Filling In The Blanks

Disclaimer: I don't own FFIX or any of its characters.

Chapter 137: Lullaby

He woke up with a wrinkle in his forehead.

Rolling out of bed and dragging himself into the bathroom, he splashed a little water on his face. He looked like shit.

More dreams – more nightmares.

Except these ones were yielding an ache to his leg so potent that he found himself limping as he crossed his bedroom to the kitchen. It was a tight space – nothing fancy, but perfect for living alone.

Glancing up at the window above the counter, he shoved the curtains to the side. The metal curtain rings scratched against the metal rod, screeching horribly enough to enhance his already throbbing head.

Outside, the day was gloomy. The window was open, letting in the cold humidity of an autumn rain. He hated this time of year. The place that he called home seemed hollow, even in the light of day. There usually weren't many people out, save for the vendors trying to make a living.

As he stared across his front garden, her face came to his mind again.

She was unworldly beautiful. Her hair was like silk, highlighted brown in the sunlight. Her skin was like porcelain, so light in the surrealness of his dream that it blended with the light behind her, fading her outline.

But her eyes. They stuck out in the too-bright dream. They were dark – almost as dark as her hair. Long lashes swept over her cheeks when she closed her eyes, and every time she did, he found himself wishing she would open them again.

He didn't really believe in celestial beings.

And yet, he'd never seen this girl in his life.

Accompanying this dream was the same tune he had been hearing for the past year. Every single night, like clockwork, when he went to sleep, he heard it and every morning he couldn't shake the feeling that it meant something.

He wished someone could tell him more about what his dreams meant, but his friends shook them off, saying he was being ridiculous.

He glanced at the clock, suddenly remembering that the world continued to spin outside of his nightmares.

"Speaking of friends…" he mumbled, walking into his room and grabbing the shirt tossed over the chair by the bookshelf. He pulled it over his bare chest before tying his hair back in a ponytail. It was time to go meet them.

Stepping out of his house, he pulled the door shut tightly behind him, hunching his shoulders against the drizzle. He was always telling himself he was going to invest in a cloak to protect against these chilly rains, but he had yet to commit. Maybe today was the day.

The road felt uneven, but familiar underneath his feet as he moved. This particular side street was never busy, but he knew that he would meet more traffic once he reached the square.

Down the road, he stopped and stood straight, turning to the right. There in front of him was a house very similar to his own. But there were no lights on and no garden growing along the sidewalk anymore.

"Elouise is long gone," he told himself, turning back to the front.

Alexandria had seemed grim since her departure to Lindblum. He blinked angrily at the ground; she had no good reason to leave him, besides tailing after Avalanche. For some reason, he couldn't shake the feeling that they hadn't even said goodbye, but the others always laughed at him, telling him over and over that he clearly didn't remember. They were all there the day Elouise and Avalanche left.

When he reached the square, his mood worsened. What had happened to the life in the city? Why were there so few people? Nothing had changed in the world; so why did it seem like so many people had left?

"Zidane!"

He turned, seeing Vienna out of the corner of his eye, waving excitedly at him. She had a popsicle in her hand. Griffon's back was facing him.

Instantly, he felt relief.

Moving slower than he wanted to, he reached his friends. The bermecian placed a popsicle in his hand, the smile persistent on her face. "Late as usual, huh?" she nudged him in the ribs and a weak smile found its way to his face.

"Hey," Griffon started, tilting his head sideways, "What's up, dude? You sick or something?"

Zidane scratched the back of his head. "No… I mean, I don't feel sick."

"Well you look sick!" Griffon shuffled behind Vienna, "Stay away from me, I don't want whatever you have."

Usually, Zidane would have laughed. But despite the relief that his friends brought him, he couldn't bring his mood up today. Something about the dream from last night. He wished he could remember more.

Vienna put a ginger hand on his shoulder, "Your popsicle," she reminded him. "It's going to melt."

"In this weather?" he asked, though he did turn his attention towards the generous treat. It was red; probably flavored after succulent fruit. That grew nowhere near Alexandria; he wondered what the real thing tasted like and if it was anything like this popsicle. "I doubt it."

"Maybe we just need to go somewhere warm," Vienna tried again, that smile strained on her face. "I think that means Libby's is calling our name!"

She turned without a reply and started across the square. Zidane watched her like he was miles away, looking at a woman he'd never met. For just the flash of a moment, Vienna's long, dyed-dark hair was cropped to shoulder length and melded into a beautiful silver. Her green raincoat turned red and she held a spear instead of a popsicle.

But only for a moment.

