Previously posted on my LiveJournal, dated April 11th, 2009.

Ianto was already making coffee when the team stormed into the Hub after their encounter with the Fairies. He had spotted them through the CCTV, making their way from the SUV in an obvious very bad mood. As he walked through the cog door, Owen went straigh to the autopsy bay, ignoring every attempt to talk to him, muttering what sounded like venom directed at the world in general and nobody in particular while he paced around his domains. Gwen came in after him and made her way to the boardroom, possibly to tidy up the mess the team had left behind, which Ianto had only see her do when she needed to escape from the main area. Tosh walked in calmly, sat at her desk and started working on a piece of alien tech that had been lying there for a few months, eyes following Jack as he headed to his office, hands in his pockets.

Loading the tray with five mugs, Ianto started his coffee round. He made his way down to the boardroom, leaving a mug on the table for Gwen, who gave him a small smile before busying herself in the papers scattered around her again. Going back to the main area, he walked over to Tosh's desk. She gave him a grateful look as she grabbed her drink and took a sip.

"He shouldn't be alone," she whispered, her eyes flitting from where Ianto held them to the closed door of Jack's office. Ianto nodded and moved along, leaving a coffee on the edge of the stairs for Owen, who barely grunted a thank you. With a heavy sigh, Ianto walked into Jack's office and placed a drink on his desk. Jack looked up; he seemed tired.

"I'll be in the Archives if you need me, Sir," Ianto muttered, leaving Jack's office before the other man had a chance to speak. He walked out the room through the door that led directly to the bowels of the Hub, his own mug in his hand, leaving the tray propped against the wall on his way downstairs. The expression he saw on Jack's face as he turned his head and stole a glance made it painfully obvious it had been a hard day for the Captain as well.

Ianto spent the rest of the afternoon hidden away in his domains, waiting for everybody to go home, half hoping Jack would disappear in one of his nightly roof walks, half hoping he would stay. Eventually he settled in front of the security monitors, watching as first Gwen, then a disappointed Tosh after Owen – once again – completely missed – or ignored – what was probably an invitation to join her for a drink, and finally the medic himself, grabbing his jacked and kicking his chair under his desk, left the Hub. Finally they were alone.

Ianto took a deep breath as he approached the desk area, still not sure he was being sensible. Tosh was right, Jack shouldn't be on his own after whatever had happened, but Ianto doubted he was the best person to keep him company. He stopped for a second and leaned against the wall, one hand on his hip, the other running through his hair. His mind wandered back to earlier that morning, from Jack patting his shoulder as he tried to concentrate in the strange weather patterns, to the already haunted look in Jack's eyes that disappeared when he schooled his face and became, once again, Captain Harkness, leader of Torchwood Three and deeply worried about funny patches of rain in case they were alien. He stood up again, loosened his tie a little. He may not be the best person to keep Jack company, but no one else would do it.

A few minutes later, Ianto walked into Jack's office, footsteps light on the concrete floors, and leaned on the door jamb, left hand casually in his pocket. It took Jack a moment to lift his head and look at Ianto, the coffee he had delivered earlier still going cold on the desk. Ianto's felt his resolution to make some small chat and leave waver; something in Jack's stance - hunched shoulders, hands curled in a fist - spoke of tiredness, of defeat.

"You shouldn't be here," Jack stated for the second time of the day. Ianto paused for a second, considering, then his lips curled in the beginning of a smile. They stared at each other for an instant, just like they had earlier.

"Neither should you." Ianto's replied was warm, just as it had been that morning, and he wondered where that warmth came from. They were still watching each other, eyes duelling as Jack tilted his head and stretched his neck. Ianto could nearly see the tension of the day accumulated in his muscles. There was an awkward moment of silence.

"Why are you still here, Ianto?" Jack let out a sigh and looked up; there was a hint of curiosity in his voice. Ianto wondered what to say. Company? Jack would probably turn it into a flirting match. Making sure Jack was all right? Too close to the truth.

"You shouldn't be alone, Sir. Not after... not tonight." Ianto duly ignored the questioning look Jack shot him, walked to the door and stared across the Hub. Myfanwy would return during the night after stretching her wings for a while. Work was done for the day. He brought a hand to his collar and loosened his tie a bit more. "The others have already left." He could hear Jack making himself comfortable in his chair.

