Well this is it…my swan song. With this last post, the bittersweet emotions I'm feeling are strong. Bitter because I will miss a good number of people that I've met on this site. And sweet because I am working on a novel I am really excited about.

Although I've learned never to say never, I doubt that I have time for fanfic. I expect to be working on the novel into 2010.

OK, here's the part where I blatantly ask for your help.

When it comes time to land an agent or a publisher, I have to write and submit a query letter. In this letter I will need to talk about previous books published and their sales. For an unpublished writer this is problematic. I'm thinking about saying something about my fanfiction writing and the popularity of the stories I've written here. Now here's the rub. I want to distinguish myself at this point. So I am asking each and every one of you, if you liked this story please let me know. Write a review and mark it as a favorite. If you can review every chapter better yet, then I will have some facts to use in the query letter. Go to my other stories and do the same if you like. It may not have an impact but then maybe it will. I've learned to use every advantage I can find. In a very real way you can possibly have an impact on a writer's career. I would really appreciate your support.

There is no question that I've developed as a writer during my year here. My first draft quality is much improved. I really appreciate the opportunity to refine my skills and to hear important feedback from many of you.

I want to say one last thing. I write and hopefully one day will publish under the pen name of Lee Cannon. Hence the LeeCan name. If you ever see a book published by this author you'll know it's me.

Feel free to contact me at any time through the site. Actually, I invite all of my friends to drop me a line from time to time. I'll let you know how it's going with me. You can do the same.

Goodbye and good luck.

LeeCan

A/N: I am a Sci-Fi/fantasy writer. The Dresden Files is the closest thing I can think of to what I do, although that's not a good match either. In this my last Chuck fanfic, I think you'll see a hint of that genre coming out in the end of this story. Oh, I never thought this had to be said but this is an AU.

A Time for Honesty

Chapter Fourteen

Chuck and I flew to LA and told Ellie about our plans to marry. I don't think I've ever seen anyone so happy. She squealed and three dogs barked simultaneously down the street.

Two days after our arrival, I'm sitting in her apartment going over wedding plans with my soon to be sister in law. And the best part of this is- I am really and truly marrying Chuck Bartowski. For reasons of his own Arthur Graham had me use my real name as my CIA cover name. I've surmised so that it would draw my mother and sister out in the open if they ever tried to find me.

General Beckman has no idea that by ordering me to marry Chuck using the name of Sarah Walker, she has in effect overridden the 'no marry' clause for both CIA deep cover agents and level 6 agents.

So day after tomorrow when Chuck and I say our vows they will be real. I can barely sit still thinking about it. I look at the ring on my finger every thirty seconds. I'm not sure how Chuck knew, but he gave me the ring I had always imagined having when I was a teenager. When I asked him how he knew he had said that he didn't remember for sure but that he thought I had told him or describe it to him at some point. I know I never did that.

Anyway, I sit here with Ellie waiting for Chuck and Devon to come back from getting some wine and beer. Chuck and I are going to tell them what we are really doing out here and what we've done for the past three and a half years.

Chuck is so excited I think he might wet himself. Seriously, I think I should have brought some depends. But he has dreamed of this day for as long as I've known him. Just like I've dreamed of the day we will share in two days. Ever since I threw my phone number to him from the plane, I've thought of little else. I guess when I let the walls come down for an instant there was no repairing them. I shutter to think where I would be right now if I had done otherwise.

Chuck and I are having a simple wedding. Ellie talked me into wearing a traditional wedding gown. I had opted for a nice dress and had Chuck wear a coat and tie. But there was no arguing Ellie out of a tuxedo and wedding gown for our wedding.

So yesterday Chuck and I went to pick out our clothing. It was surprisingly hard. But after shopping all day, we both had suitable wedding attire.

I smile when I think how nice Chuck looked in his black tux. Just as I think back to the wonderful day we shared together, Chuck and Devon walk through the front door laughing.

"Hey, the two prettiest girls in LA right here in our living room," Devon said in his enthusiastic manner.

Chuck followed him in nodding his head in agreement. The guy's put the beer on ice and opened a bottle of wine. Ellie pulled out the cheese platter that she and I had prepared while the guy's were out.

