The Good Omens of Haruhi Suzumiya

A Narrative of Certain Manifold Events occurring in the last days of mankind, in strict agreement * with:

The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter

* Well, fairly strict agreement. For certain values of strict.

Narrated by the individual known, to his most clear displeasure, as Kyon.

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

Please note; appearance in the DRAMATIS PERSONAE is no guarantee of actual appearance in the story.

SUPERNATURAL BEINGS

God (A God)

Metatron (The Voice of God)

Aziraphale (An Angel, and part-time book dealer)

Satan (A Fallen Angel; the Adversary)

Beelzebub (A Likewise Fallen Angel, and Prince of Hell)

Hastur (A Likewise Likewise Fallen Angel, and Duke of Hell. Not to be confused with Hastur (see below))

Ligur (A Likewise Likewise Likewise Fallen Angel, and Duke of Hell)

Crowley (An Angel who did no much Fall as sort of Stumble and Twist His Ankle in a Way Most Painful)

Azathoth (A God)

Nyarlathotep (A God, Soul of the Outer Gods, and Also a Dick)

Cthulhu (A High Priest of The Outer Gods, and an Eldritch Abomination)

Hastur (An Eldritch Abomination. Not to be confused with Hastur (see above)

APOCALYPTIC HORSEPERSONAGES

DEATH (Death)

War (War)

Famine (Famine)

Pollution (Pollution)

HUMANS

Thou-Shalt-Not-Commit-Adultery Pulsifier (A Witchfinder)

Agnes Nutter (A Prophetess)

Newton Pulsifier (Wages Clerk and Witchfinder Private)

Anathema Device (A Practical Occultist and Also a Professional Decendent)

Shadwell (A Witchfinder Sergeant)

Madame Tracy (Painted Jezebel [Mornings only, Thursdays by arrangement) and Medium)

Sister Mary Loquacious (A Satanic Nun of the Chattering Order of Saint Beryl [retired] and Owner of the Tadfield Manor Conference and Management Training Centre)

Mr Young (A Father)

Mr Tyler (A Chairman of a Resident's Association)

A Delivery Man

Kyon's Little Sister (A Little Sister)

Tsuruya (A Girl, an Individual Who Once Beat Up A Bear, and Heir to the Tsuruya Family)

Taniguchi (A Boy and one of Those Two Guys)

Kunikida (A Boy, and the other one of Those Two Guys)

TIME TRAVELLERS

Mikuru (elder) (A Woman and Her Own Superior Officer)

John Smith (A Doctor. Not to be confused with Kyon when he's calling himself John Smith)

ESPERS

Mori (A Maid, Habitual Skydiver, and Head of the Organisation)

Arakawa (A Butler, and a Member of the Organisation)

ALIENS

The Integrated Data Entity (A Sufficiently Advanced Artificial Intelligence)

The Macrospatial Quantum Cosmic Existence (A Likewise Sufficiently Advanced Artificial Intelligence)

Ryoko Asakura (A Somewhat Diminished Humanoid Data Interface of the Integrated Data Entity in the form of a Girl)

Emiri Kimidori (A Humanoid Data Interface of the Integrated Data Entity in the form of a Girl)

THEM

ADAM (An Antichrist... perhaps)

Pepper (A Girl)

Wensleydale (A Boy)

Brian (A Boy)

THE SOS BRIGADE

HARUHI SUZUMIYA (A God/Autoevolutionary Potential/ Time Quake/ Antichrist / Delete as Applicable)

Kyon (A Boy, and Also a Deadpan Snarker most Caustic)

Mikuru Asahina (younger) (A Girl, and Also a Time Traveller)

Yuki Nagato (A Humanoid Data Interface of the Integrated Data Entity in the form of a Girl)

Itsuki Koizumi (A Boy, and Also an Esper)

THE ANTI-SOS BRIGADE

SASAKI (You Know, I'm Not Even Going To Go There. Does Anyone Have a Clue What is Going On There?)

Fujiwara (A Sneering Bastard, and Also a Time Traveller)

Kuyou Suou ( A Humanoid Data Interface of the Macrospatial Quantum Cosmic Existence in the form of a Girl)

Kyouko Tachibana (A Girl, and Also an Esper)

THE GENDER-FLIPPED SOS BRIGADE

HARUKI SUZUMIYA (A God/Autoevolutionary Potential/ Time Quake/ Antichrist / Delete as Applicable)

Kyonko (A Girl, and Also a Deadpan Snarker most Caustic)

Mitsuru Asahina (younger) (A Boy, and Also a Time Traveller)

Yuuki Nagato (A Humanoid Data Interface of the Integrated Data Entity in the form of a Boy)

Itsuko Koizumi (A Girl, and Also an Esper)

Full Chorus of Tibetans, Atlanteans, Lemurians, Deep Ones, Americans, Japanese, the English, and other strange and frequently Loathesome Beings which do Herald the End of the World.

AND:

Dog (Satanic Hellhound and cat-worrier)

Shamisen (A Intermittently Sapient Cat)

Mister Kimidori (A Balloon Dog)