"They think I'm a monster for letting the Fairies take the girl." Ianto took a moment to digest Jack's words. Jack was in some way confiding in him by telling him what had happened, and Ianto wondered how Jack thought he would react. Then it hit him: he had already accused Jack of being a monster, after he set Myfanwy on Lisa. "They would've destroyed the world." Ianto nodded.

"You are the leader of Torchwood Three; you make the decisions no one else dares make." His voice came out too close too a whisper. He turned around and took a few steps towards the desk, perching at the end of it. "It wasn't the right thing to do, Jack, but there was no other option." Hands clasped together in front of him, Ianto kept his eyes on the man in front of him, knowing Jack would eventually realize what he was offering. It wasn't forgiveness; there was too much history between them for forgiveness to come so soon. It was... acceptance. Recognition. A simple acknowledgement that, faced with the same decision, he, Ianto Jones, would have done the same.

Jack gave him a thankful smile and lifted a hand to pat his arm as Ianto stood up. Jack caught his arm before he was even fully on his feet, causing Ianto to fall back onto the desk with a muffled cry of surprise, and gave him a nearly apologetic look. Ianto wondered if it would always take so much death, destruction and pain to bring the real man behind the Captain Jack Harkness façade to the surface.

"Stay?" Ianto hoped Jack didn't notice the turmoil inside him, the near wishful sigh that escaped him. Jack looked away and shook his head. "Never mind." Jack let go of his hand, and heaved out a sigh as Ianto stood up. Taking a deep breath, Ianto fetched the bottle of whisky and two glasses hidden in one of the cabinets and, putting them down on the desk, sat on the chair opposite Jack. For a second, Jack stared at him in disbelief, then raised his eyebrows in surprise. Wondering once again if what he was doing was sensible, Ianto poured two drinks and moved one closer to Jack. "Thanks." His voice was merely a whisper, his hand brushing against Ianto's as he grabbed his glass and lifted it in a silent toast. Ianto did the same, and they both took a sip, staring at each other across the desk.

"The others are not the first ones to call you a monster." Ianto put down his glass, trying to gauge Jack's reaction to his words. "They will not be the first ones to change their minds." Jack gave him a look Ianto couldn't quite decipher, before standing up and pacing around the room. He ended up by the door, overlooking the Hub, the same spot Ianto had been standing just a few minutes before.

"What if they are right? What if I am a monster?" Jack's voice sounded broken, full of pain. Ianto twisted around on his chair, not sure of what to do. Eventually he got up, took off his suit jacket, and, draping it neatly over the back of the chair, went to stand a step behind Jack, tentatively placing a hand on his shoulder, just as the other man had done earlier. When Jack turned his head, Ianto could see the Captain was fighting back the tears; something seemed to break inside of Ianto as he thought maybe Jack was more human than he, or any other member of the team, ever gave him credit for. "So much death," Jack whispered, looking ahead again. "So much loss."

Ianto swallowed the knot on his throat, the last few months fast forwarding in his head. Canary Wharf. Half converted Lisa. Coming back to Cardiff. His attempts to get Jack to hire him. Catching Myfanwy, a night he had tried not to think too much about. Becoming the silent, invisible butler nobody except Jack ever noticed. Betraying Lisa with Jack, by falling into the trap the Captain had set for him without even realising. Betraying Jack with Lisa, by putting the team in danger when he smuggled her into the Hub. That horrible day when he thought he would lose everything, even his life, only to have Jack take him back in the team. That horrible night when, after his actions, his words, and his threats, Jack Harkness showed up in his doorstep with a bottle of scotch and drank with him until the morning, stubbornly decided not to leave him on his own. Maybe that was why he was still in the Hub.

Ignoring the part of him that was sensibly telling him he should get out and go home and have a good night of sleep, Ianto dug his fingers into Jack's shoulder. The other man didn't react. With a sigh, Ianto took a step back and perched on the end of the desk again, hands gripping so tightly on the edge his knuckles went white, wondering why he cared so much about this man, and, at the same time, not wanting to know the answer.

"You are not a monster, Jack." Once again, Ianto was surprised by the warmth in his voice. Without warning, Jack turned around and buried his head in Ianto's shoulder, hands clenched over Ianto's chest before slowly trailing down and settling on his waist. Ianto, caught by surprise, held his breath for a moment, before wrapping his arms around Jack, a hand between his shoulder blades, tracing small circles on his back, the other one cradling his head. Protective. Supportive.

