Bleach doesn't belong to me. Bawww.

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Renji wearily eyed the computer screen. Eyes behind pink rimmed glasses darted back and forth, reading.

"Renji, please. Can I have my glasses back now? I need to get back to my books and I'll get a headache if I don't wear them."

"Listen to this." The redhead ignored the plea from the frowning teenager sitting on the bed a couple of feet away from the desk he was stationed at. "'The young substitute shinigami closed the distance between them, crushing his mouth against Renji's.'"

He heard a crash behind him and looked over his shoulder, finding Ichigo flat on his ass on the floor, flaying his arms as he tried to get up.

"What?!" The teenager got to his feet and leaned over Renji's shoulder, eyes locking onto the webpage on the screen.

The older man glanced to the side, seeing Ichigo staring wildly, mouth moving as he read silently.

"Looks like we're famous!"

The happy exclamation earned a snort from the boy. He took over from where Renji had stopped. "'Soon they were fighting for dominance on the bed, nearly rolling off it several times. Renji ended up on top of the strawberry, pinning down his arms above his head.' Aw, what the fuck?!"

Another glance confirmed what Renji had already guessed. Ichigo was blushing furiously, the tip of his ears a deep shade of scarlet. He grinned.

"Renji, what is this shit? Where did you find it? How the fuck… How fucking dare they call me 'strawberry'??"

The shinigami simply pointed to the top of the screen, the URL clearly visible.

"'Fanfiction dot net'. We have fans?" Ichigo squeaked in disbelief.

"We've perverted fans." Renji corrected him. "Wait until you get to the part with the strawberry scented lube and the handcuffs."

"You've already read through it? Why didn't you say anything? And how can you stay so calm? Are you enjoying this? You're enjoying this aren't you!"

The redhead chuckled, reaching up with his hand and patting Ichigo firmly on the cheek. "You're such a prude." His smile was wolfish, showing slightly pointed canines.

"Wha- I… I'm not! And why do you get to be on top?" Ichigo's eyes never once left the screen as he spoke, his ears and cheeks burning with humiliation. "We have fans?" he repeated.

"'S not that hard to figure out, is it? Clearly I'm superior to you and the author recognizes that. I'm the, uh… There's a word for it somewhere here." His hand left Ichigo's cheek and reached for the screen, following the lines of text with a fingertip. "The 'seme'. I think that means you're my bitch."

"WHAT?!" Ichigo straightened up and whacked Renji on the back of the head, shame instantly replaced with rage.

"Ow! Fuck, Ichigo. 'S not my fault, I didn't write this."

Ichigo whacked him again. "I wouldn't be surprised if you did, you've always been a freak."

Renji laughed out loud, rubbing the back of his head with a large hand. "I might be a freak, not that you would know anything about that, mind you, being a little strawberry with his cherry intact and everything." He braced himself for another blow, but none came. Spinning the office chair he was sitting in around to face his friend, he met a glare so poisonous it probably could kill if not a person then at least a small animal. The redhead kept grinning. "Aren't you gonna hit me again?"

Ichigo's arms hung parallel to his sides, his hands fisted tight enough to pale the knuckles. He gritted his teeth, obviously fighting the urge to wipe that grin off Renji's face.

"Anyways," Renji turned his back to the teenager again, once more focusing on the computer screen. "There's a whole bunch of them. We seem to be popular."

Ichigo relaxed his hands, a bewildered look on his face.

"How many?"

"Uh, a hundred at least. Don't worry, I haven't read them."

"Fucking hell…" The teenager ran his hands through his hair, and let out a huge puff of air.

Renji pushed the glasses up with a finger, leaning forward a little. "'The crimson maned man pushed into the slender but well muscled body below him, his lips resting against Ichigo's neck, right over the jugular, each heartbeat vibrating against them. The younger of the two whined from the pain burning his insides.'" He snorted. "If it hurts, they're doing it wrong. Uh, that's us doing it wrong, I guess. Is it? Anyways. 'The tight velvet heat was driving him crazy and he told Ichigo so as he increased the pace, thrusting harder. The teenager whined and panted. "Faster, Renji. Fuck me harder!"' …" Renji's voice trailed off, a heavy silence settling between the two males.