He shook his head, feeling a little dizzy. He followed, ignoring Griffon's genuinely concerned look.

Their trio felt small. At first, the change was blaringly obvious, but not quite as painful. Now, nearly half of their banter was missing without Elouise and Avalanche, and the group felt smaller than he was used to. But it had been a long time since they left – was he bitter because they hadn't written their friends? Had they forgotten about those they left in Alexandria?

He felt a little abandoned. Or maybe more than a little. But the others didn't seem to mind. Why was it bothering him so much lately?

Just as the others were climbing the wooden steps to the door of their favorite café, Zidane stopped. To the left, at the corner of the building was the entrance to a tight alleyway.

He remembered, long ago, the mage he had met there. Vivi was his name. A couple of people were bullying him for his gil. Zidane had stepped in and felt like he had made a fast friend. So then why had he never seen the mage again?

"Are you coming, Zidane?"

The blonde glanced up at his friends, a strange feeling heavy on his chest. "Actually," he said, the popsicle, indeed, dripping down his hand, "I've got a couple of errands to run today. I'll catch up with you guys for dinner?"

"Sure thing, man. Feel better. Take a load off."

"Of course," he hummed absently as he stepped down that alleyway.

The throbbing hadn't left his right leg. His whole body seemed to tingle and his eyes felt tired. He hadn't really felt like he'd slept soundly in months. His aimless wander led him down the backstreets of Alexandria. Things were falling apart and there weren't as many black mages in this part of the city. Actually, there weren't many black mages left at all.

There were a lot of thoughts that skirted the edge of his mind, but it was nothing he could tangibly grasp. As soon as he started to hone in on something, it would disappear, just like his dreams when he opened his eyes.

The only thing he could remember was that damn song.

Usually, he couldn't get it out of his head. Today, he wouldn't try to force it away. He let it consume his mind, playing it again and again. It felt a little echoey – like the sound was coming from far away, muffled from the distance.

The melody set fire to his thoughts. He didn't even see where he was going. There were faces in his mind that he didn't recognize, and a twitch in his hand like he missed holding onto something important. Pain shot through his head and his body got a little colder, but still the song continued to play.

After what felt like a true eternity, he looked up. The world finally colorized again in front of him and the melody faded away. He was at the gates of Alexandria. Here, there were four mages at the entrance, and a few guards whose eyes seemed a little dead as they stared into the city, daring someone to try and break free.

What would happen if he tried to leave?

His fingers twitched. He could fight off those guards. He could win.

Zidane stepped back, startled. He shook his head and then put a hand to his forehead. What was wrong with him? What was he thinking?

Turning curtly, he hurried along the path, hoping not to cause a scene by staring at the gates. As fast as he could, he completed his loop of the city, finding himself in his dim home once again.

Instead of lighting a candle as he usually would, he flopped down on his bed and stared up at the ceiling. The wood was a little discolored and it seemed to be splintering by the wall above the window. He let his eyes close slowly, letting the feeling of the melody sink in again.

"What do you think of it?"

He leaned back on his hands, "Well… it's warm."

She sighed, "Too warm."

"You know what I could really go for?"

"What's that?"

He looked over at her, her eyes wide with anticipation. Her hair was long, her bangs grown out and swept across her face. Her cheeks were pink from the heat, but her eyes were sharp and alert. Deep brown irises found his, trusting and loving.

"Autumn, in Dali. Do you remember our first patrol together? The night was cool and quiet and there was life around us. Not just a desert wasteland."

She smiled and leaned into his arm. "Yeah, I remember. You recited lines to a play you thought you wrote."

He turned towards her, an accusatory look on his face. "Are you – are you making fun of me?"

She stuck her tongue out at him and he laughed, grabbing her sides and tickling her before pulling her close. The sound of her laughter echoed around them. A couple of older women looked up from their sewing projects in the shade of the canyon walls and smiled at them.

"It's too bad we can't patrol anymore. It'd feel good to get away from everyone."

"I think you've been away long enough," she said, her voice soft and serious. He looked down to see the frown on her face. "Plus, you can't really walk."

His leg shifted without him really meaning to do it. He was aware of the tightly wrapped limb stretched out in front of him, crutches off to the side. He'd come up from his coma a couple of weeks ago and she was helping him get accustomed to their new home – desert instead of forest.

"This time we would go," he said in a quiet voice, speaking into her hair. It was hot from the sun. "And I would take you with me. No going alone anymore, okay?"

"Right. That means you too."

He smiled, "I never want to leave you again. Each time I've left has felt like a mistake."

