Warnings: There is an attempted rape in chapter 4. Please be advised. I don't want anyone triggered (I'm a rape survivor myself, so I get it).

Edited and revised May 2013.

As noted, this is the second story in a series, following "Everything Faded." This story begins roughly 6 months after the end of EF. Please see notes at the beginning of that story if you haven't read it yet (not that this story would make much sense otherwise).

If you haven't read Barry Windsor-Smith's "Weapon X" graphic novel, I highly recommend you do so, and not just because I've used it as background. It's a dark, sad, violent story told beautifully. It's also available in novel form by Marc Cerasini, which helps to flesh things out a bit.

Additionally, Logan's childhood is taken from the graphic novel "Origin" by Bill Jemas, Joe Quesada and Paul Jenkins. I know a lot of fans were perturbed by the mini for dispelling the mystery around Logan's life but I loved it.

And, as ever, this is dedicated to my husband who is my beta, collaborator and enabler.

~ text ~ denotes telepathic speech

Teva had the feeling Logan had never cleaned out his closet, barely ever opened it except to throw things inside only to forget about them once they were in there. She certainly never saw him put clothes in there, his boots were always by the door, and his leather jacket was draped over the chair at his desk. And since she was in the process of moving in with him, she was going to need space for her few things.

As a child she'd always enjoyed spelunking in closets and under beds, finding objects long-since gone to disuse and saved either for sentimental value or because Scots were pack rats by nature – more than once she'd heard her father say "It might be useful some day," always thrifty. She hadn't held on to that particular habit since she'd ended up spending so much of her life on the road. You took with you what you could pack in a hurry, and what you could stand to lose. Her penthouse apartment had been rather spartan because of that, and she'd appreciated the fact that Logan seemed to hold to that ideal as well.

But, as with Logan, there were things that existed below the surface. And just like she'd rummaged around a bit in his head, going through his closet would prove interesting.

The first thing that caught her eye was a box labeled 'Costumes' in handwriting that looked suspiciously like Jubilee's. She went straight for it and discovered a mass of yellow, blue, red, brown, and tan. He'd carelessly tossed his various uniforms inside and she took them out one by one, then started snickering to herself as she held one up.

Logan was at his desk grading Japanese tests. "What's so funny?" he called.

"Does this costume seriously have whiskers on it?"

"That was my first one, back with Department H." There was a note of pride in his voice but she could tell he shared her amusement. "Fought the Hulk in it."

"It's cute," she teased as she set it aside. There was another yellow-and-blue like the one he'd worn most recently with slight differences in the blue accents up the sides and across the chest. "What's with the brown-and-tan?"

With her chattering he was never going to get through the tests, so he came and sat on the bed across from the closet where he could see what she was doing. "Wore that when I first joined the X-Men. Got sick of the other for a while."

"The yellow's kind of blinding," she agreed, carefully folding the costumes as he hadn't and replacing them in the box. "I like the brown-and-tan, but the new uniforms make sense even if black leather tends to make people think 'crazy biker' instead of 'superhero.'"

Logan snorted and pulled his humidor off the dresser, extracting a cigar and cutter. "Makes us look more like a team, according to One Eye," he replied, busying himself with the process of lighting up. "And they've got Kevlar, which I'm a big fan of."

Teva slid the box into a clear spot under some shelves and reached for another. This one was unmarked and full of numerous sheets of paper which turned out to be sketches of various X-Men and Institute residents. "These are amazing," she remarked, holding up one of Kitty Pryde in mid-pirouette, pure joy on her face.

"Thanks."

Her eyebrow rose. "You drew these?" A sly smile crossed her lips. "Always knew you were good with your hands."

He chuckled and blew smoke rings at the ceiling. "Might have to break out the sketch pad and pencils, I haven't done any in a long time. Think I could persuade ya to do some nude modeling?"

"Oh, I could definitely be persuaded." She took her time looking through the rest and she really was amazed at how good they were. Drawing was a talent she was envious of since her best efforts could be bested by a kindergartener with a palsy. Again she paid special care to replacing them unlike his haphazard efforts. The box went back where it came from.

She turned slightly to regard a long, slender wooden box that had very obviously been painstakingly carved with cherry blossoms, their blooms painted pink and white against the dark lacquer . She ran her hands over it carefully, and as she did so she felt the faintest bit of pain and apprehension from the man nearby, causing her to look at him.

