Adventures in Living

OMG I know, I dropped off the planet, but I got laid off from work, and now, between trying to find a job, I'll have time to write! Expect a lot from me, especially here, in Adventures, and in Timeless Sonata. I also just finished FF13, so I may start something there once I do some work on my two 7 fanfics. Anyway, Tifa's chapter about Tifa, I'm sorry I suck so badly at writing her. After this, it will be Yuffie, which is MUCH easier for me to write! Anyway, enjoy!

Tifa's Entry #7: Tifa

After their dance, and a few merciless jokes at Yuffie's expense for dancing with Vincent, the barmaid headed back up to her room to start her next entry. This one wasn't going to be easy, trying to put thoughts of herself on paper… she wasn't really looking forward to it. First, she was interested to see what Cloud had written about her, so she left them to work on their party preparations, and she locked herself in her room.

It wouldn't be locked forever, she just needed some quiet to try and deal with the emotions she had popping up. Should she write about her mother and father? What about Nibelheim? Should she just focus on her life here, and not trudge up all the old feelings she'd made a habit of avoiding.

She turned to the entry Cloud had written for her, and when she looked at the date at the bottom, she realized it had been the day when he'd finally told her his feelings. She remembered that day so clearly, she'd been doing laundry between cleaning up after Christmas, and he'd looked so… lost. She'd felt that horrible knot form in her throat, thinking he was going to leave again, when he grabbed her and blurted out the most treasured words in the world.

The barmaid started at the top of the entry, her finger lightly tracing the careful script on the page. Even her name looked beautiful in Cloud's simple, elegant script. She started reading, emotion already coming up in her chest, the simple words to his tormented feelings made her want to run to him right then, feeling part of it had to be her fault for not knowing…

Cloud had been in love with her for so long, and yet it took losing him the first time to realize how much she really loved him. When she was finished, she sighed softly, tears standing in her eyes. It was surreal reading all his private emotions, seeing it written out so plainly… she never knew that he saw her as such an angel…

She flipped to her next page and took a breath, placing the pen to the paper and pushing the anxiety away. If Cloud, a man with deep emotions and no way to express them, could write something so amazing for her, then she could explain her history and emotions too.

Tifa

What can I say about myself? I'm not sure, and even though my goal is to complete my entries before the end of my birthday, I find it hard to write this, even now. Cloud, how did you do it? You're so quite, and not very emotive to most people, but you can write of you emotions so plainly. I've been running from mine for so long, I don't even know if I can describe them.

When asked, I am an affectionate person; I love to care for others, especially those that have no one. Maybe that was why I have a passion when it comes to helping orphans, because I know what it feels like to be one. At the time I lost my father, I found myself spiraling into despair, and even though I didn't know Cloud had been taken, and I cursed SOLDIER everyday, I still looked for his name in the paper… everyday.

That is something I do hold, hope… if I were to categorize my role in our group, it would be that. I held out hope, even as Aerith died, even as Shinra won, even as we did wrong things, and right things… even as we faced our own mortality, seeing Meteor descending, facing down Sephiroth, I still had hope.

That hope came from the belief in Cloud, and my belief that people could band together and help each other. I've always believed that, and I tried not to lose that feeling. Sometimes, it slips away, but eventually, it always comes back, when Marlene looks to me with love, or Cloud comes home and seems happy, that is what I live for…

That is my hope that the world will always end up right in the end.

I could go through all the terrible things that have happened in the past, but that's not me. I will say that every moment is precious, every second of every day that we are alive and together is a blessing, and it took a life time of tragedy compressed into a few, short years, to remember that. It's a hope and prayer that I can send this feeling to my children… all my children. The ones I will someday carry, and the ones I carried of the street and into this house. And I know that the one person that I always have believed in, believes this in me, and it gives me courage.

Courage for the future, courage to forget the past… the courage to live each new day with the same zeal I did the day before, and to love like it's the last day I'll be here.

Everyday is the first day of the rest of your life, and every day that passes adds to the person that we are.

This day, on the day of my birth, I look at how fortunate I am to have people downstairs that love me, and to have loved ones working to make me happy, because when their birthdays come around, they know I will do the same for them…

Because that is what it means to be family, and family is what I know best.

She sighed softly and closed the book, leaning back against the headboard and closing her eyes. Pictures of all the people she cared about danced before her eyes, and even though she'd dreaded writing the entry for herself, she actually was gad for it.

It made her remember things that sometimes, she'd forget… those base things that made her the person she was, in moments of melancholy or sadness; sometimes those things would slip away.

There was a knock at her door and she closed the book, getting up to open it. Cloud stood there, a frown on his face. "We were trying to clean up the glass we broke and Yuffie got impatient…" His hand was being held at a strange angle and she blinked, seeing the blood pooling in his hand. She grabbed his good hand and pulled him in, taking him to the bathroom. "Teef, it's alright, it's just a cut…" He'd certainly had worse injuries, but she wouldn't have any of that. With her journal entry fresh in her mind, she wanted to tend to the wound… it was a small way she could show him that she loved him.

The fighter grabbed the first aid kit and got a towel, pressing the cloth to his hand to stop the bleeding a bit before she could bandage it up. He looked up at her with soft eyes, then reached to her face with his good hand and wiped a tear from her skin, one she didn't know she'd even shed. She took in a sharp breath of surprise and her eyes went to his, and he pulled her down closer, his lips only a hairsbreadth away from her own. "Tifa," he whispered, "I'm alright, and it's just a scratch."

"I know," she whispered, "just another scar… right? Another that I can kiss and try to sooth since I wasn't there to save you… you save me so much Cloud…" Her breathing was shaky, and his eyes turned sad. He knew she'd probably get a bit emotional writing in the journal, he had and he wasn't what someone would call emotive, but the worry in his face was obvious. She'd be able to see it, even if she didn't know him so well.

"This is a different scar," he whispered to her, letting his lips brush hers, lighting her skin with a soft flush as he did it. "This isn't going to kill me, and I got it being stupid preparing for your birthday party. I'll look at this one and remember our first dance to that jukebox, it's a happy scar… don't cry…"

She looked at him like he was crazy, then she laughed a bit, a little sob carried with it, then she moved to bandage his hand, adding a cure spell to help it along. "Happy scar? Is there such a thing?"

The blond reached out once he wasn't bleeding anymore and pulled her to his lap, since he was seated on the edge of the bathtub, and he held her close. "Yes, all my scars are happy ones. They didn't kill me, I'm still here, and can come home to you and the kids… they made me stronger, and they helped me see what I really needed in my life. I don't regret as single one, since they all brought me to you."

Tifa swallowed past the emotion closing her throat and kissed him, wrapping her arms around his solid shoulders, sitting square on his lap. His hands came up her legs to rest on her back, holding her close to try and stop her crying. It was her birthday, she should be happy. While he didn't regret coming to her to help him bandage himself up, he wondered if that was really the wisest idea. With the way she was kissing him, his plans would be delayed, and she wouldn't get much writing done.

When they pulled back for air, she didn't move far, and his name tumbled from her lips in a breathy question, wondering what he wanted to do. If they weren't going to indulge in each other, then they should probably go back to what they were doing and not keep making out in the bathroom.

The heat in his eyes had her kiss him again, and he didn't think a few minutes alone with his beautiful girlfriend would cause the world to end, or a certain party to not go off without a hitch. He lifted her up, wrapping her legs around his waist and he carried her to the bed. Before he plopped her down to ravage her, he was careful to move the journal and her pen to the bedside table.