She laughed lightly in his arms, closing her eyes. "Zidane…"

His eyes snapped open.

The room was dark. He must have fallen asleep. He sat up in the bed, rubbing his leg. The pain that lingered in his mind was slowly dissipating, but for the first time, he'd had a sharp enough dream to remember.

That girl – the one that looked truly like a goddess in earlier dreams – had finally come into focus as a normal human being. But they were obviously close.

He clutched his chest. The feeling was so real. But who was she?

Frustration overtook him again as he laid there, staring at a ceiling now too dark to see. There had to be someone in Alexandria he could talk to about these dreams. They didn't even feel like dreams – they felt like déjà vu – like visions or memories.

He thought again about his friends. He wished that Elouise was there to talk to her. She was so patient the last time this had happened.

He was afraid.

Sitting up again, he looked around the room.

"It's really dark. How late is it, anyway?" Standing up from the bed, he walked into his kitchen and stared out the window. It was pitch black outside as well. He couldn't see any lights in the street. "They're going to kill me for missing dinner."

He stumbled around until he found the table, dabbing his hands across the wood to find a candle and the pack of matches he always kept there for emergencies. After a few moments of fumbling, he lit the match and set blaze to the wick of the candle.

But it didn't prove to be very helpful. Only a dim outline of the room ignited, and he still struggled to see if he was about to run into something. A crease wore on his forehead. Didn't candles usually give off more light?

A weight pushed down on his chest heavily. He'd felt it when he first stood up but had been able to ignore it. Now, only minutes later, he put the candle down on the end table by his bed and leaned heavily against the mattress. It was getting rapidly worse. He was suddenly very aware of himself; his skin was icy but sweat beaded on his forehead, ready to slide down the sides of his face. His head was pounding with every beat of his heart, but the rest of his body seemed to tingle with numbness.

What was happening? Was he really sick like Griffon said? Was he dying?

And then the melody.

It was soothing; the panic washed away like a wave pulling away his stresses. He felt serene, even if it was just for a moment. The voice was soprano and lovely, and he closed his eyes. Slowly, he sunk to his knees, focusing only on that voice.

He didn't know how he knew it, but that voice belonged to the girl in his dream, he was sure of it. This lullaby was important to her – to him, too.

Everything came rushing down on him at once – memories and thoughts and places and ideas so fast that he couldn't grasp a single moment.

And then it was done.

He sat up straight, his eyes blinking slowly. The melody was still there – still playing, but in a different voice now.

It was humid. He put his hands down beside him and found a stiff mat underneath his body. Patting the ground around him, he felt stone. That part was cold; his hand jerked back like he'd been shocked.

His eyes strained in near-darkness. Panic was rising within him, but he forced himself to stay calm as he came steadily to his feet. He had to grip the wall to stand; his legs shook underneath him and pain shot up his right side.

Like every cliché he'd ever known, he called out to the darkness, "Hello?" he could still hear the melody.

And then it ended. For a moment, he could only hear what sounded like the crackling of a fire. And then swift movement. And then a shadow appeared, holding a tin with a handle, candle sticking awkwardly out of it.

In front of him stood a strange creature. His eyes were small and beady, red markings in a pattern around his dark irises. He wore a hat that had three patches on it and a jacket with an apron. His mouth was large – too large for his face.

Zidane could only remember one – a chef he'd seen briefly in Alexandria. This creature in front of him was a qu.

"He is awake," this voice matched that of the one that hummed the melody from before.

"M-me?" he stammered, unable to stop the fear from leaking into his voice.

"He follows me," he turned curtly without another word.

"Wait!" Zidane wobbled after him, nearly tripping. He stared down at his hands; there was a long scar starting at his left wrist, drawing jaggedly up his forearm. He looked at it quizzically.

"Hurry up!" the voice commanded, and he continued on his way.

The room he was in had felt a little claustrophobic and the hallway was even worse. Uneven, moist stone surrounded him as he hunched his shoulders to fit through the doorway. How the qu managed so quickly, he wasn't sure.

This room was immensely better. There was a fire crackling underneath a metal pot, giving off enough light for the entire, spacy room. The ceiling was tall and far away, and there were odds and ends filling the room – like rugs, cushions, incense, books, scrolls and décor – that made it feel more homely and comfortable.

But it didn't stop the question in his mind – how did he wake up here?

"Where are we?" he asked, unsure if he would receive an answer.

Instead, the qu's strong hands pushed on his shoulders to get him to sit on a cushion in front of the large, stone table. He put a cup of steaming liquid in front of the blonde.

Zidane looked at it as though it offended him.

