded petulantly, sounding like an over-grown school-boy. "Humans are animals."

"That's obviously not what they meant," Ruth said with a roll of her eyes "They want-"

"Are we really going to quibble over this?"

"What was it you said to me, Lucas?" Ros interrupted sweetly with the world's most insincere smile. "That I have no imagination? Well, it seems you're in the same boat."

Lucas looked at the blonde warily. He'd heard that tone before and it tended not to bode well for anyone. "I'm not following..."

"Well, using my apparently non-existent imagination, I can personally see you as a gorilla," Ros continued, smirking. "Though, it wouldn't be too much of a stretch. I sometimes wonder how you manage to get those knuckles off the ground."

Lucas glared even as Ros winked and blew a kiss across the table, utterly unrepentant.

He inwardly cringed as, yet again, his mind wandered. A wink, a kiss, the leather jacket... Damn that woman...

"Oh, wait a second," Jo interrupted, ignoring the two of them. It was a strange day when she was voice of reason within the group. "They've asked this question twice... Question fourteen and question thirty-two. So, Ros, seeing as you're displaying your apparent imagination, explain snow leopard to us?" She glanced about at everyone. "Well, I can see that. Especially after that stretching display earlier." Her nose wrinkled. "Which was revolting may I add. And no doubt bad for your spine."

There were murmurs of agreement from around the table which Ros chose to ignore. It was of little consequence to her if a) they disagreed with 'snow leopard' or b) thought her stretching example was horrid. "They're a force to be reckoned with in the wild. Inquisitive, independent, cunning..." (Ruth suppressed the urge to roll her eyes – usually people didn't regard 'cunning' as an attractive trait) "...I like to think I share some of those characteristics," she finished

"But why a 'snow' leopard?" Lucas asked. "What's wrong with a normal leopard?"

Ros rolled her eyes; surely the man wasn't serious. He'd definitely been in Russia too long. "Platinum blonde, Lucas."

xXXXx

Malcolm cleared his throat as he read out the next question. "Question thirty-three. Do you believe you cope with grief well?"

None of the team answered; instead, they looked down at the table, perhaps unwilling to speak. He looked at the answer Harry had given, somehow unsurprised to find it was the same as his own.

I try.

For all his bravado, the man apparently did have a heart.

xXXXx

"Okay, not too many to go," Harry said, breaking the uncomfortable silence. "How can you connect marketing and the karma sutra?"

Jo started to laugh while Ros stared up at the ceiling for a brief second, her cheeks flushed. She'd forgotten about that question...

"What is it?" Harry asked, intrigued.

"Positioning," Jo chuckled.

Harry glared at his Section Chief who looked back, refusing to turn away. Lucas felt like banging his head against the table. It was bad enough that his little leather fantasy wouldn't get the hell away, but for 'karma sutra' to be mentioned while Ros was wearing her leather jacket? That was just simply unfair.

He was taking a very cold shower when he went home.

xXXXx

"And you apparently 'strut, Lucas?" Malcolm said.

"What?" Lucas snapped.

"Question forty. How do you usually walk? Fairly fast with long steps, fairly fast with little steps; less fast, head up, looking the world in the face; less fast, head down; very slowly."

"And Lucas struts?" said Harry, unable to stop a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.

"Apparently so," Jo said, trying (and failing) to prevent herself from laughing.

"Well, he's not the only one," Harry interrupted. Time to get his Section Chief back... Five sets of eyes looked at him, confused. "You can hardly call Ros' walk anything but a strut." He grinned across at Ros who looked ready to kill. Jo, he noticed, plucked the pen from her hand.

"You utter prick," Ros spat angrily.

"And yet you can't deny it."

xXXXx

Ruth was still smiling as she read aloud the next question. "How would you feel about being naked in front of an audience?"

"Well, it would hardly be pleasant," Harry responded.

"It would be bloody awful!" Malcolm said, shuddering again at the thought.

"But if operational precedence..." Lucas began

"You can't be serious," Jo interrupted.

"Would you do it if you had to?" he retorted.

"I still wouldn't feel comfortable!"

Ros thought back to the Saudi Prince's hotel room. She'd stripped without blinking an eyelid. And she couldn't really say it had bothered her overly much. But she still wouldn't call it comfortable. Malcolm glanced to the side and met her eyes briefly, remembering that same incident. He'd nearly fallen out of his chair after that little display. And been completely tongue-tied for the rest of the day. He'd given her her jacket the moment she'd come back into the van, and then kept re-thinking that moment over and over again. Was she hurt? Did she perhaps think that he was repulsed that she could do such a thing?

The blonde caught his attention, recognising the flurry of emotions that crossed his face and gave a small smile. He'd been such a gentleman afterward, not saying a word. For which she was incredibly grateful.

"I'm with Harry," she said finally. "It wouldn't be pleasant."

xXXXx

"Nearly there, people!" Jo said happily, oblivious to the brief exchange. "Question forty-nine. Truth or dare?"

Harry looked at each of his officers in turn who looked back, unconcerned. "Did anyone not put dare?" he asked, not expecting anything else.

Ros was grinning as she read Ruth's answer which she couldn't help but be impressed by. Who'd have thought? "Well, your little rose-coloured blind spot has put 'double dare.'"

Ruth stiffened. "I thought I'd take someone down with me."

"A logic I can't help but agree with."

xXXXx

"Last but not least," Ruth said. "What do you think of this quiz?"

Lucas blew out a long breath through his nose. "Surely, they didn't want our real opinion?" he commented.

"Which is why you've written 'leather', crossed it out, and then written 'ridiculous'?" Harry said innocently. "You really have got yourself in a conundrum, haven't you, Lucas."

"I-"

Ros snorted in disdain as she threw her folder onto the desk, the quiz and her notes spilling out in a fan. "I stand by what I said about knuckle-dragging," she said, getting to her feet. She strode out the door and over to her desk while Ruth gathered everyone's files and placed them in a neat pile in the centre of the table. The woman from on-high had yet to make an appearance and the team followed Ros' example and stepped into the Grid which was it's usual hive of activity.

"Back to the critical reading of terrorism?" Malcolm said with a sigh.

Harry nodded. "Indeed."

xXXXx

Author's notes: Hope you enjoyed. Yes, I had to upload this twice. I put the wrong one up originally. Please review!

Odainath.