We sat down at the dining room table and Devon did the honors with the wine.

"Toast, we need a toast to the happy couple," Devon said raising his glass. "To Chuck and Sarah, never have I known two people who were absolutely meant to be with each other."

We all took a sip.

"Ellie, Devon, that's a perfect lead in to what Chuck and I have to talk with you about," I say.

"Yeah, uh, that's right. Uh, well. I've dreamed of having this conversation with you and now I find it strangely difficult to begin. Uh, it's you see-"

"Chuck and I work for the CIA," I said cutting in. "We have ever since you've known me." I look at Devon and then Ellie waiting on their response.

Ellie's smile turned to a puzzled expression as she tried to understand my statement.

"I'm sorry, Ellie," Chuck said. "But Sarah's telling you the truth. I was recruited to work for the CIA at the time Sarah first showed up here. At that time, she was my bodyguard. As things progressed, we grew closer than just coworkers."

"I don't understand," Ellie said. "Is this a joke?"

"No, Ellie. It's the truth, I swear," Chuck said.

Ellie looked from Chuck to me, her mouth hanging open as she tried to take it in. "For over three years you've been lying to me?"

"Ellie, I'm sorry. It was the hardest thing about the job. But we were working undercover and I wasn't allowed to tell anyone who I really worked for. I lost sleep over it El, I really did." Chuck had those sad puppy dog eyes working to the fullest.

But Ellie wasn't ready to let us off the hook yet. "So, early on…your dates…that wasn't real?"

"Ellie, I've loved Sarah since the first date we went on together. But initially, Sarah was just doing her job."

"That's not fair, Chuck. I can honestly say that the time I've spent here with you and your family has been the happiest days of my life."

As Ellie continued to look at Chuck, gradually her expression of anger lessened and she began to look concerned. "Is your job dangerous? I mean could you get hurt?"

"That's the thing Ellie, Sarah and I are coming to live in LA and we are going to be in a CIA office out here. It's completely overt."

"And there's no danger?"

"Well, I-"

"Ellie, I can't lie to you. I wouldn't say there's no danger but what we will be doing is far less dangerous than what we've done for the past three years," I said taking over for Chuck again.

"Dude, that is so cool," Devon said "Babe, you always wanted Chuck to do something with his life and it looks like he has." Devon raised his glass and Chuck kissed his own glass against Devon's.

"Awesome, Chuck," he said. Ellie and I followed suit as the ring of wine glasses touching each other made us smile.

Everyone began to talk all at once as the excitement in the room was almost solid. After a number of questions from Ellie, some we could answer and some we couldn't, I knew I had one other issue to put on the table.

"Ellie, there's something else I need to tell you. I have a mother that I've just recently become reacquainted with and a twin sister too."

"Whoa, you mean there's someone else out there running around that looks like you do?" Devon asked.

"You wouldn't believe how much," Chuck said giving me a knowing look.

The next couple of days went by like a whirlwind. But I had a blast. Mom and Mary flew in and we spent almost every free second together. I asked Mary to stand up with me at the wedding. I thought Chuck was going to object saying he wanted to make sure he married the right girl.

Finally the day of the wedding came for Chuck and I and then just as suddenly the wedding itself.

It was an azure sky at early evening. The sun began to consider its farewell. A small crowd of family and friends had gathered at a familiar beach. Chuck and I spent our first night on this beach.

"Do you, Sarah Walker, take Charles Bartowski to be your lawfully wedded husband?" the pastor said.

I tried to repeat the two words that I had just heard Chuck utter but find myself to be tongue tied. It was actually frightening. And then I heard a voice as though it came from a tunnel, a very long tunnel far away. I could barely hear the consistent sound.

And as it continued, it grew louder and louder until I could make out a voice I recognized. It was Chuck's voice.

I returned my attention to the pastor and tried to speak. All I had to do was repeat those two words and I would be a married woman. But the voice in the tunnel grew louder and more insistent yet.

Finally, with a determination that only comes from an intense desire, I turned to the pastor and said, "I do."