"Drink. It helps the memory."

Those beady eyes were unnerving. With a swift act of bravery, Zidane picked up the cup and took a sip. And then another. And another. It was delicious.

And he was thirsty.

"More, more," the qu muttered, bringing another cup and then sitting on the cushion across from him.

Several minutes went by as the tea began to calm Zidane's frayed nerves. Questions that couldn't quite disconcert themselves before settled in his mind and he took in a couple of deep breaths.

"This definitely isn't Alexandria."

"No, child," the qu shook his head, drinking his own spot of tea.

"Where are we?"

"How did I get here?"

"I found you," he nodded, "In the ocean."

Zidane coughed. "The ocean?"

The qu nodded, stroking a long beard underneath his chin. Zidane hadn't noticed it before; he looked old – decrepit even.

"I was fishing," he nodded. "Boy washed up on the rocks. Boy didn't wake up. I thought boy was dead, but all vital signs were normal. Just asleep – a very deep sleep."

Why did that sound so familiar? His stomach began to churn as he stared down at the table and took another sip of tea.

"I was asleep for a long time, wasn't I?" he was dreading the answer, but when the qu nodded, he knew it was true.

He closed his eyes for a moment, and faces flashed through his mind. He slumped forward at the table, putting a hand to his head. His hair was long, falling into his eyes. His head swam.

"He must sleep," the qu declared, "by the fire, where it is warm," he gestured with a long arm to the mat he had set out near the fire.

"What about you?" Zidane asked. "Who are you?"

He shook his head, "All in due time. Boy must sleep – tea help him remember when he dreams."

"Dream," the word sounded bitter on his tongue, but he pulled himself to his feet, feeling more sluggish than before. He collapsed down on the mat, knowing all of this was quite bizarre. "How do I know you aren't tricking me?"

"No reason to trick the boy," he poured himself another cup. "But when boy suddenly wakes up after almost four years, Quan is very interested in memories resurfacing quickly so he can know what happened."

Zidane's eyes had fluttered shut as he rested on the mat. Quan, huh?

Wait…

Why was that name so familiar?

Blank shifted, feeling a little uncomfortable. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"It'll be fine."

"That's not very helpful."

"You're being paranoid."

Blank turned to glare at his superior. Steiner was smoothing down his hair, not in his usual armor for once.

"It's your guys' night…"

"It's a pretty big party, couldn't possibly be all about us."

"It's being thrown in your honor."

"Technically, it's in my child's honor."

It had been over a month since Blank had left Alexandria. He spent some time in Terra, before heading to Madain Sari to see Eiko and Vivi. He sent a letter to Steiner outlining his idea – after all, he had told his captain he would only be gone for two weeks, but he didn't bother waiting for a response. If his attitude was going to be better when he returned, he knew Steiner would want him to take more time.

The first thing he needed to do while making amends with his mess of a life was to speak with Vivi. After all, it was the mage who had taken care of him for the last three years, and basically the year before as well, when they were on their fruitless mission to locate Zidane.

Eiko was delighted that he had come. They threw a grand feast so her acolytes could help her show off traditions that she hadn't been able to share the last time they had lived in the ancient village. Blank didn't want to come off as too excited, but it was actually really cool. He had been impressed by the whole thing – hearing the story of the eidolons in full left him sheepishly asking Eiko if she could tell him more after the bonfire in the middle of the village had died down and others drifted off to sleep. She'd never looked so pleased.

The next morning, he sucked in a surprisingly nervous breath and sought out Vivi, who was reading a thick, old book of black magic from the Black Mage Village.

"Hey Vivi," Blank greeted.

"Oh, Hi Blank," the other said, shutting the book on his thumb to mark his page. "I'm glad you enjoyed the feast last night. How um… how have things been?"

Blank sighed and sat down. "I know we didn't get much of a chance to talk when I came in on the boat yesterday."

"Yeah," Vivi let out a soft laugh, "Eiko sure knows how to throw a party."

Blank grinned, feeling a tease lingering on the tip of his tongue. But that wasn't what he was here for – no dancing around the issue.

But in all of his fear of having this confrontation with Vivi, the mage beat him to it.

"How was Terra? Did you find anything?"

Blank sighed, slouching into himself and resting his chin in his hand. In turn, his elbow rested on the table in front of him. "Just a broken-down old house that's probably not even safe to be in anymore."

Vivi chuckled.

"I didn't find anything that I thought I'd find."

"What were you expecting?" Vivi quizzed patiently.

