She was afraid to look down, to see his lifeless body lying there. No, he would always be perfect in her mind, always strong, outgoing, and bright. She wanted her last memories of him to be when he was happiest. She refused to look down and see him like that. Though she knew the thought of him being gone would haunt her forever. Never to see him blushing or laughing, she would never be able to escape the nightmares. She knew that she'd have to lie to herself forever, so much that maybe she'd believe it. She wanted to believe that he was still here but she couldn't. She'd seen him hang on to his last heartbeat, she'd seen light fade from his eyes, and she'd seen him gasp for his last breath. Only then did she look away, scared to see him fall to the ground. She refused to let herself cry, she new that they'd be selfish tears. Tears only streaming down her face because she'd lost him, she didn't want to feel the self pity that was always brought with those tears.

She walked, with her eyes staring at the blackened sky, wondering if it was dark just for her sake. She stopped, but continued looking up, knowing that the body at her feet was his. She didn't want to see his body empty, but she needed to say one last thing to him. She bent down with her eyes closed and whispered. "I have, and always will love you." With that she stood, letting one selfish tear fall, and ran away. She never looked back, she didn't believe in self inflicted pain, she only ran and didn't stop. She ran until the sky turned even blacker, more inky than smokey, she ran until he muscles wouldn't take it and she collapsed. She lie down, not knowing where she was, hoping for death, hoping for an end to her pain, but she couldn't let herself die. He wouldn't have forgiven her if she gave her life because of his. She stood and blinked hard, this world, the real world was like a dream, a sick, sick dream, colors too bright for a world so dark. She had seen the darkest parts of it. But this dream was her life, a life she'd have to live without him. This dream, her life, was truly a nightmare.

Whoa, that was depressing.