Ichigo cleared his throat. "And then..?"

The older man glanced over his shoulder, tattooed eyebrows raised. He studied the teenager for a moment before shrugging and turning back to the screen. "'The younger man tugged at his restraints, wanting so badly to touch, to hold, as wave after wave of ecstasy surged through his body. The tip of Renji's co- hrm… cock slammed into that sweet, sweet spot at his core, making him see stars. It was the most amazing sensation he had ever felt.'"

Now it was the shinigami's turn to blush, a deep pink tinting his cheeks and the bridge of his nose, matching the frames of the glasses he wore perfectly.

"Sweet spot? Like the prostate or something?" Ichigo chewed on his bottom lip, his voice carefully kept under control as he once more leaned forward to read over Renji's shoulder.

"U-huh, I guess. That's nice and all but it's not like it's a magic button or anything."

"How would you know?"

"I'm old enough to be your grandpa and then some, dumbass. I'm not a blushing virgin."

"Well, you're blushing."

"Oh look who's talking! Idiot."

"This is just too fucking weird." Ichigo muttered under his breath, hands still buried in his hair.

"Maybe I should just… You need to study." Renji made a move to remove the glasses but froze as Ichigo grabbed his shoulder.

"Don't stop."

"Ichigo… I'm not sure-"

"Come on, just for fun? I wanna know if I end up on top." He cracked an unconvincing smile.

Renji sighed, trying hard to ignore the hand on his shoulder.

"'It didn't take more than a handful of thrusts before the younger male came all over his own belly and chest, screaming as he did. The older one followed suit directly afterwards, moaning and bucking as he emptied himself inside his lover.'" Renji scratched the back of his head, some of the tension letting up as he mulled the text over in his mind. "They gotta be fucking kidding me."

Ichigo let his hand slip from Renji's shoulder, increasing the distance between them a little.

"What."

"'A handful of thrusts'? What a fucking insult. I've stamina, I'm not a fucking teenager." He paused and glanced back at Ichigo. " Uh, not that there's anything wrong with being a teenager you know, but… These people haven't got a clue about how I fuck. I can last for hours, damnit. And this!" He pointed an accusing finger at the screen. ""Do they've any idea of how hard it is to come simultaneously? You gotta be tuned in with each other. You gotta know…"

Behind him Ichigo's breath hitched. The redhead tensed up again but swung around to face his friend. "What's the matter, Ichigo?"

"It's nothing."

Renji frowned. The atmosphere in the room was getting way too heavy and ambiguous for him so he charged on. "There's clearly something. I heard you."

"It's- I- I was just clearing my throat, Renji."

The shinigami removed the glasses, putting them down gently on the desk while reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose with thumb and forefinger. He got to his feet before meeting the shorter male's gaze.

Ichigo looked away almost immediately. "Really, it's nothing. It was just… nice. To hear you talk about the connection between two persons. Fuck, Renji. Like you said, I'm just a teenage virgin. I don't know much about these things!" He looked up, meeting half lidded eyes.

Renji studied him in silence. A minute passed.

"So you didn't get all riled up from the 'fuck for hours' part then?"

"No! Of course not. Why should I care about your stamina?" The boy's cheeks turned red again.

"'Cause you're a teenage virgin."

Ichigo punched him in the shoulder. "You're unbelievable! First you get all pissy because I took a fucking breath and now you are trying to do what? Provoke me? What do you want, Renji?"

Renji absently rubbed the spot Ichigo's fist had impacted with, still watching him closely. His voice was low, gentler now. "I didn't mean it like that. Guess the story got to me a little. It's weird, isn't it? Someone has been sitting in front of their computer somewhere, imagining us fucking." A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. "Like rabbits, from the looks of it."

Ichigo's doomsday frown eased up a tiny bit. His eyes darted between the redhead's eyes and his lips. Finally he answered the smile with a strained one of his own. "Yeah, it's weird."

The tension still hung heavy between them, shining in their eyes.