As the voice in the tunnel was almost loud enough to distinguish the words, I heard the pastor say, "I now pronounce you Husband and Wife."

I began a teary smile and I leaned in to kiss my husband. But at that moment I understood the words from the voice in the tunnel.

"Sarah, are you alright?" Sarah, are you alright?"

I'm confused because I recognize the voice. It's Chuck's voice…but how can that be. He's right…Chuck, where are you?"

"Sarah, please be alright." I hear Chuck say in a panicked tone.

I open my eyes to see him bending over me. He's in a tuxedo but it's not the tux from our wedding. It's a waiter's tuxedo.

"Chuck?"

"Oh, thank God, Sarah. I thought you were dead."

"Dead? Where are the wedding guests?" I ask.

He looks with more concern than before, if that is possible.

"Sarah, you've been hurt. Lie still."

As his statement makes sense to me, I try to see where I am. I don't recognize my surroundings.

"Where am I?" I ask.

"You're at Von Hayes' party, remember. We're here to steal the microchip back."

I look at my left hand. My ring finger is as barren as my heart is of hope as I remember where I am and what had just happened, and what my relationship is with Chuck.

When Bryce ran up to me and asked in a worried tone how I was, I nodded that I was OK. Although, I was far from OK.

When the ambulance came, Bryce moved in front of Chuck to ride with me to the hospital.

"Bryce, I would like Chuck to ride with me if you don't mind." I think that's when Bryce knew for sure where my heart rested.

The time I spent with Bryce was fun, but the three months I had with Chuck were unforgettable. I had begun to realize that they weren't real. I guess it was a hallucination brought on by the bomb blast. But it seemed so real. Chuck and I were so close that I swear I could hear his eyes open every morning when we woke up together.

And then I thought of my mother and sister. I couldn't keep the tears from streaming down my cheek as I realized it was all a cruel joke that my mind played on me while I was unconscious.

The ambulance sped me to the hospital silently as Chuck held my inconsolable hand. When we arrived, the hospital crew ushered Chuck away as I went into the emergency room for evaluation.

X=X

Chuck came into my hospital room carrying gardenias. They're my favorites and I told him so. He sees the wall of flowers Bryce had delivered and says dejectedly. "I guess I'll always come in second to Bryce in everything," he said.

"Not everything," I respond trying to cheer him up and to tell him the truth. My heart sinks when I think of what we had and how much he had grown while I was unconscious. It sinks even further when I think of my mother and sister. It all seemed so real. I can even remember my mother's telephone number…My mother phone number!

"Chuck, do you have your phone on you?"

"Yeah," he said hesitantly.

"Call directory assistance for Edinburgh, Indiana."

He looked at me questioningly.

"Just do it," I said my voice near hysterical. "Ask for the listing for Ellen Sharp."

He complied and after a pause, began to write something down on a piece of paper.

"Did you get it?"

"Yeah," he said.

"Don't say it. Is it 812-374 3152? I asked.

"How did you know?"

I began to smile. If Ellen Sharp is real…then maybe the rest of it might be real. Or will be. It was confusing but I needed something, anything to hold on to.

I'm not sure what happened to me in that bomb blast but something inexplicable. I've never been one to believe in destiny but as I look at Chuck, I can't help but hope I'm looking at mine.

I feel a little better for the first time since I came to. "Chuck can I tell you something?"

"Sure, anything," he said.

"There's no way for me to know everything we're going to face in the future. You know the next year or two. We might have so many obstacles we have to face. But one thing I'm absolutely sure of is that we will make it. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, I think so. No wait. Maybe not." He looked confused.

I smile at him. How could he? "Well, whether you know or not…it doesn't matter because I know this." I hesitate realizing that I need to be careful. This is not the Chuck I knew from Belgium. If I tell him that I love him he's liable to freak out. But I have to say something now. "What I know is that I can count on you through whatever they throw at us. I don't ever want to lose that. It's the most important thing in my life." That was as close as I could come without saying what I truly wanted to say to him. I see that he's touched by it as his eyes seem more misty than usual.