"I…I don't really know. When I first walked into that house with Zidane all those years ago, it felt like something was there. But maybe I was getting that feeling from Zidane more than the actual house. I thought it would light up and give me something – anything – again. But it didn't."

"I'm sorry you didn't find what you were looking for," Vivi sighed, sounding tired. He really thought this would help the redhead.

"But," Blank started, surprising the mage, "I maybe came to terms with my life being a mess. Maybe it will work itself out and maybe it won't. But that doesn't mean I can't do everything in my power to be there for my family. Maybe I can't make myself better, but I can help others."

Vivi's eyes crinkled into a smile.

"The first part of that is being able to tell you how incredibly thankful I am for you."

"Wh-what?" the mage stuttered, turning fully towards the redhead and dropping his hands to his side. He lost his place in his book.

"You are probably the sole reason I am still alive, Vivi."

"Don't say that."

"Don't be modest," the redhead shot back. "Please, don't be. You took care of me when I was a mess, and I know that probably isn't over. You gave me a place to go when I felt like I didn't fit in anywhere else. For years I haven't been able to voice any of this to you, but it's time I do it. Just because you already know I'm grateful doesn't give me a pass for not telling you."

Vivi blinked, his eyebrows high on his forehead. He hadn't heard Blank say so much in years.

The redhead blushed, feeling embarrassed. "Anyway, I want you to know that I'm going to be better; I don't want you to have to worry about me so much. I can't promise I'll be perfect but…" he trailed off, losing the momentum behind his words. Where was he even going with this? He was rambling.

"I never told you this," Vivi started quietly. Blank could hear a smile in his voice. "But you saved me too. Maybe I had to take care of you, and maybe I'll still have to but… I was pretty lonely. Being part of the tip-top of the resistance meant that a lot of the members I was used to having in my life had important roles to go back to once the war was over. I had this big, empty house and not a lot to fill my days with. You helped mend that lost feeling."

Blank couldn't help it. He was grinning and his eyes were shining. "You're not just saying that, are you?"

He shook his head and adjusted his hat. "I would never."

The redhead let out a laugh and very uncharacteristically hugged the mage. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

Vivi returned the gesture with haste and his grip was tight. And then Eiko caught them hugging and didn't let it go the entire week and a half that Blank stayed with them. It was horrible. And endearing. And made him feel more connected to his old teammates than he had in a very long time.

As fate would have it, Stilzken the moogle brought a letter, addressed to Eiko, Blank and Vivi, all at Madain Sari. It was from The Queen.

Dagger was extremely delighted to tell them that Beatrix had had her baby. And it was a girl. Just like they thought. Steiner was really mad, but he also couldn't keep from cooing and coddling the newborn baby. The younger woman outlined that the new parents were basically bickering all the time about who got to hold the baby.

Alexandra Nathalie Steiner was her name. Named for the two brothers that Steiner had lost. And she was going to be the absolute treasure of the castle.

She invited them all to a grand ball in honor of the baby, but it meant a very quick return to Alexandria.

"I'm in." Eiko had said, tossing the paper to the side without another thought. She wasn't going to miss that for the world. And that kind of gave the other two zero excuse to avoid the event either.

And that's where Blank found himself.

He was ready for the party but wringing his hands together nervously. Was it a good idea for the first time to be seeing Dagger again when this was such an important event for Steiner and Beatrix? What if he messed it up?

"Look at it this way," Steiner said, sliding a dagger into his boot, "if anyone is mad at you, no one is going to make a public scene at this party to tell you."

Blank felt his soul leave his body for one long, fearful moment. "Thanks for that," he said, his voice thick.

"Relax, you'll be fine. Now we have to get going, I miss my daughter."

Blank smirked, "Who knew you'd be such a softie with a baby, Steiner?"

He shrugged, "I've been waiting for years to have a regular life with Beatrix. I'm not about to waste any time."

The redhead was quiet. Steiner spoke matter-of-factly, but not harshly. It was just something he had known with his life that he would do once the war was over. And here was Blank, wishing things like peace away. He felt guilty, even though the man had no idea what was going on in his head.

"I'm really happy for you," Blank said, clasping Steiner on the shoulder. He looked up at the older man with brave admiration, "You've done a really good job."

In return, Steiner let on a rare, tender smile and placed a hand on Blank's shoulder as well. "I've seen a lot of improvement from you already, too. I'm looking forward to having the old Blank back."

He gave a strained smile. "Let's go meet your kid."

Dagger honestly couldn't remember the last time she had seen a room so full. She could hardly pick out the guests of honor, let alone anyone else, except that Beatrix and Steiner seemed to have a circle of people flocking them wherever they went.