Ianto tried to silence the little voice in his head shouting at him about how fucked up this situation was. Not that long ago, he had threatened to let this man die if given half the chance, and pulled a gun at him. Not that long ago, Jack had threatened to kill him, and knowing him, Ianto knew he would have. Now they were drawing comfort from each other after one of the worst days in recent Torchwood history. He could feel the tension of the day ebbing away from Jack as silent tears slowly dampened his shirt. Ianto muttered nonsense in Jack's ear, holding him close, wondering if there was anything he could say or do that would ease the other man's pain.

They had too much in common. They were both broken, lives marred by too much suffering, too much deception, too much death. He placed a silent, soft kiss on Jack's temple, surprised by his own reaction. Maybe that was why Jack hadn't put a bullet in his head after the Lisa incident. He snorted, wondering when he had stopped thinking about it as "the night that bastard killed my girlfriend" or "the night I clearly fucked up." He let out a sigh, kicking the part of his mind that was still trying to tell him he should get out of there quick.

Ianto felt Jack's grip on his waist tighten as the other man straightened his back and made himself comfortable leaning on his shoulder. As Jack got closer to him, Ianto's mind wandered back to the night they caught Myfanwy. To how good it felt, when he caught Jack, to be trapped under him, noses rubbing, breaths hitched. To how he laughed as they rolled on the floor to avoid the falling dinosaur. He was suddenly too aware of Jack's breath on his skin, of how close they were to one another. When he felt Jack's lips ghosting on his neck, he nearly took a step back, away from him. Yet he didn't. As Jack tried to move away, mumbling what sounded like an apology, Ianto held him, pulling him even closer, shushing him.

Ianto closed his eyes, part of him still wanting to get away from Jack, from the Hub, to go home. He snorted at the thought. A house full of boxes that he still hadn't bothered to unpack, neatly labelled and sorted so he could find anything whenever he needed it. An empty bedroom, barely a bed and a wardrobe. An empty kitchen where all he could make was tea, one sugar no milk. A place where he had barely been since he moved to Cardiff, until his suspension. Would he ever make it feel like a home? He shook his head, wondering if Tosh had noticed Jack wasn't the only one who needed company that night. He felt Jack's lips on his neck again, just barely below the collar of his shirt, and shivered, tilting his head before he realised what he was doing.

Ianto wasn't surprised by the haunted look in Jack's eyes when the other man straightened up and stared at him, barely pulling away from him. He had seen it quite a few times before, mostly when Jack thought no one could see him. He had seen it in the mirror more times than he cared to remember, after Canary Wharf, after Lisa died. The look of a man who has lost it all and still has to carry on. He let out a sigh, knowing that nothing he could say would help. Pain would ease and eventually disappear, but nothing could speed up the process.

"I shouldn't have..." Jack sounded apologetic again, but Ianto didn't let him finish. Bringing his hand from Jack's back to his cheek, Ianto placed a soft kiss on Jack's lips, slowly but firmly pushing him against the wall behind him, narrowly missing the open door. It took Jack a moment to get over the initial surprise, the kiss slowly transforming in a duel of wills and tongues. Jack's hands crept up Ianto's body and settled on the back of his neck, keeping him in place. Ianto felt his whole body react, and shamelessly pressed himself against Jack. It was the first time they were this close since Jack had found about Lisa, and Ianto had missed him.

Jack's hands slowly made their way down Ianto's back, pulling him even closer to the the Captain. Ianto closed his eyes and gave in to the touch, a soft moan escaping him as Jack bit his bottom lip, teasing, demanding and giving at the same time. Ianto was suddenly all too aware of the heat building inside him, around them, just like every time they were this close, yet every time completely different and new. Jack dug his fingers on his sides as Ianto drew back just enough to rest his forehead on Jack's, noses rubbing, mouths nearly touching. Ianto was taken aback by the intensity of the emotions trapped in Jack's eyes, fixed on Ianto's. With a sigh, he run his thumb along Jack's jawline, heart racing, thoughts spinning, not sure he wanted to think straight at the moment.

"You need some rest," he mumbled. "I should go, let you catch up on some sleep..." Despite his words, Ianto didn't move. Not even when Jack's arms closed around him again, or when Jack moved in closer and Ianto could feel the warmth of his breath on his skin. He knew if he didn't walk away now he wouldn't. He swallowed , knowing full well he didn't want to leave.

"Stay?" Just a whisper in his ear. "I...." As Jack's voice faltered, Ianto took a deep breath and waited Jack would, as always, tell him whatever he wanted to tell, in his own time, and questions wouldn't help. "I can't sleep." One of Ianto's hand wandered over Jack's neck, barely touching, reassuring, wanting, slowly tracing abstract patterns.