"Sarah, I might not be able to promise many things to you but one thing I can promise without hesitation is that you never have to worry about losing me. It won't happen." He looked into my eyes deeply. I wanted to keep looking but something didn't feel right about this. We needed to back off. I don't know how I know but I do.

I look once again at my left hand. It seems naked to me. I miss the beautiful ring that he gave me. Then an odd thought occurs to me. It was always a mystery to me how he knew the exact ring to get me. I mean it was literally the ring of my dreams. Was that just luck or did someone tell him.

I grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil and started to doodle. I drew a perfect replica of the ring and laid it on my table and waited for Chuck's natural curiosity to kick in. It didn't take long.

"Sarah, I didn't know you could draw that well. What is that?" he asked me.

"Oh this, it's just a ring, I really like it," I said trying to sound completely natural. I was really very embarrassed but he didn't seem to notice.

"Really," he said sounding more interested. "That's an unusual cut for the diamond."

"It's a Princess Cut."

"You want it back?" he asked.

"No, throw it away if you like." I looked up at the TV. When I looked back there was no trace of my drawing. I looked into the waist can and didn't see anything there as well. It wasn't until I noticed a small piece of paper sticking above Chuck's shirt pocket that I began to smile. Sarah, you are one devious girl. I was pleased with myself. Now, I know how Chuck found out about the ring. This really was complicated. No one would ever believe me.

An uncomfortable silence took over the room.

"Well, I'll bet you're tired. I let you get some rest," Chuck said turning to leave.

"Chuck, would you stay for just a little while longer. Please, sit down here." I patted the side of my bed.

He complied but hesitantly. This was getting a bit personal for him.

"Chuck, I'm going to wax poetic here for a second. You're probably going to think it's the effects of the blast but it isn't.

"OK," he said timidly.

"You know that saying about setting a bird free and if it returns it's yours. And if it doesn't it never was?"

"Yeah."

I see from his expression that he's perplexed by me. "That's what I'm going to do. I'm letting go…with the hopes that everything I want will return some day."

"Sarah, your not making any sense."

"Yeah I am, but that's a matter of perspective. Chuck, this is what I want to say to you. No matter what we have to go through to get to that place I've recently seen…I'm up for it. And I'm ready to go through the unknown to get to that place.

"Look, Sarah, I want you to get some sleep," he said concern leaking from every word.

"I will but first I want you to know how I feel."

"How you feel…about what?"

I knew that I couldn't tell him, the time wasn't right. So I improvised. "What I want from life."

"OK, I'll bite. What do you want from life?" he asked.

"Everything Chuck. I want it all," I said grinning broadly. "Until I met you, I never thought it was even possible for someone like me, but now…I want it all." I repeated. It's not what I wanted to say but once I see his expression, I'm glad I didn't say what I wanted. I'm afraid he would have run from my room so fast…and I'm in no shape to catch him.

He still looked like he could bolt.

"There's something else I want you to know. If I ever do anything to hurt you…I want you to know that I did it because I thought it was in your best interest. I can guarantee you that I will never intentionally do anything to cause you harm." I wanted him to believe that more than I've wanted anything.

He smiled at me and then stood. He reached down and kissed me on the forehead. "You get some rest, OK?"

"OK," I say and watch him leave. I'm not sure how long I'll have to wait until I can see the confident Agent Carmichael but I know one thing…I'm willing to wait.

I sit in my bed long after he's gone. I think about what I know. I have a mother and sister living in Indiana. My job is to protect a nerdy government asset that I'm so deeply in love with that it causes an ache in my chest knowing I won't be sleeping with him tonight. I won't be holding his hand while we sleep. I know this same asset will one day become a level 6 CIA agent. And, just like before, I will stand on that beach and I will say 'I do'.

I consider all of this and know that it's true, because I've learned one important thing from all of this.

I can have it all.

X=X

Two years later.

It was an azure sky at early evening. The sun began to consider its farewell. A small crowd of family and friends gathered at a familiar beach. Chuck and I spent our first night on this beach. I remember our first wedding here as well.

Good luck Chuck and Sarah.

LeeCan