Or more specifically, Alexandra had a flock of people around her everywhere she was carried.

Over the last couple of years, Dagger had gotten a little experience with small children. There were plenty of people who wanted the queen to send blessings to their newborn babies – even better if she would attend in person. If she could, she tried to make an appearance to the mothers at least in Alexandria. It was a little selfish too, however. She knew it was only a matter of time before her resistance family had children and she wanted at least a little experience before it happened.

She had hogged plenty of baby time immediately after Alexandra was born. It was delightful having Beatrix and Steiner at the castle again almost full time – at least while their daughter was so young. They were going to take advantage of the handmaidens eager to help with a baby and a queen eager to snatch that responsibility up for herself. When they needed sleep, Dagger had command over the infant. She had never been so delighted to be the boss in her life.

So now, at the party with the purpose of everyone meeting Alexandra, she felt at ease allowing everyone else to have time with the baby. For now, she would soak up the elated mood of the ballroom from the sidelines.

Eiko had found her early on to say hello. She had been ecstatic to see Dagger again and hugged her for a few solid minutes before letting go. The girl was growing into such a beauty – and not just with her looks. She was intelligent and really leaning into the traditions and confidence of her people. Dagger couldn't be prouder that there was someone like that to continue leading their heritage.

But the baby had cast her spell over Eiko as well, and she couldn't spend too much time strayed away from the center of attention. She had, however, given the woman the heads up that Steiner hadn't had a chance to.

Blank was attending the party.

For some reason, this made Dagger nervous.

She hadn't seen the redhead in over a month and hadn't talked to him in far longer. He usually tried to avoid large crowds like this, but the way Eiko warned her had her believing that maybe he would stop and talk to her.

The feeling had her all jittery.

What would they talk about? What would she say?

She wrung her hands together nervously for a second, grateful that for once, all eyes weren't on her. She could allow herself to be a little nervous.

But as the night wore on, that nervousness continued to weigh down on her. She still hadn't even seen the redhead, and the uncertainty in that had her nearly sweating under her heavy gown when she still hadn't heard any more on the subject. With nothing to distract her because of the lack of people wanting her attention for once (save for some nobles here and there, but they were easy to deter), her mind was going wild.

"I need some air," she said to no one in particular and moved from her spot near her throne.

She fanned herself a little bit with her hand and yanked off one of her gloves before she reached the doors. Pushing open the huge doors to the balcony, she relished in the quiet coolness of the evening.

All of the light and noise flooded around her for a moment and then washed away, the sounds forgotten to the night. At the very edge of the balcony, leaning down and staring at the water below, she could almost forget how many people she was hosting in the room behind her.

Fireflies bobbed lazily over the water and she heard the frog croaks intermixing with the crickets. She closed her eyes and smiled. It reminded her of the past.

"It's kind of like qu's marsh, isn't it?"

She leapt, flailing over herself and whirling around, tripping on her long dress and just catching herself on the balcony. "You scared me!" she breathed.

He looked tired, but not as troubled as he usually did when she saw him in passing. Gone again was the headband covering his eyes. His hair was short like it used to be in the earlier days of the resistance – she supposed he was adhering to Steiner's dress code of sorts for the Pluto Knights. If she said it didn't surprise her that Blank had followed along with his quirky rules for the brigade, she'd be lying.

His shoulders were hard – more muscular than he'd been when they were teenagers and she'd really gotten a good look at him. But his stature wasn't as tall. Life had beaten him down and it was winning. He slouched with something that looked like defeat.

"Sorry," he told her, scratching the back of his neck. "I didn't mean to."

"It's… it's alright," she said slowly, guardedly.

Instead of diving head first into a dramatic conversation, he walked to the edge of the balcony and leaned over the stone railing like she had been just moments ago.

"Remember when we used to go spying on Quina in the swamp and count how many frogs he could eat in a minute?"

She smiled, "I remember."

"What was his best? Twenty?"

"Twenty-four," she correctly gently, turning back around.

Blank let out a soft laugh. It was a little awkward, but she had to admit that he was trying.

"That little shit in there is pretty adorable," he said, almost sounding like he was talking to himself.

She smiled despite herself, "She already has everyone wrapped around her finger and she's only a couple weeks old."

"Steiner was with Beatrix, right? Not on patrol or out on a mission or something?"

"Nope, he was there the whole time."

"Good. He deserves that. They both do."

There was so much she wanted to say – to do. She wanted to leap into his arms and sob, she was so happy they were speaking, even if it was just about trivial things. This was the most she'd heard his voice since before they entered the final battle together.