"Everything alright?" she asked, seeing that his eyes held those same emotions.

"There's a reason I never look in my closet," he responded quietly, eyes suddenly gone dark and almost blank like he was trying to hide something, which was useless really when they shared a psychic link.

"Is it okay with you if I open this?"

He hesitated long enough to answer that she began to worry.

"I'll leave it alone," she finally said, moving away.

"No." The anguish in his voice was a shock to her as he got up and came to kneel inside the closet with her, next to her, and she saw that his hand was shaking as he reached out to touch the box. "Just ... let me do it."

She sat back on her heels with her hands in her lap.

Logan thumbed the latch and slowly lifted the lid to reveal two swords, one that she recognized as a katana and the other what seemed to be a smaller version, both in bamboo sheathes nestled against black silk embroidered with koi fish in bright colors. "The small one is called wakizashi."

She picked up the basic translation over the link. "Sidearm? I guess it's backup if you lose the katana?"

He nodded. "Together they're called daishō, 'big and small.' They're the weapons of a samurai."

"They look old. Did you pick them up while you were living in Japan?" She couldn't resist the need to touch him, to offer comfort and love even if she didn't yet understand his reaction. His arm was stiff under her hand, he was holding himself tense.

"We were in Japan, the X-Men, to help fight off some goon. I met a woman there, Mariko Yashida, and she wasn't like any other woman I've ever known, save for you. I courted her and we planned to marry." His voice was soft, pain-filled. "Her father, Lord Shingen, didn't like me and he drugged me, made me fight him. She didn't know he was actually tryin' to kill me, didn't know I was fightin' for my life. She thought I had no honor because I was going to defeat her father, so I threw the fight."

Teva decided not to interrupt, instead making a sound to let him know she was listening. "I got mixed up in some stuff there, ended up goin' berserker in front of her and she shunned me until after Shingen had died, and we started plannin' the wedding. She called it off when everyone was there for the ceremony because Mastermind had taken control of her, and when she realized what she'd done, she didn't think she was worthy of me."

His hands caressed the swords as he spoke. "Later on, after M'iko had taken over her clan, she got mixed up with the Yakuza. She tried to get her honor back, was gonna remove a finger in the old way except the knife she used was poisoned with blowfish toxin." His voice caught and he swallowed past it, eyes closing as he relived the painful memory, but he didn't protest that she was sharing it with him.

He touched the inside of the lid and it dropped down to reveal letters written in kanji and several photos, the latter of which he took out and handed to her. "She begged me to end her life so she wouldn't go painfully. And I did it, for her."

Teva took the photos and held them carefully, reverently. "She was beautiful, Logan." The topmost picture was of Mariko alone, clad in kimono and obi. She stood among blossoming cherry trees facing away from the camera in profile, a candid shot. The next was of Logan and Mariko together, and Teva could see the joy and love in his eyes as he looked at the woman he'd intended to spend the rest of his life with. Mariko was looking at the camera with a haunted expression on her face even as she smiled.

She handed back the photos and watched him put them away again, his gestures careful. "Were the swords hers?"

"Family heirloom," Logan replied as he shut the box again. "She was the last of clan Yashida and wanted someone with honor to have 'em." He sat there with his head bowed over the box.

"She chose the right man," Teva told him. She touched his shoulder and was relieved when he didn't pull away, instead letting her wrap her arms around him. "I'm sorry for digging in your closet, it was'nae my intention to stir up old ghosts."

He reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear, his fingers lingering along her cheekbone. "I shoulda said somethin' sooner."

Teva leaned her forehead against his, opening their link fully as she did so, and the force of his emotions nearly knocked her back. It was still unnerving to know she could do this, and even more unnerving to know they shared more of themselves than they would have otherwise, though she knew it was harder for Logan to accept than it was for her. The fact that he hadn't told her to get bent when he'd learned of their link still amazed her.

Flowing between them was his pain and loss,the guilt he felt that he'd failed Mariko by not being what she'd needed tempered by the knowledge he'd given her an honorable and quick death, while Teva's compassion and understanding helped to smooth over the ragged edges of the grief he still carried. Underlying all that was his gratitude and love for her, the knowledge he wasn't facing a life alone with his nightmares.

