Rule number one of arguing with your own head: do not pull faces.

Both of Zetsu are being immature when he first meets her, and ends up wearing some sort of warped expression, which only became more terrifying when his lighter side attempts to rectify the situation. She stares, and walks away, perfectly composed. As she follows her God, Pein looks mildly amused, but neglects to comment.

Rule number one of checking someone out: do not do so in the general vicinity of Deidara, especially when you are a plant-man-thing.

Zetsu is subtle, but the blond has a keen eye for these things, and quickly notices. "You like her!" he cries, just a little too loud, and finds himself wearing a small shrub. Zetsu had dragged him bodily into Konoha forest. "Bastard!" Zetsu finds himself crying, when really, he should be yelling "Idiot." In his panic, he fails to notice her smile before he leaves...

Rule number one of being 'cute': Baby talk is for babies.

"I are can has eating!" White Zetsu declares sweetly as they rummage through the cupboard, his black half choosing not to make comment, other than to smack a palm to his side of their face as Konan snorts into her drink. He has not yet heard her speak; he thinks perhaps that this is out of pity.

Rule number two of arguing with your own head: if you only have one brain, just don't do it.

Konan, like any, decent Akatsuki, has internal discussions. She likes to think she doesn't mumble aloud in the dark as often as Itachi, but the sad truth of the matter is; Pein doesn't listen anymore, and she has to talk to someone.

"Maybe I'll watch 300- that movie made me laugh... yeah... 'All Spartans are hard'- all three hundred of them. I'm surprised there were no gingers. There should be more redheads in the world... I wonder where Pein went... Hey! Itachi stole all the chocolate out of the fridge! I swear... one day I'm gonna... oh, Christ! Hello!" She manages a sheepish smile as he gazes at her in amusement, and she finds she has to break eye contact and run for the door, face a whole, new shade of red. She leaves Zetsu with the faint hope that perhaps he was wrong about her...

Rule number two of checking someone out: Hidan has even less tact than Deidara, and he will berate you for your 'dirty, heathen thoughts'.

"You seriously gotta cleanse yourself of those sins! He's not even fucking human!" Hidan bellows- but Konan secretly wishes he did. Zetsu sighs, and assumes Hidan is referring to someone else.

Rule number two of being cute: leave it to the professionals.

Pein is rarely caught off-guard; which makes Konan honestly believe she must be doing something exceptionally stupid when he knits his eyebrows together and asks "What in the Hell are you doing?"

She responds then with a meek "I was... er, pouting..."

"What? Like this?" and he proceeds to demonstrate the Ultimate Cute Face of Doom (something silly he'd never do in front of anyone but her, his sister at heart).

"Can you teach me?"

"No. It's a gift. You either have it, or you don't. And you don't. And you won't be showing Zetsu that face, I hope." she's amazed at how level his voice can remain.

"Sometimes, I really hate you."

AN: Say hello to my new favourite crack pairing! ZetsuKonan! This fic is crap, but the pairing is win. Admit it or live being wrong in the eyes of Chuck Norris.