Wow, after reposting this, I realise how bad this first stuff was. Thankfully, it gets better. Thanks for sticking with it, guys, and sorry about the rejigging. Blech. To first-time readers: Welcome. Stay with me and hopefully you won't regret it. Unfortunately, if you don't like it, I can't offer you a money-back guarantee, mostly because nobody's paying me anything, but also because I'm a huge cheapskate.

ONCE AND FOR ALL DISCLAIMER: This is meant to be a work of pastiche and parody. I don't own anything to do with Twilight.

PREFACE:

I stared without breathing across the long room, into the dark eyes of the hunter, and he looked pleasantly back at me. Edward couldn't save me now. I was utterly alone.

On a side note, I wondered idly what I was going to cook for dinner if, by some miracle, Edward did save me. Charlie would've had a hard day's work, and he'd need something filling. Well, I wouldn't have the time to fix anything but leftovers and a salad. There was that left-over quiche- noooo, we'd already eaten that. Well, there was always good old spaghetti from a tin. Yeah, that'd do. Except I suddenly remembered that I'd given the last of the tins to the canned food drive at school.

Maybe I'd have to make something from scratch. I tried to remember what was in the cupboard. If I used up the last of the flour and the hamburger patties, and the… the… oh no!

I gasped. The hunter smiled in a friendly way as he sauntered forward to kill me, but that wasn't what was bothering me.

I'd forgotten to go shopping. Charlie would have to go hungry whether or not I survived.

Damn.

1. FIRST SIGHT:

(Driving to the airport.)

I was wearing my favourite shirt—sleeveless, white eyelet lace; I was wearing it as a farewell gesture, I guess. I didn't really want to wear it; it wasn't the sort of thing you travel in. I would've worn that other top, you know, the purple one with the thing on the side, but that'd gotten stained when I'd tripped over and cut myself pretty badly. And my check shirt, my second choice, was still dirty. I'd stowed it in my bag anyway, ready to wash when I got to Forks. So the white lace top would have to do. My carry-on item was a parka.

***

(Charlie's found Bella a car.)

"Do you remember Billy Black down at La Push?" La Push is the tiny Indian reservation on the coast.

"No."

"He used to go fishing with us during the summer," Charlie prompted.

That would explain why I didn't remember him. I do a good job of blocking painful, unnecessary things from my memory.

"He's in a wheelchair now," Charlie continued when I didn't respond," so he can't drive anymore, and he offered to sell me his truck cheap."

"He's in a wheelchair?" I interrupted. "Poor Billy! How did that happen?"

"Well, he was kind of in an accident," Charlie told me. I waited for him to continue.

When he didn't, I prompted, "Accident? What kind of accident?"

Charlie made a face. "Car accident," he mumbled.

"The same car you're talking about?" I asked. I couldn't believe this.

"Well… yeah," he admitted. "But don't worry, Bella. It wasn't too badly beat up. We got all of the dents out of the metal. And most of the blood out of the seats."

"Most of the blood?" I asked suspiciously.

He coughed awkwardly. "We-ll… there's a couple of stains that are still there. But they're mostly gone. Don't worry, they're not that noticeable." I sighed and changed the subject. This wasn't going anywhere.

"What year is it?" I said, meaning the car.

2. OPEN BOOK

(Charlie comes home to Bella setting the table for dinner.)

"What's for dinner?" he asked warily. My mother was an imaginative cook, and her experiments weren't always edible. Evidently, he lived in the past enough to have remembered Renee's disasters.

"Don't worry, it's only steak and potatoes. I haven't inherited Mom's cooking skills," I reassured him.

"I'm glad to… hear that." It had sounded for a moment as if there were a break in his voice. But I must have imagined it. That's what I got for staying up late last night. I continued. "Do you remember the time she made potato and pineapple patties?"

"Ye-es, I remember that one." He laughed unenthusiastically. Obviously the day had tired him out too much.

Occupied with the memories, I laughed. "What was I thinking? Of course you'd remember that one! And her idea of dinner and dessert in one- wasn't it meatloaf with glace cherries, and ice-cream on the side?"

"Yoghurt," he said softly.

"But that wasn't even the worst, was it?" I laughed even harder at the thought of the worst meal Renee had ever cooked. Charlie's mouth twitched, and he moved his head down to concentrate on his food. I was struck by how odd it all was: normally he'd be laughing at the joke as hard as I was. He must be really tired. I tried to cheer him up by continuing with the story. "Oh no! That prize has to go to the time she made fishfinger and vegetable soup! And the crumbs got everywhere… Actually, that must have been a while ago. A few years at least. Oh, no, wait, I've got it. Wasn't that the night before she walked out on you?"

A tear fell with a plopping sound onto Charlie's half-eaten steak. I was horrified.

"Oh, no, Dad, you're not… crying, are you? I'm so sorry! I'm really sorry."

Another tear coursed its way down his cheek.

"I didn't think, Dad. I didn't mean to make you cry!"

Charlie said nothing.

"Can I get you anything?" I said desperately. "You've barely touched your steak."

The silence when I finished talking was deafening.

"Salt? Pepper? Anything?"

Still nothing.

"How about a drink of milk? You like milk, right?"

There was still no answer.

"I'll.. uh… take that as a yes, then, shall I?"

***

(It's snowing at school.)

Mush balls were flying everywhere. I kept a binder in my hands, ready to use it as a shield if necessary. Jessica thought I was hilarious.

"You know, Bella, it's really not that bad. Snowfights are a lot of fun," she assured me as we walked to the cafeteria.

"I don't know, Jess," I murmured. "I just don't like stuff flying everywhere. And then it melts in my socks. Don't you find that just the teensiest bit uncomfortable?"

"Well… I guess so," she acquiesced. "But it's still a heck of a lot of fun!"

I wasn't so sure. "But it's kinda—Oww." Something hit me in the back of the head. I sure hoped it wasn't what I thought it was.

"Heads up, Bella," Jessica told me, a second too late. She scooped up a ball of slush and threw it back at whoever had hit me.

I felt my hair. It was wet. The snow was melting already, trickling down the back of my neck in a really uncomfortable manner. "Oh, gr—Aurgh!"

I broke off with a yell, startled. Another snowball had smashed into my cheekbone. It stung a little. Jess tried not to giggle.

All through the rest of the day, until the snow melted away, though Jessica thought it was the funniest thing she'd ever seen, I waited, tense and on edge, for a third snowball to hit me.

It never came. I shivered, waiting…

A note on chapter one: isn't it horrible that Bella never even asks about how Billy is when Charlie tells her he's had an accident? The first time I read that, I was like, woah, did I miss something here?

You may have gathered that I'm no longer that impressed with Twilight. Maybe that's why Cullenmania's so hard to finish. But everything will get finished, I swear. (Even though by now I should know better than to put any promises in writing. :) )

EDIT: I just realised, you might have some problems with reviewing, mainly because due to some miracle, all my old reviews remained after I deleted the chapters. So if you've already reviewed certain chapters, you might have to log out and then come back and review. I know that takes effort, but I'd appreciate it... Not that I'm a review hog, oh, no.