"I've never known you to sleep much." Jack snorted, fingers crawling up Ianto's back, leaving him wondering how the Captain had managed to untuck his shirt without him noticing.

"Less than usual." Ianto hissed when Jack bit his neck, just below the open collar, just hard enough to leave a mark, possessive and demanding yet offering so much.

"Bad dreams?" Pressing himself against Jack, Ianto wondered for a moment if the old glass wall would hold up. Jack didn't answer but replied in kind, sneaking a knee to just the right place to make Ianto gasp and shiver and marvel once again at how quickly Jack had found all the buttons to drive him crazy. The thought of coffee and small chat seemed to be a lifetime away as Ianto found himself once again trapped in Jack's arms.

Ianto's lips curled in the beginning of a sad smile when he realised that, for the first time, he felt free to enjoy what he was doing. Jack had found out about Lisa, and she was dead; there was no need for lies and deceit anymore. He could no longer tell himself he was only doing this to distract Jack. His hands, roaming over the Captain's shoulders, stopped for a moment as he filed away all the questions popping into his mind, not sure he wanted the answers right now.

All of a sudden Jack moved away from Ianto, hitting his head against the glass as he tried to break the contact, a hand still on Ianto's neck. Ianto let out a sigh, wondering whether to take a step back and give Jack some space. They stared at each other, one, two, three heartbeats, before Jack looked away.

"It always ends up in death". Ianto pulled Jack back into his arms, cradling him as he had done earlier. Jack didn't resist; barely a moment later was clutching at Ianto. "I just...." Jack kept muttering against his shoulder, not quite crying, not quite not, as Ianto just held him. He couldn't make out the words, but the emotion behind them was all too clear to him: pain, and hurt, and loss, and grief, and tiredness, even a hint of defeat and a dash of surrender.

After a while, Ianto lost track of time. Eventually he heard Myfanwy return and settle in her nest, which made it way too late to get a decent night of sleep, just like many other nights at Torchwood. Yet any other night would have been easier to face than the exhausted Jack in his arms, so unlike the larger-than-life presence that the Captain tended to be. This, Ianto thought, was the man under the masks, rarely seen by anybody, not even by Jack himself. Ianto smiled bitterly, suddenly reminded how easy it was to end up becoming the masks one wears.

"Come on. Get some rest," he whispered when Jack seemed to calm down. Slowly, he took a step back, one arm still around Jack's shoulders, and motioned him towards the entrance to his bunker. Jack took a couple of tentative steps, then stopped again.

"I told you, I can't sleep." Ianto rolled his eyes, wondering once again why he cared so much for this complicated, secretive man.

"You can at least rest." Jack turned his head and stared at him as if he were talking nonsense. "I'll stay, if you want me to." Jack nodded and gave him a small smile, before making his way down the ladder. Ianto followed him, turning off the main lights and leaving his tie on the desk. He still didn't trust Jack around ties. Not after the last time.

When he got to the bottom of the ladder, Jack was sitting on the edge of the bed, elbows on his knees, hands clasped together, head bowed, his boots discarded. With a sigh, Ianto approached him, switched on a small lamp and sat on his haunches, looking up into Jack's tired face. Jack didn't move, not even when Ianto placed a hand on his knee.

"Lie down. Close your eyes." Slowly, Jack started undoing his shirt and took it off. Ianto stood up, pulse racing, staring at his feet, and managed to catch the garment when Jack threw it across the room. Turning around, he folded it carefully and placed it over the chest of drawers in the corner, grateful for something to do while Jack got into the bed. When he finished with it, he found more items of clothing piled on the floor. As he put them away with the shirt, he heard the small bed behind him creak as Jack lay down.

When Ianto turned around again, Jack was lying on his side, under the covers, looking towards the wall. Sitting on the edge of the bed, Ianto wondered once again why he was still in the Hub, taking care of Jack, wanting to soothe the pain. He should have walked away long time ago, left Jack to sort out his own miseries. He shook his head; Jack didn't deserve that, even less after the day he had had. Without thinking, he ran a hand through the other man's hair. Jack caught it as he started to get up.

"Stay?" Ianto's lip curled in a sad smile at the irony of the situation, at the weirdness of the whole day. "You need some sleep as well." Ianto swallowed.

"You need a bigger bed," he muttered, freeing himself from Jack's hand and standing up, unbuttoning his shirt and hanging it on the back of a chair. Jack's bed was barely big enough for one, let alone two, but he already knew that when he offered to stay. Jack snorted.