"You look good," he said lamely, though he still didn't dare look at her. "Sad, maybe, but healthy. You make a good queen. You look good in the dress."

She snorted without meaning to. That was what finally made him look up. They locked eyes for a moment. So much she wanted to accuse him of – to tell him about. But instead, she grinned at him, trying to feel as brave as she knew she looked.

She pulled up the hems of her skirts and stuck her foot out. There he saw the worn leather boots she classically wore during their time in the resistance.

He wasn't sure what to say, or if it even surprised him. Blank supposed it was a little of both.

He only laughed. All he could do was laugh.

But once that died away again, he was left looking at her with a pitifully apologetic look. "Dagger. I…" he deflated, "I am so incredibly sorry."

She stopped him. "No… I don't want any of that."

"What do you mean?"

Dagger sucked in a breath and squared her shoulders. She knew she deserved the groveling he was about to give her, but if he was willing to start making a change, she wasn't going to make any expectations for him. "You're here and you're speaking to me. That alone tells me how sorry you are. Whatever it is you're going through, I'm not going to chastise you for it. It's things you already know," she gestured to him, squeezing the railing with her other hand, "You being here says all of that. I don't need to make you feel worse."

"I should be apologizing for years."

"Speaking to me again will be enough."

"I didn't mean to leave you to deal with this on your own. I know… I know I could have helped you."

"Blank –"

"No," he insisted, staring hard at the stone floor, "Please, at least let me say this much…" But he didn't continue until she nodded, consenting him to do so. "I know how much pain you're going through, and no excuse in the book is going to make ignoring you all this time okay. But just know that – that even if I can't get myself better, I'm going to be there for you."

"I've wanted to be there for you too," she said quietly, implying more than she was saying. She wasn't going to embarrass him, or throw Vivi out to the wolves for telling her what was going on with him.

"You helped me get through this the first time," he gave her a sad, lopsided smile, "And I don't know what came over me to think that you wouldn't be able to help the second time around, too."

"I think it has a lot to do with accepting that there is a second time," she told him gently. "Something that has been hard for everyone to accept. Blank, I know it looks like we all moved on quickly but… everyone is still hurting. Everyone still thinks of him every single day."

"I went to the memorial," he admitted to her. "Once before I left for Terra and before the party started tonight."

"You did?" she knew without speaking to him about it how much he hated that statue.

"I talked a little bit to Baku but… it's hard to focus on him so much when your best friend's stone face is staring at you," she winced. "I realize I've let everything that happened with Zidane take over my whole life. I haven't properly grieved for Baku or for… anyone, really. And I especially haven't taken on any of the responsibilities that I should have."

"There's always time," she told him. "It's never too late to start."

He let out a long sigh, feeling like he'd talked way too much about his feelings in the last couple of weeks. But he knew to get it all done at once was probably the better option.

"Hey," she reached out and gently touched his arm. "This is a night for celebration. We can talk more about all of this later."

He smiled at her. "Thank you."

She smiled at him, squeezing his hand.

Dagger began turning towards the balcony doors, intending to pull him along with her, but she suddenly dropped his hand. He turned to her, about to ask what she was suddenly stopping for, when he saw a figure at the balcony doors.

"I'll meet you back inside," she said gently, giving him an encouraging smile.

She passed the figure and gave their hand a squeeze before disappearing back into the crowd, feeling more at ease than she had in what seemed like years.

Blank chewed on the inside of his lip.

"What are you doing here?" he called out.

In moments, the figure started towards him – strong and steady.

"If ya don't quite remember, I've been better friends with these people the last few years than you have, sugar."

"Don't call me –"

She slapped him, hard.

He stared at her, wild eyes matching wild eyes for a moment before she slapped him again. And once more.

"Ruby, stop!"

She growled, giving him nothing coherent in response, before she actually punched him.

It caught him in the eye, and immediately, they started to water. Staring at her through blurred vision, he allowed another blow to his stomach.

"Dammit," he said, forgetting how strong she really was as he doubled over in pain. Then she shoved him against the railing of the balcony. For just a moment, he was sure she would flip him over the edge.

"Ya'll could have said something. Ya'll could have left a note – told a lie – anything besides telling the man selling tickets not to tell a woman named Ruby where you was goin'."

His heart stung. He forgot he had done that.

"Ya could have told me how much you were strugglin'… We were all strugglin' too."

"No!" he pleaded with her. "You got a job, Marcus had a kid, Cinna was making new friends. Ruby I was broken – so broken that I thought all of that meant you'd already forgotten about Zidane. How could I be around you guys when I was secretly accusing you of abandoning one of your brothers?!"