He looked at her, hard. "I loved her, but I love you, now, and she's in the past."

She hadn't even realized she'd thought it, and she dropped her gaze, a little ashamed.

Logan touched her chin, brought her face back up towards his. "I'm serious, Teva. Much as I grieve for her, I got you now." He kissed her, let that speak for him. "Wouldn't give ya up for anything."

They held each other for a time, neither minding the silence. A knock at the door startled Teva, but Logan had heard the approaching visitors already.

Teva got up and answered it to find Rosie there with the twins, Sara and Cara. "Did you forget about our piano lesson?" the older girl asked.

"Oh, crap," Teva replied, smacking her forehead with the heel of her hand. "Sorry, I got preoccupied." She felt Logan come up behind her and watched the two little girls smile shyly at him.

"Hi, Logan," Rosie said.

"Hey, little bit." The twins were watching him expectantly. "No candy on me this time, girls. I ran out."

They pouted at him but remained silent. Six months later they still weren't speaking out loud, choosing instead to communicate solely through the telepathy both possessed, and even then it was rare to hear them. They kept to themselves and their older sister, along with a few of the staff like Logan and Teva who had both been there to save them from the lab they'd been confined in. It was Teva herself who'd been the first hero they'd seen and as such her bond with them was the strongest..

It had surprised and pleased Teva to find that they both liked and trusted Logan, and as much as he grumbled about them latching on to him, he sneaked them candy and let them watch when he was out in the garage tinkering on his bike or one of the numerous cars. It was an endearing quality, one he'd shown in the past with both Kitty and Jubilee, and his relationship with the older girls (now women) was even stronger today than when they'd first begun. It was odd to think of this man, outwardly so aloof and gruff, as having a big heart and a soft spot for those who needed it.

~ Keep thinkin' that and I'm gonna have to kick a puppy or somethin' ~ he groused over the link.

~ Oh hush yourself. ~ She closed off the link enough to not hear him, though she could still feel him. "Let me grab my music and I'll be right down, you guys go on ahead," she said to the girls. When they were gone she turned to Logan and smiled. "You ever think of having kids of your own?" she asked as she went to the desk to dig out her sheet music.

He made a noise that made him sound like an angry bear. "Last thing I need to be doin' is bringin' kids into this world, especially since I'd pass on the X gene." He shook his head. "I dunno, thought's crossed my mind, but ..." He let the sentence trail off but she knew what he meant.

"You have'nae found the woman you wanted to think about having kids with." She set the music down and went to him, touching his arm. "I will'nae ask if that's changed because of me. We've got more than enough time to think about that."

Logan's hands slid around her back, one high and one low. "That somethin' you want? Down the road, I mean."

Teva shrugged. "Like I said, we've got time. Unless you're already thinking of getting married, in which case I have no damn clue what to say to that."

"Thought's crossed my mind about that, too, but we'll take it slow." His hands pressed her in against him and her hips involuntarily twitched towards his. "Like to take other things fast, though."

She smirked at him, dipped her head the last inch to kiss him. She still wasn't used to the fact they were almost of a height, but there weren't many men his size and she'd never dated another like him. "We'll have to save that for later, I'm no going to make the girls keep waiting just because you've got the urge to get physical."

"Great, now I'll have that damn song in my head all damn day." He squeezed her butt. "Not even a quickie?"

"Oh hell no." She laughed as she pulled away. "You've one thing on the brain, mo gille."

"What can I say? I'm a man."

"And entirely too aware of that fact, I'd wager." She kissed him again, just a quick peck, before gathering her music. "I probably will'nae see you again until dinner, I promised Remy I'd help him get ready for his French class."

That got a growl out of Logan. "You're spendin' a lot of time with the Swamp Rat."

Teva sighed. "If you actually think it's because I'm attracted to him, then you need a lobotomy. He's sweet and we're friends and you can just shove it up your arse."

"Ooh, I love it when ya talk dirty," he teased.

"You're infuriating. I'll see you at dinner. Dinnae hunt down Remy and kill him."

"Spoil sport."

She laughed and left him there, to go teach little girls how to play the piano.

mo gille - Scottish Gaelic for "my lad"