"Small beds are easier to keep warm on my own." It was meant to be a witty remark, but it sounded bitter and tired. Ianto switched off the light, and the room fell into a cosy near darkness, illuminated only by the dim light coming from the office above. Taking off his shoes and leaving his trousers on the chair, Ianto walked back to the bed, shaking his head. It was strange to be back in Jack's room, in his bed, to be offering him comfort. Somehow it didn't surprise him anymore. Taking a deep breath, he sneaked under the blankets and tried to find a comfortable position to sleep.

Five minutes, a couple of elbow-on-ribs encounters and a lot of creaking from the mattress later, they both settled in for the night, Jack still facing the wall, as if wanting to hide away from the world, Ianto spooned against him, an arm drape!,d over his waist, the other under the pillow. For a moment, Ianto allowed himself to relax, feeling the warmth of Jack's body, the surprisingly comfortable mattress moulding itself under him, the noisy silence in the Hub. Blocking memories, ignoring questions, quietening everything except the here and now. He smiled when Jack grabbed his hand and held it.

"Thank you, Ianto." Barely a whisper. Ianto felt a knot on his throat, which only tightened when he noticed Jack's shoulders were shaking. Ianto held him even closer, murmuring nonsense, placing a soft kiss on his neck every now and again. He had never seen Jack so... His thoughts spun around for a moment, trying to find the words, until it suddenly hit him. Vulnerable. Emotional. Human. He bit his lip, wondering. He had seen Jack angry, betrayed, annoyed, and much more, but never so raw, so hurt. And he, Ianto Jones, who always had a backup plan for his backup plan, didn't know what to do.

Some time later, Jack seemed to calm down, and his breathing fell into the slow, regular rhythm of sleep. Ianto resisted the temptation to check his watch; knowing how late it was wouldn't make whatever time he had left until the morning any longer.

"Thank you," Ianto whispered, wondering why he had never told Jack when he could actually hear him. With a sigh, he closed his eyes, and fell asleep before he had time to consider the events of the day once again.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Ianto was already standing by the coffee machine, freshly showered and in his spare suit, when Jack eventually came out of his office, braces hanging loose while he did up the buttons of yet another dark blue shirt over a white vest. Ianto swallowed the knot on his throat as Jack approached him, wondering how they would try to play down the night before.

"You were the last person I expected to stay last night," Jack murmured behind him as he started making coffee. "I thought Gwen may stay and give me an earful, or maybe Owen would try to drag me out on a piss-up night. But you...." Ianto spun around, holding two mugs of perfect, steaming-hot coffee, and handed one to Jack, their fingers brushing for barely a second.

"Why?" Ianto asked, taking a sip, staring at Jack, making it clear he wouldn't settle for one of Jack's silences. Jack leaned against the railings, cradling his mug in his hands, a smirk on his face that Ianto knew too well.

"You promised to make me suffer." Ianto looked away, remembering the day Lisa died, the lies and the deception that lead to it, thoughts of the many betrayals that started that night spinning in his head yet again.

"Yeah, I did." Ianto's voice was merely a whisper. "Do you really want to go over all the shit we've been through? Every betrayal, every threat, every lie?" Jack shook his head.

"Wouldn't get us anywhere." Jack hid behind the mug, averting his eyes from Ianto, who allowed himself a smirk. Jack still hid many secrets and wasn't an easy man to read, but Ianto had learnt a few basics: something had been troubling the Captain, and it was about to come out.

"Torchwood didn't give you any choices when it came to Lisa. Not Torchwood London, not us. You risked a whole universe for her." Jack lifted a hand and patted Ianto's arms.

"I don't expect any of you to understand why I did what I did." Ianto's voice broke into merely a whisper as he fought back the tears.

"Oh but we do." Jack look at Ianto, leaving him wondering, for a moment, where the pain in that voice came from. "I do." Then, all of a sudden, it all made sense.

"I know." Ianto gave Jack an enigmatic smile, knowing it would catch him off balance. He didn't really know, but he could guess well enough. He patted Jack's shoulder before making his way towards the Archives, straightening his tie. "I know," he repeated, resisting the urge to look back to see Jack's puzzled face.

"Ianto!" Jack called after him when he was about to disappear into the bowels of the Hub. He stopped and turned around, a questioning look on his face. "I'm glad you stayed." Ianto smiled and nodded.

"I'm glad you asked," he murmured.