"So… It really doesn't hurt then? I imagined fitting something like that where it doesn't belong wouldn't be very comfortable." The blush on the young male's face deepened.

The bigger man sunk back into the chair. Not knowing what to do with his hands, he clasped them behind his head, putting on an air of nonchalance that really wasn't there. "Nah, it doesn't hurt if you do it right. Proper warm up, taking it slow, making your partner relaxed and excited enough." His answer was slow and carefully worded.

"Huh." Ichigo followed suit and sunk down on his bed, sitting on the edge of it, forearms resting on his knees. "How do you warm up?"

Renji huffed. "You messin' with me? I mean, that's pretty obvious, isn't it."

"Forget it. Fuck."

It was like treading over a minefield. They pressed on, careful not to take the wrong step, but some mines were hidden and others could go off without them even touching them.

Renji groaned. "I'm sorry. This is so messed up; I don't know what to think. I keep forgetting how young you are. 'S been so many years since I wondered about these things myself." He unclasped his hands and rubbed them over his face, speaking with them still covering the his eyes. "I guess there are several ways to warm up, but fingers are a sure bet. Fingers and lots of lube of some kind."

Ichigo seemed to be mulling that over. ""It's not very hygienic, is it."

The laughter was more of a bark. "There's always, you know, water and soap. Sex isn't very hygienic no matter how you do it."

"I guess." Ichigo studied his hands with seemingly great interest. "Renji, how did you know I was a virgin?" His voice was barely audible.

"Well, no offence but it's pretty obvious. Like, 'blinking neon sign above your head' obvious. Your face turned all kinds of red when I showed you the story. You're seventeen. You live a busy and fucked up life, every waking moment filled with studying and fighting and all kinds of shit. And you're totally fucking oblivious to the signs around you."

"What? What signs?"

"Exactly. I don't know if you've noticed but you're a really good looking kid. You've a whole following of fans who worship every step you take. You've never noticed the way girls look at you? The way that freaky ex-classmate of yours jumped you every time he got the chance?"

"Who?"

"What's his name… Keigo, was it?"

Ichigo spluttered. "What?! Keigo? But Keigo likes girls! He's obsessed with tits! Don't you remember the way he reacted when he saw Matsumoto the first time?"

Renji's laugh was genuine this time. "Well he had to put up a front, didn't he? It was painfully obvious he was gay." He smirked. "For you."

"I don't believe it. Really?"

"Really."

The teenager stared at his friend in disbelief. Then he sighed and looked down, hands reaching up and tugging at orange locks. "I'm such an idiot! Why can't I sense shit like that? I mean, how long has he been interested in me? And I never noticed. Some friend I am."

"Pff, count on Ichigo to blame himself for being the object of affection. Don't you ever get tired of carrying the world on your shoulders?"

Ichigo opened and closed his mouth several times, as if about to speak, but in the end he remained silent.

"Look, Ichigo. I don't care about you being inexperienced or clueless. I'm in no position to judge you." He reached out and ruffled the teenager's hair, not sure if touching was the best thing to do at the moment but he couldn't resist it. Renji wanted things to go back to normal, to a place where he could touch his friend without it being laden with some hidden meaning. They weren't quite there yet. Ichigo jolted at the touch, making the shinigami quickly pull his hand away. "Damnit."

A long silence followed, both males keeping their hands in their laps.

"Let's… Let's just forget about this, Renji. I don't want things getting weird between us." Ichigo offered a weak smile.

The redhead let out a sigh of relief. "Me neither. Yeah, let's forget we ever read that damn thing."

"They've it real fucking easy in the stories, haven't they? Just, you know, 'wham, bam, done with it.' No weird silences. No…" The teenager waved his hands in the air. "Whatever this was."

Renji chuckled and nodded.

"Real life's a bit more complicated, yeah."

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A/n: This started out as heavy crack but sort of trailed off into something else. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. It's still pretty damn cracky though.

Mistakes in the text most probably have to do with the fact that English isn't my first language and I'm very new to the fanfic thing. I hope it's still readable.

Review if you like. Comments are always nice.