"Is that how you felt?! Was it so hard to tell me that just now?! Instead of runnin' away for two damn years?! What if somethin' had happened to ya?!"

He glared at the ground, wincing when he tried to narrow his now-bruised eye. "I just thought… I thought it would be better to deal with it on my own."

"And look where that landed ya!" she yelled at him, gripping his shoulders and shaking him. "Ya went and pushed everyone away!"

"Clearly it was for the better!" he shouted back at her. "You're all married now! This will probably be your party, soon!"

She slapped him again, tears springing from her eyes.

"How dare you!" she hollered at him, before letting out a sob. She slapped him again.

"Stop doing that!" he yelled at her, his whole face throbbing.

"How dare you," she said again through her cries. "You son of a bitch."

"Wha –"

"Ya walk away with my heart. Ya make it so I can't ever fully move on. Ya still ruin everything and ya don't even see it."

"Can't move on?" he mumbled, staring at her. Had something happened to her? He was suddenly worried – more worried than he could contain. "Ruby has something happened –"

She thrust her hand in his face, wiggling her fingers at him. He didn't understand what he was supposed to be seeing. Five fingers in a glove. That was it.

That was it.

"We split up," she said, taking in a huge breath. "Probably for the better. He was askin' for full commitment. There ain't enough of me left to give that."

He stared at her dumbly for a long while. His eyes were furrowed as he searched her face. He hadn't seen her in so long. He remembered her as that fiery, blue haired girl from when they were teenagers – always getting on each other's nerves,but loving each other just the same.

He hadn't forgotten, but it didn't hurt to be reminded…

She was so damn beautiful.

Her dusty blonde hair was long now, pulled back in a long braid that fell over her shoulder. Her skin was a little tanned from being out in the sun, but she was paler than he remembered from when they were in the resistance. Her almond eyes were striking, lighter than he remembered to.

The angles of her face were sharper and her eyes were quicker and reminded him a bit of a cat. She was tall, with slim curves accentuated by the dress she had on that evening. It was emerald colored, the shape a halter, curving up her neck in a light collar. It cut in far enough to see her collarbone and hugged her body as it fell around her. He couldn't even spend any more time describing it – he had to look at her face. He had been missing that face for years.

He wanted nothing more than to kiss her in that very moment, realizing that everything Asher had told him in Terra was true. Ruby was waiting for him to get over himself and come back to her, and the idea was only reinforced by the split between her and her husband.

But Ruby wasn't such an easy romantic. She'd slap him again if he tried it, and his whole face felt like it was on fire.

But just as he was having this thought, she sighed at him.

"I know that look on yer face," her shoulders sagged – desperate and defeated all at once. "Are ya gonna kiss me or not?"

He stood on his tiptoes, feeling like a kid again and pressed his lips into hers. Everything felt like it was slipping back into place. Ruby made him feel grounded when it was clear he was floating away.

It was a relatively shy kiss. Nothing cliché and passionate. He pulled away from her politely then to stare at her reaction.

"We have a lot more to talk about," he told her, as though admitting there was plenty of apologies to be made.

"And we'll be waiting to hear them."

The two of them turned to see Cinna and Marcus by the door, spying on them.

Blank's face washed itself in red.

"But let's forget about all of that tonight. This is progress – let's take advantage of it," Marcus agreed with a smile, slinging an arm around Blank's shoulder. "There's plenty to talk about, but it can wait."

"Let's celebrate being together again," Cinna said with a smile, gathering them all in for a begrudging group hug. It was a little awkward – all of this contact tonight.

But Blank had to admit it made him feel more normal than he'd felt in a very, very long time.

A/N: WELL IF THAT WASN'T JUST THE CHEESIEST CHAPTER! It's hard to make Blank stay in character when he's working on fixing all of his relationships. Maybe it seems a little unrealistic that everyone would be so forgiving right away, but you didn't want an entire chapter of groveling, did you?

It wasn't a lie when it was said that plenty more needed to be talked about with Blank, but it will come, promises.

Oh yeah, let's talk about that other important thing that happened.

Zidane.

Are you all happy now?! To be completely honest with you, I was totally going to make you guys wait until everything else had been resolved to know what was going on with Zidane, but you have been so good to me with my lack of updating I thought I would give you a bit of a treat. Don't worry, more explanations to come.

Are you proud of me for updating so fast? I can't promise it'll happen again, but you guys deserved this one.

Thanks so much for sticking with me!

-zesty-